Category: anecdotes

sadness and love

“sadness reveals the depth of our love”

I spoke these words today at the airport, as I put my friend Heather on a plane bound for Canada. Her kindness has touched so many lives and one of the students at the airport was taking her departure kind of rough. I leaned over and said this bit about sadness and she just looked at my blurry-eyed.
I thought more about it today… about goodbyes and hellos and departures.
I’m still not sure if it makes any sense, but my heart seems to understand the reasoning. God has placed in us the desire to love and be loved because He is Love. When that love inside is stretched, bent, or tested, a certain sadness settles in because the love we can give and receive is not perfect. I don’t think goodbyes were part of the Garden of Eden. I don’t think tears at the airport was ever part of the perfect plan. Our hearts are stretched when the love planted inside of us rebels against the world its constrained to live in. And then words come out like they did today, reminding me that sadness can be beautiful too… even just that the broken pieces reveal the One who can mend.
That is my writing for today.
“sadness reveals the depth of our love”
let LOVE FLY like cRaZY
…even if it leads you to sadness
Posted on by Caroline 1

jam-packed

I’m not sure why they say the phrase, “jam-packed,” but I’m sure that is exactly what this day was!

I woke up super early (after saying goodbye to students at like 11:30 last night) to clean, do laundry, and prepare for cousin ANNA to arrive today. Then Heather and I met up with Jess and Danie for a roommate reunion breakfast, which we left in hot pursuit of the airport, where Anna arrived on a plane full of other well-intentioned, big-hearted people.

We went then to Alvin’s house (pastor of Manos Extendidas) and from there to the feeding center to love, hug, serve, sing, teach, laugh, and smile with the beautiful kids.

We waited out a rain storm before we made our way back down the mountain where we enjoyed some bruschetta at a Honduran hippie coffee shop before going to a free movie sponsored by the European film festival. We were all glad we didn’t pay for it, but after we went out for coffee and redeemed the night.

Finally, we arrived home and I hope Anna isn’t too tucked out!

I wanted to share some creative words – a rap I wrote with a student as tribute to Heather who leaves tomorrow. I have struggled, admittedly, with this “Every Day in May” thing while having visitors and entertaining, but can you blame me? Really?

Rap for Primmer
This is a song for Primmer
for the girl we love
the one who plays wild guitar
and always gives lots of hugs

this is a rhyme for the time
when you found me all low
when I was searching for love
and a safe place to go

I was looking all around
turning over every stone
to find the answers to my questions
and ended up all alone

at the point of my sadness
when all else looked bleak
my exhaustion hit me hard
and made my bones feel weak

with the eyes of Christ
you looked out to find
me sitting there alone
with no reason or no rhyme

Now I just wanna say
thanks for taking the time
for listening and helping me
believe it all will be fine

Girl, this year’s been rough
the battle’s been strong
but we know you got our backs
you’ve been there all along

Up there in Canada
where you say “eh”
we know you remember us
in your prayers everyday

when you go back
remember one thing
it’s a LOVE attack
comin from your family

in Honduras we are
(farther south than you)
tryin’ to get through it’s hard
but we’ll manage, it’s true

because you always said
and we’ll never forget
we should strive for the Hope
that conquers all sin

so we wanna thank you and
leave you this memory
remember you’ve always got a friend
and you’ve found a friend in me
——————-

I know it’s completely cheesy, but Natalie and I are about to sing it tomorrow morning at the airport and I’m sure it’ll bring a smile!
What are you doing to ….
let LOVE FLY like cRaZY
Posted on by Caroline 0

