It’s been exactly one week since I last wrote. Gosh, I guess a lot has changed in 7 short days. I no longer live in the Windy City. I no longer work at Sullivan’s, or Opportunity. I no longer live in a “vintage” style building on State and Division (I can say that now). I no longer wake up in the morning to the busy, bustling sounds of people moving about.

It’s quite bizarre, actually – moving through life. I don’t think there’s been one time these past four years that I haven’t looked back and said, “I never could’ve guessed that would happen.” I think that’s beautiful… that God holds back the things about our future that we just couldn’t handle knowing. And, then, we travel on, endure through trials and blessings to look back and see the providence in His sole knowledge of what was to come. Hopefully we can look back and see that we’ve been obedient.

We have some family friends that have lived obedience. They have struggled and persevered in the most formidable circumstances… with eyes fixed on the Author and Perfector. I have had conversations with the mom, especially, about how obedience has not led directly to bliss. In fact – bliss is farthest from their pilgrim journey… but they press on in praise because they know that God glories in the obedience of His people. And, I look at that example and know that God searches for hearts like those – that are completely His – and pleasures in their journeys (2 Chronicles 16:9).

Well, I better recap last week a bit before I move on philosophizing… The rest of the week went well – busy as ever – and steeped in Chicago “lasts.” I was more than ready for my sister to come on Friday to show off the things I love and experience a bit of Midwest city charm. We hit up the Christkindlmarket, the fabulous German extravaganza at the Daley Plaza. Warm crepes, pretzels, hot chocolate, and vendors with products from all over the world. It was delightful!

Then, we headed to ComedySportz to watch an hilarious display of clean improv and finally ended up at my apartment – by then quite lonely with its bare walls. Saturday brought more exploring and breakfast with one of my closest Chicago friends – Jenna. From there I went to my last day at Sullivan’s – a day that lasted from 3-1030… a long day that ended with huge sighs. I marvel at how much drama is made of such small things. I thought I could make it the whole semester without taking part in the game, but I tripped up on Saturday.

I was able to play the middleman – the advocate for the underdog and staple sensitive girl up until then. But, when one of the girls was talking about her favorite subject – tacky people, I jumped in and we created the token tacky dressed girl who obviously had no clue about clothes, fashion, or how to act. At the end she looked at me kind of funny and said, “Good. You do have a (!?#*!y) side!” I just kind of stared. There’s way no way to take it back, but I wish I could. After 4 months of trying to be that light in the darkness and one slip of the tongue turns the rudder of that ship so darn fast! I tried to smooth over what I could, but I don’t know if it made a difference. Once again, I realize how important words are… the mouth speaks the overflow of the heart… and I certainly hope my heart doesn’t settle for such petty things!

Anyway… the rest of the night went fine – we’ve had unusually warm December weather, so coat checking wasn’t even all that bad. Sunday – glorious Sunday – we went to church in the morning and I said goodbye to dear, dear friends at Park Community Church. My heart will always be grateful for the gift of community and friendship I so relied on this semester.

We came back for a marathon cleaning/packing adventure (my sister would hardly agree that it was an adventure, but would most likely call it a disaster:) … and then we were off for a wonderful lunch buffet at Gaylord India – maybe some of the best food I’ve had in awhile! We both love indian style food – and everything was savory and delicious… from the curry to the nan to the amazing tea.

I think I mentioned before that my mom bought us tickets to WICKED. I can’t explain how badly I wanted to see that show while I was in Chicago. I started listening to the soundtrack last year and have been obsessed ever since because the music is just that good! We sat center (not front, but still great view!) and I could only eek out, “I can’t believe…wow…this is so exciting…”

The show was phenomenal. Beginning to end – loved the story, characters, music, stage, and costumes. I’ll be singing those songs for a long time! Right now I’m at this wonderful (and wireless) small town coffee loft with my sister. She’s working on finding a job and I’m thinking.

