When I'm not riding in the backseat of my Grandpa's restored vintage car "Mable," I'm doing other things like...
rising to most adventure occasions my husband proposes /
chasing our toddler around Brooklyn /
enjoying neighbors, strangers, and friends /
making countless trips to the laundromat /
writing for various publications and for personal reflection /
loving and serving our local church /
cleaning the bathroom /
hosting small and big crowds in our home /
meeting up with a friend for coffee /
thinking
Vocation is my strange frenemy. Though I have worked and existed in many stations/places, I am convinced that each day has good work to be done and that I am equipped and prepared to do that good work.
This blog explores the tension and the intersection of a constant vocational call - to good work, neighbor love, and living in the kingdom come.
My favorite things are coffee and creating and laughing (preferably with company). I love to listen to sermons and read biographies and make tea before going to bed.
I like ampersands. I know – I’m probably behind on this trendy little piece of typographical genius, but I really do like how they look and what they do. Ampersands connect things. There’s even a blog dedicated to finding one for each day of the year: 300&65 Ampersands.
Anyway, since I’ve been away for awhile, you can imagine the backlog of links and suggestions I have! I’ll try to not overwhelm you … but I’m going to start publishing them under the “this & that” tag, so you can search ’em all if you like.
I appreciate Makoto Fujimara so much for his art, but also for his boldness in suggesting art and Christianity can very much be topics in the same conversation (in fact, should be). Here is a recent clip for Qideas where he talks about Beauty and Culture.
The Justice Conference has got some crazy big names all over it. What do you think about this buzzwordy gathering?
My friend Jace Yarbrough just starting writing over at Humane Pursuits and I’m sure you’ll appreciate his bright mind as you read through his thoughts on work in his article, “Work, Part I: In Defense of Brass Polishing”
Generous Justice – an idea from a guy I really admire (Tim Keller) – was one of the post-conference topics at the Gospel Coalition this year. I think he hits on a pretty difficult dichotomy we’ve created within Christianity today. Watch this video where he explains.
I’m a fan of this list that reminds us about what is done (indicatives) and what there is to do (imperatives) from Galatians. Take a look and be refreshed and motivated!Well, there’s that – now throw some this & that my way from your own reserves!
I think I like ampersands because something has got to come after every one.
What an absolutely GORGEOUS day! It looks like fall and feels like summer – which is the perfect combination for the Honduran in me.
The sunshine is throwing love on this day like confetti on New Year’s Eve and I’m not going to be bashful about basking in it. Maybe it’s also the sunshine that has me considering some deeper things today. Well, that, and John Wesley‘s ideas about sanctification and Christian perfection. When I got back from Honduras, I was surprised at the amount of books I still had lined up on a bookshelf in my parents’ house. Among others that are waiting for me on the “to read” list, I found this little gem (re-packaged by Relevant Books).
So… today I’m considering what he proposed – that our default impulses could be holy rather than rebellious. When God makes us new creatures through the sacrifice of His Son, we become “holy as He is holy” … so does that mean God triumphs over every bit of our heart and mind while we are still here on earth?
I know there is more to process about this, but meanwhile (or maybe while I do) this song is a beautiful anthem. I love that amen is a declaration of affirmation. And I love that this song affirms the Truth that is home to me – the place I can crawl inside and find rest. List to Amen, Amen by the good people at Sojourn Music.
When I was little, I was thrown around like a toy amongst the brothers and men in my family. I don’t mean that in a bad way (because my mom would say I “asked for it” almost every time and I probably did). But let’s just say it wasn’t strange to walk into our living room to see me hanging upside down with my brothers’ hands at my ankles. Now, I could incite trouble like any good tomboy could, but I wasn’t one to give up once I got in the middle of it. So, even in that helpless upside-down-at-the-ankles state, I would be jerking and swinging and doing any kind of acrobatics to get free. And it was always when the boys got tired of the game that it was over – not when I accomplished something with all my thrashing. They would let me go (probably by the surprise release method) and then I’d catch my breath long enough to go at them again, sure that this time I could somehow swing an underdog victory.
