grandma – MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come

Light dapples the deck and backdrops the August cicada song. The kids are loudly protesting quiet time and Postal Service serenades me with the windows open to the first hint of autumn cool breeze. “I was finally seeing, I was the one worth leaving.” Depravity is an idea with maybe too much mental baggage in my mind. Tulips, for me, should always and forever be considered for their beauty and elegance and never for their acronymic abilities. But, there are no tulips right now. My last zinnias are fighting for drinks in this drought stretch, reaching up at the very corner of our yard for the best light. They are bedraggled and glorious all at once.

When we started our very novice journey in landscaping, we thought “we are green people, not flower people.” The thought shames me now, but I will own it because then I know I’ve grown! My grandma, for years, wrote to all of her grandchildren on notecards that she made from pictures she took of her flowers. I almost said “her prize flowers” but they were all her treasures. She paused to notice each one blooming, sometimes letting just the bloom live in a vase inside to extend her viewing of it. But, she loved them all the same and though the picture quality was sub-par, she would lovingly write in her flowing cursive the name of the flower in the bottom right corner on the front before letting her pen update us on the weather and her clothing choices for the season and the goings-on in her neighborhood. I still have all of them in the basement. I mean to bring them up and use them for flashcards to memorize all her favorite flowers. Someday.

And, so I realize, small, little me in this small, little house of quiet time protesters… that I am the one worth leaving. My temper, my selfishness, my pride. I used to think “approaching the throne with confidence” was a badge of honor I wore, like a parade I got to make because I had every right to be in front of the King (because of Jesus, obvs) even with all the TULIPS being explained around me. You might think that as my life got bigger and wider and held more I might feel smaller. Instead, it is only now as my life shrinks to the size of our square footage that I can see more clearly just how unlikely it is that I should ever step foot near that throne. How utterly ridiculous an idea that I should be in the same room with a King, a true and holy and perfect King.

And yet, even though I am absolutely the one worth leaving, He came for me. And He comes for me now. Praise be!

“Don’t wake me, I plan on sleeping in…” what existential thoughts can I attach to this song while I sit with the crayons and the crumbs and the leftover smoothie on the table? God knows.

I am sad you don’t get emails from my Gram.

I read this one over and over, and then several times out loud to different audiences because it is that good. I wish she would start a blog, so everyone could read about the musicians removing their caps because of unpredictable weather at a church service and because they were facing the east. I didn’t make any changes because I want you to read it exactly like I did (the first, second, and fifth times).

Caroline and Patrick, do we have a new address? Since I don’t do a lot on Facebook of a personal nature, I would like to have an address! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! We had church in the park yesterday. When they moved the music equipment to the stage the sun was shining and when we got there at 10; it was still shining, but when the service started at 10:15, the clouds had appeared and the musicians removed their caps as they were facing the east. Service, grill meat, sit down to meat and salad and dessert lunch. As we finished and were visiting, it began to sprinkle, the music equipment and table and chairs got moved back to the church very rapidly before it began to sprinkle in earnest. Here in Griswold Iowa, we have had rain EVERY SINGLE DAY. At least 6 inches for the week. Good for some thingss, like the corn and beans, but hard on my dahlia flowers. The Raspberries are BIG at the beginning of their fall season. And we will have apples. But the squirrels like the delicious ones, they nibble and they then fall to the ground and that’s it. Sounds like your apartment is just right according to what I heard from someone. The right size for pancake mondays, right distance from the train, close to old pancake friends, etc. etc. Got any pictures? Patrick, one night the girls were fixing supper while Cindy was on skype and they burned the bacon! She couldn’t believe it and they were standing right there! ! ! ! ! ! Love, Gram

You are welcome.