Well, Christina thinks I do enough thinking – probably too much. Especially when I started talking about energies and passions on the way home from Chicago… maybe she would agree with the Emperor in Amadeus when he was criticizing Mozart’s first opera. Maybe I just use too many words. Mozart’s music was too much of something, the Emperor said, “Well, there are only so many notes that a person can hear in one evening… and there were simply too many notes.” Mozart was appalled, because every single note was exactly how it should be and taking any one note away would subtract from the complete masterpiece he believed it was.

I know enough now to not think the pride of Mozart will produce any good thing, and I am hardly at the point where I think my words well up into such a glorious climax as his work, but I do on some level aspire for the exact perfection which Mozart possessed.

Well, this is certainly long enough to last awhile. This is very different from the city – very different. I’m not sure about my whole Chicago experience, but I do know that I loved living in a city… and I know I could live in one again, someday down the road. We’ll see. God only knows, right?

I feel almost as dead as the minks and rabbits coming in to Sullivan’s, only I don’t have near as snobby of an owner. Last night, a woman insisted we had her Crystal Fox (they kept saying this over and over like I knew what it was and should be amazed) fur somewhere, but we could NOT find it … later I saw them leaving with their coats – apparently they left them upstairs in the lounge.

Let’s just say last night I had to fight for joy. I literally felt in a struggle for what I was going to let take my evening. I rushed out of my last day of internship like a wild banshee and ran from train to train to bus to my apartment, switched out my clothes and ran to work (all this running is literal – I was out of breath!) Then, I got to work and found out, unbeknownst to me, they had changed my start time to 1/2 an hour later! It was one of those … you’ve GOT to be kidding me. But, at the same time, that means I wasn’t late. Anyway… I would have given anything to be Lucy in the Chronicles of Narnia and, instead of retrieving coats for the social elite, retreating into a mystical, wonderful world beyond that cramped closet.

Yet, while I was there, I got a text from a friend. His day had been amazing and full of grace, and hadn’t mine? (he said)
And I thought, “self. that’s about enough. you are not going to be content with the simple pleasures of being angry, frustrated, and anxious. No, no! You are going to reach for the vacation on the sea – joy!!

So, when one guy asked me, “Tell me, do you like this job?” I simply said, “Well, that’s relative. But do I have joy? Yes.”
Then he said something like, well of course that’s because you just saw me come down the stairs.

Oh man. But, can I just go back to remind myself that GOD is providing through this job. He is providing my rent and opening doors to relationships.

Enough about Sullivan’s – yesterday was my last official day as Opportunity intern. From this point on, my relationship will be of the true, working world employee nature. I am going to continue doing temp work for the conference in May.

My boss took me out for Mediterranean food – definitely one of my favorite ethnic varieties. MMmm was it good! I wish I could explain the impact that this relationship has had on my semester and my life as a whole… But for now those words will have to do. I just hope all this “processing” I keep putting off will happen sometime, otherwise I could see a 100 car pileup on my brain highway – not good, considering I don’t really trust the drivers up there in the first place!

Okay, I should finish this up. I’m going to do my morning bible study and then hang out with my roomie and do some hard core cleaning – yay! One last thing – I finished up my papers for class – 3 in all at 4:30 Wednesday morning. I know – that is definitely the first time I’ve done that since freshmen year when I thought it was cool and “college.”

Even if it’s not what the profs. want, I am happy with how they turned out… and it was truly a discovery process. I’ll have to write more (later) about some of the startling things I learned about myself. I realized how much pressure I’d been feeling to ‘keep up appearances,’ meanwhile my true energies and gifts weren’t being fully utilized.

Now I know why Columbus sailed the ocean blue… The Dominican Republic is a beautiful place with beautiful people!

