Category: lessons learned

my mom misses my blog

the greatest group there ever was - mission 2011

I get to see this beautiful girl every day!
this was our good morning chocolate chip pancake day!

I miss it, too. I kept thinking of opening lines over the past few weeks, but they never found their way to the keyboard. I apologize for the absence of electronic words, but my excuse is that I’ve been living. I’m trudging through a great mix of emotions as I fill my days with sometimes the most random things. Yesterday was the Junior/Senior banquet… which made the end of this year even more final.

Well, my mom has suggested in more than one way that I will regret it if I don’t blog during these last months, so I am going to throw out some bullet points to get started. This is a mezcla of things I’ve been up to lately:

  • I am just eating up every message from the Gospel Coalition Conference that’s happening right now in Chicago. They are not only posting the plenary sessions online for free, they also made the live hymn sing available! Go check it out, download it all and then send me a message so we can talk about it! The only (BIG) downside to not being there is the discussion that I’m sure is happening over coffee and around book tables.
  • This quote by John Stott, as I think about the cross,

“Every time we look at the cross Christ seems to say to us, ‘I am here because of you.  It is your sin I am bearing, your curse I am suffering, your debt I am paying, your death I am dying.’  Nothing in history or in the universe cuts us down to size like the cross.  All of us have inflated views of ourselves, especially in self-righteousness, until we have visited a place called Calvary.  It is there, at the foot of the cross, that we shrink to our true size.”

John R. W. Stott

  • I love this new blog I found llevo el invierno where a super creative, crafty lady from Monterrey, Mexico posts some great stuff! Also enjoying this and this.
  • I have found out that working out and strength training doesn’t necessarily mean slimmer… I feel like I’m training to be a football player or something!!
  • This year is winding down and I’m all mixed up with how to feel about it. The seniors have 23 days of school left and I’m getting as weepy as they are! I have other students in and out of my office and I try hard to keep my emotions at bay because if I don’t there’s no controlling them, they’ll just go crazy!
  • The Nichols siblings are about to embark on a half-marathon journey for the fall. I’m super pumped to do this with my sister and brothers (praying for James’s injuries to be completely gone in time to train). This is something I’m so excited about, amidst all the other confusion and changes.
  • Mission trip momentum… this is the time where I need to be praying the hardest for my students. They are getting attacked on every side by people and things that say they should be “over” the mission trip by now, but in their hearts they know it’s a lifestyle they’ve been called to. I love them so incredibly much and want to pray them into the Lord’s presence!
  • Next year. Oh heavens! The Lord has this, too, in His hands.
  • Semana Santa is next week and I have a lot of hangout time planned with students, as well as some goals to spend some reflective time with books and words and writing and (yes) even my blog. I want to hit up the stations of the cross with these Songs for Lent, which you can pick up for free.
  • I have been doing this really cool fast/pray/give thing with Living Water as a practice for Lent and I’ve got nothing but good reflection about it. Hard at times, but good.
  • Tonight I made a bucket list of sorts for the seniors/students/mission trip/me and it is completely unfinished but even as I was writing it I felt excitement and sadness go back and forth like ping pong in my soul.
Okay, well I guess I’m back in blogging action.
let LOVE fly like cRaZy
once again!
Posted on by Caroline 0

making myself available

I keep talking about this “a la orden” philosophy, so this week I stopped talking and tried to start applying. And, GOODNESS, it is like singing sweet freedom’s song and hearing it echo in the greatest canyon! I thought I would try to summarize some thoughts, if no other reason than by way of reminder to make myself available to serve with the ways God has shared Himself with me.

The philosophy of “a la orden” (Spanish for, “at your service”):
Making conscious, consistent decisions to put the needs of others in front of my own by making my gifts completely available.

We know that “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17). Anything good in this world is good because it comes from the Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth. So, whatever good things ended up in me – gifts or abilities or talents – are there as the distinct, divine fingerprint of an Almighty God. They are not from me, because I am not capable of producing anything (John 15:5). Every ability or gift we have is revealing something about His character and creativity.

