Author: Caroline

When I'm not riding in the backseat of my Grandpa's restored vintage car "Mable," I'm doing other things like... rising to most adventure occasions my husband proposes / chasing our toddler around Brooklyn / enjoying neighbors, strangers, and friends / making countless trips to the laundromat / writing for various publications and for personal reflection / loving and serving our local church / cleaning the bathroom / hosting small and big crowds in our home / meeting up with a friend for coffee / thinking Vocation is my strange frenemy. Though I have worked and existed in many stations/places, I am convinced that each day has good work to be done and that I am equipped and prepared to do that good work. This blog explores the tension and the intersection of a constant vocational call - to good work, neighbor love, and living in the kingdom come. My favorite things are coffee and creating and laughing (preferably with company). I love to listen to sermons and read biographies and make tea before going to bed.

back from hiatus

That’s right. I took a hiatus – an “interruption in the intensity or amount of something” – from the blog. I know this means I did everything wrong in the eyes of the up-and-coming blogger. Consistency is key! Well, feeling real life on my fingers was key for the past four days and maybe you’ll just take my word for it.

In the case that you’d rather read a few words, I’ll indulge you with some snippets. In short, I get overwhelmed sometimes. I looked up the definition for overwhelmed, because I love words, and 1, 2b, 3, and 4 seem appropriate.

o·ver·whelm  (vr-hwlm, -wlm)tr.v. o·ver·whelmed, o·ver·whelm·ing, o·ver·whelms
1. To surge over and submerge; engulf
2.a. To defeat completely and decisively
b. To affect deeply in mind or emotion
3. To present with an excessive amount
4. To turn over; upset

Before my mom starts to worry about an impending nervous breakdown, I don’t think “submerged, affected deeply, presented with an excessive amount of something, and turned over” are altogether negative things.

It’s just too much.

Well, here are the snippets, anyway. Some are good and joyful and some are sad and painful. Maybe you can take all the overwhelming pieces and make sense of them.

  • My light bulb in my room is burnt out and I don’t seem to have the right multi-tool (which I was convinced could fix anything) to unscrew my complicated ceiling light), so I have been crafting for the last few days on my floor with the light of my computer and a desk lamp. I’m a little worried about the following: the color combos I am coming up with, my failing eyesight, the way I insist on spreading everything out around me and then bending over it for hours.
  • Watercolor. It’s amazing! Where has it been all my life?
  • The Christmas decorations have now been up in Tegucigalpa for a good, long month. Christmas songs are streaming out every speaker and you won’t find me a bit disturbed. Whoever made the rule that Christmas can’t start until after thanksgiving obviously never considered that, “Come, let us adore Him” is a year-round invitation!
  • I want to write. Sometimes I want to write ideas and notions so badly that I can’t touch a keyboard for fear I won’t do the idea justice. Words are so weighty. They are heavy and cumbersome and I love them. I wish I could find the space to fit the bulky words that have taken up residence in my soul. I’d love to park them somewhere nice.
  • We are in the final stretch for our Operation Christmas Box. We’re doing our own version of Christmas in a shoebox for the beautiful children of Amor y Fe y Esperanza. I’m so PUMPED!
  • I’ve got chocolate glazed pumpkin cookies cooling in the kitchen and 31 amazing seniors to deliver to tomorrow. Yep – THIRTY ONE seniors brought their Bibles to chapel today. My prayer is that the Word would be ALIVE to them. I watched and then chewed through this message by John Piper on Sunday, “Holding Fast the Word of Life” and I want more than anything that we would hold fast to the words spoken by the Creator of the Universe! “He is the Vesuvius of joy” and we turn our heads and say it is boring. Ouch.
    Here is an excerpt:
  • I hate sin. I mean I really hate it. I know this isn’t a surprise, but this week it was closer, raw, and ugly. I hate sin that causes families to break up and the sin that causes sons and daughters to hurt and the sin that leads girls to believe lies and the sin that prevents me from being at all useful. I hate it.
  • I’m still mulling over ideas about art and beauty. This is certainly one of the topics in which I’d gladly submerge myself, but I can never quite put the pieces together to write about it.
    I love this quote from contemporary artist Makoto Fujimura about art and culture,”We have a language that celebrates waywardness – but we do not have a language to bring people back home.” That’s kind of “it” in a nutshell, I guess.
  • Another thing I don’t mind being submerged in is God’s promises. Whenever I’m faced with hardship or a tough conference or the gnarly sin sneaking in to steal joy all over the place, I remember. I remember God is sovereign. He is good. His plans are never thwarted. Yep, I’d like to be daily “presented with an excessive amount” of His complete sovereignty.
  • Guess, what? THANKSGIVING is this week! I’m super-duper pumped to throw my thanks everywhere. I’m planning a Thanksgiving dinner this Friday for my senior ladies, which will involve a monstrous amount of baking. I’m also super pumped to set up our own version of a drive-in movie in someone’s backyard.
  • Last, but not least… tomorrow is the first-ever pep rally led by the first-ever pep squad coached by first-ever coach (you guessed it) me. I’m pretty sure this is the first time in history that someone is trying to calm high school nerves about a high school event at the ripe old age of 26! I almost couldn’t sleep last night, because I’m just sure the girls are going to get out there (they have absolutely no idea what they are doing) and then run off and I’ll be left to animate the crowd with my antics (which are usually reserved for small dinner parties!). Lord, help us!

