I got into the office a little early – wearing the comfortable Friday jeans – and my boss hasn’t given me a direction for the day, so I thought I’d use a little time to jot some much needed reflection.

I wrote on Monday that the blessings of the weekend were a whole different story, so here it is:

My friend and I wanted to visit Moody church the first Sunday we were here, but we underestimated how far it was and how long it was taking to get there. So, when we spotted a church sign, we ducked into a building, up an elevator and into a room of around 12 people for a small service. It was a great experience and the people were wonderful, but we were still in search of Moody… I was talking to my boss about it and she suggested Park Community, which is an offshoot of Moody, but less traditional. She said she finally found her church home there and she really liked it….. So, I suggested it to my friend and we got a group together for the 11:30 service. The message was dynamite.

I could tell that at the heart of this church was God’s heart for reaching people with the gospel. Last Sunday, Jackson (pastor) started a new series called “The Great Investment.” Prejudiced as I am against topical sermons, I ate it up! He used scripture from Jeremiah 29:4-7 (I could say so much here but you’ll have to read, digest, and think about it if you want)

They have been praying about how God wants this city to be His and what part they have in His work – and they’ve set a goal to reach 1%. I know, to my small-town mind, I was like “that’s all?” But they aren’t just fooling around – 1% of Chicago is around 29,000 people. And they don’t just want to hand out tracts, they want to witness the transformation through salvation and discipleship (by partnering and beginning with many other churches). This is something I can get excited about! The church has committed 25% of its budget to the cause of local ministry and I saw evidence of that right away when they handed out envelopes at the end of the service. We opened them to find different amounts of money. Jackson told us that we have been blessed with gifts from the Father in so many ways, but that we have to decide how to best be stewards of those gifts. I opened up to find $10 and I’ve been stewing all week about how to use it best… and today I realized that if I’m not careful I could bury it like the man with the talents.

Wow. So, I walked out of there and immediately found out about small groups I could plug into. I’m not wasting time, here:). But, God’s blessings continued. We were waiting for the bus and it started to sprinkle. I offered to share my umbrella with a girl who was waiting beside me. We started talking and she had just been to the service, too. We quickly became friends. I found out she’s studying at Columbia, but is from Kansas and spent last summer doing missions in Mexico. After that experience, coming back to Chicago and a dry community was super hard… She’d only been back for about a week, but that Sunday morning she went up and asked for prayer for fellowship. That was MINUTES before meeting us at the bus stop! God is good! We made plans to meet up again for the 20somethings small group that night.

The night was amazing – fellowship with sweet people, great leadership, and challenging discussion. My new friend and I talked afterwards about how amazing everything was and I ended up telling her about my job search dead ends. .. She told me to apply at the restaurant she’d worked at, Sullivan’s. Super nice and super upscale (same owner as Del Frisco’s, for any of you family who have heard the Nichols’ rave about the steaks in NY). Well, I applied the next day, had an interview yesterday and GOT HIRED. It is a huge blessing to have work AND I talked to her last night and she’s going back too, so we’ll be working together!

Wow. I guess that takes me to right now, but I left a lot of blanks. I’m a jumble right now, but I am going to start in on some research. This microfinancing industry is quite complex! I think my brain is going to have to grow in order to store all these words!

Blessings today and always – REMEMBER who you are and WHOM you represent.
Keep the main thing the main thing.

Well, my first Monday went by without too much of a glitch, except that it seems so weird to just work all day. I mean, I honestly came to work, sat down, and only left for the bathroom and to grab my sack lunch. My legs started to cramp up and I had to do a round around the office just to stretch out a bit. I’ll get used to it – I just have to change positions often.

