Author: Caroline

When I'm not riding in the backseat of my Grandpa's restored vintage car "Mable," I'm doing other things like... rising to most adventure occasions my husband proposes / chasing our toddler around Brooklyn / enjoying neighbors, strangers, and friends / making countless trips to the laundromat / writing for various publications and for personal reflection / loving and serving our local church / cleaning the bathroom / hosting small and big crowds in our home / meeting up with a friend for coffee / thinking Vocation is my strange frenemy. Though I have worked and existed in many stations/places, I am convinced that each day has good work to be done and that I am equipped and prepared to do that good work. This blog explores the tension and the intersection of a constant vocational call - to good work, neighbor love, and living in the kingdom come. My favorite things are coffee and creating and laughing (preferably with company). I love to listen to sermons and read biographies and make tea before going to bed.

preparing for the season of Lent

This is a short post. It doesn’t happen often, so pay close attention.

I am preparing for the season of Lent. I don’t know what this will mean, but I know I don’t want to be about giving something up if I’m not adding more Truth to the daily mix. I want this time to be one where I understand better my history/why it is important, and how I will live differently beyond 40 days.

I just think I want to start some heart-preparing now.

I’m trudging on through the BRP (Bible Reading Plan) from the ESV study Bible and can’t begin to count the blessings. Does anyone have any ideas, readings, books of common prayer, etc. that would be a good centering tool for this season (in addition to daily study)?

——-post script———
Oh, and yes, I did watch the Super Bowl at Micah House tonight (amongst many uninterested Micah boys:) and I did see the pretty amazing two point conversion… and I did try to explain the game of fútbol americano to several Hondurans (fail). It was a good night!

Posted on February 8, 2010 by Caroline 0

hibernation

I can’t say much for the two days without posting…

only that my discouragement sent me into my little cave of questions. You know, if you set out to do anything, absolutely anything, and you have your own agenda about how it needs doing… you may (likely) be disappointed in the process. And this is me, disappointed.

So, what did my time in the cave teach me? Trust more that the Lord will complete the work, tarry on with God as means and end, serve and obey out of love for God and not for man, expect to see nothing/get nothing/show nothing for the work.

And what is waiting as I step into these lessons? Joy. Again, joy. The presence of the Lord awaits and (Ps. 16:11) there I will find fullness of joy. God promised his people through Jeremiah that “if you seek me, you will find me, if you seek me with all your heart” (29:12).

That right there is Truth I can hold onto… Truth I can cling to when I need to curl up into my cave in a mess of disappointments. I can hibernate on that and come out refreshed and revived. If I’m not shy about my heart for the Lord, He will not hold back in showing me His presence.

Now, for the doing…

Posted on February 7, 2010 by Caroline 0

thoughts on Truth

Thanks, Christina for writing yesterday about business vs. personal. I think the blurred line only gets more blurry when you are working in a Christian context. Because your business is also mission, and also community, and also the Body of Christ, and also family. All those things together make for a pretty crazy mix of business/personal. I have to echo the thoughts of our mom on this one… personal goes with you wherever you are. You bring ‘personal’ to every meeting, every encounter with a student, every board decision, and every pink slip. You bring personal because that is how we are made: personal, relational, human. I think God intended it this way. But, it sure is difficult.

Entirely unrelated (and mostly because I already have it written and it’s an easy copy/paste job), I wanted to share something from awhile back. I spoke to two different sets of high school students a couple weeks ago on Nehemiah 8 (per my mother’s brilliant suggestion) in an attempt to discuss joy and suffering. I did some writing before/after and here some excerpts:

When I stand up against Truth …

first all confident and dignified,
(sin secret and hidden) spouting
nonsense words and misplaced

pleasantries …

when I stand up, beside Truth

SHAME fills me and

my knees buckle, …
too weak to stand

EVERY thought of comfort is
destroyed and scattered like
chaff, swept up by the hungry wind

pride is a monster
and I fall faster

fear, though I know its true place
surrounds the pieces
of what was once complete

the feeling that i have failed
again
that the world has failed
again
…
is only overcome by the

Presence

it is overcome by the

Presence
—————

So, you may be trying to connect the dots and having trouble.

“Joy, suffering, Nehemiah 8, and now this strange writing about Truth and destruction? You totally confused those kids, Caroline!”

Is that what you are thinking?

Well, I didn’t share my personal writing in my message, but what I DID share was the beautiful realization that God offers His very presence to the people of Israel who had listened to Truth for seven hours and felt the meaning and their sin rip open their souls. They were destroyed by the gap Truth exposed between them and a precious, perfect God. At that moment, God reached out to their broken, bruised, battered hearts and said, “Do not grieve.” He saw that they realized the depth of their brokenness and at that moment He invited them into JOY. He invited them into His presence to sit beside redemption and drink in life.

