Author: Caroline

When I'm not riding in the backseat of my Grandpa's restored vintage car "Mable," I'm doing other things like... rising to most adventure occasions my husband proposes / chasing our toddler around Brooklyn / enjoying neighbors, strangers, and friends / making countless trips to the laundromat / writing for various publications and for personal reflection / loving and serving our local church / cleaning the bathroom / hosting small and big crowds in our home / meeting up with a friend for coffee / thinking Vocation is my strange frenemy. Though I have worked and existed in many stations/places, I am convinced that each day has good work to be done and that I am equipped and prepared to do that good work. This blog explores the tension and the intersection of a constant vocational call - to good work, neighbor love, and living in the kingdom come. My favorite things are coffee and creating and laughing (preferably with company). I love to listen to sermons and read biographies and make tea before going to bed.

sensical straights, a poem

so I thought I wanted to control every piece,

to put in order and stuff into sensical straights

all the ways my life colors outside the lines

I thought I could force my body to stretch so far

and hold so fast that nothing is left behind,

not even the smallest hope or dream outside my reach

I thought that this holding together would be, well, the life of me

I thought if I held everything together I would stay in tact too.

…because a great, monstrous fear is to unravel

until only a heaping mess of life-yarn remains

now, if I could put a lasso around what most confuses me

and all the ways my randomness leaves disasters

of colors and shapes and people stranded

if I could somehow capture this crazy, inner, picasso-sized mess

and train it, conform it, teach it, mold and shape it…

until finally it becomes standard and organized and disciplined

then my guilt might not have such a strong voice

to guide and scream and gnaw and attack and whisper

at all the things I haven’t done or all the ways I’ve failed

but, now I see my thoughts are incomplete

can I hope for perfection by imperfect means?

does another failure and more guilt await

after this hopeful process of control?

————

inspired by chapters 10/11 of Reason for God by Timothy Keller

thoughts welcome!

write your own poem this month in the spirit of April=poetry month!

as always,

let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

Posted on April 2, 2010 by Caroline 0

Mission Trip PICTURES!

Here are pictures from the mission trip I took with students March 7-12. We collaborated with a school from Plano, Texas to reach out to children in the rural areas outside the city. These pictures cannot possibly communicate the way God worked that week, but it will give you a little dose of the JOY we got to experience just being close to God’s heart.This was a carnival we put on for children at a rural public school. These kids seem to be listening to some directions and enjoying some of the tasty CANDY that all the gringos brought!
Daniel Aleman (on the right) is greeting Youn Hee Choi, one of the students from Texas … who is actually only lived in the states for 2 years and before in Korea. We all ADORED her smile and personality… and culture!
We did outreach/evangelism/prayer for people in the streets of nearby towns of Valle de Angeles and Santa Lucia. This was very “mission-trip-like” and typical for the students from PCA, but for my students it was kind of crazy. These are our neighbors.
Pablo. What a joy to know and love this student! He takes every opportunity to use his skills to bring delight to God and others! This is at the orphanage one afternoon.
This is another picture from the carnival at the public schools. This was a racing game and the kids LOVED IT!
O HAPPY DAY! This captures the joy the kids at the orphanage felt at our visits!
Here is a big group of students/kids from the orphanage just hanging out. We did a lot of that … just unplanned hang-out time. I think that was most valuable for the kids at the orphanage – to see that we were just making ourselves available to love them.
We PAINTED! Were we the most effective or experienced painters Honduras could find? Nope 🙂 But we sure had fun and learned a few good lessons! 🙂
This may have been my favorite part of the trip – the Lifehouse drama, but in Spanish. These are my students and they did a MAGNIFICENT job. This performance was in the public school.

I have more pictures, hopefully I can find out how to post them to picasa and give you the link! Please post any questions you have about the trip. I would LOVE to answer them!

go ahead, be a little silly on this Thursday and

let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

Posted on April 1, 2010October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

honest about my wishes

Sometimes I have these romantic phases in my mind (okay, often) … and in those times I desperately wish everything would make sense together. Today, as I am going about the most random list of things “to do” I am taking mental lists of some of those wishes. Indulge!