So, if I recognize that I’ve got a good set of gifts on loan from the Creator, I must also recognize I have no right to hoard them. If I turn the gift inside out so only I can see and enjoy it, two things happen: 1) the gift fails its purpose (to bless others) and 2) I have wrong views of God and myself. I try to take the shortcut to joy by enjoying ways God has blessed me without using those blessings for their intended purpose. It’s no surprise that I come up short on joy and frustrated by my self-centered excitement in my gifts.

In Philippians 2, Paul challenges the church,

“if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Paul asks, have you benefited at all by this relationship you have with the Living God? Then, Paul says, nothing would bring me more joy than to see you joining together in community and serving one another. Paul goes on to describe Christ’s character that we should strive to emulate,

Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

Christ was the greatest gift and He opened Himself up completely that everyone might enjoy Him. Everything He received from the Father (by being indeed one with Him), He made completely available.

I think this is maybe what it means to look to the interests of others. It’s not just keeping your eyes peeled for that little, old lady needing help to cross the street. As we are working out faith with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12), we must be searching God for ways His gifts can be made available through us.

Sometimes it takes awhile to understand how God has gifted us… and that’s okay! But, Paul’s advice for the church in Philippi is useful here as well. Encourage one another! Be like-minded! Look for ways God has blessed other people and then LET THEM KNOW IT! Build them up in their gifts and encourage them to praise God for His unique fingerprints on their lives.

Then… we use God’s gifts in our lives like a Mary Poppins bag of blessings! I know God’s in charge of the blessing, so when I make His gifts available to others through me – EVERYBODY WINS! I receive the joy of obedience and service, someone else receives encouragement or a mentor or a much needed Scripture, and GOD gets the glory. I’m only the vessel that holds the water of blessing for others to drink! Christ said COME and DRINK and there’s no way I would try to take that place, but being a vessel that carries the hope of eternal life is like walking around with 4th of July fireworks in my heart.

The more loosely I hold onto things of this world – whether it be words or jeans or the gift of organization – the more tightly I cling to the indescribable joy of eternity.

That’ll have to do for now, folks. I’m sure I’ll be processing this more in these days. As for practical application, I take it day by day. But I would say trying to live this out has rendered me speechless. There aren’t enough pages to record all the blessings, but at the same time I can’t seem to articulate just one. God is so good!

let LOVE fly like cRaZy!

Posted on by Caroline 3

the cost of “a la orden”

ouch!

My entire Saturday was saturated with a painful joy. I’m resigned to calling my emotion painful joy because, as much as I’ve reached and grabbed at the English language, I can’t find anything better. I guess it has a lot to do with processing a very emotional week of mission, but I think it’s also this new life philosophy I’m trying out.

I’m really attempting to put everything in my life in the “a la orden” perspective. And, as I do so, I’m noticing the painful joy pressing in on my heart more than I can express. As I share stories with people and listen to memories from students on the mission trip, I am overwhelmed. It’s like standing under Niagara Falls and trying to be thankful for every drop of water cascading from such a great height. It’s TOO MUCH to take in. I was trying to build up monuments (like the Israelites) with words so we can look back and see the Lord’s blessing, but I felt almost frantic to find enough stones and build fast enough.

Have you ever sat with someone who is sharing his/her heart and not known how to express the love blooming like springtime in your soul? I sit there and wish there was a way to dance, sing, laugh, and hug with the colorful power of a hundred springtimes. If I sound crazy, I am doing well with this explanation because it doesn’t make any sense to me either.

The more I make my gifts “available” to the Lord, the more I feel completely blown away by His brilliant use of them. I really consider any gift or ability I have not at all my own, but the Lord’s, so it shouldn’t surprise me that He knows best how to use these gifts for His glory. But, I think the surprise is wrapped up somehow in my joy as well. The mystery of seeing the Gospel alive and working in front of my eyes to transform people I love is marvelous.

THIS is what it means to taste and see that the Lord is good!

