the cost of “a la orden”

ouch!

My entire Saturday was saturated with a painful joy. I’m resigned to calling my emotion painful joy because, as much as I’ve reached and grabbed at the English language, I can’t find anything better. I guess it has a lot to do with processing a very emotional week of mission, but I think it’s also this new life philosophy I’m trying out.

I’m really attempting to put everything in my life in the “a la orden” perspective. And, as I do so, I’m noticing the painful joy pressing in on my heart more than I can express. As I share stories with people and listen to memories from students on the mission trip, I am overwhelmed. It’s like standing under Niagara Falls and trying to be thankful for every drop of water cascading from such a great height. It’s TOO MUCH to take in. I was trying to build up monuments (like the Israelites) with words so we can look back and see the Lord’s blessing, but I felt almost frantic to find enough stones and build fast enough.

Have you ever sat with someone who is sharing his/her heart and not known how to express the love blooming like springtime in your soul? I sit there and wish there was a way to dance, sing, laugh, and hug with the colorful power of a hundred springtimes. If I sound crazy, I am doing well with this explanation because it doesn’t make any sense to me either.

The more I make my gifts “available” to the Lord, the more I feel completely blown away by His brilliant use of them. I really consider any gift or ability I have not at all my own, but the Lord’s, so it shouldn’t surprise me that He knows best how to use these gifts for His glory. But, I think the surprise is wrapped up somehow in my joy as well. The mystery of seeing the Gospel alive and working in front of my eyes to transform people I love is marvelous.

THIS is what it means to taste and see that the Lord is good!

Where is the pain? you might ask. Well, yesterday my soul hurt. It ached like the worst charlie horse, but there was no massaging it away. This pain was in every way attached to my joy and I’m still figuring out why.

taste and see
I think (maybe) the more we taste and see that the Lord is good, we might also start to understand the limits of that taste. Let me try to explain. While we are still living on this earth in the “already, not yet” of Kingdom Come, we are limited to merely taste and see the Lord is good. To be honest, I think “taste” is all we can handle, but that reveals one very important, painful truth: this broken world can’t handle the whole feast. We are not yet in eternity where our days will be filled with the FULLNESS of the Lord’s goodness, not just a taste. When we taste something, if it’s a good something, we generally want more.

This could not be more true of the Lord. When we are overwhelmed with delight in His presence, we want more of Him… even ache for more of Him. Within this deep desire there is a struggle for the “eternity set in our hearts” where this ache will be relieved.

subject and mode
The subject of my true delight is the Lord always, but the mode seems to be this “a la orden” (make every gift and talent available through service). And, in serving, the pain comes with the joy as well. With every child comforted or hungry man fed, millions more wait. There is pain (possibly the “groaning in expectation” in Romans?) in serving others in this world when the need is so great. So, at the same time I am experiencing the joy of obedience and following God’s heart, I am experiencing pain through the realization that others may not feel the same joy.

selfish love
I love these students. It almost scares me how much I love them. To see them ENJOYING the presence of the Lord has been one of God’s greatest gifts to me in my time here. Because I’ve been so blessed to see God work in them, I realize that my part in their journey may soon end. It is, of course, the LORD who is moving and working and drawing them near the Throne of Grace. And I am realizing it is one of the biggest steps of faith to believe God will take care of them whether or not I am by their side. I am having to let go of the reasons my love for them encourages me … and hold on to the reasons my love for God will help me love them in the best way that encourages them.

So, there’s some Sunday reflection for you. I hope you are all enjoying a beautiful Sabbath day!

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on March 20, 2011March 20, 2011 by Caroline 6

pushed to the limit and BLESSED beyond

Wow. These days are cRaZy! Yesterday we spent time at the orphanage and the public school in Valle and then we got ready for the outreach event at night. My heart jumped like crazy seeing kids streaming into the camp from the dusty, dirt road to see what all the hype was about. We played soccer (of course), relays, and then we had a presentation.