(Sigh). Right now feels a lot like upside-down-at-the-ankles. I realize I haven’t written since those last days in Honduras and I can’t quite decide if it’s shock or pain or laziness or a dreadful combination of all three. I had all sorts of ideas about what life would look like back here in the States. I still have that tomboy-ish mischief in me that looks at trials and says, “Ha! You can’t get me!” and then scampers off knowing full well that trial is a-comin’ at full speed to pick me up by my ankles and shake all my independence out (oh, and every little bit of loose change). And that, folks, is exactly what happened.
I stepped off the plane in Omaha after one of the most emotional departures of my life in Tegucigalpa to blaze a trail that only made sense in my mind. It looked like this:
I was applying for jobs in those places, but I was also picking up the pieces of my stateside self – trying to figure out what it would mean to live in this skin – and I ended up back on the good ole family homestead thrashing and resisting the attack I provoked on my pride and independence. I am not one bit regretful of my galavanting, though. I’m kind of a face-to-face girl and I needed the time walking on beaches and sitting on couches and chasing kids around houses to remind myself that God has called me to let love fly just as crazy here.
But, when the dust settled from the adventures and I started getting used to painfully pleasant rejection letters and emails, I started to feel the weight of “missing” the ministries and people and crowded streets and fried corn tortillas. It was sure heavy.
God is so gracious to give me community in this time. I was ready to pack my bags and move almost the minute I got back, but He hasn’t let me. No, I think I needed to get some thrashing out, upside down, before I could move on and He was gracious enough to let me do that in the midst of canning salsa and playing nertz and hiking timbers and harvesting soybeans. I am so very thankful.
Last night, when I was babysitting some imaginative munchkins, I scooped up Dari and flipped her upside down and said, “I’m going to shake all your sillies out!” I shook and shook while she giggled until I said, “Well, I think I got ’em all!” to which she promptly responded by scooping all her sillies from the air and then touching my knees, saying, “Now all the sillies are in your knees!”
Oh, what beautiful perspective innocence brings! My knees have never had such a party!! It reminds me of Ecclesiastes 5 and verse 20 more specifically. Solomon is going on and on about what is/isn’t important and what we can/cannot hold onto in this life. Then he arrives at this verse that has nestled its way into my favorites,
For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart.
I want so much to forget my days, for the joy in my heart! How wonderful a thing – to be SO AMAZINGLY FULL of joy that there is no room for anything else.
So, I guess I’m back at this blog thing again. There is too much inspiration in this season to find excuses not to express it! The changing leaves, the baking spices, the conversations, and the endless times I find myself in the upside-down-by-the-ankles state … they all want written about and I think I’ll finally give in.
“…just stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to”
So, if you grew up in the 90s you know this song by TLC. It was the kind we would belt out on the bus ride to a volleyball game and sing in the middle of the night at slumber parties. And, apparently, it’s the kind of song that pops into my head when I start thinking about the next couple weeks. Honestly, it has nothing to do with leaving or Honduras or ministry… I think that (maybe) sentiment pushes us to grasp at anything nostalgic and apparently that was the first thing I touched.
The point is, I wasn’t prepared for Edo (Eduardo) to amble into my office this morning and announce that today is his last day. I think I gave him 1000 hugs and said, “I’m not ready for this” a hundred times. The strange thing is, the tears pop out at the most random times – like driving alone in my car – and sometimes I can’t find them in the most appropriate moments, like this morning when my heart was twisting at the idea that I won’t be able to see this fine young man grow and change the world.
My offers of facebook friendship and mutual blog-stalking seemed a bit shallow, but it was all I could offer between the awkward amount of hugs. I’m sure there is a book somewhere about “How to leave without losing yourself” but I’d honestly rather just go into this blind. I’d rather play this one spontaneous, with a skip in my step and respect for the sorrow in my heart.
Once I reign in my distracted mind, the C.S. Lewis song by Brooke Fraser is much more appropriate. Maybe it will encourage you this morning.
