Author: Caroline

When I'm not riding in the backseat of my Grandpa's restored vintage car "Mable," I'm doing other things like... rising to most adventure occasions my husband proposes / chasing our toddler around Brooklyn / enjoying neighbors, strangers, and friends / making countless trips to the laundromat / writing for various publications and for personal reflection / loving and serving our local church / cleaning the bathroom / hosting small and big crowds in our home / meeting up with a friend for coffee / thinking Vocation is my strange frenemy. Though I have worked and existed in many stations/places, I am convinced that each day has good work to be done and that I am equipped and prepared to do that good work. This blog explores the tension and the intersection of a constant vocational call - to good work, neighbor love, and living in the kingdom come. My favorite things are coffee and creating and laughing (preferably with company). I love to listen to sermons and read biographies and make tea before going to bed.

mothers

I just returned from a week at LeaderShape – filled with tips and training for our future leaders. It was quite a week, but maybe I’ll get to that later.

For now, I want to follow up on the post my sister so kindly shared with us on Thursday. I have to admit, it feels a strange holiday to celebrate without the mothers I love.

My last memory about my grandma happens to be at her funeral. With eight children and too many grandchildren to count, the sanctuary at little St. Paul’s Lutheran church was filled to the brim. Though certainly a full house, her touch reached way beyond her own fold. I remember the well known phrase that “Avonell would never turn someone away… there was always more room at the dining room table.”

So, her gentle, steady spirit was celebrated that day and I remember sitting in the uncomfortable, wooden pews with all the cousins and writing notes to one another about how we would sure miss grandma. We wrote notes about the dresses she made (one of which I was wearing), about the things she would say, and about memories we held dear. This at the ripe age of about 10.

I remember actually going to the hospital with my parents to see her and when we arrived, she had already passed. My grandpa sat in the room with wet cheeks and asked if I’d like to kiss her to say goodbye. It’s all a blur now, but still very real at once.

Yes, what a woman indeed. She inspired and motivated her children to not only love, but to love as Christ loves. I’m sure I’ll never know just how she accomplished what she did with the so little that she had. What I am reminded of now is in a song called “Find us Faithful” where the words plead,

“May all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire in our devotion light the way
May the footsteps that we leave, lead them to believe
and the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful.”

I am so fully convinced that if any legacy points back to a person, it is not so bold. A true and lasting legacy is one that points beyond oneself at the eternal. This – yes THIS – is what made my grandmother (and other women in my life) so brilliant. It is the way their lives point beyond the temporary that has me captivated and hoping my life leaves the same.

So, sister, this is where we start. Our journey must begin and end with Avonell’s passion for Christ. I can’t believe she would want it any other way.

Posted on by Caroline 0

Missing Avonell

Since I’m out at a Leadership Conference this week- I’m having my sister guest-blog for me. She’s technically retired from the world of blogging, but is coming out of retirement for a post or two to help me out.
Welcome, Christina, to Musings of a Foreign Heart!

My grandma died- and I’m so sad. Yesterday I found myself having to drive home at lunch, to be able to cry about it in peace. When I stopped at stoplights, I rolled my windows up to have some privacy from the drivers around me, even though I am aware that this doesn’t make me invisible. My heart just hurt so much, missing her.

The weird thing is- my dear Grandma died about 15 years ago. And you know, I’m really used to it. Its part of my life now, something I take for granted. I’m really not sure why suddenly I started thinking about her so much. Maybe it’s the book I’m reading with my new mentor, Becoming a Woman of Excellence. (She was- very much so.) Maybe it’s the fact that yesterday I was writing Mother’s day cards to my mom and Grandma Sponsler, and I found myself wanting to thank Grandma Avonell for being such an amazing woman, mother, and Grandma, and couldn’t. Either way, she’s been on my mind in a big way these past few days, and I’m just missing her so much. I just wish, as an adult, that I could know her.

There are so many questions I have for her- so many things I didn’t know to ask before she died. I wish I could talk to her about being single at 25—she experienced it and waiting for the “right guy” really worked out for her- in my Grandpa Fletcher. I wish I could tell her about the great father her son, my dad, grew up to be, and how he and my stood in the gap for me while I learned how to make my own choices, and stumbled a few times along the way. I wish I could learn from her in person, how she found that perfect place in between feistiness and having a quiet spirit… my constant struggle. I wish I could learn from her how she was the kind of mother-in-law that made my mom think, when she married my dad, “I want to be just like her.”

Maybe I’m selfish- I have an amazing Mom and Grandma, that are excellent examples to me of Biblical Womanhood- who am I to want more? But I just keep feeling like there is this piece missing. I don’t know enough about her- I don’t know about her walk with the Lord, I don’t know how she encouraged my Aunts through the world of Dating, I don’t know how she handled 8 kids on my Grandpa Fletcher’s dairy farmer budget. I remember so little of her, and her with me- I’m having a hard time deciphering the difference between my memories and stories that I’ve heard. And I’m mourning for that.

So, I’m going to start digging. I’m going to ask about her- about her walk with her Lord, about her parenting and letting go, about her feistiness.

