beautiful sunday

Today was absolutely gorgeous. I ended up doing some of the things I love most – with a twist.

Thing I love: Devotions in the morning
twist: with a bagel and a cup of decaf

Thing I love: Church service on Sunday
twist: spanish style – went to the Spanish service and there was a visiting pastor from Honduras (go figure) who is interviewing to take a position at our church

Thing I love: summer heat
twist: forgot sunscreen

Thing I love: working with my hands
twist: gardening ALL afternoon with good company and conversation

Thing I love: beef brisket
twist: Rudy’s style – slow cooked over oak with special bbq sauce

Thing I love: C.S. Lewis
twist: went to see instead of read Prince Caspian

Sometimes I love to be exhausted, because there are times when it seems fit to be so.

Posted on May 19, 2008 by Caroline 0

Friday in 100 words

Every once in awhile it’s good to stretch creatively. Making anything succinct is always a harrowing struggle for me. So, I’m going to start writing Friday in 100 words. It may be poetic or it may be the beginning of a story or it may appear quite cryptic, but stretching is the key. You see, and now I’ve already succeeded superfluously.
—–

I awoke adrift a misty sea with the sunshine a glorious gold at my window. A big yawn and stretch greeted the day like any other, but a Friday always holds a certain mysterious promise. Spirits are high, grumbling low and a new kind of energy hovers around the office. My weekend is heavy with plans for entertaining (some call it babysitting) children and doing housework. The end of the school semester finally arrived and past and now the campus stands a ghost town. Though the weekend affords change in routine, I will still wake adrift the misty sea, greeted by the glorious, golden sunshine.

—–

Posted on May 16, 2008 by Caroline 0

words – interrupted

I don’t watch much television, but the little that I do see reminds me that society has just as much potential to regress as progress.

I just recently saw this ad by AT&T where the mother starts talking to her daughter (and mother?!) in text-speak. I actually found the clip on splendAd, called “IDK Scrabble.”
http://www.youtube.com/v/zb7wRxXTZK8

So, the mom concedes defeat as a parent, but then AT&T tells us we should all be so lucky: now, it’s FREE. That’s just what I’m hoping for when I have kids someday – free defeat.

REALLY? Are we really okay smashing a bunch of letters together in place of thoughtful, intellectual conversation?

Today just after I finished up work I got a phone call from a fellow ‘classically inclined’ book clubber. We are reading “A Clergyman’s Daughter” by George Orwell right now and he shared his sincere interest in the imagery, style, and character development. Our discussion lasted no more than 15 minutes, but when I got off the phone I felt a bit inspired. He mentioned this idea of ‘the dumbing down of American society,’ that we use so few words now and miss the weight of reality by doing so.

Words communicate ideas. If the only ideas we have running through our heads can be communicated by a string of disjointed letters, how much progress are we really making?

Posted on May 16, 2008October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

true ambassadors

I’m just going to throw this out there: Have you ever secretly wished someone might fail so you might look good?

I can’t really back pedal now and pretend I was asking the question without first-hand experience. That would be a bold-faced lie AND sneaky. It is neither.

I started to really examine my thoughts recently as I am reading a book by Francis Schaeffer called, “True Spirituality.” (Interestingly enough, there is now a need to qualify spirituality by designating Truth. Yet, there is no spirituality outside Truth, just as there is no God outside Jehovah. Another day, perhaps?)

Let’s get back to your confession, you say. Well, alright. Here it goes. I realize I am making myself vulnerable (as we were encouraged at LeaderShape), so here’s to that.

I’ve noticed this ridiculous thing in me… a suspended suggestion that hovers whispering between my ears. It usually happens in group settings, when I feel most called to present myself as an ambassadors on behalf of Christ (1 Corinthians 5:20). I start to feel a little pressure, a little frustration, and the words racing around in my mind stumble over one another. I may appear composed, but inside I’m frantically trying to figure out how to represent. And then it happens…

I’m doing my part of a group activity, when I look up and see someone else shining. The whisper suggests, “Wait, that person doesn’t believe and follow Christ… why are they so likable?” and “That’s not supposed to happen – only true believers can understand joy!” and “There’s no way that person could really understand love or suffering or compassion – why are they making so much sense?”

Okay – go ahead – throw the stones. I know this sounds elementary and proud and shameful. I didn’t say I wasn’t ashamed. I just said the silly, suspended suggestions are there. What I do next, of course, is the test.

I have self-diagnosed a classic case of the gospel is about me. If I am so concerned with appearances, keeping score of who shows joy and pain and sorrow, than I’ve made the gospel about less than Jesus. Praise God that he has mercy on such a fool!

Paul cautioned the church in Corinth to remember what they were before Christ redeemed them… that no one was wise.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 1:18-31

Am I so puffed up that I can sit back making judgments about who is happy and what good can be done? Shame on me.

