Today, looking back on yesterday, I can see God’s promises never changed. Things are brighter and more hopeful today, but not because circumstances have made them that way, but because I’m viewing them in light of who God is instead of who I am. My statement, “I need” is just as true today, but the difference is a focus on God’s provision.
As I’m thinking about all this, I realized a lesson that should still be fresh on my heart. Last Friday, a mission group from Missouri came to lead our staff in worship. Within the first few opening lines, I expected a fire-and-brimstone type of message (mainly due to the drawled accent and vocal inflection characteristic of preaching, pot-stirrers). But, I can say truly the power of that message was something deeper than delivery. Praise God He is gracious with us and promises His Word will never return void.
So, the message focused on Colossians 1:9-12, where Paul prays in earnest for these fellow believers. The pastor summed up how we can pray in the same way with these simple pleas:
verse 9
Lord, help us know what to do (Discernment) verse 10 Lord, help us do what we know (Discipline) verse 11
Lord, help us do it with the power You provide (Dependence) verse 11
Lord, help us keep doing it (Determination) verse 12
Lord, help us do it with joyful thanksgiving! (Delight)
I walked right up to him afterwards and asked if there was a way I could get a transcript of the sermon. Sure enough, the sermon showed up in my email today. I almost deleted it (because his name is a little strange), but when I opened it and saw the kind message and the sermon attached, I knew it was more than him keeping his promise. In my state of need yesterday, I prayed and vented and asked for support.
In God’s grace, today He gave provision by way of this sermon, smiling faces, and a light heart.
Today, my word is THANKFUL.
let LOVE fly like cRaZy
this also happened on Friday …
smiling at denny’s
maybe the most witty high school girl I know!
cards, smiles, laughter … what more does a Friday night want?
I can talk a big talk, jump a big joy, and sing a strong song… but, today I’m humbled because my sin still tangles me.
I’m frustrated… and that hour workout did nothing to chase it away. No surprises there.
Songs that got me through today: Sara Groves‘ new album – seriously, do yourself a favor and chime in with the ladies of this prison to sing the songs of Christmas. It’s a privilege, to be sure. You can download the album for free on her website! Brooke Fraser‘s song Flags breaks my heart because it forces me to dig deeper and cling to God’s promises. I’ve got to believe this today.
“You who mourn will be comforted
You who hunger will hunger no more
All the last shall be first
Of this I am sure
You who weep now will laugh again
All you lonely be lonely no more
Yes, the last will be first
Of this I’m sure
Sia‘s song “I’m in here” is easily a song to get depressed to. But more than that, I am sad because she is singing a clamoring anthem of so many who are crying out and desperate, but hear no response. Lovelite is part of an amazing network of musicians called Come and Live. These guys are about glorifying God with music and making it available to us … for free. If you passed by me at a stoplight today, you probably heard me belting this Lovelite song, “There You Are” because I needed to be reminded that whenever I am faithless He remains the same.
“And if ever I am faithless
I can’t escape Your greatness
From the brightest of places
To the infinite spaces
There You are, there You are”
Sometimes you just need some instruments in your life. For me, right now, that’s Jeremy Larson‘s circadian cues (a sneak peek at his new album) and a song by Victoire called, “A Song for Mick Kelly.” I don’t know much about the latter band, just like this song (download it free here).
Lastly, I just downloaded (because of my “friend of the blog” status at Tim Challies) this Sovereign Grace album called “Sons and Daughters.” That got some airplay today and I’m glad it did.
Now, I’m going to be honest. If I take the advice I shell out every single day, then I am going to go digging. I’m going to grab my shovel and dig until I find the deepest promises. Then I am going to anchor myself and brace for the storm. That’s what I’m going to do, because who am I kidding? I’m pretty rotten and sinful and I need a Savior as much as my students do!
I’m not sure why, but this song was playing in my head as I sat down to write today. I just lunched on my version of a Honduran staple – baleadas (substitute wheat tortilla, take out salty cheese, add salsa) – and now I sit helplessly waiting to hear back from students who are probably sleeping and completely unaware that my afternoon plans somewhat hinge on their replies.
