Author: Caroline

When I'm not riding in the backseat of my Grandpa's restored vintage car "Mable," I'm doing other things like... rising to most adventure occasions my husband proposes / chasing our toddler around Brooklyn / enjoying neighbors, strangers, and friends / making countless trips to the laundromat / writing for various publications and for personal reflection / loving and serving our local church / cleaning the bathroom / hosting small and big crowds in our home / meeting up with a friend for coffee / thinking Vocation is my strange frenemy. Though I have worked and existed in many stations/places, I am convinced that each day has good work to be done and that I am equipped and prepared to do that good work. This blog explores the tension and the intersection of a constant vocational call - to good work, neighbor love, and living in the kingdom come. My favorite things are coffee and creating and laughing (preferably with company). I love to listen to sermons and read biographies and make tea before going to bed.

words cannot express

Some of you may now know the specifics of my fervent prayer request yesterday. Bethany and Samuel went in for an ultrasound yesterday and there was no heartbeat. The doctors still don’t really know what happened, but they’ll know more after the autopsy. For now, Samuel and Bethany will be in the hospital until labor can be induced. My parents were able to drive through the night and arrive this morning to support them in whatever way.

Those of you who prayed today… please know that God is blessing Samuel and Bethany and my family through your prayers. I woke up praying throughout the night and often my prayers ended with “I don’t know, God, you finish the rest.” And every last petition reached His ears.

Yesterday I posted a passage from Romans 8 and I just want to point out these few verses:

Romans 8: 26-27, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”

I truly, firmly believe that the Spirit is interceding with groans words cannot express. I believe that God knows more intimately the pain and brokenness in this situation than I will ever be able to comprehend. I also know that, just as God aches for our pain, He is the same today as He was yesterday, “our Rock and our Shelter” as my brother wrote today.

In the midst of all of this, held up by the prayers of the saints, Samuel and Bethany are trusting “God will be glorified” in some way through Isaac Brenton’s short life.

Continue to pray that the joy of the Lord would be their strength, for Bethany’s health, for the doctors and nurses, for the next decisions that need to be made, and (per Sam’s request) “most of all that God would be glorified.”

Again, I believe your prayers – the prayers of the community of believers offered up humbly to our Provider, Maker, Redeemer, and Savior – are received by our God who feels the hurt more than we can imagine.

Keep on keeping on.

Posted on January 30, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

Please pray!

Friends, family, and strangers, please lift up my brother and sister-in-law in your prayers tonight and tomorrow morning. Pray that they will be comforted, encouraged, lifted up, and blessed. After some very tragic news today, my prayer is that they would cry out, “Abba, Father” and know that they can rest in a peace that passes understanding.

A friend shared these passages from Romans 8 with me tonight and if you could just pray through them with me for my brother and sister-in-law.

11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you. 12 Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation–but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.

17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co‑heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope

21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. 22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?

25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

I pray that they will claim this in Jesus’ name in the midst of every hurt and pain and brokenness.

Posted on January 29, 2009 by Caroline 2

Thank Goodness It’s Friday

First of all WELCOME BACK Christina – you were greatly missed here at foreignheart (I can tell by the page hits!) and even more so just in conversation. We’ll have to change that soon!

Today, parents came to pick up report cards, ask all sorts of questions, and some to seek advice. Though I encouraged and counseled and advised with a clear voice of confidence, inwardly I wondered how the parents were listening to someone who could be their child too. I guess it struck me as more humorous than anything else.

I am exhausted after a full day and a trip into the city to watch the end of the girls’ soccer game. After the game, some of the students went out to eat with my roommates and me at TGIFridays (I know – of all places, they choose American!). We had so much fun and I kept thinking of ways I could make this happen more often.

It seems like so many obstacles frustrate plans and then we’re convinced the complications aren’t worth the trouble. I’m the kind of person who throws out crazy ideas until I find a winner… and I just haven’t found one that will solve the problem of seeing my students more. We have SUCH an amazing opportunity to support, challenge, and disciple these young people, and all it takes is a little coordination. Unfortunately, I live on a mountain and a lot of my students live up to an hour away and can not drive (nor do I have a car:).

But, aren’t these the kinds of things we believe God for… you know, the little things? I have been so blessed and encouraged this week by the staff community here at ALP. A conversation here and there reminds me that we must be faithful with every blessing we are given and God will bless us beyond our imaginations.

Praise the Lord for His provision. In the midst of whatever you are doing right now – give God praise for who He is and you will be blessed!

