This is one of the first things I posted in my classroom (well, the classroom I share with the curriculum developer, who is double-timing as 7th grade English teacher).

I found out a few days before school started that I would be in this particular classroom and because neither the English teacher nor I are full-time teaching, we didn’t have much time to dedicate to decorating. But, as I searched my brain for inspiration, I came up with this verse I first heard at CHALLENGE at Purdue University many years ago. I don’t remember much about the speaker, but I do remember she handed out a half sheet of neon green paper to each student present. Isaiah 7:9 was written in clear, bold script.

Why does this shine a light on my experiences thus far? Because, though I will never face the physical foes of the Old Testament, each day God gives me the exact amount that I can handle and the faith to accomplish it. And if we remember the stories from childhood – building on anything else is disastrous. Let me give you a few examples of what I could stand on here in Tegus:

• my own ideas
• selfish pride
• my own knowledge
• fear
• anxiety

If your next question is, “Have you tried to stand on these?” The answer is yes to every one. And let me tell you – it takes much more energy to do something the wrong way! Just the other day, I came up with a great idea to expedite the guidance referral system, but almost before I puffed up with the idea, I found out the system was already in place.

Other such humbling experiences:

• Today in psychology I was giving an example and I pointed to a student … then promptly emptied my mind of anything resembling a name. I stood there for a few seconds with my hand outstretched and then I said, “Remind me of your name…” and then when he said it too softly, I just said, “uh-huh” and moved on.
• Oh yeah, some of my students also thought I was 17
• Having to wear the same clothes over and over again because my boxes have not arrived
• Asking unheard of amounts of questions

So, the verse in my classroom is a reminder for me as much as anyone else. I’m just thankful the Lord gently guides and protects as I’m refined. Praise God for the things He knows that I don’t!

When asked if he wanted to go over to his grandparents house, my sweet cousin Craig Alan said, “Will I love it, love it, love it?”

I’m sure he heard it said somewhere before, but I can’t get over the honesty of his response. Tell me if I’m going to love it and then I’ll tell you if I want to go. That’s a pretty transparent picture of human nature. How will this decision benefit me (or hurt me)? I find myself analyzing situations all the time with that in mind.

Well, God has a way of really stretching us in the areas we are weakest. Sometimes I start feeling the painful stretch before I even realize I was weak. Since I’ve been in Honduras, I’m feeling stretched in areas I never knew I had! For instance, let’s just take this moment to give you a little snapshot into my stretching and confusion.

I am sitting in the Guidance office, but I have no desk, nothing to cover my wall space, a total of two binders and everything else jammed into my backpack. I am simultaneously trying to plan for my first year teaching psychology and also work on preventive guidance measures so I can promote good behavior instead of dealing so much with bad.

The constant cry from our apartment windows is “be flexible!” because we are all very much aware of our ever-changing job descriptions and of the greater mission: to live out the Gospel. We are each passionate about pursuing the Lord and we bring our unique gifts and talents as an offering. I have been so built up by relationships in our apartment alone and I praise God for His provision!

But, because God is great where I am weak, our failures will most surely show! So, I’ve made a few missteps the past couple days. It will take awhile to get used to this system and reach some level of comfortability with my position and purpose.

I’ve been reading through Romans and God is blessing me daily with reminders that He is infinitely more gracious than He has to be… and that His work is accomplished with or without me. I just must make a decision, as Esther did, to step into a time such as this for what the Lord is planning.

I guess sometimes we can’t anticipate how or why we will love it love it love it. And maybe loving it is not about our enjoyment as much as it is about His glory? Either way, I do love it so far, there’s just a lot of learning in the loving.

Please visit the webpage – I updated some links with new pictures of the market, the feeding center, and the choir trip!

We’ve been doing a lot of strategizing, re-structuring, and transitioning in my office. Those are big fancy words for a lot of change. We hired three new people an the entire physical space has been turned upside-down in an effort to make our workplace more team-oriented. I don’t object in the slightest to these changes. Actually, I welcome them because it challenges the paths we’ve made in the carpet thus far. Now we have to take different routes to find people and personally I think change in routine is very healthy.

But, there is a down-side to all this changing. Well, first off, I was unfortunately out of this office when the changes happened. So, when I arrived yesterday I found everything stacked, boxed, and placed neatly about a different desk in a different office, which I now shared with one of our dear secretaries. I don’t really have any complaints – I love the secretary and I’m secretly hoping she’ll help me work on my dance moves because she used to be an instructor. But, as you can imagine, jumping into work after a two-week absence is hard enough without having to wonder where I put files.

But, that was all redeemed today when I realized that the new office has space enough in the middle for dancing. Yep, you heard right: dancing. I love to dance. I especially love to dance in the office. I used to make up a “dance of the day” to amuse the secretaries and they absolutely love it (I definitely suggest this!). My friend Katelin and I often email different dance instructions to one another… it’s really actually therapeutic. Katelin has typed me down off some pretty severe office ledges with her intense dance instruction. Well, today I needed some therapy and Katelin came through. She sent me some lengthy instructions with lots of emotion infused.