In the meanwhile, I want to bring you up-to-date on some of the happenings here. In my typical, completely disconnected fashion, I’m giving it to you straight today about baking, meanings of words, and a strange desire to start a movement.
LovE CakE!
I’m still marinating on this idea of baking and sweetness and life and tasting … yesterday was the last day of chapel and I spent the morning hours (prior to 6:30 departure) baking up some serious pumpkin gobs with butter/cream cheese frosting. A week of creative treats for the seniors who bring their Bibles to chapel almost wore me right out, but there is a beautiful, redeeming quality to what some women painfully label a chore.
This redeeming quality to laboring in the kitchen is not the look on people’s faces when they eat your hard-won creation (though I’ve found I often make them eat it in front of me so I can see a reaction) nor is it the exclamations of delight and the serious battle for second helpings. The redeeming quality is an empty tupperware at the end of the day.
I (quite haphazardly) stumble onto the school bus in the morning in professional garb, toting a backpack and the familiar tupperware container with secret treats. By the time I get to school, I usually have frosting or chocolate or some unknown ingredient stuck to some inconvenient place. But, back to redeeming qualities…
The tupperware goes out from the house full and comes back empty. Every single one of the little, labored-over creations has found its place and that knowledge only finds me right back in the kitchen to make it happen again. What joy! Check out this video that my friend Kasey Miller (who, by the way, is one of my favorite inspirations in the kitchen!!) shared… this will make you want to LOVE CAKE too!
gracia and gracias
So, my word study on “pan” and “paneh” might have failed, but I’m very interested in the connection between the Spanish words, “Gracias” (thank you) and “gracia” (grace) and I think this will lead to something more conclusive. Both words are derived from the Latin root “gratus,” which means “beloved,” “agreeable,” “favorable,” and “pleasing.”
I was originally interested because at the Micah Project sometimes we just spend time in prayer thanking God for His character. Many times, this will come up, “Señor, gracias por tu gracia!” Maybe no one else takes notice or thinks it odd, but whenever I hear that, I wonder about the strange and beautiful connection between gratitude and grace. When we say thank you, we are responding to an action or a gift or something we have received. Gratitude is what happens (or should happen) after receiving something good. We feel strange accepting a gift or complement without giving something back, so we express our gratitude by saying, “Thank you.”
Here is where I get really interested… why do we use almost the exact same word to describe unmerited favor? The Miriam-Webster dictionary (and many Christians) gives the first definition for grace to mean what is received from God and that which allows one to have faith in what Christ did on the cross.
So – back to that Latin. If the Latin says, “pleasing, beloved, agreeable,” and “favorable,” why am I stuck on these two words? Well, if we say “thank you” because we have received something, that person or persons have become (in some way) beloved or agreeable to us. What is AMAZING is that we have done absolutely nothing to please or become favorable in God’s sight. Even our righteous acts are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6), but God called us “beloved” and showed us “favor,” though we came with nothing to deserve this response.
WOW!
starting a movement
Everybody is making movements these days, so I thought I would throw in my two cents about what deserves “movement” status. Maybe it’s because I’m sitting here waiting for a student to tell me if she does/doesn’t want to meet for coffee (though she told me for sure yesterday) or maybe it’s because I’ve been around young people long enough to know commitments are … fluid at best and often motivated by bad information.
So, I’d like to start a movement. The movement will be called, “we care and follow through with things that matter.” I know – it’s not very catchy right now, but I think I could hire some serious PR and those flaky kids would really start jumping on board. Well… they would jump on board if the message was so diluted no one knew exactly what kind of movement they were joining. But, they would join for sure, eventually. And, by that time the whole purpose of said movement would be moot (case in point).
That’s my point.
It is very easy to get kids fired up about things (there are many, many broken things to bemoan in this world) and very hard to get kids fired up about searching serious answers followed up by serious action. I’m not talking extreme, here, folks. I actually think things get extreme when we get distracted by flashy PR campaigns and people telling us what is important and what to do about it.
