Category: Life Insight

the blessing and the mess of it

How is it that the political push for presidency has made a mad rush at the Advent stage?

I have friends – good friends of mine – who have reasons and schpeels and thoughtful arguments about who I should support in the next election. After being out of US politics for three years (not that there wasn’t plenty going on in Honduran politics to keep me occupied), walking around inside its borders feels like another case of the blind leading the blind.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful.

I’m thankful I don’t have to worry if the policeman pulling me over is legit.
I’m thankful there aren’t men with large guns guarding every fast food restaurant.
I’m thankful I can open my Bible in a coffee shop.

But, it’s not perfect.

Liberties, freedoms, greed, possibilities, money, truth, defense, cause… sin – the blessing and the mess of it are mixed together like a good, Midwestern casserole and sometimes it’s hard to tell what ingredients were thrown in.

Reminds me of the human condition – the blessing and the mess of it.

We’ve got people occupying Wall Street because there’s a bunch of money they don’t have.
We’ve got people marching in support of our troops, who are marching in other countries.
We’ve got people rallying to bring those troops home – for good.
We’ve got people protesting abortion clinics and people protesting the elimination of them.

We’ve got a bunch of sinners in this country, can you believe it? I don’t know how that happened.

Wait, yes I do. And I know the way to redemption. His name is Jesus.

God knew, before the foundations of the world, that we would make a mess out of His perfect Creation. He knew we would kill our brothers and hate our neighbors; that we would spit in the face of His provision and throw away manna like it didn’t just fall miraculously from the sky. He knew and He still provided a way.

His name is Jesus.

Nowhere in history can we see a glowing story of human victory over evil. Nowhere in history have we ever been able to redeem ourselves or pull ourselves out of the deep, dark pit called evil with our own strength.

There is a way.

His name is Jesus and God planned that He would be born into the blessing made mess called Creation, so that He might restore us into right relationship with our Creator.

O Come, O Come Emmanuel.

God, come and be with us. Show us the way into beautiful. Come, disperse the gloomy clouds and put death’s dark clouds to flight. Bring the brilliant light of salvation.

Jesus is the only way to truly see beauty in the blessing and the mess of this life.

Posted on by Caroline 0

what if life was a program

So, I woke up groggy today – the kind of groggy that takes a few groans and stretches to successfully escape morning’s clinging clutches.

Walking around in this new slightly-less-nomadic skin has it’s beautiful charms and strange discomforts. My clothes are folded frumpy in a sweet smelling wooden dresser, my suitcases sit empty in the closet, and my car eddie is almost a local on these streets.

Settling in feels like crawling out of an old skin – one that knew many houses and couches and faces in this in-between phase of transition. I might have become a little addicted to “never a dull moment” and “expect the unexpected,” even if it meant never having a routine. Continue reading →

Posted on by Caroline 0

the precious mystery

Dietrict Bonhoeffer Stained Glass,St Johannes ...

“The lack of mystery in our modern life is our downfall and our poverty.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I am more than a little inspired by the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Last year, I dove into the pages of his biography by Eric Metaxas and started referring to him as “my friend Dietrich” (see posts here and here and here). Okay, it did get a little out of control, but it’s hard not to be affected by this man’s life.

Fast forward to yesterday, when this book appeared on my bed – right smack dab in the middle of Advent season (an early Christmas gift from my aunt and housemate).

I flipped frantically through the pages last night – not wanting to miss anything, but wanting to get on track with the advent calendar days.

Week Two: Day One is titled, “Respect for the Mystery.”

I suppose my fascination with mystery has something to do with my reflection on Chesterton recently, or maybe Klosterman’s observation that the mystery of faith makes people nervous.

I love mystery.

Bonhoeffer writes,

“We destroy the mystery because we sense that here we reach the boundary of our being, because we want to be lord over everything and have it at our disposal, and that’s just what we cannot do with the mystery.”

mystery…
there we reach beyond the boundary of our being
there we traverse in lands where our control holds no power
there we sojourn as mere mortals in a place overflowing with otherness

Mystery lies hidden amidst the grid of everyday traffic and underneath the steady steps of time. Where we are constrained by our senses, mystery breaks rhythm and sets a new pace of possibilities.