snippets, anecdotes, and 7 worst things

Okay, I’m ba-AACK!
Last Saturday, we ventured up the infamous, cloud forest mountain (noteworthy because of my first failed attempt and following lost-on-mountain-adventure). The quaint little cabins welcomed us in the little town of Rosario after the long hike. I was especially glad to reach our destination because we took students with us.
The night was filled with food, conversation, laughter, books, worship, laughter, scorpion spotting, laughter, scorpion killing, worship, and more laughter.
Again, I realized how important it is for laughter to be involved in my life! We woke up early and ventured out to see the sun break through the cloudy haze and then spent quiet time, worship time, reading time, and breakfast time.
We hiked out Sunday morning and we were “sucking the marrow” right out, as Thoreau suggests. I almost collapsed when I got home, if not for the dark chocolate Heather brought from Canada. I took in a Mars Hill sermon, cleaned a bit, and then we made dinner before going to Micah Project. Whew!
So…. I am not making excuses, I just want you all to know that “Every Day in May” took place in my journal for the past two days. Well, that’s not entirely true. On Saturday night, Heather and I wrote a song that will never be sung again or written down. I wrote the words as they fell off my lips and I happily considered it my writing for the day.
Today… well, I decided to go back to the prompts from creativewritingprompts.com and I landed on number 231 which says, “List the 7 worst things to say to a person who just got dumped.”
Hm. It’s not really my cup ‘o tea, but we’ll see how it goes. I do like that it is going to be short, because I am WIPED out! Today after school, we met up with Diana and Maria and played some cards in McDonald’s… then picked up Sara and made some AMAZING orange, mango, ginger chicken with vegetables over long grain rice.
So, maybe 7 things is all I can muster right now, anyway. 🙂
SEVEN worst things you can say to a person who just got dumped (in no particular order)
1. “Oh, don’t worry, that girl I saw him with was probably just his sister.”
2. “Hey, you’ll survive! I mean, I’ve been dumped many times… and you kind of just get used to it, you know?”
3. “What did you do? I thought you guys had such a good thing!”
4. “I’m sorry. I mean, I can’t say I know how you feel, since I got married and everything… but it must be real tough.”
5. “I never told you this, but me and him… we, uh, well, we like each other.”
6. “I guess God doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend.”
7. “I wonder what you’ll do now…”
Hm. I’m a fan of creative writing prompts, but this was completely and unsatisfactorily uninspiring.
Well, I’ll just say it was probably inevitable to have a day where I didn’t love the prompt, the character, or the process. It happens.
Every Day in May Project, day TEN (days eight and nine are in my head or my journal)

Okay, now for that fleeting, precious thing called sleep…
Posted on by Caroline 3

hiking shoes

I just laced up my hiking shoes (courtesy of one of my dad’s successful thrift store expeditions) and I am heading out to conquer La Tigra, infamous cloud forest and puma hangout. We will be hiking to a hostel tonight and then heading back tomorrow.

So…. I am not going to rush my creativity. Today or tonight I’m going to do some very thoughtful writing in my new journal that arrived with Heather and then I’ll post it on here for you to see.
Until then, what are YOU doing this great May day? Please share!
Posted on by Caroline 1

Day 1, Every Day in May

This is the first day of May. It also marks the first full day of life for Natalie Renee Nichols, born yesterday at 3 pm by natural birth to my brother and sister-in-law (Samuel and Bethany). I love her so much already and have tried to gather all I can from my brother’s sporadic tweets and my mom’s antics on skype.
Today is also the start of a month-long endeavor, inspired by @Christinakeeps who was inspired by @frenchtoastgirl to do the thing you love every single day for the month of May.

Well, there are a lot of things that I love doing… most involve laughter, some involve people, many involve words, and a few involve canvas. The one thing I chose: writing.
I know, it doesn’t seem that ambitious (because this is already a standing goal of mine), but I’m not just going to try to write on the blog everyday in ‘dear diary’ style. In fact, I don’t even think I need to post every day to be legit about the challenge. I want to do a writing exercise every day, something challenging or new or personal.
I’m probably going to need to look up some writing prompts so I’m not just completely random. If you have any ideas, let me know. If you are doing Every Day in May as well, DO SHARE!
Okay, below is my writing for today. This is in response to two articles I recently read. The first, “Survey:72 percent evangelicals more spiritual than religious” appeared in USA Today based on research by Lifeway. The second, “Separate truths,” was written by a religion professor at Boston University and appeared on Boston.com.
Read the articles and then see my thoughts here in poem form.
——–
How Deep the Depths

How faint the fool who treads the way
and tarries about; runs blind to the fray.