Sadly, I haven’t been able to experience as much of their culture as I have their style of business meeting, conversation, and travel from hotel to office. It’s been the definition of a “business trip” … although in the past I’m sure I have always assumed that people who take business trips are nearly always fooling you. I had it in my mind that business trips were almost created for the joy of travel, because it’s always been so exotic for me. Ay! This is not the case – as Rody would say, “work is work.”

I have learned too much to fit in my suitcase for the trip home. I am tired, overwhelmed, excited, and anxious…. this planning for such a thing as a global conference has to be done by those with supernatural powers – I really can’t believe all that goes into it! As in all my (limited) travels, I have found the people to be lovely and most wonderful! Again, even if only on the business side, I am seeing the Lord’s creativity alive in the work of His hands.

I haven’t been able to process everything, nor do I expect myself to before I get back to Chicago this weekend. It’s amazing to think that after May I could actually get a job that would make this my life – traveling, meetings, planes, taxis. And all this makes me think. … Just think and consider just how it is God made me – for what purpose. I know that He is preparing my spirit for the work to come, but I also need to think about how He made me to be in community. What does community look like for those that traipse about the global countryside, stopping here and there?

How perfect to be right now reading in my devotions about the “first” missionary journey in Acts when Paul was sent out after prayer, fasting, and laying on of hands. I say “first” because I fully believe in God’s missional heart from the very beginning….

But, truly the community and power of being sent is beautiful and unmistakable throughout the Scriptures. .. Oh! This is a topic for another day – I do feel a bit scattered!

It’s been so exciting to be here – just minor near death experiences in taxis and a somewhat questionable “tropical show” last night prove to spice things up. Let’s just say taxis aren’t shy about crossing four lanes of oncoming traffic and an ambulance in a tiny four-door… and when people here say “tropical show” I guess that could mean anything, the least of which is taste and of a conservative mind. We’re pretty sure this tropical show isn’t quite the thing to suggest for our 300 delegates from around the world.

Oh, there’ll be many more stories, I’m sure, but MY OH MY has time flown. I simply haven’t been out exploring and probably won’t get a chance to, but hopefully when I come back in May there might be some spare hours to look about…it is quite stunning the view into the sea.

PS I also quickly toured the Colonial Zone where Columbus first landed – the first street, cathedral and university in the New World. Completely opposing the historical and toursit significance, we spoke with a local pastor who had a refreshing and bold passion for the colonial influence here and in Latin/South America… also a story for another time.

Praise God for the work here, for productivity, for His beauty, and his grace in allowing us a part!

I did watch Amadeus. I think I will probably watch it again soon. It’s a thinker, that one is.

Before I get too far and this gets depressing I have to say: I’M HEADED to the DOMINICAN REPUBLIC!! This isn’t a far off dream and most certainly not a coincidence. This is the very blessed hand of God at work and for some reason unbeknownst to me, I get to be a small part of His big process.

After Thanksgiving, I will fly with my boss and another colleague to meet with our Partner in the DR to continue planning for the Global Conference coming up in May 2007. I am beside myself with excitement, and, were it not for the e-itinerary I have in my inbox, I would complete deny that it would ever happen.

Yet, there the email sits! I don’t know how, but I’m on a flight Sunday, Nov. 26 to Santo Domingo.

Shoot, I definitely thought I had more time…. but I’ll have to finish my thoughts on Amadeus later.

These are a LOT of pictures, I know. But, after all those words I knew I’d lose the small following I had if there wasn’t something to break up the space and add some color:)

I’m showing off the gifts that came in loving packages from Iowa.. no mistake those are sugar free candies of my favorite variety and a FOOT MASSSAGER for those long, hard days:)

This is the before/after picture of a wonderfully simple birthday cheesecake I enjoyed in the company of Chicago Semester friends!

Chelsea and Ann think it’s fun to get stuck in those revolving doors… 🙂

Meg was as wonderful as ever – surprising me on my b-day with her sweetness!

