Category: lessons learned

Occupy Life: Spanish at an Irish pub

This is another in a series of posts called Occupy Life. Each day you and I occupy physical time and space, making bold statements about what is most important in this life (whether we’re holding picket signs or not). Other entries: pancake batter, tying ribbons, Alejandra,  Lunch Hour, Delaney and Roland or the original post Occupy Life: Things One Might Do While Unemployed.

The scene is an unlikely one – Iowa’s attempt at a small Irish pub – but as good a place as any to brush up on my rusty Spanish skills. I’ve given up thinking my heart is capable of uprooting and replanting an endless amount of times. Instead, I believe my heart has magical roots that span states and countries and oceans. And maybe for that reason, I still kind of introduce myself as 100% catracha. If you don’t understand, then you probably aren’t Honduran. But, it might explain why the invitation to tell stories of Honduras in Spanish made my skin tingle.

The excitement came like a flood as I talked about all the faces and places and valleys and mountains that led me to discover a fuller picture of my God. And then I realized my words tripping over words may not make any sense to my friend – especially in Spanish. I offered to switch back to English, but my friend said my blabbering was preferable to Rosetta Stone.

And then it hit me. The words flew out of my mouth accompanied by hands waving and another wild (probably unflattering) smile stretched across my face, “a la orden!”

“A la orden” is a Spanish phrase that means, “at your service” and it was thrown around as often as Midwestern “hellos” when I was in Honduras. I noticed whenever one of my high school girls complimented another on an outfit, the response was always, “a la orden,” which meant that the outfit or shoes or whatever could be borrowed at any time. It was “at their service.” I started to think that we should have the same response whenever anyone compliments our talents.

My friend looked amused. I was trying to gather my jumbled excitement and put it into words… words that could somehow communicate how passionate I am about this idea that NOTHING I can do/say/sing/write/give is mine. Nothing. I don’t own my talents. There is no Caroline Copyright on my abilities. It’s ALL the Lord’s and it is ALL on loan for the purpose of loving God and serving others.

Right there in that cozy, Irish-looking booth I gestured and exclaimed and squealed and probably got more excited than the average, sober Irish pub-goer. But it was like re-discovering this beautiful Truth in a new context called Ames, Iowa.

I live here. I work here. I serve here.
How can I love God by making my every talent available to others?

Oh, you like my whimsical bubble letters? Let me know when you need a poster made.
Oh, you like the way I chase your kids around? Let me know when you need a night off.
Oh, you like my acapella singing at work? Let me know when you need a karaoke buddy.
Oh, you’re looking for a Spanish speaking buddy? Let me know the time and place.

Seriously, just TALKING about a la orden makes my heart sing.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy
by turning compliments into acts of service

Posted on by Caroline 6

does God giggle?

Apparently, Iowa has a high tolerance for awkward as well.
My state made caucus a verb (it was a strange enough noun).

Yesterday, after my very gauche post, my best friend from college sent me an email with this little inspired nugget to capture the lengthier explanation. I love it.

Oh, goodness. I love how a friend can still know you so well, but live so far.

Today I laughed with gumption and it felt spectacular. I’m not sure what to hold responsible, but if I figure it out I’m going back to say thank you. In fact, I wouldn’t mind doing some gratitude back-tracking right now before hitting the books and my sweet pillow.

here’s some blessings as I counted them today:

the early morning moments when I sit with my coffee and my 3650 Challenge, soaking deep in Truth.
the acoustic guitar in the office singing bon iver, adele, and hanson.
dreaming about an office space where inspiration happens and stories unfold.
the office printer, when it does and doesn’t work, is a magical machine.
check marks – oh heavens! I am ever-so-thankful for checkmarks in even slightly important places to make me feel legitimate and productive.
finding a remote control car in a co-worker’s office; laughing like a child.
forgetting my lunch and then getting invited to hang with the cool kids.
wearing my thrifted boots (thanks, Dad) that make my feet feel like snuggly eskimos.
chasing around my cousins and hearing their laughter unleashed.
the balance of cousin cate, who loves make believe and cousin charlie, who loves to cuddle.

mischief.

I know it sounds weird, but I can get riled up (in a good way) about some good-old fashioned mischief, the same way I get excited about mystery. I kind of think they are related. And, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I think both are, um… holy.

If you’ve read Chesterton’s The Man Who Was Thursday, then you’ve at least thought about how God must have a perfect sense of humor and maybe you’ve wondered (with me) a little bit about what that humor looks like.