How heavy the heart, hardened by years
of abuse and betrayal and manmade fears.

How sad the sigh learned by repetition –
disappointment, abandonment and man’s wild volition.

How complete the chasm built with words great;
explanations attempt to determine eternal fate.

How stuffed the souls with semantics and speeches
and tolerant voices crowding out holidays at beaches.

How lost the lonely, desperate to find
a rhyme or a reason to be sanctified.

How dead is this end, and reason to fight
with an honest confession, broken and contrite.

How firm the foundation, without shame
is the cross that bears my Savior’s name.

How perfect the peace in God’s Word alone
that restores and revives a heart once of stone.

How deep the depths of this great Love, divine,
to reach through foolishness and make the faint soul alive.
—–



.let LOVE FLY like cRaZY.
Posted on by Caroline 1

pray for baby nichols

Hello friends!
I just finished a fairly big project and I’m not as happy as I should be, but there is something to jump for joy about today…. and that is BABY NICHOLS on the way!
Please pray for my parents tonight (www.myafricansons.blogspot.com) as they travel across several states to reach my brother and sister-in-law, who are super ready to bring their daughter into the world tomorrow morning.
This baby is already loved so deeply and so well. I’m praying for strength and for energy and for joy when the family of two becomes three. 🙂
Here’s a few thoughts about it:
i’m not sure what you are thinking, little one,
but i wonder these things as i cover you with love

are you excited to enter this new world?
will you see its beauty?

what will you reach for
and toward what will you run?

will you twirl in circles and sun rays?
and will you love to dance?

how will you smile and will you love laughter?
and how will you like your chocolate?

oh, little one, i wonder these things
while i pray over you and sing

oh, little one, don’t you know, you are loved!
you are so dearly loved!
Friends, please pray! Pray for safety and for God’s blessing over the delivery tomorrow!
Posted on by Caroline 9

something sweet

Okay, if you haven’t heard about my obsession with my family’s famed “sweet dinner” then here’s an introduction(previously: here and here and here). I wasn’t super inspired to write a blogpost tonight, but then I received an email from Focus on the Family encouraging me to write an essay about my dinner table traditions as a tribute to my mom and I thought, why not?
So, below you will find the less than 250 word essay (with cheesiness to the MAX) about how my mom served up our dinners with heaping helpings of love. 😉 The above picture is our most recent family Valentine’s day (circa 2006?), but we are missing Samuel, Bethany, and half of mom’s face.
Also, Mom: if I by chance win, they’ll be calling you because they didn’t have a space for international entries. 🙂
—–
Growing up on a small farm in rural Iowa, we were well accustomed to skimping. It just meant that the State Fair would be our family vacation, an understood one-gift Christmas expectation, and wearing hand-me-downs proudly.
My mother somehow managed to raise five children, complete the never-finished duties of farmwife, and (often in the midst of total chaos) do everything but skimp on such tantalizing spreads for dinner that all previous disagreements would subside after the prayer.
One meal in particular remains a favorite (apart from the charming and compulsory ‘etiquette dinners’), so much so that I’ve duplicated it in several places I’ve lived since, giving my best effort to not skimp on the love my mom spread out so lavishly.
Valentine’s Day, or Sweet Dinner as I affectionately call it, was not a day for special dates or sweethearts. Valentine’s Day at the Nichols house was about love. The wonderful, true, dependable kind of love. Mom labored all day secretly in the kitchen (which itself is a feat with our curious fingers) and produced a table resplendent with pinks, reds, and candles aglow. We all received a personal poem, heart-shaped cake with pink frosting, and red-dyed tapioca pudding. Much fuss was made about the fine china (a wedding gift), which helped display the roast beef, carrots, and sweet corn (frozen from harvest). Without fail, discussion would turn to our love for one another.
When Jesus narrowed things down, He didn’t skimp on love and my mother followed suit.
—–
PS: Mom, you should enter the contest too! How awesome would it be if we could have a Focus on the Family sponsored girls night! 🙂
.let LOVE FLY like cRaZY.
Posted on by Caroline 3

car repair on a shoestring

….no, I don’t think you understand.