Where is the pain? you might ask. Well, yesterday my soul hurt. It ached like the worst charlie horse, but there was no massaging it away. This pain was in every way attached to my joy and I’m still figuring out why.

taste and see
I think (maybe) the more we taste and see that the Lord is good, we might also start to understand the limits of that taste. Let me try to explain. While we are still living on this earth in the “already, not yet” of Kingdom Come, we are limited to merely taste and see the Lord is good. To be honest, I think “taste” is all we can handle, but that reveals one very important, painful truth: this broken world can’t handle the whole feast. We are not yet in eternity where our days will be filled with the FULLNESS of the Lord’s goodness, not just a taste. When we taste something, if it’s a good something, we generally want more.

This could not be more true of the Lord. When we are overwhelmed with delight in His presence, we want more of Him… even ache for more of Him. Within this deep desire there is a struggle for the “eternity set in our hearts” where this ache will be relieved.

subject and mode
The subject of my true delight is the Lord always, but the mode seems to be this “a la orden” (make every gift and talent available through service). And, in serving, the pain comes with the joy as well. With every child comforted or hungry man fed, millions more wait. There is pain (possibly the “groaning in expectation” in Romans?) in serving others in this world when the need is so great. So, at the same time I am experiencing the joy of obedience and following God’s heart, I am experiencing pain through the realization that others may not feel the same joy.

selfish love
I love these students. It almost scares me how much I love them. To see them ENJOYING the presence of the Lord has been one of God’s greatest gifts to me in my time here. Because I’ve been so blessed to see God work in them, I realize that my part in their journey may soon end. It is, of course, the LORD who is moving and working and drawing them near the Throne of Grace. And I am realizing it is one of the biggest steps of faith to believe God will take care of them whether or not I am by their side. I am having to let go of the reasons my love for them encourages me … and hold on to the reasons my love for God will help me love them in the best way that encourages them.

So, there’s some Sunday reflection for you. I hope you are all enjoying a beautiful Sabbath day!

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 6

for God’s glory means for our joy

I am still trying to process and understand the many lessons from the past week. Really, it’s not just the week busting at the seam with lessons… it’s the week of the mission trip pointing to everything God has been moving in my heart over several years. This week, one of the students from the mission trip literally gave the shoes off her feet to a woman whose sandals were broken in half. She walked out with plastic bags tied around her ankles. Later, she told me, “I mean, it didn’t seem like that big of a deal.”

I’m just sitting here, amazed by it all. God is transforming lives right in front of my face. I can’t shake off the joy! I just can’t! One thing I kept telling the students during the week was, “I promise that if you are serving the Lord with your whole heart, you will find yourself with an abundance of joy. I’m not promising this because I can give it to you… I’m promising because the Lord is faithful.”

I know I can’t tell them they will always be happy when they serve others, but I can say that a life of serving others will bring you close the Father’s heart… and there joy runs deeper than anything else. So, I’m trying to encourage this reflection of the trip because I don’t want the students to think it is only about the people or the memories (because given a different purpose, like vacation, they would have had a completely different experience with the people). I hope they will look back and remember how beautiful it is to come together in community with the goal of loving God and loving others… with an attitude of “a la orden” in the ways God has gifted us.

 

crazy group of fired up kids 🙂

 

 

With that, here is David’s reflection. It’s very long, but very worth it!

Very frequently, as imperfect human beings, we tend to believe that the world is a bubble formed by our own problems, fears, difficulties, and achievements. However, when one takes the time to let go of worries and decides to focus on others, one finds that there is much more in life. As a Christian, I had many times wondered, “What is my purpose here? What is God going to do with my life?” It was this 2011 mission trip that served as an eye-opening experience and answered these questions I kept in my mind. This mission trip has been used by God to revolutionize my world and give me a new perspective on life.

“Why did we decide to do this? Why did we decide to give up the daily comforts we have? Why did we decide to make sacrifices that people out there might consider out of place?” If I were to answer these questions with one word, that would be LOVE. It is because of love that today we can declare that we are saved. What a greater example of love than He who came down to the world and took the nature of a servant, making himself nothing to give the world a chance? As Christians, we need to resemble Christ in every way possible; it is our duty, then, to go out to the world to share His love and His wonderful message of salvation.