I just walked off the treadmill a few minutes ago because I thought my waterworks wouldn’t pass for sweat any longer. I was sweating a storm when the song, “Love, Love, Love” by Tristan Prettyman hit my iPod. I happen to have the version where she explains the song is about growing up surfing and barbecuing with her family every day of summer. She has since left that routine to travel as a musician, but this song is a reminder that these people and memories will always be love to her. I started to think of all the ways this place and these people have become “love” to me.
I thought of the slurred broadcast voice speeding through a list of vegetables available on the back of the truck driving through my neighborhood at 7 am.
I thought of the cow that almost hit us on the way up the mountain last night.
I thought of the little note a student left for me today, asking me to pray for her test (and our joyful celebration afterwards when she was happy with the results!).
I thought of all the times I’ve been part of a crowded kitchen and the delicious results.
I thought of countless conversations that played out better than the most riveting film – conversations where I couldn’t wait to see what the student would say next or how they would surprise me with insight/joy/wisdom.
I thought of students popping into my office in every spare moment, whether I was busy or available, just to say hello.
I thought of nudging Louis’s battered nose out into traffic, confident that we would pull through whatever peril we were entering.
I thought of my house without electricity at the moment and all the opportunities I’ve had to be still in candlelight.
I thought of the delight at watching people enjoy something I’ve baked up in my kitchen.
I thought of student meetings, crowded in my little office, where we shared our testimonies and fears and joys.
I thought of the blessings of friendship – the deep, deep kind I never expected to find when I came here “on mission,” but the kind that will be part of my story forever.
I thought about the lessons I’ve learned at the foot of my Savior, when I’m willing and when I’m not, and His infinite patience with me as I try to figure out how to best support His kingdom work in this place.
I thought of all the crazy ways God has paraded His glory in front of my face in these past three years and I thought it was dangerous to try to beat the treadmill at its game.
It’s strange that heavy emotions really sap your strength. I can do an hour on the treadmill normally and still be ready for a crazy night of randomness afterwards. But, these days I am dragging myself out of bed every morning and having a rough time even pounding out 30 minutes at night and I can only point to these silly emotions as the culprit. I guess it’s even more proof that God interwove every part of us. You can’t separate your energy from your emotion anymore than you can separate darkness from night.
And I’ll say that’s why I am tired. I have a running list of “Things I want to do before June 23…” and it’s growing but my time is shrinking. Today, without warning, as the last students were rushing out of the hallways to get to the bus, I let the tears roll. People were asking when it would start hitting me… well, it’s now I guess.
Here’s Tristan’s song:
Here’s another song that has been such an encouragement to me lately. Honestly, this is my prayer right now – for me and for my students and for our desperate generation. This cry comes right out of Deuteronomy 6 and it is timeless. I want this to be my story. I want to remember my Lord and Savior in this way. I want His love and mercy and kingdom to be tied around my wrists and written on my doorposts and displayed in my life like I want nothing else. And I want this desperate love to be what holds my students together. I want them to remember who the Lord is and how He is reigning over all things.
Okay, I’m barely holding my eyelids high enough to peek through… but I wanted to jot down a few thoughts and some links. My friend John always pokes fun at me for the amount of tabs I leave open on my computer. I reason that I can’t close the tabs until I’ve dealt with them. Sometimes that means I just read the article and other times it means I post it or respond to it. Anyway… at this moment I have 9 tabs open in Google Chrome.
chocolate chip cookie dough chocolate cupcakes
First, I have to just take a moment to be sad about today being the last Tuesday I get to celebrate my little “taste and see” experiment with the seniors. I desperately want them to know how sweet the Word is! Today, if they told me their favorite verse and why, they got to choose a treat with a HIDDEN treasure: chocolate cupcake with chocolate chip cookie dough inside or a cake cookie with chocolate chip cookie dough inside. The process was about 4 hours long (and Hilda helped me out for the first half!), but the result was pretty delicious… and their responses were the sweetest part! Here are some of their favorite verses: Deuteronomy 6:5, Philippians 4:13, Zephaniah 3:17, Proverbs 31, Jeremiah 29:11, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Matthew 7, Luke 10:25-37, Galatians 5:20, James 1:12, John 3:16, Psalm 2:7-8, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalm 23.
