what if God doesn’t like cookies?

I just finished making the above (ultimate chocolate chip cookie) for tomorrow’s Hands and Feet meeting. I am becoming a huge fan of allrecipes.com (and all the suggestions posted by users who have tried the recipes. For this recipe I added oatmeal and switched the baking soda for baking powder. They came out delicious – just ask my tummy!

Where does God fit in to this little weekly baking session? Well, it all goes back to last week at Bible study. Though the number of girls who attend varies, we are always sure about two things: we will eat something delicious and we will study/question/read/wonder about the book of Malachi. I picked up the study, called Blemished, in a Lifeway bookstore on my way out of Indianapolis (I can thank God for that ridiculously confusing 420 loop). It initially caught my eye because Malachi is the last words God spoke before going silent for 400 years. That’s a long time. As I leafed through the pages, I felt like it would be a good balance of studying Scripture (only 4 chapters in the whole book) and discussion. And what could be more relevant than prophecy about the failings of the church? So many students here are jaded toward the idea of church as an institution because it is either heaped in tradition or it is a parade of hypocrites.

So, fast forward to last week. It was only our third week meeting officially because of all the chaos down here, so we’re making slow progress. But last week, we talked about what it means to be rebuked (we have had some AMAZING discussion!). This is, of course, what God commanded Malachi to do to the Israelite people, specifically the priests. They had become quite cavalier with their sacrifices and God sent Malachi to let them know so.

So, our discussion moved into the idea of sacrifices… what is acceptable and pleasing to the Lord? Why wasn’t the Lord satisfied with what the priests were bringing? How could they even know what He wanted in the first place?

All of these questions led us around in circles. An analogy sprang to mind and it came in two parts – both about gifts… here it is:

1. You make a wonderful batch of cookies, using the best recipe. They are all coming out of the oven deliciously, except that your oven cooks unevenly… so there are a few “reject” cookies that you set aside. You don’t want your friends to have to eat those – they taste like char! But, being the good person you are (and having all the starving children of the world on your mind), you don’t want to waste them either. So, on your way to the party you spot a dreadfully hungry-looking homeless man. You deposit the charred chocolate chip cookies in his hand and kindly bless him in God’s name.

2. Your friend (best friend in the whole whole wide world) is about to have a birthday. You can’t even describe your love for this friend. This person has been a constant – through breakups and prom dates and divorces and graduations and first interviews. This person is pretty much the best thing you’ve got, so you want to make his/her birthday the MOST SPECIAL-EST ever (he/she is even great enough to warrant bad grammar!). So, you think and think and think about what would be the best gift .. and then you finally reason that he/she would probably want a dozen batches of your favorite homemade cookies, because that’s what you would want for your birthday. You go about and make the plans and you work day and night until his/her birthday finally arrives. The day comes and the birthday happens. Your friend is happy… but not really in the way you thought he/she would be.

In the course of our discussion (which for the purpose of the analogy was all about cookies), I felt a little light bulb illuminate my tiny brain, “WHAT IF GOD DOESN’T LIKE COOKIES?”

We had been talking about sacrifices and gifts and what is pleasing to the Lord. The priests earned a stern rebuke for bringing blemished, crippled lambs to the altar – their castoffs and charred chocolate chip cookies. God saw the hearts behind the sacrifice and was grieved. If the priests really, really, really loved God and wanted to please Him, then they would have to KNOW HIM. I don’t know how many times I passed by homeless people in Chicago and gave them leftovers before I finally realized that giving leftovers was no sacrifice at all. It’s giving my best – the real $15 meal of the homeless person’s choice – now that would be something.

And as in the second example of a best friend. Just because cookies please me, doesn’t mean they will please someone else. I have to KNOW someone to understand what pleases him/her. And the same is true with God. He has made us to have the capacity to know Him and to find what pleases Him. In Ephesians 5 we read,

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
“Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

Living as children of the light means we can and should find out what the Lord desires of us, not what we want to give to Him. Just because I want to give him an hour in the morning, does that mean it is best or pleases Him? Is it the best hour I have in the day? Or is it my charred cookie remains?

Sometimes I feel like I tell God, “Well, this is my best for the day.. kind of .. or at least it’s what is available… or it’s what I would want if I were God. Here, just take these cookies… they are really good, even if they do give you a tummy ache. It may not be my best but it’s pretty good. … I hope you like it, because that’s what I’m giving you today. You’re getting sleepy hours between 4:30-6am and you’re getting sentence prayers throughout the day. I hope that’s what you like, God. It’s pretty good, right?“

I know – I should be embarrassed to share that and I am a little bit. All week that question has been running through my head… what if God doesn’t like cookies?
What if all this time I thought he wanted what I wanted to give?

I am starting to think what He wants is splendidly different.

I’m scared to say I’m going to find out, because the rebuking road is not easy.