Well, there it is. A comeback from a hiatus heaped up high with the verb “overwhelm.”

If nothing else, I pray this night finds you

letting LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 4

the Gospel, the Law, and doing good

I’ve just got two links for you today, folks. I am going to need every wink of rest I can get tonight. Maybe my mom was right… too much coffee!!

The first is an interview with Tullian Tchividjian about the Gospel and the Law.

The second is a video preview for a documentary film “Cool it” with Bjorn Lomborg.

I won’t add my two cents for once in my life. What do you think?

Posted on by Caroline 0

beautiful things

Makoto Fujimura at FFM 2009
Image by jystewart via Flickr

So many beautiful things have happened today and it’s not even 8:45 am!

Here are the two link-related ones:

First, I discovered this last night and I could watch it a million times. Art+Truth=BEAUTIFUL. Here is a description from the Crossway website about this amazing project:

Makoto Fujimura, one of the century’s most highly regarded artists, has illuminated the Four Holy Gospels. Fujimura is known for his use of traditional Japanese Nihonga techniques and his passion for reconnecting Christian faith with fine art. This will mark the first time in nearly 400 years that an illuminated book of the four Gospels has been undertaken by a single artist.

Check it out HERE! Watch the video here!

Second, this morning I read Andrée Seu’s article on weakness and I’m tempted to let out a hearty AMEN right here in my office chair. We make so many excuses for ourselves and then try to justify our whimsies and failures with Scripture. It’s like we’ve resigned to the idea that “we are sinners, so of course we’re going to be weak and fail.” I could say so much more on this, but Andrée says it so well!

Here’s her last paragraph:

It is time to stop re-infecting ourselves with bad theology. If someone wants to keep repeating that we Christians are “weak,” please let him always clarify the statement with the adjectives “physically” or “psychologically.” Say that we are tired, and weary, and perplexed. But let’s lose the morbid and counterproductive self-image of the Christian as “Sinner” and (morally) “weak.” Paul gives instructions for self-image, as he does for other areas of Christian life: “You also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ” (Romans 6:11).

Hope you are encouraged today by these two beautiful things!

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 2

who am i kidding?

I can talk a big talk, jump a big joy, and sing a strong song… but, today I’m humbled because my sin still tangles me.

I’m frustrated… and that hour workout did nothing to chase it away. No surprises there.

Songs that got me through today:
Sara Groves‘ new album – seriously, do yourself a favor and chime in with the ladies of this prison to sing the songs of Christmas. It’s a privilege, to be sure. You can download the album for free on her website!
Brooke Fraser‘s song Flags breaks my heart because it forces me to dig deeper and cling to God’s promises. I’ve got to believe this today.

“You who mourn will be comforted
You who hunger will hunger no more
All the last shall be first
Of this I am sure

You who weep now will laugh again
All you lonely be lonely no more
Yes, the last will be first
Of this I’m sure

Sia‘s song “I’m in here” is easily a song to get depressed to. But more than that, I am sad because she is singing a clamoring anthem of so many who are crying out and desperate, but hear no response.
Lovelite is part of an amazing network of musicians called Come and Live. These guys are about glorifying God with music and making it available to us … for free. If you passed by me at a stoplight today, you probably heard me belting this Lovelite song, “There You Are” because I needed to be reminded that whenever I am faithless He remains the same.

“And if ever I am faithless
I can’t escape Your greatness
From the brightest of places
To the infinite spaces
There You are, there You are”

Sometimes you just need some instruments in your life. For me, right now, that’s Jeremy Larson‘s circadian cues (a sneak peek at his new album) and a song by Victoire called, “A Song for Mick Kelly.” I don’t know much about the latter band, just like this song (download it free here).

Lastly, I just downloaded (because of my “friend of the blog” status at Tim Challies) this Sovereign Grace album called “Sons and Daughters.” That got some airplay today and I’m glad it did.