I love that.

Posted on February 4, 2010 by Caroline 0

It’s not personal- it’s business

“It’s not personal, it’s business.” – quote from my favorite movie, You’ve Got Mail. The Tom Hanks character says it to the Meg Ryan character as he’s putting her little Shop Around the Corner out of business.

Reminds me of something I’ve been talking over with a friend of mine lately. Over Thai food this Friday night, the question kept coming up- what’s personal, and what’s business? As someone who notoriously does not keep my cards held close, a difference between business and personal used to make little to no sense to me. A relationship is a relationship! Screw me over in business, you’ve screwed me over in life, end of story. But after 1 year nannying someone else’s babies in NY, 2 years in a poorly lit cubicle at a Marketing Company (ironically, with the aforementioned Thai food buddy,) and now knocking on the door of the typical 18 month life span of a youth worker, I’ve seen that this is not the case. Turns out most people feel that business and personal are different.

-For instance, you can trust someone as a friend, but not as a colleague.
-You could admire someone as a family man but not as a businessman.
-You might enjoy someones jokes at a BBQ but not during a board meeting.
-You may respect someone as a professional but not as a person.

The problem is- seems that everyone has a different idea of the blurred lines between the two. It appears that everyone in today’s workplace attended a different “Standard Business Practices 101” in College, rendering us in not only different pages, but entirely different books when it comes to these matters. This can be very frustrating! Bears to mention, of course, that looking inward has me even more frustrated in this area. Why am I so confident in ‘real life’ but lose it when it comes to a big meeting with the Big Dogs at the Big Ole Church where I work? Why do I trust my viewpoints in life, but not at work? Seems I have my own double standards going on.

So here’s the question- where are the lines in your life? Do you have the same confidence as a professional as you do in ‘real life’? Are you as trustworthy at work as you are as a friend? Are there people in your life that you like as a person, but not as a co-worker?

Posted on February 2, 2010October 6, 2010 by Caroline 5

with the Sun, delight

I guess I’m on a bit of a poetry kick these days and I don’t mind at all. I hope you don’t either. I finished reading “The Singer” by Calvin Miller at the same time that the song, “Come and Sing” by Brooks Ritter (see yesterday) was repeating on my ipod. To put it shortly: after (what could have been merely) a frustrating day, I realized something… If all I accomplished today was getting myself to that beautiful throne to join in the angels’ song, then that would be just fine. If I made it there and just really belted out my heart full of gratitude, then this day was alive. This song just kind of bubbled out of that joy.

—————-

with the Sun, delight

straightaway I run

to chase the kite

whipping, whirling forward

in silent skyward flight

I run without care

abandoned and free

I race through golden rays

and dance the Sun with me

like a child to a mystery

I’ll follow you on

like a melody to a symphony

I’ll listen close the song

like a dawn to a day

like a weekend to get away

like my heart to love

I’ll follow you on

over flower meadows

my chest heaves with defeat

the flimsy fantasy

seems to escape in repeat

I run heavy on

one sweet thought on my mind

I race the golden rays

and with the Sun I’ll dine

oh I’ll race the golden waves

and with the Sun I’ll dine

I run, careening careless

with face stretched toward the bright

I race the golden waves

and with the Sun delight

I race the golden waves

and with the Sun delight

Posted on February 2, 2010 by Caroline 2

Sunburnt face, scraped elbow, and Sunday music

I’m nursing a tomato-red face and a brave, battered elbow today. I wear these reminders proudly, because yesterday was a good day. I gave my best effort as shortstop for the Marlins and even slid into second base, in an all-out show of my commitment to team and sport. 🙂

It was my friend Jenna’s (Micah Project) birthday and she decided to host the closest thing to a baseball tournament. We met up at the ball diamond (which looked very Sandlot-esque), called Gigantes field, to play in the best organized kickball tournament I’ve ever seen. There were four teams: Marlins, Astros, Cardinals, and Dodgers (complete with homemade team shirts!!!) competing for the title of champion. The Micah boys showed up full-force along with tons of teachers from the International School. I loved it!

Today, I am thankful for so many things. I have some new inspiration for my room – incorporating sewing space and a prayer corner – that I am pretty excited about. I am working on some ideas for the upcoming high school student retreat… the theme is amazing race, so you can imagine how my mind is flying. I spent the morning doing my BRP (my affectionate and creative acronym for Bible Reading Plan) and can say I am truly loving the Word right now.

I did some cleaning/reorganizing/laundry … and this invariably ends in more mess (creative organization sometimes just means re-purposing junk and moving it from one place to another). And, in the course of my scattered, Sabbath schedule, I am listening to some GREAT new music.

See for yourself:
brooks ritter

Brooks Ritter- Child from jeff venable on Vimeo.