Christian life is a narrow road that few are able to find. Once you find it, walking in it demands everything you are to the point that you are willing to give up all you are for it. Even though at the moment it might not seem so, at the end you will have what is actually important- the salvation of your soul. Personally, before going on the mission trip, I decided to let God guide me and was willing to listen to his soft whispers. Like always, He was faithful and gave us the most spectacular and spiritually-rewarding week that we could have asked for.

God called us during this past week to do several demonstrations of His love. Personally, what impacted my life the most was the evangelism we did at Villa de San Francisco. I was amazed after seeing how little people know about God and how desperate they are to establish communication with their Daddy, the one who gave them life and created them in His image. When I stepped out of the van with my group, I thought to myself, “I don´t know how, but God will do amazing things through us today.” I made no mistake. Just starting, we met a group of about five teenagers who were clearly not very pleased with us coming to talk to them; after giving us the opportunity to talk to them, a couple of them seemed to be interested in learning more and started to debate with us about whether God was real or not. Even though the conversation wasn´t as fruitful as we would have hoped, we were sure that some of the guys were questioning themselves about how unlikely it would have been that Jesus was made-up by history, taking into account the fact that He is the only one that has turned the world upside down in such a manner.

After our first encounter, we felt even more motivated to find people to talk to about God. We found several more people and talked to them about God and about His purpose for their lives. It was really hard to conceive that most, if not all, of the individuals we approached that day had misconceptions about the requirements for getting to Heaven. Several were amazed to be told that all that was required was to truly believe and accept Jesus Christ as the Messiah and Savior; many said they were not ready to make this choice, because they did not want to change their way of life. A guy we talked to that day told me, “I might be rejecting the best invitation that has
ever been made to me in my life; however, I assure you that one day you will come back and I will then call you ‘brother.´” This phrase made me smile, even though I tried to make him realize that the next day could be too late for him. Like him, many others shared how much need they had of a God who helped them get through life but how unwilling they were to give up everything for that God.

The seed has been planted, and we are sure that God is going to do what He needs to. We were just humble instruments used powerfully by the Holy Spirit throughout the week to bring a smile to a number of orphans, do a couple of work projects, and spread the Gospel. The world is in need of people who are brave enough to stand up for what they believe and for what God expects from them. Are we willing to be part of that group of people? Are we going to answer? We need to be ready to listen to God and be quick to answer, “Here I am LORD. Send me!” There is much more work to be done, and what God has done this past week in our lives is just a great motivation to let go of ourselves and give out all we are in name of Jesus Christ, our wonderful and mighty Savior.

There are so many stones for this monument of blessing! I’m learning so much from these students as we build up a place of remembrance for our Lord!

let LOVE fly like cRaZy!

Posted on by Caroline 1

making a mound o’ blessings

Remember in the Old Testament where the Israelites were constantly messing up and then God showed Himself merciful? It seems like quite often after a lesson was learned, the people built a monument – to remember how far they had fallen and how beautiful God’s great hand swooped down in rescue. I love that idea of monuments we would construct to remember the work God has accomplished in our lives.

For me, these stories are our monuments… a bunch of little stones piled up in mounds to make our monuments of blessings. Hopefully, we can look back at these stories and praise God for who He is and how He works through us when we make ourselves available to Him.

Check out what Daniel has to say:

So I am home now that the mission trip is over, and I am getting to understand just how great of an experience this mission trip was. It was great to get to know the PCA group from Dallas – they were each very special people. They helped make the whole journey special and worth the effort. I look back and I learned so much in so little time, and with the smallest things.

One thing that made me realize just how fortunate we are and how easy it is to help and give love was seeing the delight in the kids’ faces when we played games and gave them prizes. They were filled with joy and energy and each of them appreciated what we were doing, which feels great. Another moment engraved in my mind happened during the Tuesday night event. We had tons of pizza to give out for free, and some was left over. I remember when one of the guys gave a lady a full pizza, and the lady was SO thankful for that! She probably needed it to give food to her family. Moments like that are what make the trip worth it.