Now, I’m going to be honest. If I take the advice I shell out every single day, then I am going to go digging. I’m going to grab my shovel and dig until I find the deepest promises. Then I am going to anchor myself and brace for the storm. That’s what I’m going to do, because who am I kidding? I’m pretty rotten and sinful and I need a Savior as much as my students do!

Posted on by Caroline 0

things are not what they seem – including Mondays

I started a mental list awhile back, because I always happen upon the strangest things. I realized, they might not be strange after all, just bad assumptions.

Before I get into my somewhat silly list, let me be serious for a second. Three things happened today that made the world shine like a candle at a Christmas Eve service. 1) phone chat with my mom and grandma, who came through surgery like a champ 2) a skype call with a dear friend that made distance feel like “just around the corner” 3) the most GLORIOUS reunion of baking goodness with my favorite high school ladies…

this combo is the BOMB!

AND bonus number 4) students huddled in my office for the first mission trip meeting with excitement practically bursting out of their buttoned up uniforms.

These things prove again my belief that any “case of the Mondays” can surely be cured – Mondays do not have to be the dreadful thing they seem. My favorite scene from the day involves: one student working through a series of facial expression while texting, another student busily finishing college applications, and myself dancing around the kitchen to Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas,” while piping hot Nutella-Peanut Butter brownies cool on the counter. Mondays? Yes, please!

Okay, here’s a few examples of bad assumptions:

  • A sign that says “maquinas trabajando” does not necessarily mean machines are working… it could also mean men with pickaxes and shovels.
  • When you see sewer covers in the road, don’t be fooled – they may not have a long life as a sewer cover. Chances are, you will soon have to swerve around that spot with great skill because someone has swiped it to make a buck.
  • Those silly yellow and white lines on the road are not to indicate to drivers what should and should not be done in traffic. Nonsense! They are to decorate the otherwise dull streets!
  • Whoever said there is such a thing as “too much of a good thing” has obviously never tried the nutella + peanut butter combination.
  • That terrible cliché about “dancing like no one is watching” is horribly misguided. I think it should go something like, “dance like everyone is watching… and just keep going!”

Okay, that’s all for now. I hope you bursting with joy tonight – don’t forget to

let LOVE fly like cRaZy!

Posted on by Caroline 0

lovely links

I’m about ready to call it a night. If you read my last post, you might be surprised to know that the disaster on my bedroom floor has not resolved itself. In fact, it has somehow worsened.

I don’t mind.

I just want to leave you some encouragement tonight by way of some links. I hope this Sunday evening finds you tucked inside a well-worn love.

Sara Groves has started the “season of giving” early with her live Christmas CD, recorded at a women’s prison in Illinois. You can download the whole CD of goodness from her website.

Part of the reason for the creative mess on my floor is this idea I got from my roommate: art journaling and altered books. I know it’s probably been around the craft block several times and I’m new on this street, but I LOVE this idea. I will be working on some versions for Christmas presents, even though I am finding they take a LOT of work!

This last link is one I plan to muse on more later. I love the Gospel Coalition, as you might know, but especially the recent talk of art and its place in the church. I’m kind of chewing on some of the same questions and these insights are so helpful as I dig deep to know what is the heart of God in this. Here is the article, titled, “Art For, From, and Facing the Church.”

Hope you start your Monday off

letting LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 0

we are looking at the same stars

My mom sent me an email this morning, bright and early before electricity was working in my neighborhood. She wrote to update on James, who was released this morning, praise the Lord! He posted pictures on facebook from the collision and I am thanking the Lord for His presence and provision on Friday night.

God's hand of protection surely covered him!
the mash-up

God has surely preserved James so he can continue to live glorifying the Lord. I’m praying James’s life verse will be rooted more firmly in his heart,

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.
(Hebrews 10:39 ESV)

The only reason my mom left the first surprise hospital visit was to trek across the state to be with my gram in a different sterile room. My grandpa followed an ambulance in the middle of the night in a snowstorm on Friday and yesterday my mom joined them. Praise God, gram is stable and my mom is there to support both of them. She will get a pacemaker tomorrow and we will pray she flies through all procedures without any difficulty.

And here I am, making a mess of crafts in my bedroom.

the space in the middle is where I sit

I guess this is what I do when my arms can’t reach that far.

I am so confident placing my loved ones in the care of my Savior. I am confident in His plan and in His eternity and in His love. And only for that confidence can I trust it will be okay, because in His presence there is fullness of joy (Ps. 16:11). All the time, joy.

So, when I read my mom’s last words of encouragement I smiled a silly smile inside.