On the upside of my hour commute – I finished a book this morning, “The Alchemist.” It’s pretty interesting, also pretty polytheistic, but I found some gleaming nuggets of goodness hidden in the pages. I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot and I guess it could go here:
In Philippians 3 Paul writes,

“7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

I recently listened to a Nooma from Rob Bell that considered our blessings – just what it is to truly contemplate the gifts we’ve received from God. Everything that we possess, attain, and experience is a gift – graciously given without cost. To relate back to what Paul was saying in Philippians, I think it is so essential to see that Paul didn’t say everything was worthless and rubbish. He said that everything is loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus. Everything has its place in creation and reflects the beautiful, perfect image of God Himself. When these gifts become idols is when they are rubbish. I think some things that tend to be categorized as “secular” can be the same way, whether its philosophy or art. Like the book “The Alchemist.” Taken at face value, it may seem like an artistic way to convince vulnerable minds of a religious agenda.

Yet, I did find some insight that forced me to think about who God is and how I might better reflect His glory. I do understand how difficult it becomes to discern between truth and untruth, but if we keep Paul’s view in mind, we will always be content in every situation, yet straining to see wait awaits in heavenly splendor.

I have again began to tackle Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis. It was almost a shock to read such bluntness after floating over the pages of the Alchemist, which seemed to move in a vague, aesthetic deepness. I finished up the chapters on pacifism and started on transposition – his argument about glossolalia (speaking in tongues). I will write more later about his comparison between emotion and sensation…

My head hurts from thinking, traveling, and typing. I turned in two more applications for jobs today. My hope is in the Lord!

Chicago… new, mysterious, and waiting to be read like an undiscovered should-be bestseller. Today marks two weeks that I’ve been in the city and I want so much to shed the tourist skin that stuck so comfortably when I arrived.

It’s hard to know where to start, but from experience I know that starting is better than procrastinating. I’ve only been an “official” intern for two days, but I can see the Lord’s heart reaching into what this organization is doing. I will try to explain how it works…and I’m still learning:)
Basically, Opportunity International is a non-profit organization that’s purpose is to respond to Jesus Christ’s call to serve the poor. The way they go about this is different – they aim to create sustainable economy in developing nations by connecting organizations working on the ground to provide small-business loans. This gives the poorest working people the chance to start and grow a business so that they aren’t left dependent on hand-outs.

There are two Opportunity International fronts: the US side, which works to fundraise for the expanding efforts in developing nations; and the Network side, which was formed in the last 5 years to accomodate all of the organizations working in micro-business around the world. I am working for the Network, which operates out of Oak Brook, but the headquarters are really on the airwaves between countries. The goal is to share resources, training, and encouragement and to advance the cause by being stewards with what we have.

I am mainly doing public relations and event planning… creating press releases, media kits, and helping to plan their annual global conference in the Dominican Rebublic. I’ve already learned so much in those two days – the greatest of which is remembering and re-learning the importanced of dependence and God’s glory.

Let me re-hash my first day (partly to clarify that I didn’t end up there dirty, crying, and upset).
My doubt began when I left my apartment for the day and got lost trying to find the train station. .. But not really lost – I asked directions a lot. Well, when I made it there, I found out that it was the wrong station. On my way to the right station, I realized that I did NOT have cash to pay for a Metra ticket (they don’t take anything else). I admit at this point I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to that monumental “first day on the job.” I called my mom, who instructed me to call my job and tell them what was up… But, I knew they were too far away to do anything about it… so I built up some courage and asked an unsuspecting, random stranger if hewould let me pay for his breakfast and give me cash. He agreed – thank the Lord and I was on the train to Oak Brook. I finally called my boss when I got to the station, and she picked me up because I couldn’t find the bus.

All that said, my doubting completely lacked reason – God was sovereign over my situation and I was abundantly blessed that day and the next. Every time I doubt or become anxious, the Word reminds me that God is so much bigger than these things that occupy my mind. God deserves more than my worries – because He is Lord over the situations causing me to fret. Today is a completely different set of blessings altogether. The church I went to, people I met, my friend Jenna, the bible study we are already plugged into, and the community forming around me… God orchestrated this, here in the city of Chicago, while He was orchestrating so many other beautiful and intricate things – and all for His glory.