I wish, when I read a good book, I could be COMPLETELY in the book and not preoccupied with the desire to finish it, to know its contents, or to have a conversation about it later.
I wish Simon and Garfunkel more regularly appeared on my “recently played” list.
I wish my ambitions to be a neat and tidy person were more natural and less guilt-driven.
I wish my distracted approach to projects yielded masterpieces like Picasso that everyone strangely admires, rather than disaster like the “derelict” fashion line in Zoolander that everyone pities.
I wish my passion for people and causes could have a least common denominator… something I could refer to at the beginning of every day and then have an obvious, mathematical approach to deciphering the day’s greatest needs.
I wish I could be in several places at once (typical super-human power, right?)… and actually FULLY be there in mind and heart.
I wish steady, standard routine was not something I only wished and planned for… but something that HAPPENED consistently in my life.
I wish I was less likely to order Diet Coke and more likely to order water.
I wish I knew how NOT to be wasteful, but creatively thrifty to the max!
I wish I wasn’t so good at making resolutions (though I always deny making them) and better at DOING.
I wish I wasn’t so overwhelmed by all the good things going on the world, thinking I have to in some way be a part of all of them… and just be GLAD good things are happening (especially in the name of Jesus!)
I wish overflowing love out my mouth was effortless.

Well, there are some wishes of mine, folks. Will some life-wish fairy grant me these? Nope. But, sometimes you just need to call a spade a spade in your life and face up to the wishes you are secretly wishing.

I hope you are all doing well, my friends, this fine Wednesday.

don’t forget to

let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

today!

Posted on March 31, 2010 by Caroline 4

THE BEST or just okay

Last week I was asked to speak at a neighboring Christian school in Tegucigalpa at a few chapel services. Even though the target audience seemed a bit young (6-8 grades), I decided to just share what was on my heart: BEST. Here are some snippets.

We (people) have this knack for settling for mud pies (as C.S. Lewis brilliantly explained) when we could be having a holiday at the sea.

This is not a new revelation, but maybe I’ve recently found more clarity and urgency in its message. We are FAR TOO EASILY PLEASED, C.S. Lewis says. And so many years later, it is still true. We make ourselves content with things that are just “okay.”

We have okay friends.

We make okay plans.

We have okay conversations.

We hope to have an okay job.

We want an okay house and kids.

We want okay grades.

We pursue okay relationships.

We desperately hope for a just barely okay existence.

YUCK!

Do you think God created us to just get by in this world? To skim the surface and all the okay pleasures and passing comforts of this place. It is SO MUCH LESS than abundant! Jesus promises in John 10:10 that he came to bring life and life ABUNDANT.

So, to hear/see myself or anyone else giving in to the pressure to just barely squeak by is… is like watching someone (sitting cross-legged in a shallow puddle, splashing mud everywhere) refuse a ticket to the most beautiful destination known to man for an indefinite amount of time.

I want to say, “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?!”

Every single day, God holds out the BEST there is … the abundant life He promises. Every day we look at the BEST and choose just okay and we fill our lives with mud pies.

I’m holding out hope for the BEST. Praise the Lord, in His grace He continues to offer us life abundant through the rich knowledge and understanding hidden deep in His Word.

we can take a huge lesson from our Savior… and learn also that BEST involves suffering. We are co-heirs with Christ, sharing in His suffering and future glory. whew!

let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

Posted on March 31, 2010 by Caroline 0

spring cleaning and bullet points

I’ve decided to succumb to the temptation to title a post like millions of others will this spring. Partly because the idea is very fitting for all the clutter I’ve gathered in my life and partly because I am very literally spring cleaning. The laundry is going out back, the trash is beckoning from all corners of my seemingly small abode, and my room is desperate for some attention.