“Have a great Sunday, sweetheart.  You are not that far away.  We are looking at the same stars.”

Yep, we sure are. And, today, the goal is not to worry or be anxious, but to walk boldly in the peace of Christ,

letting LOVE fly like cRaZy,
for the glory of Christ’s name and for the good of all people.

Posted on by Caroline 0

“I know what I’ve got”

When I first heard this phrase, my inspiration was in every way different than what is now holding my heart space.

When I first heard this phrase, I was sitting behind the report card table for parent-teacher conferences, flipping through files and looking for appropriate parental conversation pieces. I mistook the shy spirit of one of my favorite seventh grader’s for nerves and (knowing she had done well) asked her parents if they were worried.

“Of course not. I know what I’ve got,” her mother told me.

I love her sincere confidence… and remembering the little celebration that happened when I handed over the first quarter report card.

Well…
tonight, I got nervous. I got a little weepy when I found out my brother was in a serious car accident. Details were scarce and I was feeling the distance. I am completely helpless to do anything… and that frightens me a little.

So, I’m clinging to this phrase from report card night – not because I think my brother is amazing and strong and a fighter (and he is all those things) – but because “I know what I’ve got” in my always victorious Lord. When he said nothing could separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8), I believe it reaches me just as quickly as it reaches my brother tonight.

If I know the Lord, then I know He is sovereign over even this.

Posted on by Caroline 3

and He shall reign forever and ever!

Wow. This is lovely!

Please watch and enjoy this amazing event! Here’s the description from Youtube:

On Saturday, October 30, 2010, the Opera Company of Philadelphia brought together over 650 choristers from 28 participating organizations to perform one of the Knight Foundation’s “Random Acts of Culture” at Macy’s in Center City Philadelphia. Accompanied by the Wanamaker Organ – the world’s largest pipe organ – the OCP Chorus and throngs of singers from the community infiltrated the store as shoppers, and burst into a pop-up rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s “Messiah” at 12 noon, to the delight of surprised shoppers. This event is one of 1,000 “Random Acts of Culture” to be funded by the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation over the next three years. The initiative transports the classical arts out of the concert halls and opera houses and into our communities to enrich our everyday lives. To learn more about this program and view more events, visit http://www.randomactsofculture.org. The Opera Company thanks Macy’s and the Friends of the Wanamaker Organ (www.wanamakerorgan.com) for their partnership, as well as Organ Music Director Peter Conte and Fred Haas, accompanists; OCP Chorus Master Elizabeth Braden, conductor; and Sound Engineer James R. Stemke. For a complete list of participating choirs and more information, visit http://www.operaphila.org/RAC. This event was planned to coincide with the first day of National Opera Week.

 

Posted on by Caroline 0

oh my soul, faint not

Sometimes I’m not even aware that my soul needs lifting.

I praise God in those moments for His complete sovereignty … and the grace He has to reach down and remind me I am surely safe in His presence.

Between yesterday and today, God hemmed me in with His provisions of His presence. Three packages from the States and Canada, kingdom-seeking conversations in my office, and beautiful time spent with my Bible study girls tonight felt like a handmade quilt wrapped perfectly around my winter body.

God is so good.

In Bible study tonight, we tackled the divine romance, illustrated in the first marriage of Adam and Eve. We trudged through some Old Testament background on covenant and arrived at a beautiful, exposed place. My heart got all twisted somewhere in the midst of our discussion because I wanted to communicate how beautiful is God’s love story with us and His plans for us. I wanted to cry several times.

There are so many things I pray and hope for these ladies… and all my hopes have to do with their pursuit of their Savior. If they are fixing their eyes on Christ, the author and perfector of their faith, there is no possible way to end in disappointment. The alternative – pursuing a man or a dream or a career – will always let us down.

I left to the gym after the last ladies took off and I hit the treadmill running like mad to this new song by Jenny and Tyler called “Faint Not.”

It might seem a strange song to feel so strongly about after my Bible study, because the lyrics focus on poverty, pain, injustices in the world and our sometimes haggard response.

What seemed so appropriate tonight – running and sweating and praying like crazy for my senior ladies – was believing God would be faithful with His promises:

Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;  but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:30-31 ESV)

My heart bursts with this prayer – this plea – that we will believe He is stronger than any deception, allure, temptation, or danger. When we seek Him, He lifts us.

The chorus to the song is simple, but I’ve been singing it on replay:

Oh my soul, faint not
no, faint not
Oh, my soul, keep on,
oh, in love

I’m so glad for God’s timely reminders that He is sufficient. He is gracious. He is present.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 0