Application to Date my Daughter

My uncle, after seeing the line-up, sent me this great application to “Date my Daughter.” As a youth leader, my application would be a little different, but kind of the same gist. I wouldn’t as much threaten bodily harm as threatening me as a chaperone at their next dance, butting in and creating space for the “Holy Spirit” between them and the lady. Anyway, this is the dad version- enjoy!

Application For Permission To Date My Daughter
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your physician.
Name:________________________ Date of Birth:_________________
Height:_________ Weight:__________ IQ:_________ GPA:__________
Social Security #:___________ Driver’s License #: Number:_______
Boy Scout Rank:_________________ Telephone:___________________
Home Address:______________________________________________
City:__________________________ State:__________ Zip:___________

1. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____
If “No”, explain:

2. Number of years your parents have been married: ____
Any brothers or sisters? ____
Are they normal? ____

3. Do you own or have access to a van? ____
A truck with oversize tires? ____
A waterbed? ____

4. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____
5. Do you have a tattoo? ____

If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue
application and leave immediately.
(I actually disagree with #4 and #5, I think an explanation would be in order though  )
6. In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you?

7. Who did you learn your dancing styles from?
a) Rap videos
b) The movie “Dirty Dancing”
c) The Puritans

8. In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you?

9. In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?

10. Church you attend: ____________________________
How often do you attend: ____________________________
11. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father
and youth pastor?__________________________

12. Please fill in the blanks:

a. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want
wounded would be my ____________________________
b. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would
be my_____________________________

c. A woman’s place is in the ____________________________
d. The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is
______________________________

e. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her
first is______________________________

Note: If answer begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue and leave premises–keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
13. What do you want to be if you grow up?

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of
my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment,
torture or mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________
Signature of father _____________________________________
Signature of mother ____________________________________
Signature of pastor ___________________________________
Signature of State Representative _________________________

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Posted on October 15, 2008October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

Solution for Mahn-days

When I wrote the weekly lineup, I happened to be in a discouraged mood (and it also happened to be Monday). Two days and many power outages later, I’m finding encouragement and joy for the simple reason that I am doing better than I deserve. I stole that line from Dave Ramsey, who responds to the question, “How are you doing, Dave?” on his radio show with, “Better than I deserve.”

It’s not that I’ll never feel discouraged, but I guess it’s sort of an issue of perspective. In any case, I want to change it up a bit and make a musical suggestion.
____________________________

If you’ve not heard the musical stylings of Jon Foreman, you are certainly missing out. After the startling success of the West Coast band Switchfoot, lead-singer Foreman broke out on his own to blaze a new trail.

His songs may not be getting the most radio time. You may not be able to hum a familiar melody off his new four CD collection: fall, winter, summer, spring. The tunes might not catch on and sweep across the country like his past top hits. But, I can tell you this: Jon Foreman inspires, convicts, and speaks where other artists fear to say a word.

One of his songs, “Instead,” talks about the misplaced comforts of modern day Christianity. Foreman sings through frustrations with Christians who put on a show every Sunday but miss the point. “Instead, let there be a flood of justice, an endless precision of righteous living, living. Instead let there be a flood of justice… instead of your shows, I hate all your shows.”

Pretty strong language. He must have been reading up on Isaiah 58:5-7 when Isaiah admonished the Israelites, to whom fasting had become such a show. True sacrifice is to “loose the chains of injustice, untie the cords of the yoke and set the oppressed free…” Revolutionary, yet strangely familiar is Foreman’s new tune.

Posted on September 24, 2008October 6, 2010 by Caroline 1

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come