Last notes: I have decided to have bookstore books (books I don’t buy, but read while at bookstores). My first choice has been Bob Dylan Chronicles, Vol. One, which I started recently and I know I will enjoy. ..Other books I’m reading currenlty are: Monster by Frank Peretti and The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo. The written word has such power!

I am so blessed by the friendships I have – both here and in New York, Iowa, Krakow, and Nebraska. How wonderfully I have been blessed – and I know this is for one purpose – that I might be a blessing for God’s glory.

I have to end with that because I have more to read and an early morning to see tomorrow. My love to Allison, because we didn’t get to talk today… and Patrick, because I haven’t talked to him in too long – I send them some Chicago lovin.

If I could get a video of the past week and a half, it’d look something like a kaleidescope – so many colors, constantly changing, and just when I thought the picture was beautiful it would morph into something else – wonderfully complex and unexpected.

I’m moved in to my new apartment and loving every bit of it. I am literally 3 blocks from the beach, where I rushed to this morning for a jog to breathe in the sweet, Lake Michigan air. My apartment is on the 16th floor and we can see the lake from our window. There really is something about being near water that makes me want to sail around the world in a ship like the Dawn Treader from Chronicles of Narnia.

This past weekend, with all the moving in, beach time, and exploring, I started to feel a little sad. I realize I get this way a lot and it’s a signal for alone time – or actually time with my Lord. So, I spent some time journaling and reading in 1 Kings, where I most recently read Solomon’s prayer in response to the Lord’s blessing after the building of the temple. Both he and David prayed grateful prayers where they asked the Lord to remember His promises. How important it is for us to know the promises of the Lord, so we can go to Him with His promises in our hearts. He does want to bless His children! I feel like David in so many ways – who am I that You would bless me!?

There must be something in the air here in Chicago – something that adds more weight to the normal gravitational pull. As I walk from place to place, I watch this unseen force, with each step, pull at the eyebrows and smiles of the people I pass. It’s not that they are all sad or mad, but their faces are just unfortunately defenseless against this force. The weird thing is – I started to feel it too, the more I walk the more stern I become – how does this happen?
So, I’m making an effort to defy this pull and lift my eyebrows and curve my smile, because I have so much to be joyful about!

Speaking of joyful – I have received news from Poland and my heart leaps with joy. I am so thankful for new friends, but at the same time I long for the miles to shorten and my time back in Poland to be only just beginning. I want to cry at the difficulty in communicating across technology and languages. God is my only help there:)

One last anecdote on my new home: blisters. Whoever decided that pointy shoes were the new “thing” should try walking 20 blocks and then interviewing for an internship. I lost track on just how far I walked all together, but I’m pretty sure my feet haven’t forgotten – I have the blisters to prove it (actually now they are more like open wounds that look like I have a foot disease). Well, at least I’m not the only one fooled by the demands of the uncomfortable pointies, all my friends have similar stories. We quickly realized that although it looks funny to wear sandals or tennies to work, it is a much better choice and worth the morning stares to save the feet.

I’ll write more later on my internship placement, but for now suffice it to say that I am extremely excited about the semester ahead. My job is in Oak Brook, which is about an hour commute, but it’s going to be worth it. The organization is Opportunity International (www.opportunity.org) and I’m looking forward to learning more about how they are responding to Jesus Christ’s call to serve the poor through the emerging area of microfinance. I’ve never really been a business-minded person, so I’m hoping this will give me the opportunity to develop some know-how in this area.