Another thing that I just thought of that I really liked is how both groups of students, PCA and ALP, bonded together as a family, and everyone looked out for each other and worried about each other. One specific example that I give is when we were swimming at the beach in Tela. We were all in the ocean and there were pretty big waves in it, and we were swimming over them and under them for fun. One of our girls was not the best swimmer around, so we always kept an eye on her to see how she was doing. Then a wave came and threw her around, and then when she got up another one hit her straight away. When we saw this all of us swam toward her and picked her up, and one of the guys carried her to the shore.

I guess that this is a reflection of your spiritual walk in life. You are in a vast ocean, and waves (trouble) often come and take you down, and they will keep you down if you are not careful enough. However, if you have friends that are near you and look out for each other, they will help you stand up and face those waves, not alone, but together. This is just a little idea that came to my mind as I wrote this, and it reminds me of Proverbs 27:17, which says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” So now remember, you are not alone. Help is always found, especially when you are a Christian and trust in God to aid you. Be that helping hand to others who are struggling, and they will be there for you when you need them.

Beautiful words this morning! Here is a short photo montage of the trip that we will show in chapel. It is by NO means a full summary, but it’s a taste.

let LOVE fly like cRaZy

Posted on by Caroline 1

Mission 2011: Here I am. SEND ME!

Our theme verse for our week of focused mission service comes from Isaiah 6:8,

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Our preparation has a beautiful, frantic fragrance this week. We are running around arranging, buying, planning, and chasing details like one chases a beach ball across a lake on a windy day. One thing is for sure: God is completely sovereign. Even in the foibles, I can claim this as true. I thought some of you might be interested in reading through the short devotionals for each day this week. I’ve included the passage (taken from The Message Bible) and the few questions I’ve asked the kids to ponder. Pray with us as God humbles our hearts and uses broken vessels to reveal His great Light of salvation!

Throughout the week, students will be updating on my blog to give direction to your prayers/praises and most importantly to give God the glory for the overflow of love. So stay tuned this week!

Continue reading →

Posted on by Caroline 0

Out of Your Heart… and little steps

Churchill College Chapel - TtV of the John Pip...
Image by dumbledad via Flickr

This past weekend we had a teachers’ retreat at a lake a few hours from the city. I split my time between staffing the snack shop, playing a few rousing card games, climbing trees, playing soccer, and taking one somewhat risky solitary run through a field and up a small mountain. Most of these activities involved much prayer, but I’m thankful for that, too.

I came back less refreshed, but very ready to tackle this week of pre-mission trip planning. Sunday night after a bit of baking, I tried to settle in to watch a sermon, but your bed is no place to take serious notes and stretch your mind. So, Monday morning I finally finished this sermon by John Piper. I’ve heard and said, “Come to Jesus” many times without grasping exactly what it means.

This sermon works through John 7:25-39 and examines that very question – what does it mean when Jesus gives this invitation: “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”

I love this breakdown. It is so beautiful to try to understand why we thirst and why the person of Christ is exactly and only what will satisfy. Beyond satisfaction, RIVERS wil flow from us… rivers of living water! It’s Tuesday night and I still can’t get over it.

Well, yesterday afternoon I felt a bit of the living water flooding my living room, as the mission trip gathered to pound out some last minute details. I am continually blessed by the hearts and minds of these students. “Little steps,” they tell me, “Miss, you can’t expect us to change all sudden, but little steps.” It takes everything in me to keep from wrapping them in a crazy hug and singing one of the uber-embarrassing songs my mom would throw my way whenever she was proud. Because, friends, if you could see these little steps they are taking your heart would SWELL.

Today, the students spoke in chapel in front of their peers and I am still praising God for their courage. These “little steps,” they may not realize are HUGE leaps for the faith they have hidden deep in their hearts! These “little steps” are how they wear resolve so beautifully when classmates give them trouble for being involved in something so obviously, “Christian.” After our devotional on Monday (more on that in tomorrow morning’s post), I can now ask them, “Is it worth it? Is what you are doing worth those little comments?”

I wish you could look in their faces to see their response, “There’s no question, Miss.”

I believe God is working and He is gracious enough to give me reminders of His sovereignty and His mighty hand. I am humbled, humbled, humbled to be a part of this process!