So, the whole idea was that inside the treat was a HIDDEN treasure. It looks sweet on the outside, but you can’t even IMAGINE the sweetness on the inside! I only have THREE more days with the seniors before they say Adios to high school. I don’t know if I’m ready for this.
In other news… I’m going to make a little list-love here to get rid of a few tabs up top.
Bell Rings True is an article written by author David Dark (Sacredness of Questioning Everything) that examines Rob Bell’s book Love Wins and takes a different angle than many reviews I’ve read. I like to think I appreciate the whole picture and this is one article that helps me try to step back a few paces to see the landscape view. I may not change my mind, but I’m glad for reading it.
Saving Leonardo is a book review of Nancy Pearcey‘s Saving Leonardo: A Call to Resist the Secular Assault on Mind, Morals and Meaning. Let’s just say the intersection of history, art, and culture are enough to reel me in… but then you add the Secular/Christian dynamic and I am caught! This is on my reading list!
Five Thoughts on Worship is an article by Kevin DeYoung about the theology of worship. After experiencing different denominations, cultures, and styles, I have started to grip even tighter the ways God has defined worship for us. He desires for us to worship in Spirit and in Truth and He has not hid those ways from us. DeYoung references David Peterson’s five helpful points in understanding corporate worship, from his book Engaging with God: A Biblical Theology of Worship.
What is Heaven Like by Jared Wilson, over at the Resurgence, didn’t have a hard time convincing me to read. I LOVE to think/talk/dream/pray about heaven. I don’t think we have as many discussions as we ought about the place we are destined for eternity.
The Veneer of Media is another article in the series from Q ideas based on the book Veneer. There are many things in this article to ponder, not the least of which is our response to the article’s assertions.
My eyes are getting heavier by the second! I should go before I start talking gibberish!
don’t forget to
let LOVE fly like cRaZy
because Christ is the HIDDEN treasure!
Tonight, I sang this song in Spanish with my Micah brothers. We were a much smaller crowd, without the brass and the awesome bass solo, but the words rang just as true. Okay, so we didn’t have the eighties style vests or the flute solos either, but still… take a look.
I’m reminded of this Truth tonight – that His kingdom shall reign over all the earth and none can compare to His matchless work. And because of this Truth, we sing and sing and sing until our lungs wear out and then with joy we still sing.
What will become of the library? This article by author and social change expert Seth Godin helps us navigate the evolving landscape of information systems. It’s not as “doomsday” as I thought… actually there is much hope for the library, if we understand and value the unique need it fills.
As long as we’re talking about books, check out this survey Tim Challies posted on his blog. The results are more than surprising… and worth a look. Here’s a sneak peek:
I love this article, “The Sorting Table,” from the Curator about the grape harvest in Australia, even though sadness hangs over it like a blanket. It reminds me of my reflection about time inevitable march forward.
This article, “God of the Impossible,” from the Gospel Coalition is finally an example of what I’ve been trying to explain. Everyone takes in theology everyday. Maybe we don’t call it that and maybe we do, but the point is: we choose to expose our minds to certain beliefs, which in turn form a foundation on which to believe or filter everything else. There is no “throw away” knowledge. Every action has a reaction and every thought triggers another thought. The author, David Schrock, was persuaded by the first theologian who found a place on his night stand. For some people, the first theologian is Kierkegaard, others Donald Miller, and still others Martin Lloyd-Jones. What I love about this article is the beautiful reminder that theology is the study of God and we must remember that He is sovereign. I firmly believe that what we decide to think about, read, believe, discuss influences our theology… but I also believe God is sovereign and working in the midst of our human decisions. I praise God for that!
So, there’s a guy predicting the world will end on Saturday. This is Cal Thomas’s response in World Magazine.
Here is a great video from John Piper on Jesus’ strategy in Samaria. Piper says this story is in the Bible to encourage us in our pluralistic society.
What catches my breath in my throat is how beautiful the phrase sounds. I remember singing it in high school for Honor Choir or All State auditions, I’m not sure which. I am sure I was drawn in by the mystery of its beauty and its tragedy … but not understanding why.