I mean literally on a shoestring.
Yesterday, early in the morning before I left for school, I tied up my dangling car part with shoestring. Yep, I sure did.
I rummaged and rustled until I found shoestring and a piece of crafting wire and out to the haula I went to examine underneath the engine where this strange piece of protective plastic lay irresolutely on the ground. I pushed and shoved and jostled into place the shoestring (which was actually several tied together I had previously used to hang pictures in my room in Austin.
Who knew that a couple years later it would be holding a piece of my car together?
Here’s the best part: It’s still in tact!! Check out another from my long list of car stories: Bittersweet Taste of Humble Pie
Posted on by Caroline 0

trees and used books

Whoa. Christina’s post yesterday (all the way from LA, I might add) sure rustled some feathers! How true, though, that the only way to expose darkness is with Truth. Regardless of the sin you are dealing with – unhealthy views of the body can take all sorts of forms – Truth exposes darkness and leads to Christ, the only Healer.

Well, here’s what I’m reflecting on, many countries and cultures away…

The blooms of white flowers on my favorite tree outside our house gate. The smell is something like lilac mingled with gardenias, but not in a strange perfume-mixing way. No, it’s in the just-the-right-amount kind of way that grabs my senses every time I walk by and makes me stop to admire.

I think Psalm 23 is something like that. God’s beauty and peace is so strong a scent that we are made to lie down in green pastures and led beside still waters. There is something in the beauty of it that demands attention and response. So, I respond every morning and every night as I walk past. So sweet the smell!
This week is trudging right along, but I am finding so much encouragement from Joni Eareckson Tada, whose words just happened to be shelved tightly between a weathered Mary Higgins Clarke and a worn paperback Tom Clancy in the used book stacks at Metromedia. I have been so refreshed by her sincere heart and wisdom. The yellow pages smell like Laura Ingalls Wilder and deep trunks full of treasured things. The wisdom – oooh the wisdom – is a treasure in itself!
Here is a little tidbit:

Suffering sets the stage on which good qualities can perform. If we never had to face fear, we would know nothing about courage. If we never had to weep, we would never know what it was like to have a friend wipe tears from our eyes.

and here’s another:

When God tells us to suffer, sometimes our tendency is to use our very trials as an excuse for sinning. We feel that since we’ve given God a little extra recently by taking such abuse, He owes us “a day off” when we can do as we please. This is a continual inner battle for me…And it is so easy to justify. Son’t I already have to give up more than a lot of Christians just be being crippled? I say to myself. Doesn’t my wheelchair entitle me to a little slacking off now and then?
When we feel like this, if we sit down and examine our lame protests in the light of the Bible, they will vanish one by one.
And all this from a woman who became paralyzed from the neck down after diving in for a swim as a teenager. What a testimony her life has been since! Check out more here.
Hope this day is blessed for you and always remember, even in suffering….

let LOVE FLY like cRaZY
🙂

oh, and PS, you should check out my brothers from Tanzania and Nigeria and the story of their first/last prom in the US.
Posted on by Caroline 0

downpour, quinceañera, and sister

Since I believe apologies are not acceptable, I’m moving very quickly past the place where I might make one for not writing in so long. With a few well-placed headlines, I’ll let you in on some of the goings-on here in Tegus while I eat some deeee-licious Honduran-style beef stew.

torrential downpour
Last Friday night was the overnighter event for the elementary kids. Though I’m not involved in the outreach with the little ones, they asked me to help with the game CLUE that our HS students had come up with a few months back for our own outreach event. … And play human CLUE we surely did! We ran to different “rooms” and played games in order to receive clues and try to solve the mystery.