Tonight, with a cake stashed in the fridge and cookies all packaged, I am literally on my floor in my bedroom typing this out and I can’t tell you why. I just know that daily God is calling me to

let LOVE fly like cRaZy!

Posted on by Caroline 0

repost: downpours, quinceañera, and sisterly lessons

A little more than a year ago, I wrote this post on a strange collection of events/lessons. This morning a re-read made me chuckle, so I’m hoping it also brings you some kind of Tuesday relief.

(from April 18, 2010 post)
Since I believe apologies are not acceptable, I’m moving very quickly past the place where I might make one for not writing in so long. With a few well-placed headlines, I’ll let you in on some of the goings-on here in Tegus while I eat some deeee-licious Honduran-style beef stew.

torrential downpour
Last Friday night was the overnighter event for the elementary kids. Though I’m not involved in the outreach with the little ones, they asked me to help with the game CLUE that our HS students had come up with a few months back for our own outreach event. … And play human CLUE we surely did! We ran to different “rooms” and played games in order to receive clues and try to solve the mystery.

After all that madness ended (God give me grace when I have crazy, screaming little ones!), I loaded up good ‘ole Louis and down the mountain we went. (I still don’t have a muffler, but I’m working on it and I’ve told myself that’s good enough right now.) Continue reading →
Posted on by Caroline 0

an overflowing kind of full

Today I had such a beautiful conference with a student. After a lot of round-a-bout talk about ways people disappoint us, we broke it down into my two favorite categories:

1. what I can control
2. what I canNOT control

It was easier to start with number 2, so we made a nice lengthy list and felt confident we weren’t leaving much out. Then, we agreed all our worry and anxiety over what we canNOT control is only creating more worry and anxiety because (of course) we can’t change it.

THEN my favorite part: we talked about all the wonderful things we can control and how powerful those things can be. We can control what we think of people, how we respond to people, what we say to people, how we look at people, and also what we think, say, feel about ourselves… we went on for awhile discovering what is in the realm of our control before I asked her how in the world she could have the power to choose these things if she knew she wouldn’t receive the same in return.

She fumbled a bit. (And I did, too, honestly. It was one of those I’m-counseling-you-but-I’m-getting-alot-out-of-this-too moments.)

I asked, “Who fills you up so you can do all those things you just said? It’s true you can control what comes out, but how?”

In the oh-so-typical response, she said, “God.”

Something clicked in that moment and I got really excited. Yes! God does promise us life abundant (John 10:10) – an overflowing life – when we come to drink from the well of Living Water (Isaiah 55:1).

When we come to Him and ask to be filled He doesn’t mess around. He doesn’t measure things out and make sure we’re filled just up to the brim. He doesn’t even bother with showing off His sweet design of hydrogen bonding (you know, when water bulges on the top of your glass but doesn’t spill over).

what happens when hydrogen bonds in water

When God fills us it is ALWAYS an overflowing kind of full.

always an overflowing kind of full

God offers everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). His is the only Love great enough to give without hope of receiving. When we choose to seek Him and be filled, our lives will always, always spill over with a Love greater than our selfish desire to be loved in return. The overflow will bless everyone within our reach and our joy in seeing His Love touch others will only motivate us to go back and be (over)filled again!

I can truly say my heart was encouraged as much as hers when we parted. This student is a gem, to be sure.

And you? are you going to the ONLY place offering true, overflowing life? You do know that is the only way you can

let LOVE fly like cRaZy
right?

Posted on by Caroline 2

fathers be good to your daughters… and sons too

This is one of those “been-a-long-time-coming” posts.

I remember calling my dad’s cell phone randomly while working in Texas several years ago and just saying, “Thanks, dad. I know this may not make sense, but I just need to say thank you for doing what you do and being who you are.”

I was spending all my days with college age students at work and some nights with the junior high youth group girls. Over and over and over again I heard about broken homes, a spirit of distrust, and a very real longing from these girls to know their fathers and be known by them.

I’m a fixer by Nichols nature, but as I listened to these stories one thing was certain: this was out of my league.

