dirt under my fingernails

Well, the best of intentions (as far as scheduling blog posts goes) do not always produce the best results. What was that saying about a road paved with good intentions? Anyway, we are learning and that is equally valuable.

We are learning that our hearts are not so easily handled by a planned pen, but instead we hope to share the blessings and struggles of our days in real time (not elusively behind creative ideas and philosophies). Having said that, I would love to share with you how dirt crept under my fingernails today – the first time I’ve relished being a bit dirty in a long while.

I couldn’t sleep last night, because 4 am seemed hardly morning to be waking up and getting to the airport. Between last night and the airport, I probably found 3 hours of fitful slumber. Nonetheless, when the plane landed on Iowa’s green, flooded soil, I had no problem finding energy. I ate a delightful lunch with my parents at Vivace (and immediately confirmed my belief that they do love to be generous when I am home). Then we set our course south and east of Omaha and landed on that little farmstead on the gravel road.

I rushed to my grandparents house and caught up on all the news – from the alliums to the cherry tree to the strawberries to the sad state of the iris. From there we ended up at the cabin (my brother’s engineering genius of telephone poles, barn boards, and scrap lumber), shooting, fishing, and water-ballooning. I jumped in with some home-state vigor to stir up my boisterous childhood playground. I reached into the wet earth to capture worms and squeezed the worms onto hooks. I felt like Jo from Little Women, much too boyish but all too fun.

So, at night’s end, no matter how many times I’ve washed and hand-sanitized, I’ve got dirt under my fingernails. On any other day it would be most annoying – I always garden with gloves and always take great pains in peeling oranges.

But today, surrounded by my Creator’s beauty and the family I love so dear, today a little dirt could not begin to phase me.

STAY TUNED! Tomorrow a new line-up – and possibly new strategy – will roll out. What do you think we should do: stick to the plan and write articles each day OR schedule a few days and be spontaneous on the rest. Let us know what you think!

Posted on June 15, 2008 by Caroline 0

what a difference a day makes

Ok, so we’re breaking from regularly scheduled programming today. Since this blog started up with Caroline and myself, we’ve been trying to write it like a magazine, with articles each week. Well, today I want to write on it like a blog. And since I’m one of the founding members, I believe I will 🙂

So, a lot has happened in the last 3 weeks in my world. I decided to turn up the heat on the job search; I made some amazing new friends that I just couldn’t get enough of, and it looked like this was gearing up to be a great summer. Nights out on the patio talking later than I’d like but strangely not caring about the time, and calls from companies that think I’m pretty great, along with time spent with God thanking him for all these blessings, were filling my days with joy and praise for the One who makes great plans for his children.

Fast forward a few weeks, and one new friend went AWOL, another turned into kind of a weird situation that breaks my heart, and anxiously awaiting God’s timing for movement on the job front has turned from joyous expectation to frustrating clock-watching.

…And I keep thinking that you know, a few weeks ago before these changes happened, I was happy. I had plenty of friends- great ones, whom I love so dearly. I was fine at my job. Not happy, but fine. Then these last few weeks everything got shook up. And the thing is- it was great. So, so great. It was awesome to have new exciting friendships that made me feel like I’d stepped back into college. It was a forgotten thought, to think that God might work it out for me to step into a job that would engage my talents and my heart.

So now I have to think, did it all change? Did God change his mind, and I’m to stay here, because the sweet company that I applied at didn’t call back the day they said they would? Is it going to be a lonely summer just because I’m missing two friends to whom I’ve only recently grown attached? And maybe it’s just me, and I’m probably just ungrateful, but it seems like everyone has really terrible advice about all of it. Sisters and best friends all saying things that didn’t seem to help at all. Last night, though, my roommate said something that made today feel like the sky had opened up again. I think it was something to the effect of “That’s hard… I’m sorry… but you’ll be ok”

I think that’s all I really needed to hear. Because you know, it IS hard. And I WILL be ok. For God is the same yesterday and today and tomorow, and he has the same great plan for his children whether they’re seeing the glass half empty or full, whether things are looking good or very, very bad. So I’m resting in that. Resting, and listening to the new Coldplay CD online, and really smiling, for the first time all week.