It’s time that I got to know her.

Posted on by Caroline 2

defer

Today again I will defer
my mind, stubborn will not concur

I have only to recommend
the thoughts and wisdom, freely lent

though sometimes late, I’m known to dwell
Read with me, these thoughts are swell

———–

This is a story in Christianity Today interviewing the director of Prince Caspian. For the whole story, click here.

The Weight of Story
Director Andrew Adamson, whose latest Narnia movie, Prince Caspian, releases to theaters next week, fully feels the burden to get it just right.
by Mark Moring | posted 05/06/08

Why’d you change this? Why did you leave out that? How come you didn’t …

Andrew Adamson has heard all those questions, and then some. When you’re trying to adapt some of the best-loved children’s books of all time into big-screen movies, there will be plenty of naysayers and nitpickers, and Adamson fully expected it.


The director sizes up a scene

Already an acclaimed director for the first two Shrek films, Adamson stepped into a whole ‘nother world, literally and figuratively, when he took on the first two Narnia films—2005’s The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, and the sequel Prince Caspian, which opens in theaters May 16.

We recently chatted by phone with the 41-year-old director, who was working on final edits and polishing up special effects in a London studio. His wife and daughters (Isabelle, 4½, and Sylvie, 2½) were living with him in London—sort of a home between homes for the New Zealand natives. After living in Los Angeles for more than a decade (making the Shrek and then the Narnia movies), Adamson will take a break after this one, moving back to his home country for some R&R and extended time with his family.

And he’ll pass the Narnia torch on to Michael Apted, the veteran British director behind such films as Amazing Grace and James Bond’s The World Is Not Enough. Apted is directing The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, slated for a 2010 release—and Adamson, who will stay on as a producer, assures fans that the franchise is in good hands.

For the rest of the story click here.

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day one

Well, today was the first day of LeaderShape and I am completely and utterly exhausted! It brings back so many memories of my summer counseling at Covenant Harbor… I had forgotten how much energy is required!!

Because I have absolutely no capacity to think or write at the moment, I just want to give a little blog space to a cause I care about: Compassion International. Now, you can help out this amazing organization just by using Search Kindly as your search engine in the month of May.

Read this!

Posted on by Caroline 1

Empezar

To begin.

This means so many things right now.

Last night I began to add to my small list of Spanish music artists. This past Thursday, I formally began a book club. Students finished up exams at St. Edward’s last week, so I guess that means summer begins. After training today, tomorrow begins a week as a facilitator at LeaderShape, a leadership conference for students.

Beginnings are like endings are like hellos are like goodbyes. Cryptic, I suppose.

Maybe beginnings are like inspiration: contagious. My long-time friend Patrick was in town last week and what a fellow! He had just barely recovered from jetlag after returning from Africa and now he’s off for a three month gig assisting a photographer.

I consider Patrick a kindred spirit, in the Anne of Green Gables sense. Sometimes you need such a friend to remind you about where things begin. Do you ever feel bogged down in the middle somewhere, or preoccupied with the end? I certainly do.

If I do succeed in regaining my focus on the true beginning, inspiration nearly always follows.

Posted on by Caroline 0

the world is bigger on FM 969

I almost gave up. I had driven back and forth so many times on FM 969 that I was tempted to stop at the roadside, knick-knack garage sale and head back home.

I drove in and out of several drives until I saw a wee-bitty sign poking out from an overgrown entrance. Austin Samaritans shared the sign with another local non-profit and between the two of them, the inches were precious.

I wound my way around the curves into a ghost town. The layout suggested maybe a school or education center, but the weeds had long declared this territory. I finally came to a cluster of cars, and, relieved, saw the most-welcoming registration table, where I signed a form saying I wouldn’t hold anything against anybody if something happened.

This weekend my church organized Serve Austin at local organizations; to build capacity through service, to be obedient and effective as servants, and most of all to magnify the Lord. And that’s how I ended up in a deserted school on FM 969. Not too long ago, Austin Samaritans moved their warehouse operations to a small portion of this school. From this humble space, they collect surplus medical supplies to ship to Nicaragua, where a hospital anxiously awaits every box.

Nicaragua, I learned, classifies 85% of their population as being below the poverty line (defined as $1/day). Next to Haiti, its the poorest country in the Western hemisphere.

As we sorted today, we came across medicines, sterile needles, infant formula, x-ray film, syringes… the list is endless. As we worked, we speculated at the reception of this package. I came upon some loose cottonballs and instinctively wanted to trash them, but thought about how resourceful I would be if I didn’t know cottonballs were so easy and cheap.

We are so flippant with surplus! Every single thing sorted today would have been in the garbage dump, completely useless and adding to the alarming amount of waste. But now, with the vision of a few to bring first the transformation of Christ, the people in this Nicaragua hospital might understand how the true gospel is to care for the orphan and the widow.

I just kept thinking, “This should be every day.”

And so, as I meandered out of the hidden drive, I wondered at all the acts of service and all the giant foundations and galas and bake sales. For some reason it struck me that so much was happening in this little place just off of FM 969 with out any hoopla.