So, I did what anyone would do, I turned to my secretary and asked if she wanted to see a dance. She, of course, said yes and off I went. The last instruction was deep breathing with my eyes to the ceiling until my head was calm. I sure came away with a grin and I’m positive my secretary loved it, too.

It just goes to show that my brother and I are nearly always right about one thing, “Be the most awkward person in the room; it makes everyone else feel a little better.”

It made me feel better, too. I hardly noticed the changes. Between the dancing and the new Sigur Ros album, I was in another world.

We’ll be getting the line-up out for this next week at some point tonight. But, I wanted to share a few thoughts about where I’ve been for two weeks.
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With the deepest of sighs – of relief, sadness, and homecoming – I landed in beautiful Austin today.

I can not and will not try to explain by way of keyboard the emotions of these past two weeks. Oh, I could tell you about the rapture of my grandma’s garden – the plums, peaches, apples, strawberries, grapes, pears, lilies, clematis, and the new bug zapper. I could tell you about the camp that has stolen my heart. I could also tell you about reunion with family – full of water sports and open heart conversations and our own unique family church service.

I guess I could tell you about the crazy trip my sister and I took across the state, where she jumped on a greyhound back to Des Moines and I the amtrak, Chicago-bound. I could tell you about the blessed bond of friendship and how it’s reuniting brought such pain in the knowledge of departure. I could tell you about the mexican food, the beach-side picnic, and the traveling shower for my best friend, who will bring a gorgeous baby girl into the world sometime in September.

Oh, I could tell you all these things, but right now after touching ground in Austin, what I want to tell you is that it might take me awhile to be okay with leaving. I know I already left, but my heart is so wrapped up in the people I love so much, I can hardly bear to be away.

At the same time, Austin feels a bit more like home every time I come back. I don’t know what to make of it. I simply don’t know what to make of it.

I think we’ve all been there:
Caught in a dazed stupor, staring straight through someone’s eyes and making mental lists about groceries and errands, when we suddenly hear, “Well, so what would you do in my situation?” or some other such engaging question.

I naturally break into emergency communication mode, where I employ one very discreet and beneficial tool: ambiguity.

Maybe y’all have not ‘been there,’ but I’m ashamed to say I find myself depending on ambiguity far more than I would like. You would think a communication major, of all people, would have conversations pretty well covered, but I have a tendency to use far too many words, which fall short of a personal response.

I think there are several reasons conversations sometimes seem more of a chore than a reward. I’m going to be pretty vulnerable, if that’s okay.

1. Distraction
My head always turns at glittering objects and welcomes random excursions. I may be sitting down and talking, but my mind just takes a while to slow its pace. At any given moment, there are hundreds of things I would wish myself doing; packages to send, gifts to make, things to learn, music to sing, dances to make, the list is endless. So, though a conversation has grounded me for the moment physically, my mind convinces me the time can be double used in planning the next project.

2. Self-centered
I completely admit that some conversations bother me. I don’t enjoy listening to someone share the same problems over and over again. Instead of saying, “This is the same story as last week and my response is not going to change,” I might say, “That’s interesting.” That word interesting is one of those ambiguous words that could work in almost every situation. I struggle with others’ self-centeredness in hearing stories revolving around them. I also struggle with my own self-centeredness and wanting another person to wonder how I am.

3. Disinterest
I could tell you the exact moment I lose interest. My eyes feel strange and somewhat out of focus. The voice gets a bit dimmer and I seem just slightly removed from the other person. I can also say that when I sense this change, I hope desperately it is unseen. It’s just that, there are some subjects less than intriguing (to me). I have found myself with people who are very, very knowledgeable about these subjects.

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Because I want to make a concerted effort to make each conversation meaningful, here are some ways I am going to practice.

1. Ask Questions
I have found the best way to show I truly care about what someone is saying is to ask intelligent questions. Not questions like, “Really? Why do you think that?” But questions like, “If you could say anything to him right now what would you say?” I’m not pretending to be a psychologist (although I loved my psychology courses), but I just know that asking questions means that I am actively listening and also helps the other person process.

I would love for people to walk away from conversations and say, “I never thought of it that way before.”

2. Read body language
So much of conversations happen in silence. Even if someone is telling me the same story again, their eyes might float around the room and their hands might insist constant movement. If I am really present – watching as well as listening – then I may hear a very different story. And maybe I don’t, but I will know much better the best response. A person who is really looking for advice acts much differently than a person who just wants to vent.

3. Pray when distracted
Call it cliché, but prayer is never overrated. In the midst of an extremely boring account of the latest farm markets, if you’ve exhausted your questions and know the person just wants to share, then start praying. Pray for the person, for his/her family, for the crops, for whatever comes to mind. When my mind must wander, I figure it should wander productively.

Well, now that I’ve held my personal intervention on this blog for all to see, I hope you might at least be encouraged to make your conversations meaningful as well! I hope you don’t assume I enter every conversation with difficulty… it’s just those ‘sometimes‘ that bothers me.