I guess it would be refreshing to see a youth movement with, as my high school history teacher used to say, “fire in its belly.” Everything from coffee dates to mission trips to environmental debates would be informed by something solid – something true and absolute and transformational. Let me know if you know of one and I’ll scrap the whole idea.
“Every contact you make with everyone you meet will help them or hinder them on their journey to heaven.” C.S. Lewis
If C.S. Lewis is as trustworthy as I believe him to be (and of course he is), then this statement is worth the many times I have re-read it. It’s got the “spit out, if lukewarm” severity hidden in between the words that describe our relationships in two ways. There is no in-between. Only two options: helping or hurting someone on their journey to heaven.
That’s a pretty strong statement, Clive Staples.
Every single contact? Like, the gas station attendant and the beggar and the person who just passed by my window selling avocados, potatoes, and yuca? Every contact with everyone I meet has some kind of eternal echo?
This past Friday, about 40 ALP students/staff stayed after school for the SLEEPOUT event. After the last buses pulled out of the campus and headed out on their regular routes to drop off students, Micah Project met us at the soccer field to begin our night of fun, fellowship, worship, and service.
Here are just a few pictures. This is a taste of a longer reflection, but I did want to say that Lewis’s words confirm my thoughts that on Friday we definitely helped each other (across lines of economic status, reputation, background, age) on our journeys to heaven. May God be praised for the way His children came together as one body!
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If CS Lewis can make strong statements then I can, too.
Today is resistant to productivity and accomplishment (I resent that, Tuesday the 19th… just so you know).
In direct rebellion, I’m believing I can do something worthwhile with “my own two hands” … you know, like Ben Harper and Jack Johnson sing about.
If you are a doubting Thomas… let me give you two examples. (Please, just bear with me – this is a very necessary internal Tuesday therapy session).
Example #1 CAR BATTERY
Last Thursday after Bible study stretched from 4 to 5 to 6 pm (to my delight, I might add), one of the girls threw out the idea of sushi. Because we had a track meet the next day, they weren’t going to school and I am always in favor of time spent in fellowship and community (and sushi), I jumped at the chance. Elena, Vivian, and I took off in Louis (my affectionately named 1997 Honda Civic) toward a delicious dinner and we were not disappointed. Disappointment did find us a bit later, though, when I realized I left the lights on and Louis was completely muerto. So, after calling Elena’s dad for jumper cable assistance, and after several failed attempts (where I watched grown men attach the cables backwards), we finally revived Louis.
All the while, I have to tell you, I squeezed every bit of humor out of the situation. It was so comical… the fact that I parked in the worst way for a jump, the fact that the parking lot faced all the restaurant/bars just starting to pick up the night traffic, the fact that these things (without fail) nearly always happen to me, and the fact that merely three days before someone had told me to purchase jumper cables before doing anything else. Well, humor aside, it was another adventure to store away… especially because the next morning, when Louis should have been charged and ready to go, he was muerto once again.
I did what any capable, single lady would do… marched right to the nearest (trustworthy) battery vendor, looked up my make and model in their handy book, and bought a battery. Then, I took out the old and installed the new – with my own two hands.
I had car dirt up to my elbows, but when I finished there was very clear evidence that something was accomplished – bad battery on the ground and good battery in the car. Louis started right up! (And, just in case you are wondering, I picked up jumper cables and emergency kit in the same trip).
Example #2 26 going on 15
You’ve heard of the movie 13 going on 30, right? Well, this past weekend I decided to put my own spin on it, after turning a dreadful 26 years old. I decided I would be 26 going on 15. In a many ways, my body feels 15 and I certainly act like some of my students at times. This weekend, I somehow proved I am neither clearly 26 nor am I still clinging to 15. Starting early Saturday morning, I began prepping for the big night – senior girls coming over to my house for my belated birthday party and sleepover. Cleaning, rearranging, grocery shopping, cooking sticky rice for sushi, baking apples, clearing the living room for the karaoke action, and whipping up some ice cream cone cupcakes…. this completely filled my day until Elena arrived at 5:30 pm.