Please pray for a job – I’m checking in on Starbucks today.
My love to my family that I haven’t gotten hold of lately – I do think of you!

yep this internship program is unpaid, but it’s worth every penny! 🙂

Today was a struggle for awhile, but I had three great interviews and one that went much better than I expected. My last interview is tomorrow and then it’s decision time. .. I start early and heading for the coffee.
I’ll write more later, but for now it’s to the newly made bed for me.

grace and peace

What is it about life – about living the day from start to finish – that entices us to forget the Source? Of all the things that glitter and sparkle, distract and intrigue – what could possibly be strong enough to make me forget that beautiful, pure spring bubbling up from my soul’s core?
Even just today, I noticed myself being swept away with the Chicago River, right out to that big expanse of Michigan sea – given to the whims of the currents. Although this may sound dramatic, at the end of the night I realized how blessed my day was, but how little I gave back to the Lord.
I recently listened to a speaker who had presented at Challenge (national E. Free youth gathering). He challenged the students and adults listening to open their eyes to the lost souls around them. He talked about sharing the gospel with such urgency, because we (as born-again believers) have a responsibility to share. How selfish would we be if we kept salvation for ourselves?

He asked the question “Did you witness to someone today?”
I spoke with a friend about what we’d heard..and to think that the Lord’s greatest gift and treasure could be sitting stagnant in my heart – waiting to be shared – that’s too much.
yikes.

Today, as I walked around, I felt my energy and my spirit grasp for the courage and boldness to regain the giving heart. No, not the heart that gives change to every beggar and smiles to ever passer-by. The giving heart my spirit longs for is one that takes the joy of salvation and literally gives it away at every turn.

My interview with the Field Museum went unbelievably well… they even called my coordinator to show their excitement for my interest in the position. But, I appreciated it for a different reason – I saw where my passion lies. Even though I’ve been told that it’s not the best idea to be extremely open about one’s faith in an interview, I was able to explain why everything I’m passionate about is directly related to my faith. everything. I feel most alive when I am using my passion with the skills I’ve been given to make an impact on the world. Not that this job wouldn’t be a great opportunity – and God still might want me to be there – but I felt heavy in my spirit… Why?

Why scour the papers every morning to find new corporations coming to town? Why read up on who is giving what money where? Why know off the top of my head who has the biggest capacity to donate in the city of Chicago?
If I was going to be that deeply involved in an organization so big, I would need to be as deeply rooted in its mission and vision. I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but I can’t explain what happened in my spirit when I felt the difference between working for the Lord and working for man.

I’m not saying that working for secular organizations is wrong (definitely not saying this). This just happens to be how the Lord is teaching me that my first interview, internship, and job is with Him. By His grace I’m a part of this!

I’ve rambled enough…and I have three more interviews tomorrow that I’m very excited about!
World Vision, Chicago Community Trust, and People’s Energy.
grace and peace,

So, I’ve been in Chicago since Saturday evening, when my parents sacrificed their day to drive the 7 hours. It was really by God’s grace that we made it safely – ask my parents if they want to tell the story..:)

The program started on Monday and I almost feel like I’ve been on a buzz since then. “Business casual” was the debate of the day, but we soon became accustomed to the loose dress descriptions. I’ve already met so many great people and I can see the beginnings of new friendships! Actually, I can see the beginnings of many things – first time living in the city, first time staying in a hotel that looks like Home Alone 2, first time looking at an apartment, first time SIGNING for an apartment and paying first month with CASH, first time interviewing… the list continues.

I’m trying to quiet my nerves, but the pot of coffee I drank this morning has my blood zinging to my fingertips. I’m hoping it’ll wear off in the next couple hours – before I need to start impressing people.
I’ll be interviewing with the Field Museum of Natural History, which currently has the renowned King Tut exhibit on display. I am excited to get a peek and walk around after my interview.

I also turned in an application today at Starbucks, which I could almost throw a o rock at from my apartment. Great! Convenient! Too true – which is why it’s good that I’m hoping to make money there instead of spend it. I’ve already become quite thrifty – a trait one acquires rather quickly when there are no other options.

Sadly, I cannot say much about the people here, because I’ve been around mostly other students and people from my program. Although, I took a liking to the bus driver that drove us to the apartment this morning, and a man named Jose that is the building engineer at the apartment building. I also noticed that the manager who showed us the rooms wore a cross and fish necklace and had a beautiful smile.

