When I'm not riding in the backseat of my Grandpa's restored vintage car "Mable," I'm doing other things like...
rising to most adventure occasions my husband proposes /
chasing our toddler around Brooklyn /
enjoying neighbors, strangers, and friends /
making countless trips to the laundromat /
writing for various publications and for personal reflection /
loving and serving our local church /
cleaning the bathroom /
hosting small and big crowds in our home /
meeting up with a friend for coffee /
thinking
Vocation is my strange frenemy. Though I have worked and existed in many stations/places, I am convinced that each day has good work to be done and that I am equipped and prepared to do that good work.
This blog explores the tension and the intersection of a constant vocational call - to good work, neighbor love, and living in the kingdom come.
My favorite things are coffee and creating and laughing (preferably with company). I love to listen to sermons and read biographies and make tea before going to bed.
I’m re-posting this story because I could not afford to pass it up. This so clearly articulates what my emotions seem to keep me from saying. After studying at a Christianliberal artscollege and then working at a different liberal arts college for a year, I have grown to respect “creation care” with a healthy disdain for its deception.
Deception? You ask.
Yes, deception. When we are torn from the MAIN THING and convinced that other things are just as important, we have lost sight of Truth. As you can read in this article, we can even cleverly REPLACE the central message of the Gospel with a different message entirely.
I am a coward.
Oh man, oh man
I am a pathetic coward.
But I am healing, heavy
under the fragrant weight of mercy –
for words spoken, promises broken,
conversations averted, open doors ignored.
Unclean creatures caught tragically
among unclean others
soon, swiftly turn for familiar.
Freedom escapes and vernacular is tangible
what is left needs redemption
can these things be forgiven –
these repeat offenses?
the same voice stuck always
when its throat should sing the eruption
of song on the hazy horizon,
waves crashing,
storms threatening,
but glory well
living.
eyes set, jaw determined in a steady line
the words need said
to defend, clarify, and define
the glory made flesh
the Word.
offenses taken,
but please don’t mind my mind.
Fear crouches dangerous and
clings the edges of Truth,
making fuzzy the path
and curious the question
Oh, but the effort is so great;
the community meets,
lives, retreats,
but this conversation of confusion
.interrupts.
the Holy One is not pleased by
politics
not impressed by feet soft tread
on evil
He is glorified
in life, in death,
in good, in evil,
in perfection, in failure
I re-organized my room when I returned in August of this year so that my bed is cattywampus in the corner. A long, plant-patterned ribbon stretches down from the ceiling to hold a hanging basket that is growing several books at the moment. Beside my bed, stacks of books have already claimed floor space like good friends claiming the best seats. Creativity finds all sorts of places to hide and I hope I never grow tired of searching it out.
Today, the sunlight drifted in through the window and pranced straight across my morning face at 5:30 am. Even though it was Saturday, the day seemed to be saying there was much to live and that I better start early.
By 6:30, I had already made coffee, enjoyed whole wheat waffles, and finally sent several messages I had been writing in my sleep. I love mornings. Some mornings seem just so suited to curl up in covers warmed by a night’s rest. Other mornings seem to beckon like a playmate outside the front door.
Today the morning beckoned outside my window, but instead of a playmate it sounded like a man on loudspeaker selling avocados, tomatos and onions out of the back of a truck. Well, no simile needed there. He really did start his rounds that early!
But, truly, this day made me thankful to live it.
Do you ever get those?
Even as 5:30 am rolled into 6:30 and and then as 7:30 led to plans for the entire sun-drenched day, I felt more sure that this day was a gift. Maybe it has something to do with my obsession with Germany and the mid-1900s (thank you Bonhoeffer and Eric Metaxas) that I can’t seem to shake, as I read the letters Bonhoeffer sent to encourage all his students to live with a robust courage to live hopeful. Though Bonhoeffer was involved in the conspiracy to end the reign of a tyrant (and also knew of the imminent danger posed to his ordinands in battle), he exhorted them to find joy.
In any case, 7:45 found me on my way to meet a friend and to visit Hospital Escuela, the most affordable (and least sanitary) places to get medical care in Tegucigalpa. After a second round of coffee, we met up with a medical mission team from Arkansas and offered our morning to cut, package, and stuff as they needed. I felt of little use, but hugely blessed by the opportunity to see what the Lord is doing through willing hearts and able hands! Because of their service, this week will be full of desperate-turned-joyful stories of patients receiving medical care.
We parted ways before lunch and set off, my friend and I, on the next adventures Saturday was hiding for us. Currently, she is reading “Becoming Conversant with the Emergent Church” by DA Carson and I am reading “Bonhoeffer,” as you well know. Our conversation drifts in and out of the page turns, but I am so thankful to be in community. In fact, I dug up an old post I wrote in 2007 about community and, ironically, Bonhoeffer’s “Life Together.”
Then, while I was digging up posts, I found an old post I wrote after I attended the first ever Gospel Coalition conference in Chicago. It rocked my world, to say the least. I’m pretty sure that’s when I picked up Carson’s book (above) and jotted down then these thoughts.