Posted on January 24, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

A week of tears

Hello long-lost friends! Christina here, your long lost other half of the foreign heart team. At least, I hope Caroline still considers me part of the team. I started a new journey about 4 1/2 months ago (quitting my job and getting a new one in youth ministry- ahh!) and it has changed my whole world. My life has turned upside down, and I wouldn’t want it to go back. But I do miss you all, and having time to talk to my dear sister every once and awhile…

Anyway- it’s been quite a week… kind of not in a good way. I’ve cried this week more times than I can count. Big, fat crocodile tears in the shower, in a meeting, and driving down the road. It’s just been one of those weeks. Started Sat. with some car troubles, but has continued into something that’s taken on a life of its own.

Honestly- I can’t remember a time that I have felt like this- so hopeless, so despondent, so free of true joy. I was trying to explain it to Tina on Tues. night and after awhile she just said- Christina, nothing you are saying is making sense. Are you sure you’re not being attacked? After trying to talk her out of this insane and frankly, offensive accusation for awhile, I realized she was right.

And why not? Why wouldn’t satan attack me with accusations of worthlessness, alone-ness, and sadness? Why wouldn’t satan whisper to me lies of discontentment, uneasiness, and distrust? Why wouldn’t he try and make me ineffective for God’s gospel and glory? When things at Valley Church are MOVING, when things are SHAKING up, when EXCITING things are happening, WHY WOULDN’T HE ATTACK THAT?

So I fight. For joy- for time with the Lord- for unity in our team.

Will you fight with me? Will you pray that God would continue to move mightily in Valley Church Student Ministries? Will you pray that satan’s attacks on our team would be useless? Would you pray that our staff retreat this weekend will sustain us and give us communication we desperately need? Would you pray that we would come back ready to fight for his kingdom?

Thank you, friends. I love you all.

Christina

Posted on January 23, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 2

What can YOU do to help here?

As many of you know, I am in Tegucigalpa, Honduras working at a Christian school. My heart is constantly growing for the kaleidescope of faces and needs. Before my trip to Iowa in December, I was consumed with how God wanted to use me for this time and place. I realized after giving a presentation in church, having coffee with friends, and just hearing from the hearts of some of my most faithful prayer supporters, that I need to think outside what I can do.

I need to ask God what HIS purposes are for this place. I need to ask God how I might connect servant hearts countries away with the very tangible needs I see every day.

So, here are some ways, folks!

Manos Extendidas
Many of you have seen the pictures of the feeding centers or read the stories. This past Saturday, little 7-year-old Kenya would not let me go. She pressed her nose firmly up under my chin, pleading my affection. Kenya always wears a hat. Sometimes its a matted periwinkle and other times she wears a beat up striped number, but hot or cold Kenya wears a hat to cover her chopped, lice-infested hair. Though she is very defensive and ashamed of her hair, she would not stop touching mine. She even offered to look through my hair for lice!

Kenya and the other children in the areas near the feeding centers live in extreme poverty. The feeding center provides very basic education and 2 meals to children sponsored through a special program. In addition, every Saturday the centers invite all the kids in the neighborhood to have a free meal (usually of warm milk and formula mixture), hear a Bible story, sing songs, and play a few games.

How can you support this ministry? Buy coffee! That’s right, click HERE to go to the Manos website where you can buy whole bean or ground coffee that directly supports the ministry!

Stewardship of Christian Ministries (Ministerios Cristianos de Mayordomia)
I am working very closely with this organization in the next few months (and hopefully next year). Last November, I attended a conference on social justice and this was one of the sponsoring organizations who work tirelessly to bring the message of the Gospel to the lost and broken while answering Jesus’ call to care for orphans, widows, and the distressed. I am going to be working with my friend Sarah (former Pinares teacher and now works for this organization) to coordinate service for my students at this site.

You can support them on their website in many ways, so check it out!

Hogar de Madres Solteras (Refuge for Single Mothers)
This ministry is very dear to my heart. Every Monday, I travel down the road with a group of 11th grade girls to this refuge for single mothers. This past Monday, we were sharing highlights from our Christmas break and one of the mothers (who stands about 6 inches shorter than my 5’1 frame) shared that her daughter Kensi learned how to use the potty! Everything at once seems beautiful and tragic around these young ladies, who need SO much love and guidance as they sort out their lives and care for young ones.

Although I’m not sure if they have a website, these women make jewelry to help support the cost of school, the refuge, and basic supplies. In a recent fundraiser, our school raised money to buy jewelry supplies. If you are interested in buying jewelry, please leave a comment and I will somehow find a way to get their jewelry back to you (it may be as late as July when I go back to the States). They have also made calendars with pictures of the girls and their children. They are around 7 or 8 dollars and the proceeds go to support the refuge.

Okay, so there you have it. There are three ways that you can support some of the things that are pulling on my heart down here.

I know there are more ways, don’t worry – this isn’t an exhaustive list. I’m still brainstorming about how people can support people directly and how I can make that happen.