There are grocery stores within walking distance and I spotted a bookstore a block away. My new plan is to buy fresh bread, fruits, and veggies every couple days and store little in the apartment. I think this will be cheaper and I will waste little food. ..I’ve started to enjoy different fruits – grapefruit juice has become something I crave… I just thought this was so random, because I always puckered my face at the fruit when my grandpa would eat it with crackers, but now I like it.

I enjoy the little nuances and quirks about my days so far… the Lord has kept surprising me and I continue to be grateful. I am continuing to read in Kings and right now I’m wrestling with Solomon. Who was this man and where did his wisdom end and foolishness begin? I’m getting to know him a little better and filling in some wide gaps in stories from my childhood.

I am completely trusting the Lord’s direction and wisdom for the next three days of interviews. I have 5 different interviews and they are hard to compare because they are so different, so I’m counting on the Lord’s direction, because that’s all I’ve got!

More of a reminder for me than anyone else, but I’ve got to keep the main thing the MAIN thing… no matter what I am breathing, walking, talking, interviewing, and smiling for the Lord and His glory. …and with that – God showed me in Poland and through the summer that people are people are people – and they are beautifully formed and created in His image and for His plan.

amazing. truly beautiful.

Where do I even begin? God is so good! Truly, more than these words can explain… I am blown away by His glory revealed through His blessings!

So, I called this last week my home tour – which was basically a whirwind or people, stories, memories, and wonderful reunions. I had so many people I wanted to meet with and talk to… Thank the Lord he gave me the energy and to meet late into the night and early in the morning – every day was jam-packed and I only started to feel it (the getting less than 3-4 hours of sleep) the last day.

More than anything, I felt that sharing what the Lord did in Poland was HIS story. I merely got to experience it in a different way than the prayer warriors that most certainly went faithfully to the Lord. I wanted to share how God used all of us to fulfill His kingdom purpose! I hope the taste of this overflowing joy remains on my tongue long after the warm feelings wear off.

My family was already busy with school getting started, but I was able to spend some time with them… and when they went to bed I would meet up with some kindred spirits from high school and talked into the morning:) God also blessed me with some surprises – I never expected to recapture and begin beautiful relationships, but the Lord is gracious!

Even as I write this, it seems so vague…because the Lord is so specific in how He works and blesses, but I’m so overwhelmed that I can only speak in vague terms! Words can be so frustrating at times!

Right now I am at my friend’s house in Chicago, getting ready to begin my program tomorrow. I am getting excited about all the possibilities for this semester. It almost feels like I’m a freshman again, because everything is so new. One thing that I’ve been learning (for years, it seems) is that my plans are so small. The things I can think in my human mind are nothing compared to the Lord’s plans – He is so much bigger. So, making plans and mapping my future have become much less important, and making my heart willing has become my focus. To many, this comes as a shock, because I’ve had my life planned out since I was in 8th grade. Yet, there is so much freedom in trusting the Lord to guide.

I’ll have to sit down and write more this week, as we get into orientation, but for now I’m so scattered I think I’ll not make sense!

grace and peace.

So, the last few days have been absolutely amazing. The city is growing on me, but my friend Ania reminded me that I’ve only been in Old Town, which is not really Krakow – it’s tourist central basically. Anyway – I have so many reasons to count blessings!

The hospitality I’ve experienced from Christians here is too wonderful to explain. My new friend Ania stayed with me all week in the flat and was the most beautiful tour guide! I’ve still not had time to process everything that’s happened… But, I’ve made a point to journal and I think a couple days ago I just sat at a coffee shop and read, thought, and wrote (my favorite things). Going to Auschwitz on Monday seems so long ago and already is unreal. I didn’t have but 20 minutes from the time we left Birkenau to when we showed up at the doorstep of a family from camp. They had invited us over when they heard we were in Os’wieciem (the Polish way to say this town – which is really so much more than the remains of the camps). I couldn’t help but smile and laugh with the mom and her two beautiful girls. They are seeking and tomorrow I think Carol will take them to a Protestant church near them. PTL!

