Category: Philosophy and Religion

foreign heart

So, it may be about time that I share why I chose the title, “musings of a foreign heart.” Some people have asked, and at times I found myself struggling to articulate. Not that I’m ever completely surprised to stumble over my words, but on this specific point, I would hope my mind, heart, and words would be in sync.

Let’s see, this blog doesn’t have a very long history, but the background does give a bit of context to this rather haphazard journey. When I was in my senior year at Hope College in Holland, Michigan, my sister inspired me with her creative blogging about the adventures of being a new graduate and NYC nanny. I began to think about what adventures I might write about… for I adored writing and aspired to be a great intellectual. Right around this time, there was a conference at rival Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I was never so much into the rivalry, but the title is what caught my eye, “Faith and International Development Conference.” Oh dear! How do I combine those two passions?

The conference was a fantastic success. I learned a great deal from the outbreak sessions, speakers, and students. My outlet for processing has always naturally led to writing in one way or another, and with my sister’s cue, I started to explore what that process would look like on a computer screen.

On February 11, 2006, “faith and international development” was the first post.

I fiddled with the gadgets in blogger that held a dream-like charm. My childhood hopes to be an accomplished and published writer were quickly coming into view, via the new world of internet technology! Actually, these blasted things have done well to make dreams of ‘being known’ seem more accessible than reality affords. Nonetheless, off I went to make a name for myself as a ‘foreign heart.’

Why foreign? I am living as a United States citizen, you say.

My first understanding of foreign comes from my primary identity. In the Bible, we read that this world is not our home.

But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness. 2 Peter 3:13

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. 1 Peter 2:11-12

We will always will (and should) feel a mite strange living as we do in this skin and walking on this earth. God has promised a glorious inheritance to His children – apart from this world. In this way, I am glad to be of another land.

These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:7-9

Praise God, for He has redeemed us for His glory!

The musing, then, comes quite naturally. I’m not sure I had words to call it in my growing up years, but when I enrolled in Philosophy 113 with professor James Allis, I immediately found an affinity to talk of deeper things. I love conversations, literary works, and discoveries that challenge the mind and heart. And I believe God created us this way; in His image we are created with minds to probe and question and ponder.

Over the course of two years, ‘musings of a foreign heart’ has quite evolved (and sometimes not for the better). I admit a lack of vision, frequent rambling, and far greater focus on self then there ought.

I’m not really sure (naturally) how I will remedy these last concerns, but I have some ideas. So, be on the lookout, for this foreign heart may find a rhythm.

I’d LOVE to hear your muses! So jot ’em down and let me know!

Posted on by Caroline 0

holy heartburn; an invitation

pre-script: I have been doing some writing for the Gathering blog and so posted this piece there in response to Jeff’s Sunday sermon. Sorry for the duplicate!

As I listened to Jeff speak on Matthew 25:31-46 this past Sunday, I realized I drastically misunderstood God’s call for us to serve the ‘least of these.’ The severity of the passage is evident in the language, but the heat rising in my chest seemed like more than realization of the weight in such a responsibility.We heard about the overwhelming amount of ‘least of theses,’ awareness without action, and the passion of service.

overwhelmed
It just takes a brief look at some of the alarming statistics to feel the overwhelming wave.

  1. Half the world — nearly three billion people — live on less than two dollars a day.Source 1
  2. More than 80 percent of the world’s population lives in countries where income differentials are widening.Source 2
  3. The poorest 40 percent of the world’s population accounts for 5 percent of global income. The richest 20 percent accounts for three-quarters of world income.Source 3
  4. According to UNICEF, 26,500-30,000 children die each day due to poverty. And they “die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death.” Source 4

I’ve had the conversation so many times with myself, “Seriously, Caroline, what can you really do to fight AIDS?” “Yeah, but I should probably help somehow” “But even if you help a little, the problem is so huge, it’ll never get better.”

How depressing! That’s the trouble. Instead of looking at the problems of the world and saying, “How can I serve?” we look at the problems and say, “How can my service possibly make a difference?”