The night of my birthday I hooked up with Jenna and Lis and we cooked fajitas like it was our job! We do make pretty sweet-lookin’ cooks … but can you believe they tasted DELICIOUS, too!
Lis is working the frying pan like an Iron Chef master!

Okay, Jenna’s deck is the cutest little 1 by 2 thing I’ve ever seen, complete with a pondering stool that should belong to a small child!

Jenna made this cake! We celebrated with chocolate and amazing conversation – definitely a night to be remembered!

Yep, that’s right, I’m the ghost in the middle… How did winter sneak up so fast? And how did those girls keep their summer colors? No matter – I love ’em!

I like to consider myself a critical consumer. This could be credited to my mom (still won’t allow the internet in the house – gotta love her!), my upbringing, or my own inquisitive nature. Regardless, I struggle against the culture encouraging our mindless consumption of new trends in TV, clothes, music, and food.

Don’t misunderstand – I give in all too easily, but I try to at least be aware. I’ve been wondering about an ad I’ve seen lately. Even without TV, internet, or magazines in my apartment I can’t escape the onslaught I see on my way to and from work everyday. I’ve seen this particular ad numerous times, always wondering at its purpose. The ads are real odd, involving myth-like characters or obscure situations or settings and accompanied by the words, “They miss you.”

I didn’t know if I was simply not the target audience or if the unfortunate public relations firm completely missed the mark. I finally realized this past week the point: dreams.

I was looking at an elfin man sitting in too-small a chair inside a cozy, dimly lit grandmotheresque attic. Beside him sat YODA and they were both looking at the empty seat (mine, of course) over the chess game that was spread out on the small table. Odd, for sure, but I realized that Rozerem (pharmaceutical of some sort) is advertising to the sleep deprived.

Then I saw a man wearing purple jeans on the subway and thought, “I wonder who targets his audience?”

Media is really very fickle.

I was talking to my new friend who runs the book table at church, Bob, last Sunday. He was telling me about this spiritual housecleaning book he’d read. The idea was that, without intending to, we physically bring in objects to our homes that Satan uses to distract us from our purpose. This really struck me. I’m sure I just stared for a good 10 seconds because I was thinking about it.

I thought about what I had chosen to bring into my apartment in the near 2 months I’ve been here. Everything from pictures to books to decorations to food – all conscious decisions to be a part of our lives. It’s easier to analyze the apartment because I haven’t had as much time to accumulate, but a short survey revealed exactly what my friend Bob was getting at.

My roommate works with other girls our age and someone had given her a copy of Chicago Social, a modern fashion magazine. She brought it back and shrugged it off. Neither of us were particularly interested in it or its content, but it seemed like one of those things that girls just have in apartments. I had actually picked up a free H&M magazine when I was in the store awhile back for the same reason. It was free and I thought it could add something to our extremely modest decor. But, I realized that I had spent time flipping through each of those magazines.

I know it seems petty and possibly over-analyzing (like always), but I really asked “what good came from that time?” My mom always says if it is not of God it’s of Satan. There isn’t an in between, tepid compromise on things we say are “really not that bad.” Well, if they’re really not that bad, are they really that good?

I feel so, so blessed to be without TV. Sure, I sorta glaze over when conversations turn to the latest Bachelor episode or the near-death of the hero on 24.

But, I experience so much more of reality by being in it – living it.
Like this morning. I have class on Wednesdays, so I don’t have to wake up quite as early, but my body’s on a schedule so it does anyway. You probably know how that goes… Once you get in a groove you’d better just give in to it, because if you don’t you run the risk of confusing the system. So, I woke up early and decided to get out walking.

I knew before I left that I would be tempted to buy a coffee or tea (still doing pretty well on the whole becoming independent of coffee), so I brought 5 singles that I picked up from coat tips last night. I started walking and before I’d gone far I met Sisco. He looked downcast and I actually met him as he was searching trash cans. He asked for something to eat in a way that didn’t expect any sort of response. I stopped and asked if I could buy him breakfast. He was very grateful and we started walking toward a food store. We ended up walking in an enormous circle, completely opposite the orginal direction I was heading.

