Category: Thoughts

I don’t know, it’s pretty dark out there…

When you can’t find a match to light the flame, sing.
When the rain refuses to let your fledging flicker burn, sing.
When the darkness is thick and the sunrise far-off, sing.

Soon enough, your heart will sing in sync and Truth will push out lies. Soon enough, despair will be displaced and death will be defeated no matter how deep it has settled into your bones.

Truth always wins.

Always.

And when the darkness creeps back in to whisper your heart into doubting, “I don’t know, it’s pretty dark out there…”

Truth still always wins, even when doubt whispers otherwise.

Truth is a fire that doesn’t go out.

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. Isaiah 9:2

Posted on by Caroline 2

He chose “No Vacancy”

This morning in the Advent devotional,

“God’s will was that though Christ was rich, yet for your sake he became poor. The “No Vacancy” signs over all the motels in Bethlehem were  for your sake. “For your sake he became poor” (2 Corinthians 8:9).” Good News of Great Joy

Christ was rich, but it was God’s will for Him to become poor. It was not enough that Christ became human. He first emptied his divine pockets of all value and then no room could be found for a proper arrival.

As we run after Christ, it should be no surprise when we see “no vacancy” signs. The greatest man who ever walked the earth – the man who could have had the biggest entourage and could have kept company with the most powerful the world had to offer arrived in a barn and lived his whole life with empty pockets.

Why are we afraid to live with empty pockets in this world when it is but a breath? Why do we still cling to what will pass away?

Today, I’m setting my eyes on the eternal and keeping close in my mind the image of Christ cuddling with his mom… in a barn.

And he did this for my sake. “No vacancy” was no accident. He chose to find “No vacancy” for me.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy
Posted on by Caroline 0

wise words about Christmas

When thoughts ring true years after they are spoken, they deserve a listen. I found this story via A Blog of Hope.

“Xmas and Christmas: A Lost Chapter from Herodotus,” by C.S. Lewis

And beyond this there lies in the ocean, turned towards the west and north, the island of Niatirb which Hecataeus indeed declares to be the same size and shape as Sicily, but it is larger, though in calling it triangular a man would not miss the mark. It is densely inhabited by men who wear clothes not very different from the other barbarians who occupy the north western parts of Europe though they do not agree with them in language. These islanders, surpassing all the men of whom we know in patience and endurance, use the following customs.

In the middle of winter when fogs and rains most abound they have a great festival which they callExmas and for fifty days they prepare for it in the fashion I shall describe. First of all, every citizen is obliged to send to each of his friends and relations a square piece of hard paper stamped with a picture, which in their speech is called an Exmas-card. But the pictures represent birds sitting on branches, or trees with a dark green prickly leaf, or else men in such garments as the Niatirbians believe that their ancestors wore two hundred years ago riding in coaches such as their ancestors used, or houses with snow on their roofs. And the Niatirbians are unwilling to say what these pictures have to do with the festival; guarding (as I suppose) some sacred mystery. And because all men must send these cards the marketplace is filled with the crowd of those buying them, so that there is great labour and weariness.

But having bought as many as they suppose to be sufficient, they return to their houses and find there the like cards which others have sent to them. And when they find cards from any to whom they also have sent cards, they throw them away and give thanks to the gods that this labour at least is over for another year. But when they find cards from any to whom they have not sent, then they beat their breasts and wail and utter curses against the sender; and, having sufficiently lamented their misfortune, they put on their boots again and go out into the fog and rain and buy a card for him also. And let this account suffice about Exmas-cards.

They also send gifts to one another, suffering the same things about the gifts as about the cards, or even worse. For every citizen has to guess the value of the gift which every friend will send to him so that he may send one of equal value, whether he can afford it or not. And they buy as gifts for one another such things as no man ever bought for himself. For the sellers, understanding the custom, put forth all kinds of trumpery, and whatever, being useless and ridiculous, they have been unable to sell throughout the year they now sell as an Exmas gift. And though the Niatirbians profess themselves to lack sufficient necessary things, such as metal, leather, wood and paper, yet an incredible quantity of these things is wasted every year, being made into the gifts.