I will expand more when I am not sitting on concrete steps and struggling to get a signal. But, I just want you to know a bit of the beauty I felt watching the students push themselves to the limit. All morning we were at the orphanage … it was piggy back ride after volleyball game after more piggy back after laugh attacks. Constant motion and then the night was constant emotion. The students performed two skits like professionals and several shared their testimony with a crowd of 250-300. The most beautiful thing of all (more beautiful than my horrible miscalculations – don’t ever ask me to order you pizza unless you want more than you need!), was truly praying through the belief that God is at the center. We offer up our humble attempts, but it is God who makes any attempt successful. I saw these students give their hearts on that stage (even though several were sick) … because they knew giving their all is the only way God would want them to perform.

Before the final assembly, I overhead a student say, “Oh my gosh! I have to translate for you and now we’re singing and I have to get the props and … how am I going to do this!?!?!” then a breath, “No, it’s okay. I trust God will work through me if He thinks I can handle this.”

THESE are the moments!

OKay – before I get carried away about last night … I have to move on to today to other GREAT, BIG moments. We spent some time de-briefing before we scattered for the night and I got to hear some of the aMAZING testimonies of our team who went out in a little village called San Francisco. None of my students had been there before and only one knew it existed, tucked away in the mountains. The students went door to door and shared the gospel and the effect is still gripping my heart. One group, after presenting the gospel, was told, “I’m rejecting the best gospel presentation I’ve ever heard in my life.” Which was a strange, sure encouragement to them that they were on the right track. They assured the stranger that he didn’t have to reject it, of course, but he could choose to believe.

Well, enough of my stories… here is a word from Lesly (who blesses me at least 10 times a day with her warmth, her smile, and her attitude).

This morning, we did three carnivals at elementary schools in El Sauce and Cerro Grande. The kids came from all over and were super excited to see us. Later, we visited the town of Villa San Fransisco to do a carnival and evangelize through the streets. I had Marielle and Stanley in my group – and they are probably the coolest people to be with.

We met an old woman who shared how sick she was. Stanley got up right there as she was telling us and prayed for her, and I was trembling because I was so moved by what God was doing. His prayer was so beautiful and I started to realize how amazing it is to just reach out and love in this way.

While walking around Villa San Fransisco, all of the people were extremely welcoming and hospitable. I feel so blessed that I was able to meet all of them. We also got the opportunity to share with people our age, Lester and Misiael. They were very open to Marielle’s and Stanely’s testimonies and really wanted to listen to what we had to say.

At the very end, there was this man called Carlos who completely made fun of us while we were praying for him. Even though we were a little embarrassed for ourselves we have the confidence that we planted the seed in him. God really blessed us with the opportunity to meet up with people who needed our presence and His presence.

Wow. The stories keep coming! Please keep praying that we

let God’s love fly like cRaZy!!

Posted on March 9, 2011 by Caroline 0

beautiful things

Makoto Fujimura at FFM 2009 — Image by jystewart via Flickr

So many beautiful things have happened today and it’s not even 8:45 am!

Here are the two link-related ones:

First, I discovered this last night and I could watch it a million times. Art+Truth=BEAUTIFUL. Here is a description from the Crossway website about this amazing project:

Makoto Fujimura, one of the century’s most highly regarded artists, has illuminated the Four Holy Gospels. Fujimura is known for his use of traditional Japanese Nihonga techniques and his passion for reconnecting Christian faith with fine art. This will mark the first time in nearly 400 years that an illuminated book of the four Gospels has been undertaken by a single artist.

Check it out HERE! Watch the video here!

Second, this morning I read Andrée Seu’s article on weakness and I’m tempted to let out a hearty AMEN right here in my office chair. We make so many excuses for ourselves and then try to justify our whimsies and failures with Scripture. It’s like we’ve resigned to the idea that “we are sinners, so of course we’re going to be weak and fail.” I could say so much more on this, but Andrée says it so well!

