sometimes I’m not fine

I promise I’m not asking for pity.

It’s just that every once in a while I make myself write before things get resolved… before I grasp and find the promises still within reach and before I read and find God’s word to be trustworthy. Every once in a while on this little corner of cyberspace, I’ll go ahead and say it: I’m not fine.

Sometimes, I feel flung out of orbit and flailing – like I’m unsure if the ground has shifted and my next step will be shaky. Sometimes I don’t believe like I should. Sometimes I doubt and worry and fear. Sometimes I linger too long on what looks possible in my power.

Sometimes I’m certain I’m on a train filled with strangers
and we’re all searching for a home we’ve never seen.

I can blame the sometimes on so many things – a head cold, hormones, and heartsickness for starters. These sometimes are the door, slightly ajar, that let in the cool air of my “sinned and fallen short” ways.

And when I feel the chill against my skin, I’ll remember where to run. I’ll remember where I can find refuge. I’ll remember the sweet freedom of an uplifted soul and I will soon spend time on my knees.

But, sometimes it’s good to write before things get resolved – when the cold breeze is still playing like ice on my armhairs.

Another related “sometimes” post: way more than sometimes,