I mean, have you ever wondered why we have armpits or why every blade of grass is distinct or why things like treehouses are places where children play, but where insects probably reign?

Do you wonder what His laughter sounds like? I often do.

What did God think of the caucuses in Iowa tonight? Does He giggle at that funny word?

I don’t know, but I’m sure excited to find out one day.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 0

come awake in 2012

Waking up was hard to do this morning, but smiling at this golden beginning to a new year was pretty easy. Yesterday was an exhibition in overflow. Yesterday splashed like crazy with “my cup runnin’ over.” God keeps pouring more of Himself (Romans 5) out through His Spirit and I can’t help but burst with joy. The more the Spirit pours out into my life, the more overflows everywhere else.

.gelato and coffee and conversations with cousins, with the right overdose of laughter
.folding up into a perfect sized hide-and-seek closet, awaiting the spirited search and discovery
.the other side of sunset – the expanse of sky gathering up all the reflections and hiding them in clouds
.hay bales piled on top of hay bales and warming in the unseasonable sun
.car rides riddled with conversation with my sister, where our friendship is given deeper, livelier roots
.a NYE celebration with new friends who live spur-of-the-moment and believe that laughter can be holy
.neighbors with open doors and friendly greetings and stories to share
.sweet sleep in a warm cocoon and a dawn that brings a fresh start

overflow

The burnt, lifeless leaves sweep up into a circling wind outside the kitchen window and shake away some of the Sunday afternoon reverie. The chorus from this morning’s service seems stuck in my soul,

Christ is risen from the grave
trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake
Come and rise up from the grave

The bold dawn has cast out the shadows of this day, this year, this sickness, this fear, this life. We are living the already, not yet life where dawn claims victory over the darkness of night in prelude to the Forever song. Today is a post-Easter, pre-Eternity day where we can rise up from the grave of death because in Christ it has no sting!

Today, I’m praying my heart would come awake to God’s heart. I’m praying my mind would come awake to the Word. I’m praying my actions would come awake in obedience and my life would come awake in Truth.

I’m praying I will live 2012 awake, eyes wide open in search of blessings to name and receive and count and respond with a life of gratitude.

May you all be blessed in 2012 with awakened hearts and minds, that you would pursue the Lord with everything in you, knowing that He will be found by you.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy
 in 2012!

Posted on by Caroline 0

exhausted by joy

(First, I must admit that I’ve only just now recovered from a very colorful verbal exchange with my computer after it lost this entire post into the unknown cybersphere. As I go back and try to remember it, I can’t help but think it’s a little ironic.)

I have so many plausible excuses, really I do!
Chasing after early morning 2-year-old squeals and filling the night with laughter, for starters.

There’s something about Christmas that won’t let me sit down and spell it out, blog style. The rumble of excitement as family exchanges gifts with the lengthy explanations from every giver, the soaking in of silly faces with people who live too far, the together-ness that makes memories on it’s own… This joy can be exhausting!

It’ll park your eyes at a willing, wide-open stance. It will put dances into your toes. It will make you “poke the bear” until the bear revolts with a playful roar.

It will fill the air with delicious, contagious laughter that (I’m sure) seeped out from under the old wooden doors at my parent’s house and warmed the night trees.

Exhausted by joy.

I wonder if C.S. Lewis would say we are as likely to be exhausted by joy as we are surprised by joy. Well, I submit that it is so.

I wonder if Mary and Joseph were exhausted by joy. I wonder if, when Mary finally gave in to sleep, she felt more than just relief that her vagabond pregnancy had ended. I wonder if Mary’s soul was so full of joy at the coming of the Messiah that her heart got tired.

I wonder if receiving blessings and naming them in thanks can bring a good kind of exhaustion – one that wearies your bones into a prayerful posture.

I wonder at this beautiful Gift.
Christ, our Substitute for the debt our flesh owes.
Christ, our Provision for an eternal abundance of joy.
Christ, our Hope.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 0

the blessing and the mess of it

How is it that the political push for presidency has made a mad rush at the Advent stage?

I have friends – good friends of mine – who have reasons and schpeels and thoughtful arguments about who I should support in the next election. After being out of US politics for three years (not that there wasn’t plenty going on in Honduran politics to keep me occupied), walking around inside its borders feels like another case of the blind leading the blind.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful.

I’m thankful I don’t have to worry if the policeman pulling me over is legit.
I’m thankful there aren’t men with large guns guarding every fast food restaurant.
I’m thankful I can open my Bible in a coffee shop.

But, it’s not perfect.