With my own two hands, it felt good to transform our patio into an oriental escape and watch my normal house turn into a sleepover dream! As the girls came (one by one, Honduran style), we flitted from food to games to karaoke to youtube tutuorials to games to sushi-making to laughter and then everything all over again. I was confident in my 15-year-old body when 3 am came and went and didn’t phase me one bit! And then at 4 am, we were making more sushi rolls in my kitchen!
Then 4:15 hit and my body revolted. I slept fitfully on the tile floor and roused myself for the first one to leave at 7:30 am (yes, it’s true). When I walked the last one home around noon I returned and collapsed on the couch. I thought I would listen to a sermon, which I quickly realized was a really bad idea. Three hours later, I woke up and realized I am definitely every bit of 26 years old. I cleaned, cleaned, and cleaned… with my own two hands I put back together the humpty-dumpty state of my house, overrun by a large group of flailing high school girls.
So, I don’t know if I got to the part about “peace on earth” and “a brighter place” and all those other nice things they talk about in the song, but I did a few things with my hands this weekend and that is giving me consolation for feeling like a bumbling misfit today.
Lately, I’ve been working on study skills workshops for several classes. Our students struggle to manage time, organize their materials, and (most importantly) recall the information they cram into their brains the night before a test.
I think these things are universal, but my job is not to figure out how similar are the struggles… I want to encourage the students to push through! In the process of all my searching (I didn’t have all those education courses, so it’s all new to me), I found some amazing resources.
I got so excited about this “Periodic Table of Elements” song that I showed it to everyone who came into my office (and some who happened to be standing outside!). Then, I started to look up more about this man, Tom Lehrer, who set all kinds of information to music. Two things made me love this: 1) learning happens 2) music happens.
After all my rambling about the beautiful gift and calling to THINK, I’ve been more aware of how thinking happens around me. How do the students think? How does the staff think? How do I think? What is my purpose, my methods, my result?
As I watched this video, I couldn’t help but make connections. We are made with minds to think and to seek knowledge. This, from the recent Desiring God National Conference,
“Knowledge that is loveless is not true knowledge. It’s imaginary knowledge, no matter how factual it is: ‘If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God’ (1 Corinthians 8:1-3)
Knowing as we ought to know is a knowing for the sake of loving. Loving God and loving people.” -J. Piper
So, if our knowledge – the true kind – has something other than empirical (numbers and words on pages with red grades glaring up top) implications, then maybe our ‘knowing’ must come about in a way that remains in our life after gradebooks close.
And for this reason, I love that our “knowing for the sake of loving” can come about as it did for David… through music. He wasn’t memorizing God’s attributes on a list so he could spit them out at the end of the week and move on to the list of God’s commands. No, as David was singing and playing and creating, he was hiding God’s Word in his heart.
How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O LORD; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word. (Psalm 119:9-16 ESV)
I love this.
I love that even the process we choose to seek after knowledge can reflect our love for the Lord and can more firmly set the knowledge into our hearts. How many times have you praised God through the words in Psalms? When we set out to find our very strength in the Word, it becomes more than just memorization. It becomes bread.
I grew up angry at these eight words because hard work was always the guilty result of this catchy little phrase. It appeared when we discussed our 4-Hlivestock projects and how little we had worked with them (if you are not from the country, you wouldn’t understand leading a cow around by a halter in your yard). It wedged into conversations about refinishing projects and youth group commitments and grades in school. Many a conversation ended with a knowing, stern look from either Mom or Dad and these words, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.”
Now, working with youth, I wish more parents used this guilt trip method to motivate their kids. I realize guilt should not mainly motivate us to do things ‘right,’ but guilt is not the lesson that has stayed with me these 25 years. The lesson is about worth.
Last night I watched one of my favorite movies – Steven Spielberg‘s “Amistad.” In one of the last scenes, the attorney speaks on behalf of the Africans being prosecuted for insurrection on the slave ship where they were so inhumanely transported in the slave trade en route to Spain.