After our book-reading, sun-loving afternoon, we met up with another friend and celebrated a birthday. A night of laughter and new faces and… did I mention laughter? Maybe one of the most encouraging things, as I continue to love learning this language, is succeeding at humor. If I am 3/5 for jokes in the States, then the odds that I would be witty here are pretty slim. As it turns out, I’m not all that bad! And, if I can do anything to add laughter to a room, it’s a good day!
Well, I obviously spent far too much time trying to recap this little Saturday. I hope some of it makes sense.
As a five-year-old, I remember the kitchen as one of the best places in our whole house. We didn’t have the best layout (our kitchen could fit in some people’s closet space), but that didn’t keep the constant stream of people from laying on the linoleum and crowding the counters and sitting on step stools.
The kitchen was a crowded place where we discussed the events of the day, dreamed about future plans, and practiced reading papers and reciting speeches (okay, so the last was something just I did to my ever-so-patient mother). The kitchen was a place where my brothers and sister and I would gather to taste the simmering spaghetti sauce and find the boldness to ask how much time until dinner made its way to the table.
If I’m honest, our crowded kitchen became no less a hub for activity as we got older. In fact, we might have noticed the crowding even more as we sprawled out on the floor or claimed space atop the counter, next to the bread box. And, if I’m honest, those times spent in the kitchen inspired and challenged and grew in me an appetite for community that I’m hoping is never satisfied.
So, last night, as the girls crowded me with mixers and containers and pizza and spatulas, I delighted.
I love the chatter and laughter and outrageous guesstimations about the amount of fruit needed for our newly invented angel food cake topping recipe. I love the exclamations of pride at the surprisingly good taste of a new creation. I love the huddle that forms in the space that is too small to hold the bodies moving around. I love that a flying elbow or spoon or hot pad holder can make contact at any point with a shoulder or side. I love the hopeful look lingering over a delicious bowl of fruit topping, imploring a sneaky taste of the concoction.
I love it all.
I think I love most that we were created to enjoy community. It was no accident that, when Jesus walked on this earth, He set apart time specifically and intentionally to eat with people. To recline and savor and enjoy food and drink as a way to invest and love the community around Him.
I love a crowded kitchen. Who is crowding yours today?
My morning perusal of all my favorite twitter friends led me to an article about Piper’s new book “Think.”
After the initial shock of the realization that I needed to add yet ANOTHER Piper book to my list of “to-read,” I am thoroughly excited about the questions confronted in this book and the honest replies that point to Scripture alone.
Madison, WI pastor Zach Nielson posted an excerpt from pages 26-27 that has me wanting to read pages 1-25.
Read this article posted on The Gospel Coalition website by Dane Ortlund. It hits exactly on what has been on my mind so much lately – war, peace, and Germany in the mid 1900s.
It also reminds me of C.S. Lewis and his writing on living as a civilian during wartime, as opposed to a soldier.
What could Bonhoeffer possibly have in common with baked cookies and isn’t the Bible a bit of a stretch?
Well, for starters – the letter B!
They all draw a crowd… they are all misunderstood (Bonhoeffer for his theological views and stubborn opinions on Truth and baked cookies for the way they almost always promise to satisfy a sad heart, but only reach the tummy and the Bible for its claim at absolute that is rejected)… they are all a wonderful addition to any evening, especially with a cup of tea… they are all enjoyed with friends…
I love it. I can hardly put it down. What I keep finding so amazing is the way the Lord allowed this willing servant to understand so much and be rejected so often, yet remain determined to preach Truth without fear. To read some of Bonhoeffer’s sermons, written on the brink of Hitler’s propaganda-run takeover of Germany, you would be convinced the man had insider information. His background as a scholar and a pastor allowed for his pragmatic presentation of the Gospel Truth (to everyone from impoverished confirmation class ruffians to some of the most influential leaders of the Third Reich), while his pleasant demeanor made it difficult for anyone to find fault with him. Not unlike many of the Old Testament prophets, Bonhoeffer really was a lone voice crying out against the injustices of a nation and pointing to the Truth that exposed it. Also, like many OT prophets, he was rejected by the people. My favorite part is the way God used the people’s rejection to allow for a Confessing Church to emerge and doggedly fight in the midst of a monster that was Nazi Germany from the inside.
Baked cookies
Fresh-baked cookies are infamous for their mesmerizing effect on a person. Most notably as of late, is the effect they have on my students when I bake and bring them to school. No matter what the occasion, at the sight of anything carried in tupperware, a crowd instantly appears (all of whom have not had anything to eat in days). The strangest thing is, after several periods, the very same students who devoured the freshly-baked goods are back snooping around my office for more of the same treatment.
Interesting, I say. Very interesting…
Bible Study
Tonight was the first night two friends and I met for a Bible study (which, in itself is extremely exciting for me to be engaging with peers). As we worked through the first couple lessons in Beth Moore‘s study of David, I realized how much I missed reading the Word in community.