In that long walk, I found out that Sisco, after getting out of prison, tried to get his life back in order. He tried to get a job, but that extremely difficult with a record and without the proper papers. Then, he filled out all the paperwork to take classes. Being homeless has left him pretty jaded, but as I shared with him my heart he shared a depressing perspective on my ‘fellow believers.’

He showed understanding of Scripture and professed belief, but he couldn’t understand why he would show up to churches and hear “sorry, some other time. .. we’ll pray for you… the pastor’s out… no room here…”

This is the body? This is the Church I call home and family? I was ashamed. I offered to buy him breakfast at several places, but he insisted on going to a very cheap food mart so that he could get more food. I told him I had $5 and he spent $3.04. I also told him about Park (my church) and he was really interested, asking about a bible study. So hopefully he will follow through and I will see him this Sunday.

So, I had $1.96 left, right? Well, I continued on praising God for His sovereignty and hurting for the image the Church left on Sisco. Then I came upon another man. He just wanted coffee and wasn’t as interested in conversation. But, I understand the need for coffee 🙂 so we stopped at Corner Bakery for a cup that pretty near finished off my 5 bones. I left him with a “have a good day” and continued on.

Wow. This is the honest playing out of the Proverb, ” Many are the plans of a man’s heart, but the Lord’s purpose prevails.” How true and how blessed. Sometimes we are called to conversations and other times we are just called to love through things like coffee.

Okay, this is entirely too long and I’m going to be late for my next class.

the windy city has turned white today. I looked out my boss’ window and it took me awhile to realize that the fat, white puffs I was seeing were actually winter’s first appearance. I am certainly not ready – this is surely a false alarm!

Last night we endured the wind and made it to the famous Cheesecake Factory for dessert to celebrate (early) my birthday with friends. We all (12) squeezed into a booth for 7 and had a quite a time choosing from the overwhelming and delicious menu. I ended up going plain jane – original with strawberries. My plate came complete with Happy Birthday lettering and a candle – how special! It rivals my own family tradition of the special plate (it’s really just a maroon plate, but only the birthday child got to use it, so it had much significance!), but doesn’t quite make the cut. My birthday plate always had lima beans, which is an ingredient I am quick to suggest for an innovative new cheesecake recipe. My friends are great – I love each and every one. Even though I see them less and less, I love who they are and their joy for life and fun.

Now to my story about Lonny… I know this is going to sound sketchy regardless of how I write it, so I must preface it by saying that I do sincerely believe the Lord directed our conversations, meetings, and I felt truly blessed to have met him.

On Saturday, as part of my weekend ritual, I woke up extra early and set out for my day. I had already been in and out of the apartment several times, but as I headed off to find a place to read, I ran into this man on the corner who was asking for 30 cents (I later found out that he had calculated that if he asked 15 people for 30 cents he could get a bus pass).

Well, it’s getting a lot easier for me to stop and talk and I had time. So, I found out his name was Lonny, and he was trying to get up North to see his daughter. After we had talked for awhile I had determined he wasn’t drunk and I didn’t think he was trying to play me… so we kept talking. I told him I’d buy him a bus pass and we started walking there and he mentioned he was hungry. Dunkin’ Donuts was conveniently across the street and I said “order anything you want.” See, I had learned from another homeless friend Vera about this. Why shouldn’t they have the same privilege of a full menu that I do? Why should they have to eat my scraps and be thankful? (Another soap box another time)

Anyway, in this whole process we starting talking about the Lord and I gave him a tract with John 14:6. He’d just gotten out of the drink (jail), but he appeared to be very familiar with God’s promises. We talked some more and I sent him on his way, saying we’d meet again if God intended and I would pray for him. Well, we did meet again that same day. Things didn’t turn out so well at his ex-girlfriends and he needed some more bus money to see his brother to get some clothes.

