rain

I know I am slacking, but here’s another post for Every Day in May. I wrote this in a cabin on a mountain, listening to the rain gush from overflowing clouds.

RAIN
rain is like a slow train
with a steady, pounding beat
the rhythm comes in blankets
dropping delight, the cloud’s sweet release
the destination is not the ground
but deeper dug into the soil
where all sorts of earth can be found
and all kinds of life roots toil
the drop’s journey is not a steady path
directed by two parallel metals
but instead drawn by gravity’s catch
and interrupted sometimes by obstinate petals
the noise of a single, solitary drop
is not likely to be noticed
but multiplied by millions non-stop
the din of drops is nearly uproarious
and so rain is like a train
though altogether different still
the rhythm and sound rush with refrain
but the life-giving nature is what thrills

con una corona de espinos

I walked in the door about half an hour ago and I’m glad at the thought of my pillow. God continues to show His grace and blessing, though I am still training myself to look for it. Tonight, I’m thinking on these two things: this article based off a Mark Driscoll sermon, and this Spanish worship song.

I’ll let you figure out how they connect. Something along the lines of God’s victory and strength preparing the way for men to lead as they were intended. Well, that, and we need no invitation or permission to proclaim Jesus as Lord and Savior. He is King forever!

community is a must, but worry is not

I already knew this was true, but this little clip from the sermon today was just the reminder I needed.

In total, my Sabbath had four sermons in it and I feel blessed to have heard every one. After I read about John leaping for joy, I had to catch up with Mary’s response and her song. I’m going through Luke (I started kind of late) with Mars Hill church and this sermon on Mary’s song grabbed my very heart! I loved the phrase: replace worry with worship. Mom, if you are reading this, you should probably listen to this message… it’s for us! Instead of looking at a whole list of things that could have wrecked her, Mary chose to worship through her worries and come out on the other side praising because her heart delighted to and not just because she knew she should. That is my plan for this week: worship through my worries and pray for a heart that delights as I do it.
Have I written for “Every Day in May” recently? Ummm… well, I could say I’ve been writing in my journal, but that would only be truthfully notes and prayers and verses. So, no, I haven’t really written creatively this week, but I will!
Don’t forget to

let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

sometimes we are just called to be willing

After 45 minutes listening to dramatic pauses and well-placed Scripture references, I was ready to sign up. My elbows propped against my knees my chin strained forward as if I could hear the words faster if my face was closer to the stage. Every word fell in its rightful place and my heart became all twisted and stretched and then I heard this question,

“So, who will go to Africa this summer?”

The blood pumping inside my veins forgot its course and all rushed instead to my nodding head. “Yes,” I was saying with the almost hypnotic up-and-down-motion, “Yes, I will go to Africa this summer.”
I walked up with a mass of young, eager-to-change-the-world collegiate types and we all affirmed one another’s calling to serve in Swaziland the following July.
I left the meeting exhilarated and ready to tackle the problem of practicalities. I called my parents and my joy bubbled over into our phone conversation, only tempered by their advice to pray and be cautious.
Days went by and the emotions wore off. Both gradually and suddenly as I prayed, I knew I would not be going to Africa and I then met a fierce dragon called doubt.
If the Lord hadn’t told me to go to Africa, then who? If I was pursuing the Lord then why the mixed signals? Was I so far from God that I couldn’t even discern His calling?
A mess would describe the spiritual struggle of the following days. I was so confused and frustrated with myself for being controlled completely by emotions, as it seemed. Then, in a conversation with my dad that I will never forget, he gently spoke these words,
“Sometimes, Caroline… sometimes God just wants to bring us to the point where we say we are willing. Whether you go or not doesn’t matter as much as how ready your heart is to do whatever the Lord asks. You were willing to go and God saw your heart.”
I rolled those words over in my mind for days, really hoping they were true. I questioned and wrestled and arrived at the conclusion that our pursuit of God is not dependent on His answers. My pursuit of God is not on pause when I receive an affirmative or in high speed when I’m waiting for a reply. God calls me to a constant, passionate pursuit of Himself and promises (regardless of my progress) He will be faithful and He will be sufficient.
As Isaiah, I hope I will respond to every call with, “Here am I. Send me.” Even if the call doesn’t amount to the movement of my feet, I pray I will be willing.
sometimes we are just called to be willing to
let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