But during these fifty days the oldest, poorest, and most miserable of the citizens put on false beards and red robes and walk about the market-place; being disguised (in my opinion) as Cronos. And the sellers of gifts no less than the purchaser’s become pale and weary, because of the crowds and the fog, so that any man who came into a Niatirbian city at this season would think some great public calamity had fallen on Niatirb. This fifty days of preparation is called in their barbarian speech the Exmas Rush.

But when the day of the festival comes, then most of the citizens, being exhausted with the Rush, lie in bed till noon. But in the evening they eat five times as much supper as on other days and, crowning themselves with crowns of paper, they become intoxicated. And on the day after Exmas they are very grave, being internally disordered by the supper and the drinking and reckoning how much they have spent on gifts and on the wine. For wine is so dear among the Niatirbians that a man must swallow the worth of a talent before he is well intoxicated.

Such, then, are their customs about the Exmas. But the few among the Niatirbians have also a festival, separate and to themselves, called Crissmas, which is on the same day as Exmas. And those who keep Crissmas, doing the opposite to the majority of the Niatirbians, rise early on that day with shining faces and go before sunrise to certain temples where they partake of a sacred feast. And in most of the temples they set out images of a fair woman with a new-born Child on her knees and certain animals and shepherds adoring the Child. (The reason of these images is given in a certain sacred story which I know but do not repeat.)

But I myself conversed with a priest in one of these temples and asked him why they kept Crissmas on the same day as Exmas; for it appeared to me inconvenient. But the priest replied, “It is not lawful, O stranger, for us to change the date of Chrissmas, but would that Zeus would put it into the minds of the Niatirbians to keep Exmas at some other time or not to keep it at all. For Exmas and the Rush distract the minds even of the few from sacred things. And we indeed are glad that men should make merry at Crissmas; but in Exmas there is no merriment left.” And when I asked him why they endured the Rush, he replied, “It is, O Stranger, a racket”; using (as I suppose) the words of some oracle and speaking unintelligibly to me (for a racket is an instrument which the barbarians use in a game called tennis).

But what Hecataeus says, that Exmas and Crissmas are the same, is not credible. For first, the pictures which are stamped on the Exmas-cards have nothing to do with the sacred story which the priests tell about Crissmas. And secondly, the most part of the Niatirbians, not believing the religion of the few, nevertheless send the gifts and cards and participate in the Rush and drink, wearing paper caps. But it is not likely that men, even being barbarians, should suffer so many and great things in honour of a god they do not believe in. And now, enough about Niatirb.

 

Posted on by Caroline 0

sparkling, healing, light

“Gather ‘round that fire this Advent season. It is warm. It is sparkling with colors of grace. It is healing for a thousand hurts. It is light for dark nights.” – Good News of Great Joy, p. 2

These words wrapped up the first reading from the Advent eBook, Good News of Great Joy that Emma and I read during our dream session last night. The reflection redirected the night’s agenda and sent me to spinning with delight.

sparkling with colors of grace

What an altogether perfect description of this season. Even without the shimmery snowfall, we anticipate a love that illuminated the sky 2000 years ago. The very heavens shone with the news of a Savior and with that news came the shining splendor of our gracious pardon. I love thinking that grace has many colors – even an inexhaustible amount. So that just when I think I’ve pushed the limit, God takes my hand and leads me to a new sparkly, colorful display.

And Jesus was born.

healing for a thousand hurts

Oh, goodness the hurts that need healed. It’s too much – no one solution could possibly bear the weight of the need. And then Jesus was born; the only man who could possibly bear the weight of the need of humankind.

We are clearly broken and bruised. No one can dispute that fact. With wars waging and empires crumbling; with children starving and parents abandoning; with greed overtaking and apathy ruining – we are hurting and our hurt needs healing.

And Jesus was born.

light for dark nights

Sometimes, a dark night stretches so long it feels like it’s swallowed up the morning. The darkness is a blanket like despair that wraps itself around your collar and hugs your sides tight. Darkness tries with all it’s might to squeeze out any flicker of hope.