Posted on June 12, 2008 by Caroline 1

Office Fright

The element of surprise is a familiar foe (see previous post). I’ve never quite been able to figure out why I startle so seriously, but many have suggested I seek professional help. I, of course, guffawed in the face of these ridiculous recommendations, but lately I’ve been wondering…

Last week, in the midst of scurry and flurry to hire several new employees in our office, I found myself typing away at my desk. The office is gravely quiet now that students have left for the summer, but I add noise every once in awhile with music or an audio sermon. On this particular day, I was working on creating a reflection manual for our student leaders to use as a resource for service projects.

I like to sit in my black leather office chair with barefeet and a straight back. It’s an interesting mix of professionalism and always a rush to get my feet covered when someone knocks on the door. My direct supervisor has learned from several experiences that a gradual knock is best used to announce his presence. A gradual knock starts as a single finger tap and slowly becomes a full knuckle rap. This system has worked quite well and kept Startled Stella at bay.

So, back to last week. I was absorbed in my typing with my back turned to the door when I felt a strange presence. I turned slightly to the left and immediately shot into the air, let out a serious scream, landed on the ground where I writhed barefooted for a solid minute exclaiming, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh” to my Director, who stood over me with raised eyebrows and shaking head.

Two colleagues came running into the office thinking I’d fallen or had some sort of strange panic attack. All I could get out at that point was, “I’m so embarrassed.” I picked myself up and my Director expressed his sincere apology for the un-intentional scene.

My fits usually end in laughter and always make for good stories, but I do wonder if I’m harboring some secret fear that needs discovering. Is it possible that I’m really just this jumpy? It is a small consolation that my mother is the exact same way. I hope this condition is merely hereditary. Does anyone else suffer in such a way?

Posted on June 9, 2008 by Caroline 0

Downside of Self-Disclosure

This guest post was written by my sister Christina. Enjoy!

There is a rumor going around that I’m a bad driver. Weird, right? Since I’ve had barely a ticket (going 5 over doesn’t count, does it?) since high school. That’s been 6 years. 6 YEARS. Plus, it’s notable that 1 of those years was in the NYC suburbs, which may have the craziest drivers in the country. So why this rumor? I fear that I’m to blame.

I have gained a reputation as a story-teller, and many of those stories are about my own goofy life. If I do something funny, or stupid, or absentminded, I don’t mind at all, because it will make for a great story at the next party or family function I attend. I’m not sure how this started, but I guess a few years ago, one particularly funny story at a family get-together was about driving, or cars, or something like that, because now the family always wants to hear a “car story.” I’m happy to oblige, so I dig back into my brain to find something that I can make into a fun story.

Hmm, well, I did just get rear-ended by a guy that wasn’t paying attention last month- could that be funny? Well, it was really scary to me, so probably not the funniest story…

How about the time in college when my roommate and I weren’t sure how to jump a car and we accidentally switched the wires, and it was smoking, and the Cy-ride driver got out of the bus to tell us that shouldn’t be happening, and a week later my dad and brother spent like an hour trying to pull-start it around the neighborhood with a yellow rope before we figured out I had simply blown a fuse? Ahhhh, that’s a good one 🙂

So anyway, I love telling these stories. I love turning unfortunate events into stories for opportunities to make people laugh! The bummer happens when people make assumptions based on these stories- like that I am a bad driver. I guess that’s the downside of self-disclosure. For people that don’t publish their silly escapades for all to know, they can happily go on knowing that no one will know that they accidentally drove off with the gas nozzle still in their car (you know who you are :).) But for me, I guess it’s worth it.

My driving record speaks for itself, but how fun is it to read something so boring?

Posted on June 5, 2008February 6, 2013 by Caroline 4

New! Exciting development for foreign heart!

I can hardly contain my excitement in the recent thrilling turn of events! My sister Christina (the clever, creative cat of former blog fame) and I have decided to merge our talents. This blog will no longer be the musings of one foreign heart, but TWO.