when I grow older, I will be stronger

If you don’t know that the World Cup is in South Africa this year, you are missing a major excitement-building frenzy around the globe. Let me back up, if you don’t know that there IS a soccer World Cup championship then you need to do a little culture study before reading on (here would work).
I love that I live in a country that becomes so passionate and unified over 11 guys, a rectangular field, and a round ball. I don’t think I necessarily understand it all yet, but I do love seeing the loyalty and excitement that comes with this championship because Honduras was able to come together when so much was falling apart.
When I first heard this song above (one of several for the World Cup), I thought it was catchy. Every time I listen to it I go around humming it until I consciously decide to do otherwise. The rhythm is bumpin’ and the words make you want to love soccer if you don’t already.
So, now is the not-so-popular part.
As I listen to this song, I wonder if it is secular worship music.
Sometimes, it is easy to make fun of the cheesy worship songs with every other line a reference to sin or Jesus or redemption. Maybe they are too predictable, maybe they are “too ideal,” or maybe we just straight up don’t want to worship what the song declares.
So, how are we worshipping? This song just strikes me as a cry out to declare humanity does want unity and joy and peace and love. But, will we find it in a game? Can we worship a game?
——
I’m merely asking questions at this point, but you can guess where this is going. Really, though, what other worship songs do we sing?
I’m just thinking and I am so tired, so I suppose I’ll just end it here.
Your thoughts are welcome!

is this freedom?

“not always, but sometimes…the thing you wanted the most is the thing that you now want the least.”

Lucy tugged at the corduroy strap of her pink overalls and listened to the soft crunch of forest beneath her feet. The morning scene drifted in and out of sight, while she tried to focus on the sporadic groupings of trees and the unmarked path winding in front of her.

Freedom fell on her lips in the misty haze cloaking the friendly trees… and she breathed. She welcomed the familiar motion in her chest – rising ever-so-slightly while the pure oxygen gathered in her belly. This place was a sanctuary, an escape, a shelter, and a friend. It was strange to feel as if she’d just walked into her home, kicked off her shoes, and cuddled up in the overstuffed sofa. Physically, she was far from the place where her presence was expected to emerge upon sunrise. But, Lucy’s heart lept at the joy of this new place. Every single bristling green leaf responded to her deep breaths, moving with the slight motion of her chest.

The energy was almost electric around her, though Lucy’s relief at the lack of electric current was obvious. She let her hands drop to her sides, smoothing the corduroy pattern and testing the silence. With a slight shoulder shrug, which seemed to say to the trees, “you’re my new friends, right?” Lucy slowly stretched her arms up, up, up into the air as far as her little frame could manage. When they reached the highest height, her mouth opened and an unplanned yelp escaped.

Startled, Lucy turned around (with arms still extended to the highest height) in a small circle and waited to see if there would be a protest. Sensing none, Lucy’s eyes relaxed and this time the yelp was every bit planned. In fact, it turned into a joyful song and dance, with complete abandon to the freedom of the place.

Moments or minutes later (Lucy’s joy did not let her keep track of time), Lucy wandered over to a stunning green shoot, growing from a fallen tree. The colors seem magical almost, or painted. Afraid to touch it, she got real close and smelled its smell. Wet, dirt, clean, and earth filled her nose. Her pause was altogether too long, but now Lucy knew she could linger without worrying. She stared at the little green shoot sprouting from the fallen tree until her eyes started to blur and her limbs began to droop.

Lucy felt the soft bark underneath her fingers and slowly laid her head down for a moment. Her legs still limp, she let them hang over the edge and float in the forest air. She slept.

A faint tickle traced her right knuckle and Lucy roused with half-open eyes to examine the cause. A caterpillar was making its merry way up, over, and around her in search of something, it seemed. Her eyes spread wider and accustomed to the forest light. In the hours that past between the abandoned dance and waking from the most restful nap, Lucy thought the clusters of trees might have changed. The dampness soaked into her and the full shade above her kept the leaves from glistening.