Today, the mystery wound itself around my heart’s cry for my students. As I sat at the mechanic shop (praise the Lord my severely overheated car only needed a simple little tube that cost 2 dozen eggs and some change!) reading Think by John Piper, I thought about how we are called to be both like children (Matthew 18:3), but not children at all (1 Corinthians 14:20).
I can think of many times I’ve been accused of being excessively childish and an almost equally amount of times I’ve been accused of being too serious. And, um, the accusations are often true. The pros and cons of this see-saw are something only the Lord can measure out. But, I’m not going to give up that easy.
I love that the God of all the universe suggests we become like children… completely dependent for every need and completely abandoned to all kinds of joy; completely honest about doubts and completely transparent about fear. We need Him just as desperately for joy as we do for our bread and I think He delights equally to give them.
I love that when Zaccheus heard Jesus was coming to town, he lost all sense of shame or fear and scurried right on up that Sycamore tree. And oh how I love Jesus when he gives Zaccheus (see this sermon by George Whitefield) the invitation to come down … and to please host him (Jesus) at his house for a celebration! Zaccheus abandoned all pride and position just to glimpse the Man with the power to give him a place in eternity.
Can you believe it? God didn’t move Zaccheus to walk stoically up an aisle at an altar call and calmly confess by repeating a mechanical prayer. God moved in Zaccheus and the little guy couldn’t reach for the branches fast enough. He desperately wanted to see Jesus and nothing else mattered. Only a child would act like that. And I love that Jesus loved it.
On the other/same hand (I refuse to think these things are actually separate), Paul cautions the church in Corinth to not be children “in your thinking.” We are to be infants in regard to evil, but mature in our thinking. It is much easier to do the opposite – mature about evil and infants in our thinking. We are not called to be infants about everything… just evil. The act of thinking will bring us into maturity, just like a child who learns to walk or start mumbling phrases. Those lessons require thinking. Sometimes we get so concerned about being “relevant” that we start to be mature about the evil in the world. I can’t say I know what it means to be innocent of evil (Romans 16:19) and wise about what is good, but I think it has a lot to do with Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
As we actively think on these things, in the pursuit of Scripture and its application in our lives, the evil things of our dark world becomes less appealing, while the wisdom about living in the darkness makes our light shine like a million suns.
It’s getting late and I should wrap this up.
Basically, when my heart cries out Kyrie Eleison today, I am saying, “Lord, have mercy on me when I am mature about evil and innocent about good. And, Lord have mercy on my students as they choose what to think on, be wise about, and be innocent of. Oh, Lord please have mercy!”
What better place to learn about this desperate plea than through music… through the beautiful voice of a child. Here’s a young English boy singing Kyrie recorded live in Dublin with a full choir and orchestra. Also this article from the Gospel Coalition, “Ordinary Evil and the Factory that Made Corpses” has provoked some thoughts on what it is to be innocent of evil, or completely mixed up in it.
When I was somewhere in the range of seven years old, I remember performing in a Psalty musical at my church. Don’t laugh … it was really cool back then. Well, I felt cool to be in it, anyway. Probably because I was so small (and a bit of a troublemaker) I was cast as the girl who got lost in the woods when we went in search for firewood. I’m not sure, but I think the rest of the cast sang this little number when we were lost and they were discouraged. Once you get past the bizarre, over-sized singing songbook, I’m sure you can appreciate how sweet this is!
Then me and my other lost buddy sang this song:
Oh! The memories! I don’t think it’s a coincidence that 16 years later I ended up lost in a cloud forest on top of a mountain in Honduras singing that same song!
La Tigra cloud forest... the sunshine is swell, but being lost at night is a different story!
That right there is proof positive that we store all those childhood lessons somewhere deep in our hearts where we will one day need to retrieve them.
Right now is a 1 Peter 5:7 kind of time and (no matter how silly that man looks dressed like a book) I’m humming this tune as I live believing God is big enough to handle every last one of my cares. Not only that, but He takes my burdens and turns them into blessings. I’m praying something very simple over my students tonight… that they would have this kind of song etched deep in their hearts, so when they go away and get lost they will be able to reach down and find the only place to put their cares.
MUSINGS IN THE MIDST 