Last night Joe and Becca (new missionaries from States with two wonderful children) invited us for dinner and we had a great time! There are so many stories, but I have little time!!

I’ll just end with once again my realization that God is SO big! His heart and creativity is found in each unique face. Yet, the longer I stay, the more I see sad, calloused eyes staring back at me on the streets. My Christian Polish friends say this is how it is all the time – people are only putting one foot in front of the other to do the next thing. They stare straight ahead and are always burdened with something in their hands. I guess there is some comparison with cities in the States, but it’s different when there are smiles and greetings every once in a while. Even one of my Christian friends here struggles with motivation and purpose.

As I leave, I know this is in God’s hands, as He knows best these creations in the city and land situated around so much history and mystery.

Please lift up in prayer the people of Poland, who are obviously searching, but have been helplessly sidetracked down a dead-end road.

Also- please bless the Name of the LORD. Praise Him today, because He is faithful. He has blessed my time and answered the prayers of His people. I’m living this day so thankful.

Last time from Poland,
Caroline

Where do I begin? I feel like I barely got started explaining stories and a whole new bunch fills my spirit. Today was bittersweet. I experienced a Polish Protestant worship service, which took place in a vacant room of a youth center. I cannot explain how different this was – it could have been a couple families gathering for a bible study, so different than the magnificent Catholic structures here and the modern masterpieces back home. I watched the communion, given with one glass and crackers and thought about all the churches that have been torn apart by arguments over how often to have communion. Yet, this little church stands, a beacon of light among a confused people, humbling remembering our Savior. I guess I was struck by the irony and simplicity of it.

Another blessing of the church service was that people from camp came! One family, who I adored, came from an hour and a half away. Their daughter and I became very close during camp and she is a believer, but her family does not go to church, nor does anyone in her village of 800. So, for them to come to a Protestant church was so touching. There were others too, and the Lord blessed us with this one last meeting.

We explored the Ryneck, Main Market area in Old Town. It was so much to take in – I kept going in circles and finding new things to watch, admire, and smile at. I set off on my own determined to master some of the streets and had wonderful excursions, but always found my way back to the square. We went to Wawel Castle and I had to make sure my mouth didn’t just drop constantly. How beautiful – and what history! To think of who walked there so long before me was crazy. This was the third castle I have seen so far. I went to Slovakia with some of the people from the camp one afternoon last week. And we also took a field trip as a camp to a famous castle in Poland. Both experiences were amazing and I don’t have enough pictures to capture how beautiful everything was.

Okay, the bitter mostly came when I had to say goodbye to my new, wonderful friend Ania. I miss her already. This past week has been like a lovely story – we shared bits of our hearts and spirits. She taught me Polish, slowly, VERY slowly. But she was so patient and always encouraging my efforts. More and more I have a desire to learn to speak this language. I want to tell people my heart in a way that speaks to their heart. I never, ever expected such a friendship to come from this. Of course, in my idealistic mind, I am planning a trip already to return and renew these relationships, maybe with a little more Polish. When I said goodbye, it was kind of unreal, like I would meet back up with her later on… but after she left I just set off walking and let the tears go.

How does that happen? God made us such vulnerable people, whether we admit it or fight it, we just are. And, no matter how hard I fought, I couldn’t win against the prevailing love that Jesus put in me to share. Anyway, with that said, I don’t know how to explain my growing awareness and desire to know about this place. Is it because it’s the only place I’ve ever been? Maybe. Or is it God’s leading? I’ll let the Lord direct that one.

I have arranged to meet with some people here, in Krakow this week, but tomorrow I am headed to Auschwitz.

Hmm. I’ve been saying this a lot, but words escape me (I know, not apparent from the above). I have been thinking so much and English doesn’t fit. So, I guess with that I’ll end.

Blessings.
Caroline