Tonight, I have moved my computer combo (what I now lovingly call my laptop/computer monitor combination) to the dining room table and now I have the grandest ambitions to do some spring cleaning (or planting, maybe?) in the area of writing.

My operation looks something like this, if you put them both together on the kitchen table:

This week is Semana Santa (Holy Week) and most all of my friends and students are off to a coast or a country or a lake to enjoy the week off from school. Meanwhile, I am reading feverishly and awkwardly adjusting to this strange, SLOW pace of life. Yesterday, as I sat outside reading and sunning, I told my mom, “This week is going to be fantastic and so needed. I really just need the rest.”

This morning I woke up and felt the usual antsy-ness creeping into my system. “A whole WEEK of this!?!” I asked to all the stuffed up, hot air in my house.

I know I have A LOT of catching up to do here on the blog, and my default method when I have lots to say is to use bullets, so I hope this will give you a picture of what has been happening.

Bullet points are kind of my way of spring cleaning my mind. I have a tendency to make all my physical spaces reflect the mayhem and madness in my mind…

translation: my desk, room, craft space, work space, car space, all space looks distracted and dysfunctional.

solution: bullet points. it may not make the mess go away, but at least I can look at it with some kind of order.

MISSION TRIP

First of all, I don’t know where to start with this one… I’ll give you the best I got (in slimmed down, bullet-version of course) of the mission trip where I took 9 students to team up with 29 coming from Texas for a week working at an orphanage, planning carnivals for rural schools, and doing various work projects.

I have a greater understanding and appreciation for the ministries being “served” on short-term mission trips. Whew! It’s definitely NOT about the work that the high school kids can accomplish in one week (it can be done faster, cheaper, and better by locals). It IS about the heart. period.
The opposite happened than my mission trip norm (personal devotions become a last priority) I practically LIVED for that hour in the morning to keep my head on straight.
I love watching students learn and love and feel the love of God come out their fingertips. It makes my heart downright giddy.
I have a hard time fitting in to the “adult” table and “adult” meetings and “adult” discipline of a mission trip… will have to work on that in the future
I am a WORLD CLASS WORRIER! If I had a quarter for every time my students said, “Miss, chill. Seriously, just chill.” I would have been able to pay for all the mission trip expenses! I admit, I got a little out of control with the worries. There is no excuse, but I think having a co-leader could be a good idea. It was just too much for me to think/plan/coordinate… and frankly (no matter how many times they say, “chill”) someone has to worry about the details or guess what? nothing happens. I’ve tried “chilling” to the max and basically it is un-productive.
Every day since the mission trip ended, I have felt a huge burden to continue encouraging the students.
pursuing any cause, mission, goal, or idea as an end in itself (or for my own accomplishment as an end) is to pursue death

PASSION for TRUTH/PERSONAL GROWTH

I want more Bible. I want more Jesus. I want more God. That’s the best way I can explain my deepening desire to KNOW my Lord more. Whenever God calls me from Honduras, I know I will be going to pursue more Bible instruction. I am considering this option, a ministry of Mars Hill Church in Seattle: Re:Train I want to learn under the best teachers and be forced to question every assumption based on the WORD as Authority. I want to be fully equipped for mission with a great dexterity in wielding the sword of the Spirit.
physical “things” are so fluid… well, they are mostly flowing out of me right now. I think I am a financial planner’s worst nightmare. No, that can’t be right….. a financial planner wouldn’t know the first thing to think about me (probably that someday I’ll end up living in my parents’ basement). Funny, cause this ‘money flowing out’ thing can only work as long as it’s flowing in… and I still want a blackberry and a new Mac laptop. Guess I can’t shake all the materialism off, can I? 🙂
Loving the inspiration coming from musicians like this: Robbie Seay Band, The Civil Wars, JJ Heller, Rhema Soul, The Arrows, Luke Brindley, Trevor Davis
Loving the preaching/teaching of these good folks: Mark Driscoll, Tim Keller, Chris Tomlinson, Vessels of Mercy, Jared Wilson, The Gospel Coalition, WORLD magazine

