my outside weeps, too

Tonight, after hosting the first inaugural Community Appreciation Dinner, I was walking back with one of my favorite students. She is a joy; she is sunshine. I was burdened with bags and boxes, but somehow mentioned Bible study as my next destination.

“You’re going there right now?” she said.
“Yes! You should come… do you want to come?” I asked.
“Oh, I have to write a paper for tomorrow. Shoot. Is it every Monday? What about next week?” she asked.
“Yes, it will be next week. Man! I can’t believe I haven’t asked you before!” I said.

And that was it. I made it to Bible study, unfashionably late, and looked at the scribbles on over-sized post-it notes. “Creation, Fall, Redemption, Our Response” it said.

The tears came – outside tears this time. I had just shared with my 6th grade girls on Friday that the most selfish thing we can do with the Gospel is to keep it to ourselves.

And what a fool I’ve been! These aren’t just words in Romans and John and 1 Peter. These words – these scribbles – are LIFE. God have mercy on me when I make life about less than the Gospel! A whole semester and only now the invitation is an outward, open gesture.

Lots of outward tears this time. Weeping for those without life.

art fairs and the greatest inheritance

It seems a week since I woke this morning! I woke up for morning church, greeted by the bright sun. I have been carpooling with my beautiful neighbor and her children Ingrid and Oliver. This Sunday was special because Bernardo, her husband, joined us.

We studied James 1:2-8 and praise the Lord! Afterward, Bernardo had so many questions about the pastors, the prayers, and the real-life application. I was praising God all the time for His tearing the curtain and allowing us to come into community with Him. How beautiful and glorious and dreadfully undeserved! But, every time I explain or hear our salvation my inside weeps with joy.

After church we decided to check out an art fair downtown and it turned into an afternoon event! We perused the artist’s tents lining the streets and lingered to stare at creativity in color and form. My mind wandered, danced across the poses of pain and pretense. I know little of art, except that my soul seems to sense beauty as it reflects my Savior… when I see before me a new window opened to breathe in even more of my Creator.

Yet, as I listened in the Gathering service, I settled down slowly, as a feather falls. Looking about I saw these gifts and reflections fall solidly in the periphery. My heart stretched toward the small gate on the narrow road because this is LIFE. Everything else – absolutely everything – is penultimate. Though beautiful reflections are indeed signs of an even greater and more glorious Creator, they are still merely signs. Every gift points not to itself, but to its GIVER. And how much MORE wonderful must the GIVER be to give such gifts?

Through the perfect sacrifice of Christ, we have been given an inheritance greater than any gift earth could ever hold. We have been given GOD. When I heard this tonight, all the gratitude and awe redirected to its rightful place, whirled up in exaltation to a throne on high where my Savior resides.

LINKS for Wednesday

Today I just want to share a few links that have caught my eye recently or are old favorites:

Swiss Miss: this is a sweet design website that my friend Jared showed me… I defer to my sister on all things design, but this makes me think I could learn a thing or two and surprise her!

Justin Taylor: a wonderful blog to get a little taste of the theological without getting too weighed down by language.

Gospel Coalition: I still can’t believe I was in on the groundbreaking conference last year at Trinity… this website is an outstanding resource for those who want to make life and the church about the GOSPEL

I’ve been wanting to post this video for awhile to see what people think, so here’s the last link to John Piper’s “The Gospel in 6 minutes.” How does this strike you?

http://www.youtube.com/v/SxrJiF_PGGY&hl=en

Okay, I’ve got to get some shut-eye. I’m waking up EARLY to do the Homeless Breakfast with some unusually eager students at 4:30 am!

the first official meeting of the gloriously beautiful club

I know this sounds pompous and lame… But if you had just spent the last 4 hours with the same girls I did, you would walk away with the same impression: beautiful.

Tonight Dawn and I took the bible study girls to a cemetery. We spent some time reflecting on some saints of the faith, people we see as pilgrims and as sojourners. We talked about Corrie Ten Boom and the drastic, faith-filled measures she went through to proclaim Christ in her life, even in the concentration camps. We talked about William Wilberforce who, after experiencing redemption, fought to make his passion for speaking a part of his new life in Christ. His 18 years of toil finally brought the Slave Trade Act, but not without suffering.

Of all the saints and all the pilgrims, one humble figure surpassed all and that is the person of Jesus Christ. Holy and blameless, we will never find a better example of what it means to live purely to the glory of God.

We reflected on how we might respond to Jesus’ last words in the Great Commission. How exactly are we to go out, making disciples of all nations? What does that mean outside this ‘reflective’ conversations in a world that forgets to stop to breathe?