Keep on keeping on!

Posted on January 22, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 1

Where does creativity come from?

Today, I stood in front of my class with 12 minutes left in the period and said, “I’m done. You’re not interested in this lesson and I’m not going to force you to learn. Here’s your homework. It’s due tomorrow.”

Just as I am feeling the most connected with the students, the most convicted about my call to love them, and the most convinced that the classroom is not a mistake in God’s plan for me here…. chaos happens on a Tuesday. So, I’m desperately trying to figure out how to tie this in with one of my posts for this week. Since creative is exactly what I don’t feel right now, I thought I would start there.

After my disappointing class and a few other programming glitches, I saw my friend Jose. Jose works on the maintenance crew and is basically an unstoppable bright spot in every day. We always have fun (mostly him teaching me Spanish). But, today as I passed a second time, he stopped me and asked, “Como esta, en serio?” How are you, really? I said a bit sad actually and he said he could tell by the look in my eyes when I said, “Muy bien, y Ud?”

Really, he could tell that I was disappointed with my day? This I’ll have to examine! We went on to talk about how God deserves our praise whether rain or sun, good day or bad day. I left that conversation thinking about all the blessings out at the sea I was missing by passing time in my current mud puddle (CS Lewis, anyone?).

So, what does this have to do with creativity? Well, I don’t fancy myself an artist, although I try. I paint and dance and sing a little here and there. I believe God gave each of us the desire and passion to create. And, because we are created in the image of God, I also believe that we have an intuitive knack for finding quality creations. I want so badly for things I create to be deemed, “good.” Things like lesson plans, poems, dreams of saving the world, adventures, light fixtures, paintings… I want to look at them (and others’ to look at them) and say, “Wow. That is good.”

Today I realized that if I want to develop my creativity, then I have to focus less on what I consider “good” and more on something entirely different.

Tonight, I asked our Bible study girls this question (in light of our book study on Crazy Love by Francis Chan), “What is the absolute craziest thing you could do to show God you love Him?”

I wonder… if I’m obsessed with showing love to my Creator, would the kind of creativity would develop where I (and others) would look at it and say,

“Wow. God is good.”

It’s worth a try.

Posted on January 21, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

rumpled blankets, essays, and castles in clouds

I’m swimming in essays, scattered on the rumpled blankets of my bed. We’re in the middle of a cloud tonight (when this happens I nearly always think of the Les Miserables song, “Castle on a Cloud”) and I’m warming to orange, manzanilla, and green teas as I read through an endless amount of essays. Tomorrow is report card day and I can’t begin to express the empathy I now feel for my high school English teacher. The sheer amount of words is enough to scare me off, but throw in another language and I’m wishing the words “This essay is due next week” never left my lips… and I’m a psychology teacher. Imagine doing this every day! Ah!

On the other hand (there always seems to be another hand), the reason the process is taking so long is because I feel as if the students are finally personal. Assign an essay on problem solving and you’re sure to read some clever, creative, surprising, and endearing stories that open windows into their lives. I am quite enjoying it!

In the rush of the end of the quarter last week, I have not been able to post, so tonight I want to encourage you with the lyrics of two of Brooke Fraser‘s songs. I have just recently been listening to her new CD, Albertine, inspired by her trips to Rwanda. The first, Hymn, resonates with my heart’s desire to dwell, really dwell in Thee; the Truth and the only Life. The second, C.S. Lewis song (how could I not be drawn to such a title!), reminds me of the temporary nature of this life and how we purpose to live in light of a collective groaning for redemption.

HYMN
If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather ’til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
‘Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision ’til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
‘Til I only dwell in Thee

C.S. Lewis song
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I’ll feel nude when to where I’m destined I’m compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He’s coming

I hope you are blessed tonight (or morning) as you think on what exactly in your life today has eternal significance. I pray you are seeking the Lord, dwelling in Him, and experiencing the abundant life. My hearts overflows in light of His grace upon grace (John 1).

Here’s a taste of this week (I HOPE!):
What can YOU do?
I’ve had SO many people ask me how they can support the ministries here in Honduras and I’m finally going to do my best to tell you. So, listen close!

Adventures of the Life I Wish I Led
Who knows if I’ll write this. Pray that I do for accountability’s sake. I really do enjoy writing creatively!

Where does creativity come from?
I guess sometimes I just wonder this myself. The short answer is our Creator. What’s the long answer… how do we develop our creativity? What forms might it take? This is what I wonder sometimes.

Exciting updates from HONDURAS
I’m hoping this post includes a new newsletter, but we’ll see about that. I know, I know, I’m way behind. But, I also know that you are gracious to let me finish well instead of finish quickly! 🙂

Vaya Pues!

Posted on January 19, 2009 by Caroline 0

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come