John Quincy Adams, played by Anthony Hopkins, says these words in front of the Supreme Court (7 out of 9 of which are Southern slave owners),
“Yea, this is no mere property case, gentlemen. I put it to you thus: This is the most important case ever to come before this court. Because what it, in fact, concerns is the very nature of man.”
At this point in the movie, something very human in me connects with the John Quincy Adams leaning against the polished hardwood handrail. I want to shout, as his quiet words seem to do so well, “Yes, gentlemen, what are WE WORTH? What is man worth?” Is our nature – the nature of man – carry some inherent value or is rather something to discard?
I can tell you what I felt about our worth as I watched one of the captured Africans, Cinque, struggle against the chains that bruised his wrists and neck.
We were not made for this.
In Genesis, when God breathed life into the man He’d formed from the dust of the earth, He was intentional. His ways are perfect, so I refuse to believe any part of His creation process was not done “right.” Every piece and particle, from the smallest micro-organism to the most complicated systems in the human body, God designed us exactly right.
In His image we were made (Genesis 1:26-28), male and female He created us in His image. I can’t help but think my parents’ old adage came from a deeper understanding of God’s own very intentionality in our design. If creation was worth doing at all (and, I’ll admit, sometimes I wonder), then God would be the only One able to do it right. I really believe the ‘nature of man’ is a question of beginnings, which (not so ironically) is what the word “genesis” means.
Our genesis (beginning) is bound up in the intentional mind of a sovereign God, whose purposes are forever, beautifully… right.
I say all of this because I am pondering what it means to live life. I made up a word last week when I was trying to process the biography of Bonhoeffer because I was grasping at dictionaries to find a description for his approach to living out theology. I came up with vivology, after a quick greek/latin roots and suffixes search.
The question bouncing about in my head lately has been, “How do I live right?” Because, I know live is worth living (God’s intentional, perfect design)… so it must be worth doing right.
This morning as I read this article, I was reminded that our comfort and refuge and peace is not a place in the distant future, but a promise for right here and now.
Be encouraged today by Seu’s words and remember that God invites you into His presence to experience His joy and perfect peace. After Hurricane Matthew loomed on the north coast this past weekend, a safe place seems much more urgent. In God’s grace, Tegucigalpa escaped with only rain, but our brothers and sisters in the North are feeling the repercussions of the tropical storm. Always – in times of uncertainty and in times of great promise – we will find a welcome location. Amen?
She writes,
Being “in Christ” was once an abstract doctrine. No more. It is a location. And when I obey His commands, those are doorways that bring me deeper into Him. The deeper into Him, the greater the experience of peace and joy. “Abide in me,” He says, and I had thought it was a metaphor, when all along it was a mystery.
Here’s something I wrote in May when my friend Heather was visiting, but it certainly applies to tonight. I just got home from a MARVELOUS night of capture the flag with my favorite seniors, then dinner, then dinner #2, and then various antics following. I think my joy almost burst a couple times I was so full of it!
I laughed and laughed and laughed and I praise God for every surprising snort and crazy convulsion. I love laughter. I will have to write more about that later. For now, enjoy this REPOST from May.
——————– After a crazy day, an afternoon filled with charades and catch phrase and laughter, and a typically cheesy serenade for the 11th grade girls… Heather and I went for coffee and finally caught up a bit. I chose the Latte Au-Lait, which means I am now WIDE awake and she’s zonked out (getting the sleep she needs so we can leave at 5:45 am to lead worship tomorrow at staff devotions).
I just want to write something quick tonight… maybe it will turn into a poem, but right now it’s just thoughts about pleasure. As I think about the students and this culture and (maybe) popular culture in general, I decide that our greatest sin is pursuing lower pleasures.
I know C.S. Lewis probably illustrated this idea more deeply than my brain can think it right now, but still it seemed a mini-revelation tonight.
God promises in Psalm 16:11 that in His presence there is FULLNESS of JOY and at His right hand there are PLEASURES forevermore. Wow! What a promise!