Looking around the cemetery, we saw rows and rows of flowers. Some were fresh, others fake, others old and weathered. In each of those graves rested someone whose physical body had passed. Isaiah 40:8 says, “The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of the Lord is forever.” Everything, absolutely everything in this world will pass away, except for the word of God. Our souls are preserved only because (and if) the Spirit is alive in us.

If our lives are built on anything other than the person and work of Jesus Christ… if we try to fulfill the Great Commission any other way (with gold or silver or hay or wood), our lives will count for nothing. But, if we live as Paul encourages the ministers of the new covenant in 2 Corinthians 2:14-16,

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life.

Before people come to our graves and lay flowers in remembrance we can exude the fragrance of the knowledge of him. Though the flowers fade and the grass withers, the word of the Lord stands forever. The legacies of saints remains because they purposed their lives to reflect something greater – something outside this world. We, too, can decide for our lives to point to something greater… and the eternal fragrance will be unmistakable.

After our beautiful reflection in the cemetery we reconvened at Magnolia Cafe to chat about life. We all poured in to one another with joy and grace. We made very close friends with our server, with whom we shared that it was the first meeting of the gloriously beautiful club. We ended up asking him what it would take to be a part of the club and he said,

“well, evidently you have to be gloriously beautiful… but not wear too much makeup…apparently… and glow. .. you have to glow. okay.”

And that about sums it up, folks. Weems (for this is what his friends affectionately called him) saw exactly what we see that makes us gloriously beautiful – the unique glow of God our Creator, Christ our Redeemer, and the Spirit our Guide.

So, with a little song and dance we concluded the first meeting of the gloriously beautiful club. But, my, how I hope for there to be many, many more.

Thinking Thoughts

I was just browsing today and stumbled upon the L’abri Newsletter. I wondered why I hadn’t subscribed. Then I remembered how difficult it is to trudge through the newsletters, magazines, and updates I already get in my inbox.

Well, I read it anyway and I’m glad I did. I was reminded of the subtleties of deception in this world. Almost imperceptible are the lies, but of such severe consequence! The ministry of L’abri was born out of a desire to meet the hard questions of faith with answers that satisfy the soul. Francis and Edith Schaeffer began in the 1950s and there are now eight study centers! This quote from Francis Schaeffer explains exactly my awe of beauty and creativity.

How beautiful God must be! And what a special gift Fyodor Dostoevsky possessed, to create the closest I’ve read to pure beauty.

“The Idiot” ended without flair. I finished this past week, but without ceremony. Usually when I turn the last page I feel some emotion strongly, but for this novel I was content to see the words wander off the page. For the life of such a splendid man to trail off in a severely unsplendid way seems unfair. But there was beauty in the unsplendid-ness.

This masterpiece deserves much more than my waning attention and energy and I will have to postpone a full report.

The Texas sunshine today, with bright children, friends, and a baby shower has “plum-tuckered” me out!

I declare a moratorium!

Do you remember being a kid and trying to play the silent game? A bunch of sugared whipper-snappers with imminent giggles bundled up underneath osh-kosh overalls. I can see our little group huddled around, “Okay, we’re gonna start…now” and then moments later, “but Sam you have a bug on you!” and then “OH! Now we have to start over,” and the giggles erupt again.


Elusive Discipline
It seems like every time I want to find discipline in my life I have the less giggly conversation in my head of, “I’ll start … right… now.. oops! No, I’ll start riiiiight now.” Then moments, minutes, or days later, “Oops again! No, I never really started on that. I’ll start riiiiight now.”

Still not understanding me? Well, let’s get specific. I’m pretty good at making resolutions. I even have a detailed history of past resolutions bound up in pages of journal entries. Some make a lot of sense and others seem very foolish now. One of my reoccurring resolutions is healthy eating. I am always a very well-intentioned eater. I love my greens, don’t get me wrong (see post on lima beans!). But, for some reason my discipline dies every time at the 4th week mark. I’m not as enthusiastic about my exercise, not as decisive about deferring sweets. It’s one thing to lose at the silent game, but it’s not near as cute to consistently fail at these resolutions.

Declaring moratorium

So, I found a grown-up word for this game. Maybe if I attach a little more accountability in word, I’ll see a better effect in deed. And.. so.. I declare a moratorium!

mor·a·to·ri·um [mawr-uhtawr-ee-uhm, tohr-, mor-]–noun.