Ah, yes. Mystery holds the beautiful, unexplainable, impossible story of God being
born.

The I AM of the days of Moses became a babe in a lowly manger.
The God who will one day ride on the clouds, shining like the sun at the trumpets call was ushered into the world with the sound of farm animals accompanying His humble arrival.
The Messiah, our only hope of salvation, emerged from a womb and filled His little lungs with earth air.

This is not science fiction – this is Truth, wrapped in mystery.

Oh, beautiful mystery!

In a letter to Bonhoeffer, Maria von Wedemeyer penned these words in 1943,

All that is Christmas originates in heaven and comes from there to us all, to you and me alike, and forms a stronger bond between us than we could ever forge ourselves.”

Mystery.

How are you watching this mystery thread through your life this Advent season?

let LOVE fly like cRazY

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Posted on by Caroline 0

Occupy Life: This Day Happened

This is another in a series of posts called Occupy Life. Read here or here or here or the original post here for more.

The sun sets on another night and the rusty colors fading ripe in the night sky fill my heart with … wonder.

Today, I didn’t uncover any philosophical gems or scientifically disprove gravity. I didn’t speak to hundreds with a riveting account of the Gospel or sacrifice all of my North American excess.

This morning, I wrestled myself free from my many blanketed cocoon to meet the day with haphazard hair and a neutral temperament. Most days, cheeriness escapes before I can even take a breath (which makes for verrrry interesting encounters when I spend nights with my sister, who requires an hour at the least before conversation – not to mention my incoherent, cheery ramblings).

Today, I ambled around … folding laundry and showering and getting ready in a somewhat alien morning stupor. And then the day happened – every last waning moment of it, filled with ribbon tying, table decorating, record-keeping, and averting the small catastrophe that would have been the tablecloths.

That’s it.

Nothing spectacular – just walking with the rhythm of life and being available to respond to oh-so-practical needs in oh-so-unromantic ways.

And sometimes – precious MANY times – this is what is required of us. No, not ribbon tying – living. But, really, really living where life is the most mundane things, not the exception to those things. If I had held my breath, waiting for this Friday to spark with out-of-the-ordinary light, I would have made the Guinness Book of World Records (or be dead).

Humming some tunes while I finish my time at my temp job; climbing into “my own little world” while I sort and organize and live.

I’ve always got a song on my heart – a soundtrack for living alive. Today, that soundtrack is this song by Sojourn, “Lead Us Back.”

Today, this is the sound of life in the ordinary and extraordinary leading to the place where we must return to see its true glory.

Lead Us Back
Falling down upon our knees
Sharing now in common shame
We have sought security
Not the cross that bears Your name
Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune
Weʼre a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
Lord we fall upon our knees
We have shunned the weak poor
Worshipped beauty courted kings
And the things their gold affords
Prayed for those weʼd like to know
Favor sings a siren tune
Weʼve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You

Lord Youʼve caused the blind to see
We have blinded them again
With our manmade laws and creeds
Eager ready to condemn
Now we plead before Your throne
Power sings a siren tune
Weʼve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You.

Weʼre a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You.
Weʼve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
Weʼve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You.

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Posted on by Caroline 6

a matter of faith

Yesterday, I stumbled on some unlikely (for me) reading about Tim Tebow. I have tried to stay away from all the noise, because I don’t want to feed a monster. But, this article does more than diagnose a media phenomenon – Chuck Klosterman looks at why people are so passionate about whatever side they’ve chosen to take in the Tebow Controversy of 2011, of which I claim neutral status.

Here’s how he sums up his rather lengthy article,

The crux here, the issue driving this whole “Tebow Thing,” is the matter of faith. It’s the ongoing choice between embracing a warm feeling that makes no sense or a cold pragmatism that’s probably true. And with Tebow, that illogical warm feeling keeps working out. It pays off. The upside to secular thinking is that — in theory — your skepticism will prove correct. Your rightness might be emotionally unsatisfying, but it confirms a stable understanding of the universe. Sports fans who love statistics fall into this camp. People who reject cognitive dissonance build this camp and find the firewood. But Tebow wrecks all that, because he makes blind faith a viable option. His faith in God, his followers’ faith in him — it all defies modernity. This is why people care so much. He is making people wonder if they should try to believe things they don’t actually believe.