Our focus is all wrong. We are accustomed to getting a decent return on our investments. I don’t want to be a part of anything that isn’t successful, so every time I serve I should be able to see results. But, wait a minute, does God call us to serve for success or just to serve unto Him, for His glory?

awareness without action
Jeff called us out. We all know – we’ve all read the headlines and watched the nightly news. We can’t escape the knowledge that there are people in need around the world.

“It’s not an issue about awareness for most of us … people watch the news and then go on eating their dinner”

So, if I do decide to break my routine and serve as unto the Lord, what really is the right action? Instead of gravitating toward popular movements and giant foundations, what if the right thing to do is make it as personal as you possibly can.

“Many people know about poverty, but very few know the poor by name.” John B. Hayes

When Jesus says, “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me,’” he’s talking about getting real personal. And, here’s the thing, it will be much MUCH more rewarding (for the Kingdom and for yourself) if you break your routine for personal service.

passion; an invitation
This holy heartburn I feel rising in my chest is not condemnation for all the times I have “gone on eating my dinner.” No, this holy fire is in response to the greatest of invitations. Service has, quite unjustly, received a bum rap because it appears weak to the world. Yet, what Christ offers in salvation is a share in His suffering and a share in His future glory.

The way we describe and define passion today is very different from its original meaning, which is ’suffering’ and ‘agony’ and to have compassion is to ’suffer with.’

Even as I write now, I’m feeling again the heat rising in my chest. And, now I am sure that service is not penitence. It’s not our payment for all God’s mercy and grace. It’s not piety. Service is an invitation to know God; to share in the sufferings of the ‘least of these.’

The Kingdom is already and not yet. And in this tension, God has extended an invitation to us to take part in HIS ultimate redemption story.

as servants.

So… if you dig this serving thing, check out Compassion in previous post!

Posted on by Caroline 0

true ambassadors

I’m just going to throw this out there: Have you ever secretly wished someone might fail so you might look good?

I can’t really back pedal now and pretend I was asking the question without first-hand experience. That would be a bold-faced lie AND sneaky. It is neither.

I started to really examine my thoughts recently as I am reading a book by Francis Schaeffer called, “True Spirituality.” (Interestingly enough, there is now a need to qualify spirituality by designating Truth. Yet, there is no spirituality outside Truth, just as there is no God outside Jehovah. Another day, perhaps?)

Let’s get back to your confession, you say. Well, alright. Here it goes. I realize I am making myself vulnerable (as we were encouraged at LeaderShape), so here’s to that.

I’ve noticed this ridiculous thing in me… a suspended suggestion that hovers whispering between my ears. It usually happens in group settings, when I feel most called to present myself as an ambassadors on behalf of Christ (1 Corinthians 5:20). I start to feel a little pressure, a little frustration, and the words racing around in my mind stumble over one another. I may appear composed, but inside I’m frantically trying to figure out how to represent. And then it happens…

I’m doing my part of a group activity, when I look up and see someone else shining. The whisper suggests, “Wait, that person doesn’t believe and follow Christ… why are they so likable?” and “That’s not supposed to happen – only true believers can understand joy!” and “There’s no way that person could really understand love or suffering or compassion – why are they making so much sense?”

Okay – go ahead – throw the stones. I know this sounds elementary and proud and shameful. I didn’t say I wasn’t ashamed. I just said the silly, suspended suggestions are there. What I do next, of course, is the test.

I have self-diagnosed a classic case of the gospel is about me. If I am so concerned with appearances, keeping score of who shows joy and pain and sorrow, than I’ve made the gospel about less than Jesus. Praise God that he has mercy on such a fool!

Paul cautioned the church in Corinth to remember what they were before Christ redeemed them… that no one was wise.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 1:18-31

Am I so puffed up that I can sit back making judgments about who is happy and what good can be done? Shame on me.

We are all created in the image of God, every single one. We each bear the marks of the Creator and without knowing or trying, we each reflect His glory. The Lord is gracious to name us heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). What shall I do then, having done nothing to receive such a gift? Shall I shrink back to pre-redeemed ways, wanting only my personal gain? No. I would then only use Christ as a mere tool for my own pride.