I already know she’ll harass me for pushing the sentiment, so let’s get to the real exciting part. We have been wanting to launch a website for a long time. Not just any website (of course), but one that would combine our creative energies and be a one-stop shop for both sides of the brain!

Of course, we are convinced we are different than all the other pages and writings and musings out there. And, if you are skeptical, well… then just stick around to see!

We will be having a soft launch of the new format starting next week. In the meantime you might see her doing a bit of blogging by way of introduction. We will be on a six day schedule that will give readers a wide variety of insight into two very different creative worlds.

Lest you think this will all be written in detached abstract (as I tend to do), rest assured that we will open a window into our daily lives and hope that you laugh as much as we do.

In the spirit of this new voyage, come sail with us!

Posted on May 29, 2008 by Caroline 0

foreign heart

So, it may be about time that I share why I chose the title, “musings of a foreign heart.” Some people have asked, and at times I found myself struggling to articulate. Not that I’m ever completely surprised to stumble over my words, but on this specific point, I would hope my mind, heart, and words would be in sync.

Let’s see, this blog doesn’t have a very long history, but the background does give a bit of context to this rather haphazard journey. When I was in my senior year at Hope College in Holland, Michigan, my sister inspired me with her creative blogging about the adventures of being a new graduate and NYC nanny. I began to think about what adventures I might write about… for I adored writing and aspired to be a great intellectual. Right around this time, there was a conference at rival Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I was never so much into the rivalry, but the title is what caught my eye, “Faith and International Development Conference.” Oh dear! How do I combine those two passions?

The conference was a fantastic success. I learned a great deal from the outbreak sessions, speakers, and students. My outlet for processing has always naturally led to writing in one way or another, and with my sister’s cue, I started to explore what that process would look like on a computer screen.

On February 11, 2006, “faith and international development” was the first post.

I fiddled with the gadgets in blogger that held a dream-like charm. My childhood hopes to be an accomplished and published writer were quickly coming into view, via the new world of internet technology! Actually, these blasted things have done well to make dreams of ‘being known’ seem more accessible than reality affords. Nonetheless, off I went to make a name for myself as a ‘foreign heart.’

Why foreign? I am living as a United States citizen, you say.

My first understanding of foreign comes from my primary identity. In the Bible, we read that this world is not our home.

But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness. 2 Peter 3:13

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. 1 Peter 2:11-12

We will always will (and should) feel a mite strange living as we do in this skin and walking on this earth. God has promised a glorious inheritance to His children – apart from this world. In this way, I am glad to be of another land.

These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:7-9

Praise God, for He has redeemed us for His glory!

The musing, then, comes quite naturally. I’m not sure I had words to call it in my growing up years, but when I enrolled in Philosophy 113 with professor James Allis, I immediately found an affinity to talk of deeper things. I love conversations, literary works, and discoveries that challenge the mind and heart. And I believe God created us this way; in His image we are created with minds to probe and question and ponder.

Over the course of two years, ‘musings of a foreign heart’ has quite evolved (and sometimes not for the better). I admit a lack of vision, frequent rambling, and far greater focus on self then there ought.

I’m not really sure (naturally) how I will remedy these last concerns, but I have some ideas. So, be on the lookout, for this foreign heart may find a rhythm.

I’d LOVE to hear your muses! So jot ’em down and let me know!

Posted on May 29, 2008 by Caroline 0

beautiful sunday

Today was absolutely gorgeous. I ended up doing some of the things I love most – with a twist.

Thing I love: Devotions in the morning
twist: with a bagel and a cup of decaf

Thing I love: Church service on Sunday
twist: spanish style – went to the Spanish service and there was a visiting pastor from Honduras (go figure) who is interviewing to take a position at our church

Thing I love: summer heat
twist: forgot sunscreen

Thing I love: working with my hands
twist: gardening ALL afternoon with good company and conversation

Thing I love: beef brisket
twist: Rudy’s style – slow cooked over oak with special bbq sauce

Thing I love: C.S. Lewis
twist: went to see instead of read Prince Caspian

Sometimes I love to be exhausted, because there are times when it seems fit to be so.