(Read the rest here)

I think Klosterman hits the nail square on its head when he suggests the real root of anti-Tebow angst is not his presence in the media or his specific religious affiliation. The real root of all this angry noise is a universal discomfort of the other. Tebow, a sports anomaly, appears to truly believe that there is a power greater than his offensive line and a plan beyond that of the Super Bowl… and he hasn’t biffed any interview to reveal otherwise.

Again, not necessarily a Tebow fan or non-fan, but I think this informal social study points to an uncomfortable result from the impressive intellectual advances of modern and post-modern thought. Your average Joe would rather support other average Joe sports icons who trust in their abilities alone to get the job done. But this is more than sports (also as Klosterman points out). Though it limits possibilities, we are willing to ex-communicate a divine presence because we would rather believe outcomes are within our control (good or bad). Believing otherwise means we would have to do some serious soul searching.

If Tebow is really as transparent as he seems, if there is no gnarly skeleton in his locker, if he does believe all he claims, then sports fans might have to start thinking seriously about the forever post-game.

There are countless historical examples of this same universal discomfort that arises when someone of irrefutable character makes a bold statement by a life that points to something else. I think of Bonhoeffer.

This man had the pedigree for greatness – he had family ties, academic prowess, and a determination that would make (dare I say) Tebow seem like a nursery rhyme. He studied hard, gathered degrees, and decided to pursue the ministry (in his day, a respected career, but an unlikely one for a man so bright and gifted).

But he had something I can’t quite put my finger on, something that weaves life with theology in a way they can’t be separated.

I call it viviology because I can’t find a better word.

This viviology is not a gimmick. It’s not something you see on Sunday or at speaking engagements. When Bonhoeffer was working with adolescent ruffians in Wedding, very few people noticed. His life was not a show, it was just life. I imagine if I could ask Bonhoeffer why he worked so hard with that confirmation class or why he poured so much into the discipleship of young men, he would say, “What else is there to do?”

Being “radical” or a “standout” is really not something we should have to add to “Christian.” C.S. Lewis once described in Weight of Glory our duty as Christians to always operate with a mindset of war. We are always accountable to our commander, always looking to be useful, and never looking for praise for what comes naturally with the job description as soldier.

God shouldn’t have to qualify our calling by saying He wants us to be “radical” Christians. When Christ said, “Follow me,” the calling was filled to fullness. There is no room for lukewarm and no room for additional meaning. The only kind of calling to follow Christ is one that consumes every fiber and fills every motion. The Christian calling is one alive and breathing, with the air of gratitude filling our lungs. A life of faith is not one that can be neatly sliced and served up in reasonable portions.

A life of Christian faith is just life – all of it.
And that’s a big statement.

I certainly didn’t set out thinking I had this much to say, but we surprise ourselves sometimes!

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

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Posted on by Caroline 1

now is the season of our content

Now is the season of our content, made glorious by this Son of Man.

If you’re not up on 14th century Shakespearean references, let me put it this way: I’m overwhelmed by this season called content, made glorious by God who made Himself humble so we could be made whole.

Not “content” like the subject of an essay or the the topic of a seminar, but “content” like a peaceful state.

Facing winter is not necessarily a peaceful idea, after living in Honduras for three years. I have resigned to the fact that, for the amount of layers I must wear, winter will simply not be an attractive season. My bones feel brittle and only thaw out under multiple thick blankets about the time I have to climb out from under them in the morning. I will always, always drink a scorching hot cup of coffee at the expense of a burnt mouth if it means circulating a little warmth.

No, the cold winter months do not naturally bring contentment.

Thankfully, this season of content began with a joy safely hidden away in a deep place that made things like driving a tractor an adventure and a blessing.

Today is the second day at my job – the answer to many, many prayers and the conclusion to a humbling, cross-country, beautiful, and tiresome search.

The funny/wonderful thing is that I don’t have that “I didn’t realize I was holding my breath this whole time” sensation where if I hadn’t gasped for air I might not have made it. I’m pumped to work in ministry and live with open eyes for the ways God has called me to live intentionally, but not because I’ve been waiting with bated breath for an assignment.