Romans 8:17 continues, “if we indeed share in his sufferings that we might also share in his glory.”

So, regardless of what my mind or any other whispers to distract the True glory at hand, I know that a true ambassador sees the glory of God in every face. A true ambassador speaks in love and knows that the gospel never returns void.

A true ambassador is not a name, but a servant. And these ambassadors will suffer with Christ and see His glory.

… I just realized I meant to speak more on Francis Schaeffer. I suppose I will come back to him again.

Posted on by Caroline 2

mothers

I just returned from a week at LeaderShape – filled with tips and training for our future leaders. It was quite a week, but maybe I’ll get to that later.

For now, I want to follow up on the post my sister so kindly shared with us on Thursday. I have to admit, it feels a strange holiday to celebrate without the mothers I love.

My last memory about my grandma happens to be at her funeral. With eight children and too many grandchildren to count, the sanctuary at little St. Paul’s Lutheran church was filled to the brim. Though certainly a full house, her touch reached way beyond her own fold. I remember the well known phrase that “Avonell would never turn someone away… there was always more room at the dining room table.”

So, her gentle, steady spirit was celebrated that day and I remember sitting in the uncomfortable, wooden pews with all the cousins and writing notes to one another about how we would sure miss grandma. We wrote notes about the dresses she made (one of which I was wearing), about the things she would say, and about memories we held dear. This at the ripe age of about 10.

I remember actually going to the hospital with my parents to see her and when we arrived, she had already passed. My grandpa sat in the room with wet cheeks and asked if I’d like to kiss her to say goodbye. It’s all a blur now, but still very real at once.

Yes, what a woman indeed. She inspired and motivated her children to not only love, but to love as Christ loves. I’m sure I’ll never know just how she accomplished what she did with the so little that she had. What I am reminded of now is in a song called “Find us Faithful” where the words plead,

“May all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire in our devotion light the way
May the footsteps that we leave, lead them to believe
and the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful.”

I am so fully convinced that if any legacy points back to a person, it is not so bold. A true and lasting legacy is one that points beyond oneself at the eternal. This – yes THIS – is what made my grandmother (and other women in my life) so brilliant. It is the way their lives point beyond the temporary that has me captivated and hoping my life leaves the same.

So, sister, this is where we start. Our journey must begin and end with Avonell’s passion for Christ. I can’t believe she would want it any other way.

Posted on by Caroline 0

Missing Avonell

Since I’m out at a Leadership Conference this week- I’m having my sister guest-blog for me. She’s technically retired from the world of blogging, but is coming out of retirement for a post or two to help me out.
Welcome, Christina, to Musings of a Foreign Heart!

My grandma died- and I’m so sad. Yesterday I found myself having to drive home at lunch, to be able to cry about it in peace. When I stopped at stoplights, I rolled my windows up to have some privacy from the drivers around me, even though I am aware that this doesn’t make me invisible. My heart just hurt so much, missing her.

The weird thing is- my dear Grandma died about 15 years ago. And you know, I’m really used to it. Its part of my life now, something I take for granted. I’m really not sure why suddenly I started thinking about her so much. Maybe it’s the book I’m reading with my new mentor, Becoming a Woman of Excellence. (She was- very much so.) Maybe it’s the fact that yesterday I was writing Mother’s day cards to my mom and Grandma Sponsler, and I found myself wanting to thank Grandma Avonell for being such an amazing woman, mother, and Grandma, and couldn’t. Either way, she’s been on my mind in a big way these past few days, and I’m just missing her so much. I just wish, as an adult, that I could know her.

There are so many questions I have for her- so many things I didn’t know to ask before she died. I wish I could talk to her about being single at 25—she experienced it and waiting for the “right guy” really worked out for her- in my Grandpa Fletcher. I wish I could tell her about the great father her son, my dad, grew up to be, and how he and my stood in the gap for me while I learned how to make my own choices, and stumbled a few times along the way. I wish I could learn from her in person, how she found that perfect place in between feistiness and having a quiet spirit… my constant struggle. I wish I could learn from her how she was the kind of mother-in-law that made my mom think, when she married my dad, “I want to be just like her.”

