Sunburnt face, scraped elbow, and Sunday music

I’m nursing a tomato-red face and a brave, battered elbow today. I wear these reminders proudly, because yesterday was a good day. I gave my best effort as shortstop for the Marlins and even slid into second base, in an all-out show of my commitment to team and sport. 🙂

It was my friend Jenna’s (Micah Project) birthday and she decided to host the closest thing to a baseball tournament. We met up at the ball diamond (which looked very Sandlot-esque), called Gigantes field, to play in the best organized kickball tournament I’ve ever seen. There were four teams: Marlins, Astros, Cardinals, and Dodgers (complete with homemade team shirts!!!) competing for the title of champion. The Micah boys showed up full-force along with tons of teachers from the International School. I loved it!

Today, I am thankful for so many things. I have some new inspiration for my room – incorporating sewing space and a prayer corner – that I am pretty excited about. I am working on some ideas for the upcoming high school student retreat… the theme is amazing race, so you can imagine how my mind is flying. I spent the morning doing my BRP (my affectionate and creative acronym for Bible Reading Plan) and can say I am truly loving the Word right now.

I did some cleaning/reorganizing/laundry … and this invariably ends in more mess (creative organization sometimes just means re-purposing junk and moving it from one place to another). And, in the course of my scattered, Sabbath schedule, I am listening to some GREAT new music.

See for yourself:
brooks ritter

Brooks Ritter- Child from jeff venable on Vimeo.

After I found brooks ritter, it was pretty easy to find sojourn, the worship band he plays in at Sojourn Community Church in Louisville, Kentucky. Not surprisingly, the music was a beautiful addition to this Sunday. Check them out: Sojourn

How did I happen upon Brooks Ritter in the first place? I happen to read a blog called Holiday at the Sea, written by Brent Thomas. He posts music weekly on his blog. Thanks Holiday at the Sea!

Posted on January 31, 2010December 18, 2011 by Caroline 0

stopping at 8

I don’t care what you say, you phantom, cyber late night guilt-tripper. You can call me lame or loser or whatever you want to call me… I’m stopping at 8. I’m going to be done with electronics and planning and cleaning and thinking about anything but:

journal. Bible. bed.

If this goal seems slightly out of character for me… well, it is. It just kind of rolled off my fingers in the blank that says, “Title:” above this post. But, after it came out I decided it would be a bold goal. I will use a few of these minutes to give just one thought.

It all starts with this quote I picked up from over at my friend Kaci’s blog.

“Entering the day without a serious meeting with God, over his Word and in prayer, is like entering the battle without tending to your weapons. The human heart does not replenish itself with sleep. The body does, but not the heart. We replenish our hearts not with sleep, but with the Word of God and prayer.” – John Piper

I read this today in the morning and sighed super heavy. Everyday resolutions struggle to be free every morning of my life. I’m not talking HUGE yearly ideas like losing 20 pounds or drinking wheatgrass everyday or becoming a professional singer or seamstress. I’m talking about every single morning when my alarm beeps at 4:45 a.m. I have this crazy inner wrestling match (strangely void of any physical motion) about how important it is for my resolutions to start this very day. It’s always a toss up who wins. Now that I am reading through the Bible in a year, there’s a lot going on in my mornings, so I really have to get moving, resolutions or not!! This quote brought it all back to center.

And there is God.

This morning, as I gathered details and permission slips for the orphanage field trip, I found out Michelletti (the current President) was going to visit. Nevermind the fact that this would never happen in the States, we pretty much lost any hope of salvaging the morning once the students found out. I can’t try to explain how everything went down, but it was pretty neat to watch.

About 40 minutes after Michelletti left, I loaded up 25 7-12 graders into a bus to go to the orphanage for an afternoon of crafts, games, and a drama. We acted out Daniel in the Lion’s Den and then we made Lion masks out of paper plates.

Then, at about 5, I tried to say I would “collapse,” but instead I said I would, “complatz.” I can’t even reason out that I was smooshing two words or flip-flopped letters… it’s just messed up (where did the ‘m’ come from??).

And I think back to the morning. And I think about the world and how big it is.

I think about the earthquake strong enough to flatten a city. I think about people who have survival first and

computers and

buses and

teriyaki and

music the last thing on their minds.

So, what will be the first on my mind tomorrow morning? The very first?

Posted on January 15, 2010 by Caroline 0

taking the first step

I’m a little late, but I’m starting anyway. I’m going to read through the Bible in one year. Should I be ashamed that the reason this thought sunk in (finally after years of pondering) was a twitter post by ESVdaily? Well, I’m not. I am thankful for twitter and for ESV Study Bible (which, by the way, is an AMAZING online resource!) and I am thankful that God’s Word has become so dangerously relevant (who knew that God would ever speak to me through Twitter?).