She remembered the joyful dance before her nap and wondered if she could muster the same song. The morning scene that started this whole excursion seemed so long ago.

—————

My friend Nicole inspired me to write this little piece that I’m quite sure is only the beginning. I still haven’t decided how old to make Lucy, but I already know I love her dearly. For now, it is called, “Is this freedom?”

I know you’ve got it in you, so
let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

sadness and love

“sadness reveals the depth of our love”

I spoke these words today at the airport, as I put my friend Heather on a plane bound for Canada. Her kindness has touched so many lives and one of the students at the airport was taking her departure kind of rough. I leaned over and said this bit about sadness and she just looked at my blurry-eyed.
I thought more about it today… about goodbyes and hellos and departures.
I’m still not sure if it makes any sense, but my heart seems to understand the reasoning. God has placed in us the desire to love and be loved because He is Love. When that love inside is stretched, bent, or tested, a certain sadness settles in because the love we can give and receive is not perfect. I don’t think goodbyes were part of the Garden of Eden. I don’t think tears at the airport was ever part of the perfect plan. Our hearts are stretched when the love planted inside of us rebels against the world its constrained to live in. And then words come out like they did today, reminding me that sadness can be beautiful too… even just that the broken pieces reveal the One who can mend.
That is my writing for today.
“sadness reveals the depth of our love”
let LOVE FLY like cRaZY
…even if it leads you to sadness

jam-packed

I’m not sure why they say the phrase, “jam-packed,” but I’m sure that is exactly what this day was!

I woke up super early (after saying goodbye to students at like 11:30 last night) to clean, do laundry, and prepare for cousin ANNA to arrive today. Then Heather and I met up with Jess and Danie for a roommate reunion breakfast, which we left in hot pursuit of the airport, where Anna arrived on a plane full of other well-intentioned, big-hearted people.

We went then to Alvin’s house (pastor of Manos Extendidas) and from there to the feeding center to love, hug, serve, sing, teach, laugh, and smile with the beautiful kids.

We waited out a rain storm before we made our way back down the mountain where we enjoyed some bruschetta at a Honduran hippie coffee shop before going to a free movie sponsored by the European film festival. We were all glad we didn’t pay for it, but after we went out for coffee and redeemed the night.

Finally, we arrived home and I hope Anna isn’t too tucked out!

I wanted to share some creative words – a rap I wrote with a student as tribute to Heather who leaves tomorrow. I have struggled, admittedly, with this “Every Day in May” thing while having visitors and entertaining, but can you blame me? Really?

Rap for Primmer
This is a song for Primmer
for the girl we love
the one who plays wild guitar
and always gives lots of hugs

this is a rhyme for the time
when you found me all low
when I was searching for love
and a safe place to go

I was looking all around
turning over every stone
to find the answers to my questions
and ended up all alone

at the point of my sadness
when all else looked bleak
my exhaustion hit me hard
and made my bones feel weak

with the eyes of Christ
you looked out to find
me sitting there alone
with no reason or no rhyme

Now I just wanna say
thanks for taking the time
for listening and helping me
believe it all will be fine

Girl, this year’s been rough
the battle’s been strong
but we know you got our backs
you’ve been there all along

Up there in Canada
where you say “eh”
we know you remember us
in your prayers everyday

when you go back
remember one thing
it’s a LOVE attack
comin from your family

in Honduras we are
(farther south than you)
tryin’ to get through it’s hard
but we’ll manage, it’s true

because you always said
and we’ll never forget
we should strive for the Hope
that conquers all sin

so we wanna thank you and
leave you this memory
remember you’ve always got a friend
and you’ve found a friend in me
——————-

I know it’s completely cheesy, but Natalie and I are about to sing it tomorrow morning at the airport and I’m sure it’ll bring a smile!
What are you doing to ….
let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

pursuing lower pleasures

After a crazy day, an afternoon filled with charades and catch phrase and laughter, and a typically cheesy serenade for the 11th grade girls… Heather and I went for coffee and finally caught up a bit. I chose the Latte Au-Lait, which means I am now WIDE awake and she’s zonked out (getting the sleep she needs so we can leave at 5:45 am to lead worship tomorrow at staff devotions).