Maybe I’m selfish- I have an amazing Mom and Grandma, that are excellent examples to me of Biblical Womanhood- who am I to want more? But I just keep feeling like there is this piece missing. I don’t know enough about her- I don’t know about her walk with the Lord, I don’t know how she encouraged my Aunts through the world of Dating, I don’t know how she handled 8 kids on my Grandpa Fletcher’s dairy farmer budget. I remember so little of her, and her with me- I’m having a hard time deciphering the difference between my memories and stories that I’ve heard. And I’m mourning for that.

So, I’m going to start digging. I’m going to ask about her- about her walk with her Lord, about her parenting and letting go, about her feistiness.

It’s time that I got to know her.

Posted on by Caroline 2

the world is bigger on FM 969

I almost gave up. I had driven back and forth so many times on FM 969 that I was tempted to stop at the roadside, knick-knack garage sale and head back home.

I drove in and out of several drives until I saw a wee-bitty sign poking out from an overgrown entrance. Austin Samaritans shared the sign with another local non-profit and between the two of them, the inches were precious.

I wound my way around the curves into a ghost town. The layout suggested maybe a school or education center, but the weeds had long declared this territory. I finally came to a cluster of cars, and, relieved, saw the most-welcoming registration table, where I signed a form saying I wouldn’t hold anything against anybody if something happened.

This weekend my church organized Serve Austin at local organizations; to build capacity through service, to be obedient and effective as servants, and most of all to magnify the Lord. And that’s how I ended up in a deserted school on FM 969. Not too long ago, Austin Samaritans moved their warehouse operations to a small portion of this school. From this humble space, they collect surplus medical supplies to ship to Nicaragua, where a hospital anxiously awaits every box.

Nicaragua, I learned, classifies 85% of their population as being below the poverty line (defined as $1/day). Next to Haiti, its the poorest country in the Western hemisphere.

As we sorted today, we came across medicines, sterile needles, infant formula, x-ray film, syringes… the list is endless. As we worked, we speculated at the reception of this package. I came upon some loose cottonballs and instinctively wanted to trash them, but thought about how resourceful I would be if I didn’t know cottonballs were so easy and cheap.

We are so flippant with surplus! Every single thing sorted today would have been in the garbage dump, completely useless and adding to the alarming amount of waste. But now, with the vision of a few to bring first the transformation of Christ, the people in this Nicaragua hospital might understand how the true gospel is to care for the orphan and the widow.

I just kept thinking, “This should be every day.”

And so, as I meandered out of the hidden drive, I wondered at all the acts of service and all the giant foundations and galas and bake sales. For some reason it struck me that so much was happening in this little place just off of FM 969 with out any hoopla.

The world outside is still consumed, wasteful, and self-absorbed, but in this little place the world is a little bigger… and purpose a little greater.

Posted on by Caroline 0

ashamed, a non-issue

I’m not exactly sure why I think adding a comma to my post titles will make them more interesting, but maybe it just says something about how my mind works.

Tonight at community group we started studying Romans. There is really never a bad time to study these letters that have since affected countless more than for whom they were ‘culturally intended.’

As we read and talked through the first 17 verses, I devoted my brainpower to thinking as Paul might. Why did he devote an entire paragraph to his authority to write such a letter? Why was he so repetitive in describing what it meant to be set apart for the gospel of God? Why was he so thankful and encouraged by the believers in Rome? How in the world could he remember them in prayer with such loyalty?

So simple. So gloriously simple we seldom see the truest picture.

The gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son, who as to his human nature was a descendant of David, and who through the Spirit holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord. Through him and for his name’s sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith. And you also are among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ. Romans 1:2-5

The gospel.

THIS is what the Jews were waiting for – all that the prophets had declared about the Messiah. THIS is the True Son, who took upon himself human likeness, a descendant of David. THIS is the one and only Lord, risen from the dead .

THIS same Christ offers grace, in spite of our deserving death, for His name’s sake. THIS same Christ calls us to obedience.

The gospel.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes.