We are all created in the image of God, every single one. We each bear the marks of the Creator and without knowing or trying, we each reflect His glory. The Lord is gracious to name us heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). What shall I do then, having done nothing to receive such a gift? Shall I shrink back to pre-redeemed ways, wanting only my personal gain? No. I would then only use Christ as a mere tool for my own pride.

Romans 8:17 continues, “if we indeed share in his sufferings that we might also share in his glory.”

So, regardless of what my mind or any other whispers to distract the True glory at hand, I know that a true ambassador sees the glory of God in every face. A true ambassador speaks in love and knows that the gospel never returns void.

A true ambassador is not a name, but a servant. And these ambassadors will suffer with Christ and see His glory.

… I just realized I meant to speak more on Francis Schaeffer. I suppose I will come back to him again.

Posted on May 15, 2008 by Caroline 2

mothers

I just returned from a week at LeaderShape – filled with tips and training for our future leaders. It was quite a week, but maybe I’ll get to that later.

For now, I want to follow up on the post my sister so kindly shared with us on Thursday. I have to admit, it feels a strange holiday to celebrate without the mothers I love.

My last memory about my grandma happens to be at her funeral. With eight children and too many grandchildren to count, the sanctuary at little St. Paul’s Lutheran church was filled to the brim. Though certainly a full house, her touch reached way beyond her own fold. I remember the well known phrase that “Avonell would never turn someone away… there was always more room at the dining room table.”

So, her gentle, steady spirit was celebrated that day and I remember sitting in the uncomfortable, wooden pews with all the cousins and writing notes to one another about how we would sure miss grandma. We wrote notes about the dresses she made (one of which I was wearing), about the things she would say, and about memories we held dear. This at the ripe age of about 10.

I remember actually going to the hospital with my parents to see her and when we arrived, she had already passed. My grandpa sat in the room with wet cheeks and asked if I’d like to kiss her to say goodbye. It’s all a blur now, but still very real at once.

Yes, what a woman indeed. She inspired and motivated her children to not only love, but to love as Christ loves. I’m sure I’ll never know just how she accomplished what she did with the so little that she had. What I am reminded of now is in a song called “Find us Faithful” where the words plead,

“May all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire in our devotion light the way
May the footsteps that we leave, lead them to believe
and the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful.”

I am so fully convinced that if any legacy points back to a person, it is not so bold. A true and lasting legacy is one that points beyond oneself at the eternal. This – yes THIS – is what made my grandmother (and other women in my life) so brilliant. It is the way their lives point beyond the temporary that has me captivated and hoping my life leaves the same.

So, sister, this is where we start. Our journey must begin and end with Avonell’s passion for Christ. I can’t believe she would want it any other way.

Posted on May 12, 2008 by Caroline 0

Missing Avonell

Since I’m out at a Leadership Conference this week- I’m having my sister guest-blog for me. She’s technically retired from the world of blogging, but is coming out of retirement for a post or two to help me out.
Welcome, Christina, to Musings of a Foreign Heart!

My grandma died- and I’m so sad. Yesterday I found myself having to drive home at lunch, to be able to cry about it in peace. When I stopped at stoplights, I rolled my windows up to have some privacy from the drivers around me, even though I am aware that this doesn’t make me invisible. My heart just hurt so much, missing her.

The weird thing is- my dear Grandma died about 15 years ago. And you know, I’m really used to it. Its part of my life now, something I take for granted. I’m really not sure why suddenly I started thinking about her so much. Maybe it’s the book I’m reading with my new mentor, Becoming a Woman of Excellence. (She was- very much so.) Maybe it’s the fact that yesterday I was writing Mother’s day cards to my mom and Grandma Sponsler, and I found myself wanting to thank Grandma Avonell for being such an amazing woman, mother, and Grandma, and couldn’t. Either way, she’s been on my mind in a big way these past few days, and I’m just missing her so much. I just wish, as an adult, that I could know her.

There are so many questions I have for her- so many things I didn’t know to ask before she died. I wish I could talk to her about being single at 25—she experienced it and waiting for the “right guy” really worked out for her- in my Grandpa Fletcher. I wish I could tell her about the great father her son, my dad, grew up to be, and how he and my stood in the gap for me while I learned how to make my own choices, and stumbled a few times along the way. I wish I could learn from her in person, how she found that perfect place in between feistiness and having a quiet spirit… my constant struggle. I wish I could learn from her how she was the kind of mother-in-law that made my mom think, when she married my dad, “I want to be just like her.”

Maybe I’m selfish- I have an amazing Mom and Grandma, that are excellent examples to me of Biblical Womanhood- who am I to want more? But I just keep feeling like there is this piece missing. I don’t know enough about her- I don’t know about her walk with the Lord, I don’t know how she encouraged my Aunts through the world of Dating, I don’t know how she handled 8 kids on my Grandpa Fletcher’s dairy farmer budget. I remember so little of her, and her with me- I’m having a hard time deciphering the difference between my memories and stories that I’ve heard. And I’m mourning for that.

So, I’m going to start digging. I’m going to ask about her- about her walk with her Lord, about her parenting and letting go, about her feistiness.