Posted on November 4, 2009 by Caroline 1

Tonight I’m Recommending

For the past two nights, my beloved green tea has betrayed me (in the form of crazy, wakeful eyes deep into the night), so tonight I am just going to leave you with some links and non-links to check out.

This is the recipe (from allrecipes.com, my newest online obsession because it stores and categorizes everything for you!) that I used tonight to make cookies for tomorrow. The title enticed me right away – Best Big, Fat, Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookie and I’ve gotta say, I wasn’t disappointed!

I’ve been tickling my ears with some different sounds these days. I won’t get into any philosophizing about it, but I’m a huge new fan of briterevolution – I mean what could be better than supporting a cause AND good music at the same time? Anyway, through the site, I found out about Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors, who I would highly, highly suggest if you are searching for chill harmonies and simple melodies.

I’d like to recommend my mom. Yep, she is pretty wonderful (see previous post). She also has a blog where she is writing about her two African sons, staying with my parents for a year on an exchange program. The stories are funny, but I think I mostly love it because I know my mom is behind the keys!

Fold laundry. Yes, I guess you could say this is a non-link. It’s something that relaxes me and slows me down. Sometimes, as I am folding I wonder how creative one can be or how precise or what kind of fold minimizes wrinkles. All of these thoughts are good and welcome because they mean I am not thinking other thoughts and I think that is healthy.

Send/receive packages (another non-link). Today, I got a package from my amazing mother. Inside were things I love: almonds, kashi granola bars, orange spice tea, Real Simple magazines, a few letters and announcements, and WORLD magazines. I am not ashamed to say I read the Real Simple family edition cover to cover… and enjoyed every page!

I’ve been pondering what community and the church and the Body of believers is kind of morphing into (by way of social networking online) and I think this article in Christianity Today is interesting.

And lastly, as I am in the midst of praying for many people who are hurting, struggling, journeying, and trying to figure out where God is… this passage from Lamentations is a beautiful reminder:

Lamentations 3

¹ ^a]”>[a] I am the man who has seen affliction
by the rod of his wrath.

² He has driven me away and made me walk
in darkness rather than light;

³ indeed, he has turned his hand against me
again and again, all day long.

⁴ He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
and has broken my bones.

⁵ He has besieged me and surrounded me
with bitterness and hardship.

⁶ He has made me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

⁷ He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
he has weighed me down with chains.

⁸ Even when I call out or cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer.

⁹ He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
he has made my paths crooked.

¹⁰ Like a bear lying in wait,
like a lion in hiding,

¹¹ he dragged me from the path and mangled me
and left me without help.

¹² He drew his bow
and made me the target for his arrows.

¹³ He pierced my heart
with arrows from his quiver.

¹⁴ I became the laughingstock of all my people;
they mock me in song all day long.

¹⁵ He has filled me with bitter herbs
and sated me with gall.

¹⁶ He has broken my teeth with gravel;
he has trampled me in the dust.

¹⁷ I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.

¹⁸ So I say, “My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD.”

¹⁹ I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

²⁰ I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

²¹ Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

²³ They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

²⁴ I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

Posted on October 1, 2009 by Caroline 6

stewardship

When I say steward, my mind inevitably jumps to church and elders and offering plates. I’m not sure why, though, because stewardship is a thread woven through each day and almost all decisions.

To be honest, money kind of scares me. It nearly always has. I grew up in a beautiful family and we survived on SO little for most of my childhood, so why am I so nervous now about my finances?

Maybe it’s because I went through college working two jobs to make the next payment or maybe because I’m constantly bombarded with messages that I don’t have enough. Or maybe it is because I am just nervous that I won’t do what is best with what I have and then later regret it.

For whatever reason, I fear debt like the black plague and my private-school-tuition-condition is not easily cured by a simple vaccine. What is more is the addition of living and working at a Christian school in Honduras, partially supported by people in the States who believe in the the work the Lord can accomplish through me. They are taming the lion of loan payments, supporting outreach ministries, and blessing me in so many ways. Though I labor joyfully to write updates regularly (see my newsletters), I still want to show people exactly how their money (or God’s money, rather:) is being used to further the kingdom.

How can I live and work here, accepting generous gifts and tithes AND also be at peace with my spending habits? I needed accountability!

Enter Dave Ramsey.

Though I never took the class, I had seen several videos, listened to his radio show, and heard many friends rave about the transformational nature of his philosophy of money. I know my situation is different. I am not the person who will call into his radio show, distraught at making $600 rent payments for an apartment, $400 payments for my brand new car, and paying minimum on at least 4 credit cards, not to mention the horrendous burden of college debt.

This is not me (if this is you, don’t freak out, just go to Dave Ramsey’s website!), but these concerns I do have: college debt and financial accountability for funds raised. After much thought this summer, quickly reviewing some of Ramsey’s materials, and talking with several people who had been through the class, I realized that discipline was the one ingredient that would help put my mind and heart at ease this year.