Liberties, freedoms, greed, possibilities, money, truth, defense, cause… sin – the blessing and the mess of it are mixed together like a good, Midwestern casserole and sometimes it’s hard to tell what ingredients were thrown in.

Reminds me of the human condition – the blessing and the mess of it.

We’ve got people occupying Wall Street because there’s a bunch of money they don’t have.
We’ve got people marching in support of our troops, who are marching in other countries.
We’ve got people rallying to bring those troops home – for good.
We’ve got people protesting abortion clinics and people protesting the elimination of them.

We’ve got a bunch of sinners in this country, can you believe it? I don’t know how that happened.

Wait, yes I do. And I know the way to redemption. His name is Jesus.

God knew, before the foundations of the world, that we would make a mess out of His perfect Creation. He knew we would kill our brothers and hate our neighbors; that we would spit in the face of His provision and throw away manna like it didn’t just fall miraculously from the sky. He knew and He still provided a way.

His name is Jesus.

Nowhere in history can we see a glowing story of human victory over evil. Nowhere in history have we ever been able to redeem ourselves or pull ourselves out of the deep, dark pit called evil with our own strength.

There is a way.

His name is Jesus and God planned that He would be born into the blessing made mess called Creation, so that He might restore us into right relationship with our Creator.

O Come, O Come Emmanuel.

God, come and be with us. Show us the way into beautiful. Come, disperse the gloomy clouds and put death’s dark clouds to flight. Bring the brilliant light of salvation.

Jesus is the only way to truly see beauty in the blessing and the mess of this life.

Posted on by Caroline 0

now is the season of our content

Now is the season of our content, made glorious by this Son of Man.

If you’re not up on 14th century Shakespearean references, let me put it this way: I’m overwhelmed by this season called content, made glorious by God who made Himself humble so we could be made whole.

Not “content” like the subject of an essay or the the topic of a seminar, but “content” like a peaceful state.

Facing winter is not necessarily a peaceful idea, after living in Honduras for three years. I have resigned to the fact that, for the amount of layers I must wear, winter will simply not be an attractive season. My bones feel brittle and only thaw out under multiple thick blankets about the time I have to climb out from under them in the morning. I will always, always drink a scorching hot cup of coffee at the expense of a burnt mouth if it means circulating a little warmth.

No, the cold winter months do not naturally bring contentment.

Thankfully, this season of content began with a joy safely hidden away in a deep place that made things like driving a tractor an adventure and a blessing.

Today is the second day at my job – the answer to many, many prayers and the conclusion to a humbling, cross-country, beautiful, and tiresome search.

The funny/wonderful thing is that I don’t have that “I didn’t realize I was holding my breath this whole time” sensation where if I hadn’t gasped for air I might not have made it. I’m pumped to work in ministry and live with open eyes for the ways God has called me to live intentionally, but not because I’ve been waiting with bated breath for an assignment.

The Lord provided, in His grace, so many reassurances of His sovereignty along the way  (jobs, community, fellowship, friends, laughter) that I couldn’t question His method (or timing).

My own broken record of advice to students (stolen from several places) was always, “Enjoy life. Pursue the Lord and you will pursue the greatest Treasure. Love God so much that you are ruined for anything else. The greatest joy you will ever find is hidden in the mystery of grace – the Son of Man.”

It is this advice that played over and over in my head in those solitary days farming the corn fields in a tractor and the hours spent staring at job listings on a computer screen.

It is this Truth that the Lord is gracious and sovereign that buoyed the deep joy of my soul above the rough waters of transition.

It is with Paul I strive to say that contentment is always possible – in every season and circumstance because there is not a day when He is not victorious.

let LOVE fly like cRazY,
my friends!

Posted on by Caroline 3

Grace > Gratitude > Joy

Spurred on by the thoughts of Ann Voskamp, I love exploring the connection in the words of gratitude and grace and joy.

I’ve reflected on the Latin connection of grace and thanks, when I discovered they are nearly the same word in Spanish (gracia and gracias). The added element of JOY could not make more sense in my personal experience of Christ ALIVE in my life.

Voskamp writes about the greek word eucharisteo,

It means thanksgiving in Greek. My life’s struggling to pronounce it, that word that’s set like the unexpected crown jewel in the center of Christianity, right there at the Last Supper before the apex of the Cross. When Jesus takes the bread, gives thanks for it, that’s the word for his giving thanks: eucharisteo. It’s like a language lesson: in that word for thanksgiving, eucharisteo, are the roots of charis, grace, and chara, joy. If you can take all as grace, give thanks for it, therein is always joy.  Eucharisteo –  grace, gratitude, joy – one word that God in flesh acted out when he took the cup.