So, today was the first day I officially began. I boiled a large pot of water and brought a cup and a tea bag strong enough to last through several steaming water refills. The ESV Study Bible was a little overwhelming at first. But, now, I am understanding how absolutely amazing it was the day I decided to order a year of WORLD magazine and receive the study Bible as a bonus. A BIG bonus. I am doing the Bible Reading Plan, conveniently found at the back with the mountains of other useful information.

I read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Genesis 1, Luke 1:1-25, and 1 Chronicles 1. I spit through the genealogies of Chronicles and spilled a bit of tea on the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth in Luke, but other than that the readings are starting out splendidly, with Eric Schrotenboer playing some great piano hymns in the background. I feel the weight of the Old Testament and have a new hunger to understand it, thanks to Lauren Winner. I want to see the beauty of redemption through the eyes of God’s chosen people.

Tonight I will go see the Micah boys for Sunday night service and probably return to more tea before I read a bit (now onto Forgotten God by Francis Chan) before sleeping soundly in my slightly tidy messy room.

Look tomorrow for the first of many short stories of my childhood 🙂

Posted on January 11, 2010 by Caroline 0

here I am, Returning

I’m back.

My room is a mess. My overflowing suitcases lazily rest on the floor where I dumped them after a 16 hour journey, a bed of rumpled blankets boast the 12 hour nap that directly followed my arrival, each thoughtful gift I received over Christmas lays half-pondered on the ground where I have very good intentions about fully pondering it, a strange collection of mail that should’ve been shoved in one of those convenient blue boxes is still clinging to the insides of my suitcase,

and I am sitting here, drinking jasmine green tea and typing.

returning.

I was in Iowa for almost 1 1/2 weeks. The snow wooed my warmed, Honduran heart and the faces of favorite people filled my vision. There were not enough hugs and jokes and convos and laughs… but there were so many! The laughter made me certain of God’s goodness (if I wasn’t before), because if we are made in His image then He must be the Ultimate at laughter and that makes me love Him all the more. Sewing with my grandma and crowding my mother’s kitchen, running around with cousins in the snow and cuddling up in a blanket with my sisters, wrapping a cold night with the wise words of my grandpa and chilling with my best friends who also happen to be my siblings…
I’m returning to community and family. I’m returning to the admission that we need people.

My best friend Meghan asked me to be her maid-of-honor. Our eyes filled up a little bit, but life is mostly the same between us – we share the kind of understood love that doesn’t necessarily send emails or letters or phone calls, but it prays and hopes and is still so fierce.
I’m returning to the joy of the heart friends I only see once-in-awhile. I’m returning to believing I can love them without a face-to-face coffee date.

I snuggled into two books before I jumped on a big Continental bird to fly back here. One I have nearly finished after two days: Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner. Winner’s writing style reminds me why I love getting lost in between black and white typed words. I heard her speak when I was in college, but my too-skeptic college self didn’t allow me to believe her story was good. Well, it is. The other book is Forgotten God by Francis Chan and it is proving just as delightful … my heart is necessarily challenged at each page-turn.
I’m returning to believing things are good and worthy of hours of thinking and digesting and several cups of jasmine green tea.

I bought a new journal at Target in Michigan. The store startled me with all the bright reds and discounted prices, but I managed to find a $3.24 eco-friendly journal with wide pages and a wire binding (very important, as I like to flip each page completely behind).
I’m returning to writing with a pen. I’m returning to saying my prayer with bold strokes. I’m returning to a personal account of fears and failures.

My sister Christina’s birthday is today. I only left the states a couple days ago, but memories always make me feel uncomfortable with my love. My sister isn’t really one for precious, picture moments with fluffy words and embraces. She is the queen of conversation and wild with wit… but sometimes I just have to know that she can feel my love without words or corny phrases. I know it, I do and I’m whispering happy birthdays today for her.
I’m returning to confidence in how people understand my love. I’m returning to believing that my sister doesn’t need to be persuaded – she just knows how much I love her even when my hands are empty.

My friend Chels is my new mentor (she doesn’t know that yet). I turned my head slightly after college to pursue what I thought important. It was easy, as we all went separate ways …but a few years later here she emerges as this gentle well, deep with wisdom. I am sad to not have watched the process or been more supportive as she grew brilliantly toward the light of Love.
I’m returning to knowing I have much to learn. I am returning to humbly searching the deep, deep wells of the wise ones around me.

here I am, returning.

Posted on January 5, 2010 by Caroline 3

Blessing Facilitator

You know, if I had to create my own job … I might consider using the title “Blessing Facilitator.”