I remember reciting this verse as a young AWANA Spark, along with the other sweaty kids in the basement of the armory. As a child, I needed no convincing, I was sure the world revolved around me. Now that I look back, my view of the gospel is shockingly still trapped in a very young mind.

Tonight, the words, “because it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes” seemed to raise off the page. I’m fairly certain I often stop after “I am not ashamed of the gospel” and try my very darndest to make my compelling argument for the gospel.

Yet, I’ve taken away the only Truth – the because. The gospel isn’t the gospel because of me.

The gospel is the gospel because God. The question of my shame is really quite secondary.

Posted on by Caroline 0

expelled, a review

Before I forget, I went to see the movie expelled last week. I went alone because I didn’t want to worry about what other people were thinking. Sometimes when I go see a movie with other people I try to figure out how they are processing everything and forget to process it myself.

There was much to process! In the fashion we’ve come to recognize as Michael Moore (though absent some of his antics), we look at the controversy surrounding evolution, intelligent design, and science. I thought the film brought long-hidden things to light, such as the faith of the early brilliant scientists who saw science not as separate but as another means to bring glory to God. I also thought interesting and poignant the critical conversation with Richard Dawkins in the middle of the film when Ben Stein asked (I would say to the point of insult) if he believed in any God.

After Dawkins said he certainly did not believe in any sort of God at all, Stein went on to ask him how sure he was.. and Dawkins came up with something in the 90th percentile.. and when pressed he was unsure and it could be in the 50 percent range. And then when pressed further about the origin of life he said it could be possible that something or someone reached down and set life into motion.

Interesting.

The rest of the film moved to social Darwinism, seen as a very different animal. The parallels of the Holocaust and even the Eugenics movement were presented as natural steps from Darwin’s Origin of Species. I think this could spark some very interesting conversation. Because, whether admitted or denied, we arrive at science from a particular worldview. A darwinist is not going to prove macro-evolution by way of researching Creation. No, normally one proves a point by finding research to support that point. I think this is where we see the suppression the film talks about. I am not sure of the exact instances on which these scientists were released from their contracts and positions, but I did hear something similar in their reactions. These scientists were not setting out to prove macro-evolution; they were setting out to find truth.

It seems that controversy it will remain, but I hope that we can see (as those brilliant beacons in our history – Pascal, Newton) that science and Christianity will not lead us to two different ends.

We will all arrive at Truth. Some will be dismayed and others full of joy.

Justin Taylor has references Joe Carter over at between two worlds in his discussion on this topic.

Also another reference site for the evolution/creation/intelligent design debate is the Veritas Forum.

Posted on by Caroline 2

con poder

My new theme song is Con Poder by Salvador. They are ironically an Austin-based band I first heard while vacuuming the church auditorium a couple summers ago. I have since loved to sing and dance especially to their Spanish songs. When I decided officially on Honduras, I started cranking the Spanish music and this song keeps popping up on my playlist.

The words are simple:
 Se mueve la mano de Dios
En su palabra hay vida
Se mueve la mano de Dios
En su palabra hay vida
Se mueve, Se mueve, se mueve con poder
Se mueve, se mueve, se mueve con poder

Con Con Con poder
Con Con Con poder
Con con con poder
Se mueve la mano de Dios

I’m a little rusty, but the idea is this: there is power in the hand and Word of God… here there is life… with power the hand of God moves.

I know only the Lord can guide, sustain, and move in my preparation for Honduras and so this is my prayer: the power of the Lord be revealed.

I will be designing a newsletter (hard copy and email form) to send, but feel free to decline the imposed subscription! If you do nothing else, say a prayer right now for the people at Academia Los Pinares.

grace and peace.

Posted on by Caroline 0

"SCIENCE IS MY GOD"

I was pulling out of the parking lot with glazed, occupied eyes when I saw this bumper sticker in a series on the back of a jade green Honda Civic.

SCIENCE IS MY GOD

The sticker stuck beside another, which read

I’m a tree-hugging, dirt worshipper

I thought in layers and examined the silence between my steering wheel and the bumper ahead. What response have we? What discourse?

I found an extensive, intelligent response from Philip Vander Elst over at the bethinking.org resources website.

Posted on by Caroline 0