Maybe that’s why God painted the stars – to remind us that those darkest, most dreary nights stretching like eternity are not eternity. Those determined pin pricks of blazing fire on the sky’s black canvas remind us that we have hope.

Jesus was born and those very stars told of His arrival.

do not fear

Do you know what it feels like to push against fear? To physically march up to fear like you would a military fortress and then push against it as though you believe it will move? Yesterday, during the sermon on generosity, we read Jesus’s words recorded in Luke 12,

And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.

Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
“Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
(Luke 12:22-34 ESV)

Fear not, you little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

Pushing against that fortress doesn’t feel so silly when we are oriented to eternity. We push against the immovable wall knowing God can move it. Though we are hurting sinners – in need of grace and caught in dark nights – we are commanded to not fear.

As God calls us into places swarming with wolves, He reminds us, “I sent my Son. I am always victorious. You have absolutely nothing to fear.”

This is the sparkling, healing, light of Christmas: Christ.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 0

that’ll do, child.

“Do not be ashamed to serve others for the love of Jesus Christ and to seem poor in this world. Do not be self-sufficient but place your trust in God. Do what lies in your power and God will aid your good will. Put no trust in your own learning nor in the cunning of any man, but rather in the grace of God Who helps the humble and humbles the proud.” – Thomas á Kempis

Thomas á Kempis was a monk; a silent man who kept to himself in the monastery, reflecting on Scripture for 72 years and writing all kinds of wisdom.

I am nothing like him. I envy his peace and solitude on mornings like this where the world wants to tip over and dump my life out. It’s really not as dramatic as it sounds, but I just imagine Thomas á Kempis being too self-controlled to ever feel upside down.

As I sit silent for some moments and read his words in “Imitation of Christ,” I am encouraged that my sister and I are attempting to do exactly what he exhorts (in a far less controlled and far more gregarious way). All the discontented rumbling of this past year (see here and here and here) and my recent reflection on blessings has been like flint making fire in my soul. I don’t want to hoard blessings that were never mine in the first place.

Love is not conviction or theology or wisdom or understanding.
Those are like claps of thunder or the clang of cymbals.

Love moves. 

This morning I’m 24 hours from a new job, new city, new landlord, new neighborhood, new roommate, new career field, and this is why the world wants to twirl.

My heart is taking shaky steps alongside my sister’s so that somebody can feel our motion. We want our theology and conviction and wisdom and understanding to move our feet down the sidewalk and direct our conversations with the family next door.

We don’t want to be let off the hook because we’re single.
We don’t want to be excused from radical service because we don’t have our lives figured out.
We don’t want to be overlooked for ministry because we aren’t rolling in abundance.

We’ve got enough blessing to flood a city and we want to share it.

(Deep breath)

We don’t want to set up a self-sufficient situation on East Dunham Avenue, either. We don’t want people to think we’re blessed because we deserve it. Nope, not at all.

It’s no coincidence that my friend Alejandra chose this memory verse for us this week, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

We want to trust our gracious God to provide for His children as they take shaky steps to put love in motion.

As the world twirls in the next 24 hours, I imagine Him saying, “That’ll do, child. That’ll do.”

And that makes me feel like I’m stretching my arms at the summit of Mt. Everest.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

 

Posted on by Caroline 5

keeping the main thing the main thing

Does anyone else (you can admit it silently – I won’t tell) have a hard time keeping the main thing the main thing when it comes to the holidays? That’s a phrase my childhood pastor would use: “keep the main thing the main thing” – and it’s a phrase that reclaims what should be simple about our faith: Christ.

Christ is always central, always best, and always worthy of celebration. Always. Our celebration is not confined to seasons, but there is a special place for greater focus and greater reflection. Christmas is such a season and one in danger of being overshadowed by family plans, casseroles, stressful travel arrangements, Aunt Georgia’s dinner table conversation, and last minute purchases. 

Friends, today I am going to issue a bit of a challenge: don’t give in.