The job description might include: This person works behind the scenes to allow for the greatest blessing impact, best use of resources, and most of all the attention to people as priority. The person in this position must know blessings well – where they originate and from Whom. This person must also possess a desire to see people filled with thanksgiving and also a desire to celebrate gift-giving. This person must have a unique understanding of the giver-receiver relationship, as the giver is often blessed as much if not more than the receiver. One of the most difficult aspects of this job is bearing the burden of watching so many blessings. If you like to stand under a waterfall and feel the rush and weight and life of the refreshing water bubble down, you may just be right for this job.

I like to facilitate blessings. Here are some pictures from today. 🙂

As I have started to say, “Ya.” As in, done, finished, enough. I am ready to see my family tomorrow. 🙂

Posted on December 20, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

More Blessed to Give than Receive

Cliché … maybe. But, test it out and then see if you want to have a fight over word choice. Blessing others is like peeking through a window at God’s glory and goodness and then getting knocked off your feet at its splendor.

Well, here on earth it is less romantic. If we get knocked off our feet, we land on a dirty, dusty earthen floor. But, let me tell you, God’s splendor is no less magnificent because we live in a sinful world. Not at all. God’s splendor will always be the same: perfect. So, no matter what kind of earth we are standing on today, we can reflect the image of God by blessing others.

Here is what happens when you do:)

ALP teachers and staff (Honduran and North American) came together this Christmas to bless Amor y Fe y Esperanza, a school started about 4 years ago next to the garbage dump outside the city of Tegucigalpa. Classes used to be given under nearby trees, but now are conducted in classrooms in the four buildings constructed for that purpose. The ministry seeks to provide education and resources to children who only have a future searching through the garbage dump piles for food, money, and livelihood.

We took the idea of Operation Christmas Child and made it local – for our own city and our own neighbors. We posted names, ages, and grades and staff then picked from the list and created boxes (or bags) to send to the school. We collected and delivered them and … it was beautiful. Here are some pictures of the journey:

Here is a description of the ministry of AFE in 30 seconds.

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

Today more blessings came in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Some of the blessings came after my muscles were so tense and my heart so anxious that only afterward did I realize how much the blessings depend on God and not me. All I can do in my worrying is take away from God’s steadfast promise to be there as sturdy as an oak.

to life, to life lechaim

Lechaim means to life in Hebrew and Yiddish

After two batches of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, one batch peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and one loaf of pumpkin bread, I am feeling a toast welling up in my soul. I raise my weary glass of lukewarm water and toast to life.

Yesterday, I shared some lost and found items. By the way, have any of you found my composure or exercise? Those are two things I’d really be glad to get back!

Today, God reminded me that He is good. He is good and unchanging. I cannot begin to see the stretches of His goodness. I cannot begin to put them in boxes built by words or strokes painted by hand. I just cannot. His goodness never ends. My goodness can only begin with Christ and He never ends… what hope I have for my goodness (or God’s goodness in me, rather)!!

Today after school, I rushed home and worked a few details of the week out like a veteran navy soldier untying knots. Capital job, I thought! Then, I headed downtown to go to the street kids Christmas party at my church. This was a totally new experience! I have worked tons with Micah Project, but with those boys there is the luxury of using the past-tense (they were living on the street). These boys that came to the Christmas party at the church were definitely present-tense. Well, I don’t know if you can call their glue-dependent existence living, but they showed up and smiled a lot, anyway.

They checked their glue at the door and Hector wrote their names on each bottle so they could pick them up on their way out (2 hours isn’t going to de-tox anyone). And we sang songs, served lasagna, laughed, and (the WORST part) popped balloons. I was so embarrassed for my reactions I had to leave the room several times. They, of course, thought it was hilarious that I jumped like I’d heard a shotgun … so they played it up to the fullest.

Praise God for every new day.

This may not be your cup ‘o tea, but tonight I am feeling the whoa-oh-oh’s and the cadence my feet are stompin’

Posted on December 15, 2009 by Caroline 2

Lost and Found

Over the past week, I have ridden waves of emotions. Today, as I walked to church and home again… as I cleaned my room and quickly dirtied it… as I cooked green beans in the middle of the afternoon and then met up with friends to celebrate a birthday…

Today, I thought about the things I’ve lost and found. I thought, it would only be reasonable to sort these things in my mind in pairs.

1 Lost = 1 Found
So, here’s another list:

Lost: my composure and my determination to “keep it together”
Found: a much needed convo with my mom… well, rather, I talked and she listened and then asked the hardest, best, and only thing I needed to answer, “How is your time with the Lord, sweetie?”

Lost: time for exercise
Found: oh, about 10 pounds 🙂

Lost: (actually I never had) great entertaining/hostess skills
Found: a sincere comfort when the ties of my apron are wrapped around my waist

Lost: the shallow, meaningless talk
Found: (kind of always there) a stronger desire to do/talk about things that really matter

Lost: appetite for gooood, fresh cooking
Found: my lovely green beans take so little time and are SO good

Lost: Dave Ramsey budget
Found: an idea to write to Dave Ramsey so he could write a book entitled, “Financial Peace for unstable missionaries who have unreliable income and mission everywhere.”