STUDENTS/DISCIPLESHIP

relationships, relationships, relationships. I thought this year would be simply a building year, after spending last year reaching out and in the ambiguous and easily excusable stage of ‘getting to know’ students. My assumption that I could reap so quickly has led to many humbling experiences. Regardless of response or excitement or fruit, I am called to do the same thing for the students here: LOVE fiercely and SHARE the Truth of the gospel unashamedly.
God, in His grace, has given me beautiful glimmers of the blessing of His refining process and His timing. I have been able to REJOICE with students who are seeing Him clearly for the first time. Actually, I think they are seeing just the edge of His garment and are surprised at the joy they find. WHAT a BLESSING to watch them discover!!
I am trying and testing my heart to know how I can best love these students in discipleship relationship. I want them to HUNGER and THIRST for the Lord. … and then I remember being in high school and how strange that sounded. But, regardless, I feel an URGENCY to insist they pursue the BEST and not just okay.

CURRENTLY READING/JUST FINISHED READING

Angel of Mercy by Baker
This book blew me away – crazy what the passion of one person can do. She blazed the trail for the indigent insane to receive care in the United States and some countries in Europe.
The Reason for God by Timothy Keller
For doubters, skeptics, and YOU. That’s right. I think EVERYONE should read this book because it will sharpen your skills to understand and examine WHY you believe in God.
Twenty Years at Hull-House by Jane Addams
Read a bit about her in college, but returning to read about the amazing work Jane Addams did in Chicago with the poor and needy. She’s said by some to be the mother of modern day social work.
Becoming Conversant with the Emergent Church by DA Carson
I’m revisiting this knucklepunch. It’s pretty heavy (over my head, if you will), but I want to learn.
Lord, Is it Warfare? Teach me to Stand by Kay Arthur
Oh, boy. I picked this up off my shelf because I feel like I desperately need it.
Basic Christianity by John Stott
I bought this awhile back and need to dive in.
The World is Flat by Friedman
I’m feeling an urgency to know how small our world is getting, because I think it has crazy implications for the Gospel!

Okay, friends. I could go on and on and on, but I know you would never make it to the end of the post and then I would be too tired to continue to write this week. So, I will leave it here. To come: mission trip pics, funny driving stories (YES THE CAR IS UP AND RUNNING!), 17 again anecdotes (I have way too many!), and aspirations to make an herb garden, sew some t-shirts, and accomplish 3 loads of ironing. 🙂

and please, please, please…

let LOVE FLY like cRaZY

Posted on March 29, 2010October 6, 2010 by Caroline 3

two poems

Here are two poems I wrote during the course of our 8 hour ACSI conference today, after a half-day of school.

from the ground

we are just dust, just particles

chemicals and dirt and ground

one day surely we will return

one day we will be found

so, then what makes this moving flesh

a vessel for something more?

what is this skin covering-

what more than dirt and bones?

O God, pierce the very land

that makes my heart its home

till and break and make submit

this wild heart to You alone

the dirt again will overtake

my breath and my lifeblood

captive to the cycle of death

and left with death-mixed mud

O God, O God, pierce this land

so stubborn in this season

that refuses to bear the fruit you ask

the dirt defiant without reason

how does the dirt dare to ask-

how does it find a voice,

when everything about its nature

is dependent on a greater force?

with what complaint can the ground reply

to the Maker’s questions

when anything good in dirt

comes at the Maker’s suggestion

O God, O God please pierce this land

that makes my heart its home

till and break and make submit

this wild heart to You alone

orphan child

orphan child, wrapped in bare skin

the night stole her innocence

darkness crept where light should be

and took wholeness from her side

and yet in the deepest dark dwells

a light that burns deeper still

someday the orphan child will no longer wander

but will be captured in redemption’s glorious tide

Posted on February 20, 2010 by Caroline 0

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

Author: Caroline

sensical straights, a poem

Mission Trip PICTURES!

honest about my wishes

THE BEST or just okay

two poems