I recently watched a John Piper sermon called “The Sinful Origin of the Son of Man” and I am so thankful for the way it prepared me to see Israel’s demand for a king as sin, but God’s mysterious ways of revealing Himself (even choosing to reveal Himself) by way of man’s “great wickedness.”
I loved examining the Scriptures and returning to the same Scripture in community to really unpack the meaning. There are so many things to digest – from Samuel’s obedience and patience to David’s ruddy and handsome features (at age 12?). If I could write one take-away, I would refuse… and then I’d give in and talk about 2 Chronicles 16:9
For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him…” (2 Chronicles 16:9 ESV)
After God calls Samuel out of his grieving to go and appoint a new king, and after Samuel obeys but assumes wrongly the next king would look the king’s part, and after Samuel finally waits for the “okay” to appoint the most unlikely of candidates… we realize that the heart God has found to be “blameless” (ESV), “completely His” (NASV), and “loyal” (NKJV) is a heart that will soon have the weight of a nation on its shepherd shoulders.
What blows my mind is that when God searches the earth and finds hearts that are “fully committed” (NIV) to Him, it does not result in a first class ticket to heaven or a get out of jail free card or a receive a life of rest and relaxation pass. God finds those hearts and then gives great responsibility and even allows great burden in their lives. God promises to strengthen, encourage and hold up these hearts. If we are faithful in our full commitment, God will be faithful in equipping and strengthening us for the great tasks that lay ahead.
Bottom line (totally unintentional use of the letter B here)
We (humans) have an appetite. Bonhoeffer’s appetite for Truth led him to a deep love of God and a deep conviction for Truth to be preached without shame or censor. Our insatiable appetite for cookies reveals our deeper desire to be FILLED with something that does satisfy. Bible study is what APPETITE is all about. We are meant to be FILLED with the Word – the Bread of Life. The more we eat, the hungrier we are. That’s the beauty of Truth… it is at the same time the most filling and the most appetizing thing we’ll ever taste.
This is a day of many sighs. They aren’t all sad or overwhelmed, but there are just so many! As I sit in my office and finish up the tasks of the day, this sermon by Mark Driscoll is spurring me on: Jesus Heals the Paralytic:
What a great reminder of the humility it takes to approach how we live out this Christian life.
I just wanted to post a few visuals so you can see some of what I’ve been up to since returning in August.
Laugh Circle If I haven’t mentioned it yet, it is a completely unintentional oversight. I love to laugh. Thankfully, these girls humor me and also enjoy the laugh circle from time to time! The second week of school we went on mini-retreats for one day at a nearby camp. It was a time of fun, fellowship, laughter, and getting excited about what God will do this year!
A tree grew in my room I have had this idea for a long time, but apparently all it took was a good two weeks of sickness for me to get the creativity on the wall. The idea is that everyone who visits this year will hug the tree and I’ll capture it on camera.
Bible study begins! One of my favorite things these past two years has been the relationships I’ve made with these now senior girls. They have taught me SO much about what it means to love without condition. My excitement is hard to express in these mechanical typing strokes, but it’s safe to say this year might be the best yet!
Angel food cake with strawberry whipped topping If I have learned about my Bible study girls, it’s that they love to eat anything sweet (okay, let’s be honest – that’s all girls!). Ever since I made the first angel food cake, the girls have gone crazy for it! That led to both from-scratch versions and stuffing my suitcases with mixes to bring back from the States. The result: our first Bible study was complete with angel food cake and a new whipped cream/frozen strawberry topping. Mmmm good!
Wow. It’s hard to know how to begin. I didn’t write all summer, but I don’t feel bad about that. I never really do. There’s something about taking a break to live life and let the words drift in and out on the wind instead of flow from my fingertips. I spent some time putting pen to paper, but I even let that just be for a while.
What I DID do was enjoy the people who stood right in front of me. What a beautiful blessing it is to have community that builds us up, gives us new energy, and reminds us of the One who is responsible for anything good in this life.
I spent quiet mornings at the farm, drinking in newness of day. I passed time on the patio with my grandparents, listening to updates about neighbors and the bird family that just grew by three.
I ran the quaint streets of Atlantic and ate at my favorite Mexican restaurant. I played competitive nertz games with people who make joy bubble out in every direction and stayed up until 4 am debating politics and Christian living.
I barbecued homegrown steak with my parents on the East porch and talked about old times and the upcoming year. I spent beautiful time at my family reunion and then road-tripped for weddings in Chicago.
I picked up the biography of Bonhoeffer by Metaxas and rediscovered the biography of John Calvin. I watched some of my closest friends decide to love someone forever and I celebrated family every chance I got.
My summer was at the same time full and spaced out. It was a double-spaced, ten page paper on the most interesting topic imaginable and it never felt rushed.
And so, with that little prelude, I walk into this year with fresh eyes. All my excitement is bound up in the sincere decision to trust God in all things. In his grace, He makes every good work abound. If I could borrow a phrase from Mark Driscoll, I hope this year sees me working to the “glory of God and good of all people,” knowing that God is moving regardless.
If you are still confused about this outlook, the soundtrack to Peter Pan captures it pretty well.
MUSINGS IN THE MIDST 