It’s like sitting in the eye doctor’s chair and thinking there is intentional sabotage in play, until he hits your visionary sweet spot and everything becomes crystal clear. The fuzzy shapes and letters become distinct lines with distinct meaning.

In this case, eucharisteo allows us to really see Christ and His provision through grace, our response through gratitude, and His invitation to joy.

Christ is our provision of grace.

Our response is thanksgiving.

The result is joy in His presence.

Do you need another cause to be merry?

happy Saturday, my lovely friends!
let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 3

living in a miracle

I’m taking a crash course in living right now from one of the loveliest ladies I know. I’m following my textbook around as she lives and a more riveting account of a life you will not find.

I’ve always been told the best classroom is life itself, but I’ve never learned quite like this. This living autobiography dabbles in comedy and tragedy, philosophy and religion, history and modern culture. I’m flipping through pages like crazy in these days and overwhelmed that what follows is always just as genuine as what came before.

As we’re climbing over rocks or talking with protestors on the street, she’s not satisfied to accept an expected explanation. She’s a digger and she doesn’t stop until she hits gold, whether the topic is parties or pleasures or philosophies. And she doesn’t make things up, either, to make the digging easier. She does her research until arriving at a conclusion that fits the weight of the question and then she holds that conclusion humbly.

This girl’s life is not full of roses and robust resolution, but it is authentic (in the innocent sense we lost when “authentic” became fashionable) and it is teaching me great Truths.

Life is full of miracles.
Currently I’m living in a miracle called, “God transforms a life.”

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Who are some of your favorite teachers of life? 

Posted on by Caroline 1

“The only Christian work is good work, well done”

My days seem to only get more random. I know that sounds strange, coming from someone who most recently drove a tractor for work, but it’s true. I have a high tolerance for random schedules, but this ordeal is making even me a little fidgety.

So, I’m starting this day simple, with this reminder from Dorothy Sayers,

“The only Christian work is good work, well done.”

If I’m ever confused or disheartened or worried about what exactly is work, I just remember this. I must do whatever is before me and I must do it well, because doing it any other way would be, well, not Christian work at all.

There’s really no other option. We’re made in the image of a Creator who was only capable of good work, well done. And we are redeemed (after royally messing up) by a Savior who accomplished the greatest work perfectly on the cross so that we can set out to do good work well for the glory of our Father and with the greatest joy.

(sigh)

Wednesday, hit me with your best shot.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 0

Occupy Life (things one might do while unemployed)

I thought it would be fun to write a post about unemployed life, because unemployment has been getting a lot of press lately (see Occupy Wall Street and my take on it). Feel free to pass this along to unemployed friends you might know or employed friends who might be interested in how the 9% unemployed could be living right now.