In every case, every 12-year-old and every almost-20-something, I searched for words and came up speechless. Now, several years later, the stories are piling up like postcards from similar destinations: despair, loneliness, anger, betrayal, pain, and sometimes hope. Those are the ones I like best – the hope ones. The others are ones that make my heart hurt. Those destinations are hard to explain, but they seem to keep arriving at my doorstep.

Tonight, during our Bible study on God’s design for women, my heart broke again for all the girls in my life who have a hard time picturing God as a loving Father. If a father is someone who is silent and distant… or two-faced and secretive… or always offering empty promises, then it is hard to picture God’s role as our Father much differently.

Oh, this hurts! In the French film Amélie, the little girl’s father is a doctor and her mother is a headmistress. They are each particular about different things, but neither very particular about showing affection to their one daughter. One scene read almost exactly like one of my sad story postcards. Amélie, who looks about 5, sits like a statue while her father takes her heartbeat. Her face is emotionless, but the narrator informs us that she, like every girl, wants nothing more than to be hugged by her dad. Since he keeps his distance, she longs and treasures this yearly checkup – where he always finds her heart rate abnormally fast (due to her excitement in being near him).

Almost daily, I am reminded that I have no answers. Nothing I can say today from my mind or heart will hold up tomorrow and will certainly not pass through the many worlds separating me from the home lives of the girls who are so precious to me. I know of only one thing that is true always and it’s the unchanging Word of the Lord. I know without that infallible Word, all of my words will fall flat.

As long as I’m on the subject… there are a few things I wish Dads knew. John Mayer’s song, “Daughters,” scratches the surface of the longing a daughter feels to be loved by her dad, but (not surprisingly) it isn’t strong enough.

Fathers, be good to your daughters
daughters will love like you do

It was simple enough to capture the attention of a whole crowd of daughters who wished for what this nebulously suggests, but I wish this song spelled out specifics.

Fathers:

  1. Be transparent about your first and greatest Love. For many daughters, your faith is a secret. You might go to church or you might have a Bible, but your ideas and convictions are as hidden and elusive as treasure on a child’s treasure map. It’s okay to be somewhere in the growing stages of your faith – in fact, it’s refreshing for us daughters to know you haven’t “arrived” yet. When your daughter can see you admit you need God, her heart and tenderness toward you will grow, but more importantly you will have pointed her gaze to the Father that never fails.
  2. Love your wife. One of the greatest ways you can love your daughter is to love and serve your wife. When they see you honoring, protecting, partnering, laughing, enjoying, and living in a way that reflects God’s design, they will be confident as you lead the family AND you will give them an excellent example of a husband. (This is especially important in those years where you cannot relate to your daughter. When nothing makes sense, love your wife well and I promise your daughter will see it!)
  3. Choose to be around. Your daughter will feel special that you’ve decided the best place for you to be in that moment is with them.
  4. Get personal. Some of my favorite memories with my dad are simple ones that we shared while we did chores together on the farm or as we drove out to a football game or prepared our animals for county fair. Every discussion doesn’t have to be deep, but if you open up first then you’ll gain your daughter’s trust and she’ll likely reciprocate (even if it’s not right away).
  5. Encourage, praise, love the God-honoring things your daughter does and push her in those things to be excellent. I’ll never forget my dad’s insistence that I study that little spelling book in preparation for the elementary spelling bees. My dad still types on the computer with his pointer fingers and English wasn’t his strongest high school subject, but when he found out I could put letters together in the right order, he was going to make sure I did it excellently. Those little things (though I assure you I didn’t love them at the time) made his love for me so obvious.
  6. Be gentle. Your daughter will appreciate well-placed words and respectable silences.
  7. Be good to your sons, too. Your daughters are smart. They will see the way you are leading and guiding your sons. Right now they are probably making mental notes in their heart about whether their dream man will act like the father and brothers in their lives. Many hold desperately on to the hope that it can be different. If they have to rely on Hollywood, they will be hoping for something unhealthy and unrealistic. But she’s got a front row seat for what a man should look like, so show her!

I don’t know where all this came from, but it is so my heart to encourage men to be men as God created them. I just read this blogpost the other day and it’s a slightly different tangent, but with the same bottom line – that men would be true men.

let LOVE fly like crazy

Posted on by Caroline 4