It’s time that I got to know her.

Posted on May 8, 2008 by Caroline 2

Empezar

To begin.

This means so many things right now.

Last night I began to add to my small list of Spanish music artists. This past Thursday, I formally began a book club. Students finished up exams at St. Edward’s last week, so I guess that means summer begins. After training today, tomorrow begins a week as a facilitator at LeaderShape, a leadership conference for students.

Beginnings are like endings are like hellos are like goodbyes. Cryptic, I suppose.

Maybe beginnings are like inspiration: contagious. My long-time friend Patrick was in town last week and what a fellow! He had just barely recovered from jetlag after returning from Africa and now he’s off for a three month gig assisting a photographer.

I consider Patrick a kindred spirit, in the Anne of Green Gables sense. Sometimes you need such a friend to remind you about where things begin. Do you ever feel bogged down in the middle somewhere, or preoccupied with the end? I certainly do.

If I do succeed in regaining my focus on the true beginning, inspiration nearly always follows.

Posted on May 5, 2008 by Caroline 0

the world is bigger on FM 969

I almost gave up. I had driven back and forth so many times on FM 969 that I was tempted to stop at the roadside, knick-knack garage sale and head back home.

I drove in and out of several drives until I saw a wee-bitty sign poking out from an overgrown entrance. Austin Samaritans shared the sign with another local non-profit and between the two of them, the inches were precious.

I wound my way around the curves into a ghost town. The layout suggested maybe a school or education center, but the weeds had long declared this territory. I finally came to a cluster of cars, and, relieved, saw the most-welcoming registration table, where I signed a form saying I wouldn’t hold anything against anybody if something happened.

This weekend my church organized Serve Austin at local organizations; to build capacity through service, to be obedient and effective as servants, and most of all to magnify the Lord. And that’s how I ended up in a deserted school on FM 969. Not too long ago, Austin Samaritans moved their warehouse operations to a small portion of this school. From this humble space, they collect surplus medical supplies to ship to Nicaragua, where a hospital anxiously awaits every box.

Nicaragua, I learned, classifies 85% of their population as being below the poverty line (defined as $1/day). Next to Haiti, its the poorest country in the Western hemisphere.

As we sorted today, we came across medicines, sterile needles, infant formula, x-ray film, syringes… the list is endless. As we worked, we speculated at the reception of this package. I came upon some loose cottonballs and instinctively wanted to trash them, but thought about how resourceful I would be if I didn’t know cottonballs were so easy and cheap.

We are so flippant with surplus! Every single thing sorted today would have been in the garbage dump, completely useless and adding to the alarming amount of waste. But now, with the vision of a few to bring first the transformation of Christ, the people in this Nicaragua hospital might understand how the true gospel is to care for the orphan and the widow.

I just kept thinking, “This should be every day.”

And so, as I meandered out of the hidden drive, I wondered at all the acts of service and all the giant foundations and galas and bake sales. For some reason it struck me that so much was happening in this little place just off of FM 969 with out any hoopla.

The world outside is still consumed, wasteful, and self-absorbed, but in this little place the world is a little bigger… and purpose a little greater.

Posted on May 4, 2008October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

ashamed, a non-issue

I’m not exactly sure why I think adding a comma to my post titles will make them more interesting, but maybe it just says something about how my mind works.

Tonight at community group we started studying Romans. There is really never a bad time to study these letters that have since affected countless more than for whom they were ‘culturally intended.’

As we read and talked through the first 17 verses, I devoted my brainpower to thinking as Paul might. Why did he devote an entire paragraph to his authority to write such a letter? Why was he so repetitive in describing what it meant to be set apart for the gospel of God? Why was he so thankful and encouraged by the believers in Rome? How in the world could he remember them in prayer with such loyalty?

So simple. So gloriously simple we seldom see the truest picture.

The gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son, who as to his human nature was a descendant of David, and who through the Spirit holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord. Through him and for his name’s sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith. And you also are among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ. Romans 1:2-5

The gospel.

THIS is what the Jews were waiting for – all that the prophets had declared about the Messiah. THIS is the True Son, who took upon himself human likeness, a descendant of David. THIS is the one and only Lord, risen from the dead .

THIS same Christ offers grace, in spite of our deserving death, for His name’s sake. THIS same Christ calls us to obedience.

The gospel.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes.

I remember reciting this verse as a young AWANA Spark, along with the other sweaty kids in the basement of the armory. As a child, I needed no convincing, I was sure the world revolved around me. Now that I look back, my view of the gospel is shockingly still trapped in a very young mind.

Tonight, the words, “because it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes” seemed to raise off the page. I’m fairly certain I often stop after “I am not ashamed of the gospel” and try my very darndest to make my compelling argument for the gospel.

Yet, I’ve taken away the only Truth – the because. The gospel isn’t the gospel because of me.

The gospel is the gospel because God. The question of my shame is really quite secondary.

Posted on April 30, 2008 by Caroline 0

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come