1. a suspension of activity: a moratorium on the testing of nuclear weapons.
2. a legally authorized period to delay payment of money due or the performance of some other legal obligation, as in an emergency.
3. an authorized period of delay or waiting.

[Origin: 1870–75; morātōrium, n. use of neut. of morātōrius MORATORY]

It sounds pretty severe, I know. But, how else will I get the results I want? How else will the resolution stick?

A good idea, in theory, Caroline. But, by definition, moratorium seems to come with some severe authority, to enforce the suspensions, legal authorizations, and to decide what qualifies as an emergency. I guess that’s where you could say I have been the most wrong. I’ve always tried to enforce my own discipline – decide my own moratorium.

And every time I end (begin) with the same phrase, “Oops! I mean I’ll start riiiight … here.”

My hope, my anchor
Every time I watch my resolutions float further and further out to sea, I realize I have pulled out the anchor. How can I expect to achieve any resolution if there is no authority? The only authority in my life – how I hope to measure my days – is found in the LORD. I believe God’s authority reigns supreme, above any earthly power and definitely above my foolish judgment. If I believe that – if I believe like I say I believe it, than my anchor will find its way firmly into the deep sands of the shore and the resolutions will turn into glorious praise.

Because, you see, I think resolutions are misplaced in their origin. Usually, when I make a resolution it is to make my life better… for me. I seek out something I don’t like (my weight, perhaps?) and then I muster all sorts of resolve to change that something into what I want. Now that I’m writing this out, my resolutions look so ugly and self-absorbed!

If instead I resolve, as Paul did, to know nothing but Christ and him crucified, the origin is quite a different matter. I can live for that! I can put my hope in that!

I love the last definition above for moratorium, “an authorized period of delay or waiting.” So many of my me-originated resolutions begin with action (eat less, run more). Sometimes, though, I think I need a God authorized period of delay or waiting.

Sometimes I think resolution should start with a moratorium. Maybe then I’ll be able to return to those innocent childhood giggles!

Listening to: He Will Come by Waterdeep

social JUSTICE activist

I just finished reading the Boundless article called, “Intruder Alert.” It’s not exactly a light topic to read over my short lunch break, but the jumbled argument for abortion sounded so much like conversations I’ve had lately about relativism, perspective, and rights.


Social justice is a buzz word. You’ve probably heard it, had conversations about it, maybe you’ve even been fired up about an issue or two. You are not the minority, it seems. You and everyone else are frustrated with the way things are.

If you ask a fellow frustrated trailblazer why s/he is passionate, one might say, “I believe we have the potential to make things better in this world. I really think that we can see positive change.” The level of intellect varies, but the popular opinion of activists is that they feel called to take some action.

Hmmm. This conversation recently got me thinking. … about definitions. My high school English teacher Mrs. Brown (though she might be horrified at my abuse of grammar) would be glad to see rhetoric forced to its definitions. Because, you see, in the words of my dear chaplain Trygve Johnson, “Words create realities.” If we live in a world created by vague rhetoric, the reality is just as muddled. Empowering phrases of social change easily draw a crowd, but one has to ask what lies underneath.

JUSTICE
What is justice? Dictionary.com writes,

1. the quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness: to uphold the justice of a cause.
2. rightfulness or lawfulness, as of a claim or title; justness of ground or reason: to complain with justice.
3. the moral principle determining just conduct.

So, I guess we define just as something right and good. I guess that would also mean that we’ve defined (by default) something as wrong and bad to say that it needs to be changed. I wonder if social justice activists see the world this way – that there are wrong things that need changing to become right.

CHANGE
Why do we need change?
Change doesn’t have to be from something good to bad or from bad to good. Change can be from something to something different. This is the perspective I met in my conversation. This person held the belief that social change doesn’t define actions as wrong, but merely suggests something different. Okay, I said. What need is there for something different? How do we determine what needs to be different and what needs to stay the same?

RESPONSIBILITY
If said social activists believe they are fighting for the rights of humans around the world, what is the motive? After my conversation today, my friend suggested that maybe life is absent of truth (its only perceived by individuals, through unique lenses) and all we are left with is cold, hard responsibility.

Another interesting thought. I guess then I ask – why are we responsible? What motivation do we have for doing anything good? Why not just be responsible for ourselves? I can determine my own absolute to allow all my vices, chide myself every once in awhile to make sure I have drawn the line somewhere, and live without worrying about the burdens of others.

I’M a social JUSTICE activist
The absurd thing… the ironical thing… is that I am a social JUSTICE activist. You see, I believe in justice by its definition. I believe that there are things I have done in my life that are wrong. I believe that I have done things in my life that are right (though precious few).