The Lord provided, in His grace, so many reassurances of His sovereignty along the way  (jobs, community, fellowship, friends, laughter) that I couldn’t question His method (or timing).

My own broken record of advice to students (stolen from several places) was always, “Enjoy life. Pursue the Lord and you will pursue the greatest Treasure. Love God so much that you are ruined for anything else. The greatest joy you will ever find is hidden in the mystery of grace – the Son of Man.”

It is this advice that played over and over in my head in those solitary days farming the corn fields in a tractor and the hours spent staring at job listings on a computer screen.

It is this Truth that the Lord is gracious and sovereign that buoyed the deep joy of my soul above the rough waters of transition.

It is with Paul I strive to say that contentment is always possible – in every season and circumstance because there is not a day when He is not victorious.

let LOVE fly like cRazY,
my friends!

Posted on by Caroline 3

Grace > Gratitude > Joy

Spurred on by the thoughts of Ann Voskamp, I love exploring the connection in the words of gratitude and grace and joy.

I’ve reflected on the Latin connection of grace and thanks, when I discovered they are nearly the same word in Spanish (gracia and gracias). The added element of JOY could not make more sense in my personal experience of Christ ALIVE in my life.

Voskamp writes about the greek word eucharisteo,

It means thanksgiving in Greek. My life’s struggling to pronounce it, that word that’s set like the unexpected crown jewel in the center of Christianity, right there at the Last Supper before the apex of the Cross. When Jesus takes the bread, gives thanks for it, that’s the word for his giving thanks: eucharisteo. It’s like a language lesson: in that word for thanksgiving, eucharisteo, are the roots of charis, grace, and chara, joy. If you can take all as grace, give thanks for it, therein is always joy.  Eucharisteo –  grace, gratitude, joy – one word that God in flesh acted out when he took the cup.

It’s like sitting in the eye doctor’s chair and thinking there is intentional sabotage in play, until he hits your visionary sweet spot and everything becomes crystal clear. The fuzzy shapes and letters become distinct lines with distinct meaning.

In this case, eucharisteo allows us to really see Christ and His provision through grace, our response through gratitude, and His invitation to joy.

Christ is our provision of grace.

Our response is thanksgiving.

The result is joy in His presence.

Do you need another cause to be merry?

happy Saturday, my lovely friends!
let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 3

singing with the angels

I love December.

I love everything about it (if I stay away from malls, television ads, and wear many layers).

I especially love how every year something that should never be in my periphery moves into full focus. I’m always a bit surprised that it hasn’t been there the whole time; always a bit ashamed that it has to move into a place of higher importance; always a bit sad when I realize what I’ve been missing.

Christ.

Christ comes into focus and I take it all in with big eyes like He might vanish. Though I know He won’t, I revel in the anticipation and wonder of this season because Christ as my focus means being living fully alive.

December reminds me I have an open invitation to sing with the angels and this song says it well,  Hark the Herald Angels Sing.

Have you unpacked these words, friends – these words that reclaim what we’ve been so cavalier about the rest of the year? These are the lines my heart is singing today. These are the melodies that come into focus and fill my December with gratitude, longing, and the most beautiful joy.

My favorite verses may not be what the carolers are singing at your door , but they are so deep and filled with wonder.

Come, Desire of nations, come,
Fix in us Thy humble home;
Rise, the woman’s conqu’ring Seed,
Bruise in us the serpent’s head.
Now display Thy saving power,
Ruined nature now restore;
Now in mystic union join
Thine to ours, and ours to Thine.

Can you hear it? Can you hear the longing – Christ is the Desire of nations, the fulfillment to many, many years of longing, the salvation and only hope over evil? We are ruined by sin, but restored by His might and work on the cross. With Christ as my righteousness, I am now joined forever with my Savior!

Adam’s likeness, Lord, efface,
Stamp Thine image in its place:
Second Adam from above,
Reinstate us in Thy love.
Let us Thee, though lost, regain,
Thee, the Life, the inner man:
O, to all Thyself impart,
Formed in each believing heart.