After all that madness ended (God give me grace when I have crazy, screaming little ones!), I loaded up good ‘ole Louis and down the mountain we went. (I still don’t have a muffler, but I’m working on it and I’ve told myself that’s good enough right now.)
The rain started just before we threw backpacks into the trunk and ourselves into the seats. We didn’t get very far before I realized that this ride down the mountain would be less about what music we were rocking out to and more about getting down safely. I was wiping the windshield with one hand and steering with the other. It was foggy in addition to the less-than-stellar defrost sputtering out of my dashboard. The girls were respectful and less crazy, but the rain kept coming. We prayed.
I successfully dropped off one student and then we came upon a lake in the road. Yep, it was a lake almost as big as the pond behind my house where we went swimming. And it was still raining. I kind of just followed the lights in front of me, but definitely felt we floated for a second or two.
On the way back, we encountered the same lake and I had to turn around after watching a car sink too low for my comfort. So, I made all the drop-offs and arrived at my house with a curious scraping sound accompanying me. Yep, that’s right… last week Louis lost a muffler and this week he’s dragging something on the front end. These roads are shaking him to pieces – literally! But, praise God for safety and PRAISE GOD for rain!
Today, I was on my hands and knees inspecting the damage like a real trooper. I like to think my brother William would be proud, but he would probably ask if I fixed the problem and then I would have to say no. I’m not really sure what the purpose of that silly, sturdy piece of plastic… and I couldn’t figure out how to jimmy-rig it up with rope, so I just shoved in a few places and hope that it will stay in place long enough for me to get to someone more handy!
quinceañera
When you turn 15 here, it’s like a sweet 16 party but much, MUCH bigger! I’m talking color-coordinated decorations, a ‘program’ of events for the night, three special music performances, high schoolers in suits, fake champagne, super fancy dresses, a sermon, a serenade, a video, and lots of fun. And that’s where you would have found me on Saturday night – in heels my dad found at a thrift store and a dress my mom sent me a few years ago that I hemmed and altered for fun. It was a beautiful way to celebrate Jennifer’s life and also a great, grand introduction to Honduran tradition of quinceañera!

sister
Have I told you how much I love my sister? Probably not, because she’s gets uncomfortable when people get mushy (which of course is my specialty). Well, tonight as we were talking, I remembered how much I loved her all over again. It seems we always swap stories of our mishaps and mistakes. I think we sound like broken records, but I guess I’m encouraged that much more – that we are sisters in our repetition. You see, it doesn’t matter if the stories from work seem not to have moved in a week or if our hearts are struggling in the same ways we thought we’d moved on from, or if our haphazard living styles have not moved to a less-embarrassing state… it doesn’t matter because we love and encourage each other in the midst of all the mess.
Today, as we were talking … I started to share about my current dream-squasher: fatigue and failure.
I want to press on, but I’m tired.
I want to believe change will come, but failure creeps on my shoulder like an ugly monster.
Anyway, no surprise, right? You’ve heard this before if you know me at all. I had an imaginary conversation with my mom a few weeks ago, when I was knee-deep in stress about my students and their decisions.
Honey, she told me, the BEST you can do is pursue your Savior with your whole heart. I said, I know. She said, do you have anyone to sharpen you and push you deeper and further into your pursuit of Christ. Not really, I said. Well, she said, maybe in this time God is trying to teach you that He is all-sufficient. Yes, maybe, I said.
So, weeks later, I am relaying two dream-squashing excuses to my sister and expressing my frustration and she says something like:
You know, I was trying to have some time with the Lord the other day and I kept trying to wrestle Him into giving me answers and get productive with my time. Finally, I just decided to be with Him… to sing and praise and love and honor Him. I realized I just needed to be with Him, not to just ask Him to figure out my problems.
I give up on things and let my dreams get squashed into the pavement because I try to have hope in an end HERE… I go to God hoping He will give me more tools to be effective instead of trusting Him to work.
I want results when I love people. I want improvement.
I want something significant to come out of gas money and coffee dates.
I want something spectacular to prove God’s glory here.
Well, guess what? God’s glory does not need proven.
My desire to see results shows that I am not TRUSTING in His plan to reveal His glory. If I really want eternal results, than I will throw myself into time with my Savior and trust He will work all things according to His will and purpose. And who am I to doubt His work will be significant?
Thanks, sister, for reminding me that time with my Savior does not need to end with a ‘take-away’ objectives and keys to unlock more ministry.
Time with my Savior is truly time to

let LOVE FLY like cRaZY
🙂

 

Posted on by Caroline 3