Here’s her last paragraph:

It is time to stop re-infecting ourselves with bad theology. If someone wants to keep repeating that we Christians are “weak,” please let him always clarify the statement with the adjectives “physically” or “psychologically.” Say that we are tired, and weary, and perplexed. But let’s lose the morbid and counterproductive self-image of the Christian as “Sinner” and (morally) “weak.” Paul gives instructions for self-image, as he does for other areas of Christian life: “You also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ” (Romans 6:11).

Hope you are encouraged today by these two beautiful things!

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on November 17, 2010 by Caroline 2

SLEEPout photo montage

Please enjoy these pictures from the sleepout last Friday. I know these can’t possibly tell the whole story, but I hope you get the idea: a LOT of joy happened.

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And, as icing on the cake, 6 Micah boys got baptized this past Sunday!! Praise the Lord

Posted on October 26, 2010October 27, 2010 by Caroline 2

LINK it up, Monday!

I’ve been listening to Piper’s series on spectacular sins that he preached back in 2007 and they’ve kind of been blowing me away. The idea that God’s sovereignty means that absolutely everything… even evil falls under His control. Yesterday, the sermon was called Fatal Disobedience of Adam and the Triumphant Obedience of Christ. God was not surprised when Adam sinned… in fact Adam was a type (foreshadowing) of Christ. Just as sin was brought into the world by one man, so salvation came through one man – Christ!
Jeremy Larson is, to be honest, lucky to have a fiance like Elsie. She’s got an amazing thing going on at Red Velvet Art and A Beautiful Mess … really inspiring what she can do with crafts and art and good ideas. Larson, himself, is a strange secret as a musician. Strange because he shouldn’t be, but the fact that he still is somewhat of a secret makes it all the more exciting to discover his complex melodies.
Little Birdie Plush tutorial – Now this is a great project that I fully intend to start soon! I would love to make a whole legion of these little birdies for Christmas gifts!
Our newly formed and not yet officially begun Book and Philosophy Club is setting off to a curious start with the book, “God’s Middle Finger,” written by a British journalist traveling through the Sierra Madre in Mexico. Interesting… can’t wait to see what’s up.
Brooke Fraser pleasantly surprises us with her new album, Flags. It came out the day before my birthday and I splurged. I’m certainly glad I did – especially for the songs, “Flags” and “Crows & Locusts.”
You want to be relevant?? you want to contextualize the Gospel? Check out this URBAN audio Bible! I’m just going to say it: I love rap. I know this might be a surprise, but I’m not talking about the big names necessarily. I am just saying that I love the way you can string words together and weave them with rhymes and rhythms and… well, anyway I love rap. And, I love the Word. So many times we convince ourselves that we need to make the Word more inviting or exciting. The Truth is – you cannot add or take away from its power. I love how rapping the Bible could help you commit it to memory.
I have a friend who lives in Philadelphia… and she knows Josh Schurr. When she mentioned him in her status on facebook, I thought it was about time I checked him out. He’s got an EP on bandcamp and itunes.

Posted on October 25, 2010 by Caroline 0

‘Green Awakenings’ and Missing the Point of God’s Story

I’m re-posting this story because I could not afford to pass it up. This so clearly articulates what my emotions seem to keep me from saying. After studying at a Christian liberal arts college and then working at a different liberal arts college for a year, I have grown to respect “creation care” with a healthy disdain for its deception.

Deception? You ask.

Yes, deception. When we are torn from the MAIN THING and convinced that other things are just as important, we have lost sight of Truth. As you can read in this article, we can even cleverly REPLACE the central message of the Gospel with a different message entirely.

NEWSFLASH: The new message doesn’t save.

Read the article here: ‘Green Awakenings’ and Missing the Point of God’s Story.

Posted on September 21, 2010September 21, 2010 by Caroline 0

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come