We had a long conversation and we were able to speak specifically about Christ being my Savior and Treasure. I could tell his heart was soft for the message – others had gone before me planting and watering and I was watering again. I bought him another bus pass and sent him to his brother’s, but not before I told him about a Christian men’s shelter where he should go. We decided that I’d meet him there last Tuesday after work.

I did pray for him and still do, but I didn’t see him on Tuesday. I told him he’d know where to find me – we met on the same street corner both times. I feel so blessed to have met him and do pray that he is finding his way – The Way. This was a precious thing and one of the best last weekend.

I have been reading John Piper and, without getting out of control, I am starting to understand why talking to people gives so much energy – it’s our food. When Jesus was talking to the woman at the well and the disciples came back he wasn’t hungry because He had been eating the food of the Father – speaking and sharing about His glory. That may not make sense because it’s so abbreviated, but it’s making sense to me.

Okay, I will write more later – because today is my b-day, but I wanted to finish up these thoughts before I move on.

We had to write these for class and I thought it was interesting:) These are in no particular order… I just wrote as they came to mind.

1. smile
2. talk to strangers
3. finish things
4. paint/art/colors
5. run
6. kayak (and anything water or beach-related)
7. sing and dance
8. give presentations
9. organize things
10. tell stories/write stories
11. READ deep ideas/thoughts/philosophies and the Bible
12. coffee and a book
13. deep discussions with all kinds of people, especially about the Lord
14. travel
15. talk about my faith
16. be outdoors in sunshine, rain, and snow (in that order)
17. listening to music
18. love on friends and family
19. be. In the presence of my Creator
20. learning – about creation and how it brings God glory

Yesterday, I woke up bright an early and perused the bustling Farmer’s Market on the edge of my block. I love to walk through and smell the herbs, flowers, vegetables, and fruits that have that special farm flair. I bought raspberries, apples, and some Nicaraguan coffee from Coalition for Homeless Women.

Before I savored the first Mutsu apple, I studied its smell and feel. There is something so distinct about an apple that comes directly from the tree. It reminded me of walking behind my house, about the time school usually started, and looking for the first ripe apples. They still carry the smell of outdoors – maybe the recipe is green, open air wind, fresh rain, and country sun. Whatever it is, it’s quite a bit different than buying a Granny Smith from my neighborhood Jewel.

Anyway, as I was eating the apple I realized something missing in my fall. I wanted to be sitting in a crowded football stadium on Friday night, with blankets covering the bleachers and school spirit colors overwhelmingly represented in sweatshirts and caps. I wanted to watch the kickoff as the sun blazed across the field and warmed my face. I wanted to feel the slight chill in the breeze as I pulled my fleece a little closer to my chin. I wanted to cheer on #10 or coach, pacing on the sideline.

I can safely say I’m not obsessed with football as a sport, but I do sincerely miss being around the atmosphere it creates. I have grown up cheering for family and family teams and it’s a tradition that is more than the hot chocolate and popcorn I would eat with my grandparents. My brother Sam would love to launch into the deep reasons football is so important – he’s found such a neat way to love, teach, and learn through the whole process.

Anyway, that was random, but a thought (to me) that was worthy of writing.

I’ll hopefully write more soon — because SO much has happened here. The Lord is good! I guess I find it easier to write these sorts of stories than to actually unpack just what it is the Lord is doing and how intricately He’s caring about my life.

grace and peace.

These pictures are with the beautiful children my sister nannies for!

This picture is an attempt at art from my friend Allie’s apartment.
These pictures are back in DC with Ann getting crazy with her cousin and Katy spotting a sweet picture with her namesake!

Ann…well she just hung out on the floor for awhile with the dog. I guess they’re pretty good friends or something. I think this picture looks like its from HS..tehe… This one below is of the beautiful girls I road tripped with!