The world outside is still consumed, wasteful, and self-absorbed, but in this little place the world is a little bigger… and purpose a little greater.

Posted on by Caroline 0

ashamed, a non-issue

I’m not exactly sure why I think adding a comma to my post titles will make them more interesting, but maybe it just says something about how my mind works.

Tonight at community group we started studying Romans. There is really never a bad time to study these letters that have since affected countless more than for whom they were ‘culturally intended.’

As we read and talked through the first 17 verses, I devoted my brainpower to thinking as Paul might. Why did he devote an entire paragraph to his authority to write such a letter? Why was he so repetitive in describing what it meant to be set apart for the gospel of God? Why was he so thankful and encouraged by the believers in Rome? How in the world could he remember them in prayer with such loyalty?

So simple. So gloriously simple we seldom see the truest picture.

The gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son, who as to his human nature was a descendant of David, and who through the Spirit holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord. Through him and for his name’s sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith. And you also are among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ. Romans 1:2-5

The gospel.

THIS is what the Jews were waiting for – all that the prophets had declared about the Messiah. THIS is the True Son, who took upon himself human likeness, a descendant of David. THIS is the one and only Lord, risen from the dead .

THIS same Christ offers grace, in spite of our deserving death, for His name’s sake. THIS same Christ calls us to obedience.

The gospel.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes.

I remember reciting this verse as a young AWANA Spark, along with the other sweaty kids in the basement of the armory. As a child, I needed no convincing, I was sure the world revolved around me. Now that I look back, my view of the gospel is shockingly still trapped in a very young mind.

Tonight, the words, “because it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes” seemed to raise off the page. I’m fairly certain I often stop after “I am not ashamed of the gospel” and try my very darndest to make my compelling argument for the gospel.

Yet, I’ve taken away the only Truth – the because. The gospel isn’t the gospel because of me.

The gospel is the gospel because God. The question of my shame is really quite secondary.

Posted on by Caroline 0

expelled, a review

Before I forget, I went to see the movie expelled last week. I went alone because I didn’t want to worry about what other people were thinking. Sometimes when I go see a movie with other people I try to figure out how they are processing everything and forget to process it myself.

There was much to process! In the fashion we’ve come to recognize as Michael Moore (though absent some of his antics), we look at the controversy surrounding evolution, intelligent design, and science. I thought the film brought long-hidden things to light, such as the faith of the early brilliant scientists who saw science not as separate but as another means to bring glory to God. I also thought interesting and poignant the critical conversation with Richard Dawkins in the middle of the film when Ben Stein asked (I would say to the point of insult) if he believed in any God.

After Dawkins said he certainly did not believe in any sort of God at all, Stein went on to ask him how sure he was.. and Dawkins came up with something in the 90th percentile.. and when pressed he was unsure and it could be in the 50 percent range. And then when pressed further about the origin of life he said it could be possible that something or someone reached down and set life into motion.

Interesting.

The rest of the film moved to social Darwinism, seen as a very different animal. The parallels of the Holocaust and even the Eugenics movement were presented as natural steps from Darwin’s Origin of Species. I think this could spark some very interesting conversation. Because, whether admitted or denied, we arrive at science from a particular worldview. A darwinist is not going to prove macro-evolution by way of researching Creation. No, normally one proves a point by finding research to support that point. I think this is where we see the suppression the film talks about. I am not sure of the exact instances on which these scientists were released from their contracts and positions, but I did hear something similar in their reactions. These scientists were not setting out to prove macro-evolution; they were setting out to find truth.

It seems that controversy it will remain, but I hope that we can see (as those brilliant beacons in our history – Pascal, Newton) that science and Christianity will not lead us to two different ends.

We will all arrive at Truth. Some will be dismayed and others full of joy.

Justin Taylor has references Joe Carter over at between two worlds in his discussion on this topic.

Also another reference site for the evolution/creation/intelligent design debate is the Veritas Forum.

Posted on by Caroline 2

con poder

My new theme song is Con Poder by Salvador. They are ironically an Austin-based band I first heard while vacuuming the church auditorium a couple summers ago. I have since loved to sing and dance especially to their Spanish songs. When I decided officially on Honduras, I started cranking the Spanish music and this song keeps popping up on my playlist.

The words are simple:
 Se mueve la mano de Dios
En su palabra hay vida
Se mueve la mano de Dios
En su palabra hay vida
Se mueve, Se mueve, se mueve con poder
Se mueve, se mueve, se mueve con poder

Con Con Con poder
Con Con Con poder
Con con con poder
Se mueve la mano de Dios

I’m a little rusty, but the idea is this: there is power in the hand and Word of God… here there is life… with power the hand of God moves.

I know only the Lord can guide, sustain, and move in my preparation for Honduras and so this is my prayer: the power of the Lord be revealed.

I will be designing a newsletter (hard copy and email form) to send, but feel free to decline the imposed subscription! If you do nothing else, say a prayer right now for the people at Academia Los Pinares.

grace and peace.

Posted on by Caroline 0