When Satan tries to steal today by overwhelming you with earthly expectations and burnt pumpkin pies, respond by treasuring Christ. If your family gets caught up in tradition and the schedule gets as overstuffed as the turkey, respond by treasuring Christ.

Let’s treasure Christ in our traditions and hold everything else loosely. 

Whether you are the one cooking the turkey or the one in charge of setting up the Christmas tree, this message by Noel Piper reminds us that traditions are Scriptural and so are holidays. Remember how beautifully the Israelites carried out their festivals and feasts? The Lord blessed those gatherings as special times set apart to rejoice with community and remember His provision for them.

As you are washing dishes or picking up the house or setting out that wooden block nativity set your grandpa made, think about ways you might treasure tradition instead of Christ. If you are struggling to keep Christ in the center, consider doing this (free) Advent Devotional. 

And, just so you know – you are not exempt from this encouragement if you do not have children. God has uniquely designed and equipped the Body of Christ so that we can create traditions together that treasure Him. Together we establish routines of praise where everyone has a part – widows, young families, singles, grown families, couples – there is a seat at the abundant table of tradition for everyone in God’s family to celebrate His mercies!

I do not own a home that requires rearranging nor do I have children to scold if they upset the cookie sprinkles… but I do have a responsibility as a member of the Body of Christ to step into the Christmas celebration with Christ as my greatest treasure and greatest tradition.

It is my hope that as a guest, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend I will be ready to make the main thing my favorite thing to celebrate.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 2

if I have to sell my soul

“This is *Christmas*. The season of perpetual hope. And I don’t care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.” (Kate McCallister to the Scranton ticket agent in “Home Alone”)
Do you remember that scene? We see the raw desperation of a mom who loves her son with a love that says crazy things. Why do I bring it up, other than the fact that Home Alone ranks as one of the best movies of this season?
Because it reminds me of Paul’s desperate words for the Jews in Romans 9:
I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit—that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. They are Israelites, and to them belong the adoption, the glory, the covenants, the giving of the law, the worship, and the promises. To them belong the patriarchs, and from their race, according to the flesh, is the Christ, who is God over all, blessed forever. Amen. (Romans 9:1-5 ESV)

If you can’t hear Paul’s heart of love in this passage, read it until you do. The truth he speaks about has taken hold of him in such a way that he cannot bear to see others believe lies. He had “great sorrow and unceasing anguish” in his heart. This is not just a movement Paul joined or an experience or a short-lived passion. His heart got ill over the lost.

If you are not in anguish over the lost around you this morning, consider God’s great mercy in calling them to Himself. Consider that as one child chooses Him, she passes from a life of separation from Christ into a life of union with Christ.

Wow.

The knowledge impresses me into silence, but it also motivates. There are many motivators to do the good deeds God has prepared for us (Ephesians 2:10). We can be motivated by anguish and sorrow to share with urgency, but we can also be motivated by joy and gratitude to share with patience. Both motivators come from an understanding of the crazy love we’ve been shown. Crazy love speaks crazy things. 

Let’s be willing to speak crazy things as a result of God’s love for us and in us.

I’m not petitioning for the words “Merry Christmas” to be shared at the checkout counter. Nope, I’m talking about getting on our knees to ask for crazy love so that we can open up our hearts to share that crazy love with others. 

Imagine saying Kate McCallister’s words about your neighbors, your co-workers, your family, your best friend. Does it feel awkward? Might we ask God to grow that kind of crazy love in us so we can pray as Paul did?

Christmas is a miracle. How are you going to tell the story?

let LOVE fly like cRaZy 

Posted on by Caroline 0

oh, how I need You

Today, I need my Savior because there is nothing else to need. Sometimes that need looks like a monster and sometimes it looks like a paper airplane and sometimes it looks like a hideaway. But, it’s always there – my need.

Today I am reminded that all I need is Christ and all I can give is Christ.

Words fail and the world falls apart and I need.
I need, I need, I need.

And the world aches with need, too.