I call this list: Occupy Life

  1. Go a-visiting.
    Make frequent trips to visit neighbors, friends, and your siblings where they provide breakfast, lunch, and dinner and delightful conversation. I’ve found that people are not opposed to this one bit. They enjoy the interruption in routine and a reason to break out the cookies (or special recipe) they’ve been saving for an occasion of any sort. If you have got a knack for baking, maybe you could whip up something before you set out, that’s sure to make someone’s day!
  2. Get your give on.
    It’s a great time to go through everything that has piled up with the promise of “getting to it someday” and then give it away! If you haven’t used it in the past 6 months, do you REALLY need it? Could someone else need it more than you? I will admit my packrat tendencies and, even though I love giving things away, sometimes it’s hard for me to part with things (see below).
  3. Go through collections of junior high love letters.
    I read one that said, “Hi, I like you and you probably know that by now. The problem is, I like 2 other girls and I have a girlfriend. But my girlfriend is going to break up with me (for good reasons) and you know I’ve liked _____ all my life! And the other girl won’t talk to me but when we do hang out we just hold hands.” and then the next note from the same boy said, “I don’t know why you showed ________ the note. She was mad. Well, I guess me and _______ are mad at each other and we were supposed to fight. But, I guess we’re friends again.” Oh, junior high!
  4. Read. read. read.
    There is so much going on in the world and it is overwhelming even if you’re reading the news non-stop. I like to mix things up a bit – news, commentary, theology, philosophy, comedy, fiction, autobiography and biography. Right now, I’m reading an 18th century theologian, the “Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire,” and using my internet sleuthing abilities to stalk all kinds of blogs. The most important book you could ever pick up: the Bible. That’s where the wisdom is at, without fail my friends!
  5. Start making Christmas gifts!
    I’ve been in my grandpa’s woodshop – sawing, sanding, drawing and designing and I LOVE what it does for my heart! Spending TIME with people I love making GIFTS for people I love – priceless (and literally doesn’t cost anything because I just scour my parents’ farm for supplies! My brother just happened to get married recently and we used barnboards for decorations…. everyone on my list just might be getting a re-purposed barnboard for Christmas). I smell like sawdust after a couple hours and it makes me feel like I’m working hard to accomplish actions of love. Smells good.
  6. Do what you love doing...
    all day long. If it was me, I would write and/or hang out with kids and/or read. Guess what – being unemployed is technically a dream come true! I already have a computer, internet is free almost everywhere, I have a library of books I haven’t read yet, and there are oodles of ways to make sure I’ve got kiddos in my life!
  7. Deliver pizzas or drive a tractor.
    If “unemployed” means you “can’t find employment suitable to your expectations,” then you most definitely need to make yourself useful in the meantime. Can you drive? Deliver pizzas (as Dave Ramsey would say). Or do what I did – drive a tractor. That’s right. And if you live in a city, I’m sure there are some small businesses that might need extra hands around the holidays! There is absolutely no reason to ask the government to pay you a salary to sit on your couch. Sorry, there are just too many jobs posted for that to make sense. Get humble. It might hurt, but it’s good for you (and me).
  8. Figure out the science of milk foam.
    The key is the milk has to go both up-and-down AND side-to-side. Those fancy machines are so expensive and boring and loud, but the alternative happens to be simple and interesting and very quiet. Just take a beater (one you would use in a hand mixer), heat a small juice glass of milk, and then roll the beater between your hands! Woila! Latté!
  9. People watch.
    Currently, there are some ladies playing a competitive rummy game to my left and a book club to my right (which also appears to be a strategic team to save a local library). I just love imagining what people are thinking or what they are headed home to after coffee. One lady who just left made all her personal/business calls sitting one table away from me. I feel like we’re pretty close now. She has two kids and her oldest just recently joined a sports team, which she is really excited about. She is juggling night college classes with her work schedule and Black Friday might be a hard day.
  10. Cherish the slow moments.
    If there is one thing people like to tell you when you are unemployed, it’s some version of, “Enjoy this time, because you’ll wish you had when you are working full-time.” I get it and I am trying. Complaining doesn’t make me any more qualified, so I’m trying to keep that in mind. The sun shines just as bright on the employed as it does the unemployed (and we have a lot more time to think about it).
  11. Be oh-so-grateful for community.
    This is a serious one. I am part of that 9 percent, but I’m not part of the unemployment movement (can I say that?). I am not waiting and hoping and praying the government will feel responsible for my situation. I am depending on the Body of Christ and they haven’t yet let me down. My friends and family have been so gracious to welcome me into their homes and their lives, showing me love I didn’t ask for or deserve.

    I just got back from Honduras in June and I still haven’t allowed myself to fully process what it means to live here now, but I know that there are people around me ready to support me in the process. My church family has been so encouraging, giving me job leads and networking contacts as well as odd jobs here and there. My parents have been amazing. Never, ever in my life did I think I would say, “Well, I’m 27 and living with my parents.” The sound of it makes me grimace a little. But, can I say this is a uniquely United States discomfort? In other countries this is normal and doing anything else would be foolish.

  12. Apply.
    Did you think I would forget? Ha! I’ve applied for somewhere between 75-100 jobs from California to New York. I spend a little bit of each day either searching or applying or emailing. I talk to people who talk to people who know people who might have something and then I track them down. I’ve applied for jobs in advertising, agriculture, publishing, social work, higher education, and as an administrative assistant. I have had interviews and almost-interviews and people who tell me, “You are exactly what we are looking for, but we don’t think this job would fulfill you.” Really? Let’s wait for paycheck one and let me decide. But, with every rejection (there’ve been many) and every cold call and every dead end, I know that God is not confused or frustrated. He is sovereign and He is good – all the time. I trust in His perfect plan and my place in it.

    If you want to make even this interesting, then you’ll apply for some jobs with a bit of whimsy. I once sent this Cover Letter to an advertising agency with an … interesting angle.

Okay, folks. What additions do you have? I know there are oh-so-many things unemployed peeps can be doing with their time that might be more productive than camping out to make a statement that someone should give them more money.
Well, even the unemployed can
let LOVE fly like cRaZy!
Posted on by Caroline 6