There is a rumbling in my soul that bursts out in song and celebration proclaiming these truths! Everything that Adam failed to do as the first man, Christ accomplished with perfection. We are reinstated to a place where we have no right to stand. With a holy cry, I pray today that Christ’s image is stamped in place of my flesh – that all may hear and see and wonder at the mighty work of the Lord!

Sing, friends! Sing, today with the angels this song of praise and glorious joy!

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 2

living in a miracle

I’m taking a crash course in living right now from one of the loveliest ladies I know. I’m following my textbook around as she lives and a more riveting account of a life you will not find.

I’ve always been told the best classroom is life itself, but I’ve never learned quite like this. This living autobiography dabbles in comedy and tragedy, philosophy and religion, history and modern culture. I’m flipping through pages like crazy in these days and overwhelmed that what follows is always just as genuine as what came before.

As we’re climbing over rocks or talking with protestors on the street, she’s not satisfied to accept an expected explanation. She’s a digger and she doesn’t stop until she hits gold, whether the topic is parties or pleasures or philosophies. And she doesn’t make things up, either, to make the digging easier. She does her research until arriving at a conclusion that fits the weight of the question and then she holds that conclusion humbly.

This girl’s life is not full of roses and robust resolution, but it is authentic (in the innocent sense we lost when “authentic” became fashionable) and it is teaching me great Truths.

Life is full of miracles.
Currently I’m living in a miracle called, “God transforms a life.”

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Who are some of your favorite teachers of life? 

Posted on by Caroline 1

Occupy Life: Lunch Hour

Yesterday (right before I went crazy trying to read the scrawled handwriting of email addresses I was entering into an excel sheet), something glorious happened.

Noon.

Yes, lunch time qualifies as glorious when it means quality bonding with a new friend and a respite from deciphering the illegible scrawls of half a city.

My friend came up to my cubicle, kind of a surprise attack from behind and it’s like she hit the silly button! I guess entering data (literally) all morning long is kind of like sitting solitary in a tractor – except MUCH less interesting. Apparently, both have the same effect on me: I I get crazy. My friend didn’t know what she was in for, but she took it with the swaggest of strides.

She’s a cool cat, my friend – one of those people that carries wit on her hip like a gun in a cowboy’s holster. You gotta be quick with her or she’ll get clever and you’ll be left in the conversational dust (something I don’t enjoy). Needless to say, we hit it off.

She also beatboxes and I just happen to be looking for another white girl to beatbox for a white girl rapper I know (ahem).

Anyway, as we half danced/half moseyed our way to the car, we started freestyling a song… and then life started dancing in my fingers. There I was, claiming that beautiful lunch hour with a beautiful person, not willing that a moment of it would be wasted.

Just so happens, my friend’s day was not going so hot. There’s actually a lot of things that were legitimately bumming her out. I listened and let the bummers hang out with us, processed a bit, asked a few questions, and empathized. She was headed to her second job at a coffee shop after our lunch and wasn’t too pumped about it. Sometimes bummers occupy space, too.

The cool thing is, we interspersed our bummin’ out with laughter and lyrics and love. It was kind of like a “cloudy with a chance of rain” day where the sun is still shining. Have you witnessed one of those? The clouds are all pregnant with rainshower, but the sun is too stubborn to give in.

In the mix of this glorious noon hour, my friend told me (while smiling), “You are the weirdest person I’ve ever met!”
I kind of laughed, but I wasn’t that surprised. I mean, I’ve heard that before.

But, it was a first when she added awhile later, “Yeah, my biggest fear is being weird. I try to get people to think I’m funny before they think I’m weird.” I laughed again. Apparently, she doesn’t think my biggest fear is being weird, because I don’t do much to cover it up.

Oh, goodness. I love life!

I jumped back into entering data with the zeal only someone fresh off a crazy lunch hour could muster. While I was at it, I hit up an amazing workshop on Women Teaching Women the Bible (via headphones, of course) by Jenny Salt while typing in addresses and phone numbers and re-learning the language of cursive.
Boom. Afternoon: occupied.

I ended up happening to be “in the neighborhood” of my friend’s coffee shop last night.
Boom. Night: occupied.

God is so gracious! As we occupy space and time every day, God offers an INFINITE amount of joy to accompany us.

go ahead and
let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 7