Posted on by Caroline 2

counting blessings, and what to do when there are too many

We sang, crowded in concentric circles around the basement with my mom pounding out the hymn on the piano. We sang the familiar song that has accompanied every Thanksgiving I can remember – even the Thanksgivings where I have been far from this little countryside gathering. It seems that counting blessings got into my bloodstream real early and has never left.

When we had little, we counted. When we had much, we counted. When we struggled, we counted. When we prevailed, we counted.

The blessings always seemed to outnumber our math, so we counted by song and we’re still counting.

I can’t put my finger on the emotion hanging in that long skinny room this past Thursday, but every year it seems to swell for the new little ones and the ones married in. The emotion is heavier than the scent of turkey and stuffing and Aunt Jane’s coconut pecan pie. The emotion of counting blessings is a heavy one.

I wonder if we count our blessings like someone counts a harvest… and we’re accountable for what happens after it’s been stored away.

Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in the counting, overwhelmed by what I’ve been given. I’m drawn into thanks and into joy as I reflect on these gifts – as I look on the storehouses of blessings that are bent to bursting. And as I get caught up, I get stuck.

I stop at counting and thanking.

This year, I’m feeling the Lord asking me to count my blessings so that I know exactly what I am giving back to Him. It is not enough to be thankful. It is not enough to get overwhelmed and weepy at the Lord’s provision. It is not enough.

Thanksgiving and joy are part of the journey into greater joy and greater thanksgiving as we count the blessings as they go out from our possession. In the same way that we count the blessings we’ve been given, we must also count the blessings as we give. Because we were never meant to hold fast to anything but Christ.

I have so many blessings to count, but having many blessings is never the problem. The problem is my hoarding what has been counted.

As I read through Kevin DeYoung‘s Hole in Our Holiness, I came to his reflection on this passage from Timothy 4 and specifically verse 15, “Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.”

I thought of all the ways I make excuses for my slow progress on the holiness road and the excuses I allow others to make for me. I thought of the conversations in my head where I’ve said, “But you aren’t making hardly any money right now…” and “No one really expects you to give…” and “No one really knows your schedule, anyway…”

And I thought about how my beliefs about blessings sometimes stretch a great distance from my behavior with blessings.

Command and teach these things. Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching.Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.

1 Timothy 4:11-16 ESV (emphasis mine)

Counting blessings is only the first of a two-part transfer. The second part is the way you transfer the blessings to others. This I must practice in a way that my progress is noticeable. I must make my behavior – my speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity – match my beliefs in a way that transfers blessings into the lives of others.

I’m not discounting the ways I have succeeded in blessing others – by God’s grace I hope it does happen. But, we have never arrived at a final destination on the holiness road, so we must keep journeying.

And when my pack gets full of blessings, I know I must transfer the joyful load so I may travel light.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 1

when I go to the country for a holiday

When I go to the country for a holiday, I imagine I will have time for projects and books and all the things that my normal routine squeezes out. I picture myself productive in the afternoons, nestled in with coffee and computer to pound out everything that’s pressing.

When I actually get to the country for a holiday, I laugh at my imagined productivity because the days are full – too full to be productive in projects and books and lists. Full of life and laughter and people. There is never a good time to “get away” because my parents live in a very “away” place. We wake up and wander into the kitchen for breakfast, then we wander into the living room for play time, and then the day wanders along until we curl under the covers for sweet rest once again.

But the day is so full that it pushes my weekly understanding of productivity aside. The best and most beautiful thing to do with those country moments is to live them – to cheer the family football game with cousins and eat leftover turkey sandwiches in the evening, to gesture wildly with charades and chase little ones around for hide-and-seek, to curl up with blankets after everyone else is in bed and ask questions our day routines don’t allow.

The crowded Nichols house was waking up with the dawn on Friday morning and Black was more than an hour away.

When I go to the country for a holiday, the color is warm, the table is full, and the company is unmatched.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

“Before you go out into the world, wash your face in the clear crystal of praise. Bury each yesterday in the fine linen and spices of thankfulness.” –Charles Spurgeon

Posted on by Caroline 4