Posted on May 19, 2008 by Caroline 0

true ambassadors

I’m just going to throw this out there: Have you ever secretly wished someone might fail so you might look good?

I can’t really back pedal now and pretend I was asking the question without first-hand experience. That would be a bold-faced lie AND sneaky. It is neither.

I started to really examine my thoughts recently as I am reading a book by Francis Schaeffer called, “True Spirituality.” (Interestingly enough, there is now a need to qualify spirituality by designating Truth. Yet, there is no spirituality outside Truth, just as there is no God outside Jehovah. Another day, perhaps?)

Let’s get back to your confession, you say. Well, alright. Here it goes. I realize I am making myself vulnerable (as we were encouraged at LeaderShape), so here’s to that.

I’ve noticed this ridiculous thing in me… a suspended suggestion that hovers whispering between my ears. It usually happens in group settings, when I feel most called to present myself as an ambassadors on behalf of Christ (1 Corinthians 5:20). I start to feel a little pressure, a little frustration, and the words racing around in my mind stumble over one another. I may appear composed, but inside I’m frantically trying to figure out how to represent. And then it happens…

I’m doing my part of a group activity, when I look up and see someone else shining. The whisper suggests, “Wait, that person doesn’t believe and follow Christ… why are they so likable?” and “That’s not supposed to happen – only true believers can understand joy!” and “There’s no way that person could really understand love or suffering or compassion – why are they making so much sense?”

Okay – go ahead – throw the stones. I know this sounds elementary and proud and shameful. I didn’t say I wasn’t ashamed. I just said the silly, suspended suggestions are there. What I do next, of course, is the test.

I have self-diagnosed a classic case of the gospel is about me. If I am so concerned with appearances, keeping score of who shows joy and pain and sorrow, than I’ve made the gospel about less than Jesus. Praise God that he has mercy on such a fool!

Paul cautioned the church in Corinth to remember what they were before Christ redeemed them… that no one was wise.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 1:18-31

Am I so puffed up that I can sit back making judgments about who is happy and what good can be done? Shame on me.

We are all created in the image of God, every single one. We each bear the marks of the Creator and without knowing or trying, we each reflect His glory. The Lord is gracious to name us heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). What shall I do then, having done nothing to receive such a gift? Shall I shrink back to pre-redeemed ways, wanting only my personal gain? No. I would then only use Christ as a mere tool for my own pride.

Romans 8:17 continues, “if we indeed share in his sufferings that we might also share in his glory.”

So, regardless of what my mind or any other whispers to distract the True glory at hand, I know that a true ambassador sees the glory of God in every face. A true ambassador speaks in love and knows that the gospel never returns void.

A true ambassador is not a name, but a servant. And these ambassadors will suffer with Christ and see His glory.

… I just realized I meant to speak more on Francis Schaeffer. I suppose I will come back to him again.

Posted on May 15, 2008 by Caroline 2

Poem from LeaderShape

Anyone that knows me is aware I received the ‘cheesy gene’ from my mother. I sure put it to good use last week during LeaderShape. I facilitated a small family cluster of 12 students and we became very close over the course of the week. My cluster chose the name ‘mountainmen’ and under that name we shared in the lessons and laughter. At graduation on Saturday, each facilitator said a few words about the group. Mine, of course, came out in poem.

refining
(for the mountainmen)

not so long ago
in a very near place
a family formed
at a thing called LeaderShape

We were strangers
not a soul knew another
first words were precious
but guards soon went asunder

as each day passed
the closer we became
sharing stories of life
and visions beyond the mundane

it became about more
than ‘my vision, my dream’
it became about serving others
and changing what seems to be

stuck in a basement
we would not fret,
12 heads together
will surely survive instead

given little or plenty
in life or in play
we will always be content
to hope for change someday

we all have a vision
they are BIG, I’ll admit
we share our fears
but not too much to commit

twelve unique people
one unique place
challenged and stretched
to step out the rat race

laughter abundant
and smiles a many
we bonded together
and now we’ve friendships a plenty!

mountainmen, go out now
and don’t stop your climbing
just remember the process
is more about refining

Posted on May 12, 2008 by Caroline 0

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come