I just want to write something quick tonight… maybe it will turn into a poem, but right now it’s just thoughts about pleasure. As I think about the students and this culture and (maybe) popular culture in general, I decide that our greatest sin is pursuing lower pleasures.
I know C.S. Lewis probably illustrated this idea more deeply than my brain can think it right now, but still it seemed a mini-revelation tonight.
God promises in Psalm 16:11 that in His presence there is FULLNESS of JOY and at His right hand there are PLEASURES forevermore. Wow! What a promise!
God promises the kind of joy that bursts out from inside our souls and overflows to uncontrollable laughter… the kind of joy that you can’t keep from showing on your face… the kind of joy you can’t wait to share with everyone you meet… the kind of joy that makes your heart feel like fire and makes you want to dance and shout and play in the rain…
NOT ONLY that, but also pleasures forevermore. God offers us pleasure that never ends – He created us with the desire for pleasures forevermore and He is delighted when we pursue the highest kind. He planted that little seed inside us, in the soil of our humanity, that tries to break the surface and soar toward the sun… all the ways our humanity longs to have pleasure can be traced back to the way we were created in His image to experience pleasures forevermore.
The moment I decide to pursue a less pleasurable pleasure than what I was created for, I am choosing sin. I know, it sounds confusing. Usually we associate pleasure with sin, but right now I am saying that we sin when we pursue less pleasure or lower pleasure. Because I know God created me and placed in me a desire to have infinite joy and pleasure, I know that anything less than a pursuit of THAT means two things:
1. I am not experiencing the most pleasure possible (can only be found in and through God)
2. I am trying to make lower pleasures fulfill my God-given desires for the BEST pleasure (which, of course is a fail from the start)
God created us, knows us, and delights when we are absolutely bursting with joy.
Here’s what I’m praying:
O, that I might be an instrument on which God chooses to boldly play the joyful song of redemption.

.let LOVE FLY like cRaZY.

It’s only Wednesday?

I am exhausted.

I can’t really think right now, but I know I need sleep. My creative writing for the day? I’m working on a rap with a student and we had a fun go of it this afternoon! Writing every day is DIFFICULT!
Lately, I’ve realized how much I read. I read articles, journals, tweets, blogs, posts, books, and more articles that lead me to a little gem that makes me think I know nothing and must keep reading. I realized this when I told a friend today, “Oh, I found this article about guilt by Kevin DeYoung that is really great – you should take a look.” Then he said, “Yeah! You should tell me whenever you find good articles like that worth reading!”
I just stared at him. In my head, I thought, if you are serious then you’ll be getting more emails than you can handle in one day. Between counseling articles, theology, philosophy, and culture, I read a LOT. I take comfort in the piece of advice I remember reading in a C.S. Lewis book – something like a good writer has to be a good reader. So, maybe it’s making me better at the craft, who knows?
Anyway, I wanted to give you a couple things to read or peruse at your leisure… things that I’ve read in the past day or so. My cyber friend (he doesn’t know he is, but we are) Tim Challies does this often and calls it “A La Carte.”
Poison of Quaint Moralism is written by an Acts 29 pastor in Raleigh, NC. He suggests that the South has succumbed to a poison made by their own hands. He says, “Our churches are full of good-looking, upright, moral people. The tragic irony is that our goodness is our poision. A great many Southerners claim Christianity as their religion, mimicking righteousness on the surface while their hearts remain unchanged by the gospel of Jesus.”
Kevin DeYoung gets to the heart of something I struggle with every single day: guilt. How much should I feel and how much is lacking a full view of grace? Read this article and ponder it yourself.
This is not an article, but I hope you will link to discover the musical treasure! I first found Joy when I was looking for all things Philly because my friend Nicole decided to move there. She’s not typical, so don’t expect that.
This isn’t an article as much as it is a new person I am following. I love all the people at the Gospel Coalition (partially because I was there in the beginning – the very first Gospel Coalition conference in Chicago) and I am finding new people to respect, admire, and read every day. His unique perspective and style are sometimes just what I need.
Alright, friends. Enjoy the rest of this crazy Wednesday (and the entire Thursday if you read it in the morning!)
Don’t forget….
.let LOVE FLY like cRaZY.