After I found brooks ritter, it was pretty easy to find sojourn, the worship band he plays in at Sojourn Community Church in Louisville, Kentucky. Not surprisingly, the music was a beautiful addition to this Sunday. Check them out: Sojourn

How did I happen upon Brooks Ritter in the first place? I happen to read a blog called Holiday at the Sea, written by Brent Thomas. He posts music weekly on his blog. Thanks Holiday at the Sea!

Posted on January 31, 2010December 18, 2011 by Caroline 0

God is living in me.

I just want to post a few reflections I had on the Holy Spirit while reading through Forgotten God and studying Scripture. I am overwhelmed at this idea that God is inside of me. The power of the most High, the beauty and perfection and love and GOD. Inside of me, really?

I can’t make sense of it. Inside me is so close. I can’t escape this body and that’s how close He is. The Holy Spirit is in me. whoa.
————–

So close

The Living Lord inside of me

-who sees and hears, convicts and leads,

this Holy God in possession of my very innermost spaces, even now claiming my soul-

this Living One is grieved by what He finds
littering the corners and walls and storage bins of my heart.

You are grieved, O Lord, at what you find and see and hear

You are closer than the words on my lips.

You are right here … burning up like heartburn my inside.

My chest feels to explode,
for I did not realize how close you were.

You are so close.

—————————
YOU LIVE HERE
this washed up piece of garbage,
cast-off and misused by its owner
this junk clumsily folded into

moving parts

neglected and scorned by the one entrusted

this hollowed-out shadow, dark with anger,
fierce with bitter rage and pain
this monster so neatly covered,

a mess of mixed-up rusty joints

INSIDE

this dreadful piece of epic failure

YOU LIVE

INSIDE

the depraved mind and within
the lusting heart

YOU LIVE

INSIDE

the jealous soul and
unwilling spirit

INSIDE

the ignorant and forgotten

the angry and spiteful
the abused and burdened
the twisted and desperate
the confused and grieved

the lonely

the shallow

the human

YOU live here

Posted on January 30, 2010 by Caroline 0

i’m sick and so is my mac

So, everyone who doesn’t use a mac will enjoy a romp in my confession:
my macbook is sick.

(laugh if you want, I can’t hear you anyway)

Right now, my macbook is propped open at about a 35 degree angle, with the bottom on my belly, while I recline with my elbows sticking out like a chicken and my hands on the keys. I’m sorry if you can’t picture me. Basically, it’s awkward and not functional, which is why I have been doing very little blogging lately. At work I had to lay my head sideways on my desk to read my emails on friday… so you can imagine this weekend has been a little less electronic.

Which, as it turns out, hasn’t been so bad because I’m as sick if not sicker than my computer. I have a funny throat, nose, ear, tummy, fever, body ache kind of thing going on.

But, these two things I just became more thankful for:
1) the international cleaning standards of franchise fast food restaurant bathrooms
2) pharmacies in third world countries where the little lady behind the counter will diagnose your symptoms and give you some helpful drugs.

are these things good in all cases and causes? no. but today, I was thankful.

Well, I’m thinking about getting a desktop monitor that I can connect to my laptop at least at work. So, I’m not sure how communicative I will be this week.

Posted on January 24, 2010 by Caroline 0

be LOVE now

Last night I fell asleep reading Forgotten God and doing the Bible Reading Plan. I’m not saying that I started late and fell asleep. No, I’m saying I started at 6:45 pm and two hours later my unconscious head was crumpled next to my Bible, book, and journal. I still had my day-clothes on, and I wasn’t quite sure if it was morning-noon-or night.

I’m still not really sure why I am so tired. I think I might be getting a cold. But, it seems almost ludicrous to be caring about such small things after a 6.1 earthquake hit an already ravaged Haiti. Who cares about sore throats?

My cousin Amanda posted this on facebook and I’ve got to agree:

haitian timoun foundation founder, rick barger’s words: “The real disaster that has plagued Haiti is not the earthquake. It simply exposed it. The real disaster is its poverty. Poverty created the lack of infrastructure. Poverty provided the breeding ground for corruption that works to keep Haiti poor. Poverty keeps children from going to school. Poverty places people into a cycle of dependency. Poverty strips away dignity and crushes dreams.”

This is the thing that should be causing us all to stop. think. question.

We shouldn’t be asking, “where is the love after such a horrible event?”

We should be asking, “Where was the love before the earthquake?”

I personally know of several people who have seen the horrors of Haiti firsthand, even before the earthquakes. As much as our hearts break right now for the thousands and thousands of hurting, we must learn to have broken hearts before disasters.

Let’s be love now.

Posted on January 21, 2010 by Caroline 0

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

Author: Caroline

preparing for the season of Lent

hibernation

thoughts on Truth

It’s not personal- it’s business

with the Sun, delight

God is living in me.

i’m sick and so is my mac

be LOVE now