Last year, when I arrived, I tried to enter every single receipt into an excel document, which of course, was a great idea until I could no longer fit my purchases into the categories I made and the receipts started to get so burdensome.

So, now I am working on a new system. I planned out what I thought my budget could look like for each month (with the helpful planning materials) and commandeered some very nice looking, large manila envelopes which I made into my organization system in my closet.

Though it may not be wise to keep large amounts of money lying around my house, I am thinking of adapting Ramsey’s suggestion of all cash and putting “play money” in the envelopes. Most of my transactions can be done with a debit card here (and this is much safer). But, if I take the fake money along, I know that there is a limit to my spending. I also know where the money is coming from and can track it by category.

This first month has been hard, I’ll admit. I’m trying to figure out just how much of what I am spending is one-time costs and what will be recurring. I moved into a new apartment, so there are many things (like a mirror or mosquito spray or a mop) that will not be monthly purchases. I guess I’m just trying to get an idea of what is necessary in each category. So far, I’ve been filing each receipt in its proper envelope. At the end of this month, I will go through and see how much I spent in each category.

I’m not sure how this will work, but I do know one thing: it feels much better to have my finances out in the light instead of haphazardly stored in the creative filing system of my brain. I truly, truly want to live as a wise steward of the resources I have been given.

When the students ask me how I got my car I usually say something like this, “Well, it’s actually not mine. It’s the Lord’s car. A lot of people were very generous to make it possible for me to pick you up tonight. This is the Lord’s car that He is letting me use for ministry.”

I love saying that because it reminds me that every single thing I possess is really just on loan. I want to be faithful with the littlest of bits because I know nothing material can echo in eternity.

Posted on September 14, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 2

what’s wrong with lemons?

I am sitting here (listening to the clacking heels of my neighbor just arriving and the various yelping dogs) and sipping on some wonderful “I Love Lemon” Bigelow tea. And I wonder, how did lemons ever get a bad rap? What did they do to deserve being smeared across ugly stories of car sales gone wrong? Well, I am here to pay some narrative (and philosophical) restitution. I love lemons! And I propose that the situations we written off as sour may actually be sweet in disguise.

Case in point:
Though I tend to lean toward optimism, the back of my mind keeps pounding on the front door saying, “Why did you leave that safe mountain?” My closest friends from last year still live there, along with all the amazing new staff. Ministry events happen there. Cleaner air is there. Carpooling happens and hikes happen and impromptu worship sessions happen and all sorts of good things happen up there.

I re-read my blog from yesterday and God is so faithful to point out where we are blessed! But, tonight, whatever was left in a “lemon story” of my move down the mountain is gone and all that remains is the sweet tasting “I Love Lemon” tea my grandma so thoughtfully sent with me when I left the states.

I just got back from a beautiful prayer meeting at church. I’m going to a different church now, in El Centro (the center of the city) and its close enough that I can walk or use public transportation (in daylight, of course). I have several co-workers who attend the church, but for some reason never tried it out. I have this strange fear of looking flimsy when it comes to commitments, so when I start something out I try to stick to it (which meant a whole year of commitment to Impacto last year).

I went last Sunday for the first time and it felt so good to worship in Spanish again! I also saw several boys from the Micah Project (the street kid ministry I keep talking about) and I finally started to see my worlds merging… local church with outreach and outreach with work. It’s crazy how the mind tries to keep those separate. Anyway, I loved the service and I felt the pastor really spoke Truth from the Word.

A chaplain from another school also goes to that church and I recognized him at the service. He invited me to the Micah Project service that same night and I’m so glad I went. He knew I was still trying to decide about churches, but he sent me a message letting me know about the prayer meeting tonight. After a crazy day at work, I needed a good walk and mid-week reminder of the Lord’s purpose, so I went. What a blessed night it was!

Standing there, singing “De Los Montes” and truly believing the words, I was swept up by a new sense of ‘locality’ that I never felt last year. I went to the service by myself and afterwards met many beautiful people afterwards. I am always amazed at how gracious people can be with a stuttering second language speaker! I met Johanna, who sings in the band, and she is studying psychology at the university and wants to get together to “hang out.” And, I found out Santa Maria and her family live close to me (they gave me a ride home!) and they invited me over for baleadas!

With all of this confirmation, it is so very clear God desires the city to be a place where I love lemons. I think we sometimes look at situations that surprise or disappoint us and say, “Well, I guess you’ll have to make do.” or “Maybe this season is just mean to be a bit sour.”

I think different.

Situations that surprise or even disappoint are often about to be the most wonderful we’ve ever experienced.

… I got all that out of one cup of “I Love Lemon” tea.
Wow. Thanks, grandma!

Posted on August 19, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come