God promises the kind of joy that bursts out from inside our souls and overflows to uncontrollable laughter… the kind of joy that you can’t keep from showing on your face… the kind of joy you can’t wait to share with everyone you meet… the kind of joy that makes your heart feel like fire and makes you want to dance and shout and play in the rain…
NOT ONLY that, but also pleasures forevermore. God offers us pleasure that never ends – He created us with the desire for pleasures forevermore and He is delighted when we pursue the highest kind. He planted that little seed inside us, in the soil of our humanity, that tries to break the surface and soar toward the sun… all the ways our humanity longs to have pleasure can be traced back to the way we were created in His image to experience pleasures forevermore.
The moment I decide to pursue a less pleasurable pleasure than what I was created for, I am choosing sin. I know, it sounds confusing. Usually we associate pleasure with sin, but right now I am saying that we sin when we pursue less pleasure or lower pleasure. Because I know God created me and placed in me a desire to have infinite joy and pleasure, I know that anything less than a pursuit of THAT means two things:1. I am not experiencing the most pleasure possible (can only be found in and through God)2. I am trying to make lower pleasures fulfill my God-given desires for the BEST pleasure (which, of course is a fail from the start).
God created us, knows us, and delights when we are absolutely bursting with joy.
Before you ask about a traumatic encounter I had as a small child, I am completely unaware how this dreadful thing started. All I know is, surprises often find me on the floor or grabbing the nearest arm.
I’ve become pretty good at recovering from these episodes. Unfortunately, the stories keep piling up! The only good thing to come out of this fright syndrome is that I have crazy good material to make people feel better about their follies. I love to see people walk away saying, “I might be embarrassing, but HER stories make mine look like nothing!!”
So… with that, I’ll give you some material to refer back to the next time you feel foolish.
Location: Office
Cause: 7th grade student, Ricardo
Story: I’m not sure why, but I arranged my office so my desk and I face the wall opposite the open door. So, when students or staff come in quietly, I am unaware. It just so happens that Ricardo is a very wonderful and mischievous 7th grade boy who had not been informed of my response to surprises. Last week, as I worked away at my desk, Ricardo slipped in and gave a shout directly behind my chair. With the scream of an adolescent girl, I jumped and promptly fell off my chair, grasping the edge of my desk as I went. The worst part is the few moments following, when I realized the entire hallway had heard and several classes wondered who had just seen a ghost. SO embarrassing to have the guidance counselor be (rightly) the one to blame for such an interruption!
Location: Micah Project
Cause: Nelson slammed a door or dropped a chair, I’m not sure which
Story: This past Sunday, I was spending some fellowship time at the Micah house… and by fellowship, I mean, ducking from flying soccer balls and rough-housing with the boys who behave like wild brothers. So, we were fellowshipping and I had turned my back for one second from Nelson when I heard the most surprising BANG and my hand shot out, uncontrolled, toward Kristi who happened to be right in front of me. I grabbed her arm and scattered my feet until I regained my composure and then hid my head in her shoulder… Ah! The worst weakness to show a bunch of adolescent boys is that you scare easily! They wouldn’t let me leave without making me jump a hundred more times!
Location: Victoria’s house
Cause: this time I’ll blame it on the dark and the cowboy boots I love
Story: I had just spent some wonderful time hanging out with Victoria, a senior who has a special place in my heart, and her new puppy Milo. The cowboy boots were a gift from my mom this summer, anticipating the birthday in October when I’ll be here. It’s amazing how boots can make such an impression – it pretty much carried my smile all day long, straight up until I was walking out her front door. It was dark and we were talking… and then next thing I knew I was floating backwards through the air and onto my back in the grass. Slow and fast quite together explain the descent, but once I was there comfortably situated in the soft grass, I realized how silly it must all look to the guard who stood a few feet away! Victoria could barely pull herself together to help me up, she was laughing so hard. So, I lay there in my green cotton dress and cowboy boots, looking helpless and embarrassed as red punch. When I finally got up, I said, “Victoria! Oh my gosh, you can’t tell anyone that I just did that!” but, moments later I followed, “uh… just kidding, I’m sure I’ll tell everyone tomorrow!”
MUSINGS IN THE MIDST 