I believe genocide is wrong. I believe abuse is wrong. I believe child slavery is wrong. I believe the treatment of the beautiful Dalit people in India is wrong.

I believe that caring for the orphan and widow is right. I believe that loving one’s neighbor is right. I believe that providing for basic human needs is right. I believe that my sponsored Compassion child Dinesh in India receiving education is right.

I am a social JUSTICE activist because I believe that is right as well. How do I know these things to be true – am I so presumptuous to think I have the answers? Absolutely not. I will never know why God poured out His grace. I will never know why He sent His one and only Son to redeem the INJUSTICE – everything wrong in the world past, present, and future. God sent His Son Jesus to be the ultimate social JUSTICE activist – that He would define Truth absolutely because He was Truth.

How else can we fight for change?

grandfather’s wisdom


“What decision can I make today that could draw me closer to God?” He asked. “If you think about that and have that in your head all day long, then you are bound to make some good decisions.”

Wow. My grandpa Joe is a pretty amazing man. Tonight we talked about how hard it is to make decisions that really please the Lord. Sometimes we know God is calling us to do something – to obey Him – but we’re unwilling to step out in faith. I ventured to say that our human condition thrives in the ‘comfortable’ … but he said, “You know, the thing is that comfortable is boring.”

How true that is! We are discouraged from boldness in word and deed in declaring the Lord’s glory. Uncomfortable usually brings about what is most beneficial.

Oh! These thoughts could just go on, but the morning comes too soon and I must greet it as my grandpa will. … and we’ll be bound to make some good decisions.

testimony

Last night I shared my testimony.

I shared with my bible study girls on Monday that I was a little nervous, to which one responded, “Oh! Just don’t be.”
I came up with some sarcastic reply at the moment, but it was actually a great suggestion!

The more I thought about “my story” the more I realized how much I’ve made things about me. Just ask my family – I could talk for hours! The strange part is that my heart seeks to serve with humility… to love with abandon… to give without limits. It’s just this flesh that gets in the way.

So, I stood up in front of the community that has been so, so precious to me this year and shared the glory of the Lord, as revealed in my life. I shared a story from this past weekend, when I was in church with my family. We were all having a hard time staying awake, but at the end of the service the pastor had everyone walk up to the front and receive an anointing of oil. Then the whole church gathered in a circle (it was a small gathering) and held hands and sang a song of redemption. During the song, we lifted up our hands in praise and the tears were streaming down my face. I was overwhelmed.

The glory of the cross. Jesus – crucified, dead, and buried – ROSE again for the redemption of our souls to the glory of God.

May I, like Paul, resolve to know nothing but Christ and him crucified!

True life begins with a resounding DONE.

I guess this means it’s over. We had the ceremony and I got all dressed up and put on a ridiculous blue bag of a gown to walk across a stage and accept a beautiful leather cover with a paper that said in many words, “You might receive your diploma, if your final grades permit.”

Today I received my grades and it looks like its final. Yep. Done, accomplished, finished, completed, ended. I’ve already moved in with my brother and sister-in-law (I couldn’t be more blessed!) and I’m busy pulling an alien plant called garlic mustard… more on that later.

I just wanted to post a song that is dear to my heart right now, where I am. With decisions about the fall hanging in the balance, I just want to come to the Lord with a heart that is His. I want to wake up with a joyful peace that THIS day is a blessing where I can in turn bless others! I have been reading the book “The Normal Christian Life” by Watchman Nee… and there is beautiful redemption in the Cross. .. beautiful, perfect, complete redemption. He says the Christian life does not start with a “do,” but with a RESOUNDING “DONE!” Christ accomplished the work on the cross. There is nothing -absolutely nothing I can add to the perfect work already completed in his sacrifice. By God’s grace, I can take part in the special work of gathering the nations to praise the God of all redemptive work. What a glorious blessing it is!

And now, if I could just surrender my feelings of completedness; my desires for accomplishment; my understanding of contentedness…

Holland is absolutely and wonderfully gorgeous right now. I’ve been blessed in spending time outdoors with friends, at the beach, and yesterday on a ridiculous 3 hours of biking…again, more to come.
Well, for now, back to the song. Charlie Hall sings it and I’m pretty sure it’s called Marvelous Light:

I once was fatherless,
a stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep

Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take your life.

Sin has lost it’s power,
death has lost it’s sting.
From the grave you’ve risen
VICTORIOUSLY!

Into marvelous light I’m running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way

My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I’m free. now I’m free!

Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that i have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light

Lift my hands and spin
See the light within…
—-