Lost: my desire to cover up failures
Found: my desire to be genuine

Lost: desire to clean my room
Found: a strange comfort in my living space reflecting the mess on the inside

Lost: my ability to wear contacts (for now)
Found: possibly allergies or sensitivity to city pollution? AND many complements on my glasses (5 yr. old pair and $12 pair)

Lost: determination to wake up super early on the weekend
Found: dreamy smile at 8 am when I rouse thinking it is 11 am

Lost: quiet times with my Savior
Found: a void only those times can again fill

Please pray this week (if you want) for these things:

Giullana Gonzalez and her family
Giving all the gifts that need to be given… that God would give me just a beautifully light heart that He can use to shine His light and where He can work out His will
Micah Project and my church are hosting a Christmas party on Monday for the street kids – those who are not in the discipleship program and still struggle to survive on the city streets
Mission Trip Christmas party on Wednesday… just pray for details and that it would be a time where we can grow together and build stronger community
The coordination and distribution on Thursday of 138 Christmas gifts to children in the Amor y Fe y Esperanza school at the garbage dump (the devil is tempting me with stress over this… Tuesday we will check which names have not been covered and fill gifts for them)
Friday, I’m picking up a Dallas HS student at the airport who raised $4,000 to buy gifts for kids at the orphanage we will be working with on the mission trip in March. We need lots of prayer to cover her, her mom, the gifts, the transportation, the weekend. We will be delivering the gifts on Saturday and I’m hoping I can get the mission team together.
Please just pray that I will be a willing heart this week – for whatever it is that God needs done. Pray I will draw so near to Him to hear His heartbeat for this life and these people and this day.

Thank you and MUCH love.

What I’m Reading: The Singer by Calvin Miller
What I’m Listening to: A Little Bit of Love by Joy Williams, Disappear by Stephen Speaks

Posted on December 14, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 2

a great big list of things

You know, I am pretty comfortable admitting that I live far below my expectations for myself. Case in point: this blog. I could probably link back to the MANY times in the past I’ve posted a post like this.

I’ve (strange, yes) asked this cyber-journal for forgiveness and begged understanding. Well, I’m done with that. So, now I want to try to capture the past two weeks of blog-writing delinquency in this lengthy list. Don’t expect order in this mess, I’ll be lucky if I remember half of the crazy things that transpired. Enjoy:)

November 18 – December 5

Rode in an ambulance with a 7th grader
Was told by a student that I seem “19 years old”
Went through an identity complex after I heard the above comment
Quickly assured myself of same-age friends by hosting my new church friends Johanna and Gaby for vegetarian lasagna
Cooked my first turkey … ever. It was 11 pounds. I defrosted it in my kitchen sink. Massaged out the ice (because I didn’t plan for an all day de-icing event), named him Terry.
Took suggestions from students (who apparently take their know-how from a guy named Anthony Bordaine?) about how to season the turkey (I think there was oil, thyme, italian seasoning, rosemary involved?!?!)
Led the kids at the feeding center in singing and prayed for one of my favorite little ones and her father, who is blind.
Had our first two mission trip meetings (I’m leading a group of high schoolers on a mission trip here in Honduras in March)
Cherished every Sunday night I can spend with Micah Project, worshipping
Found my new favorite Christmas song: Winter Snow by Audrey Assad (also on Chris Tomlin’s Christmas CD)
Re-discovered my love for walking the city (the car has been in the shop for several weeks)
Hosted 11th grade girls for Thanksgiving …. lasagna – their choice! 🙂 and made my first ENORMOUS cookie
Watched 2012 at the mall… then walked 30 minutes home from the mall thinking the whole time if walking home from the mall was what I wanted to be doing at the end of the world.
Wondered why all the world leaders (minus the US) in the movie 2012 were white… hmm?
Crafted and conspired (although less than I would like) for Christmas… I am truly making every gift (or supporting causes here) and it gets a bit tricky with the brothas!
Met a Jehovah’s Witness on the street (they have a headquarters a few blocks from my house) and then later met to talk over coffee… for 2 1/2 hours. I’m hoping there will be a friendship. Her name is Larissa.
Spent the night at a student’s house… again.
Watched as one of my dearest girls was baptized.
Lamented over my horrible upkeep of my newsletter. It’s depressing, so I don’t like to think of it. I WILL have one written before I leave. It’ll be some crazy November/December combination:)
Decided to be on the worship team at church… starting in January.
I have savored many moments quiet.
I have asked many times forgiveness in these last couple weeks.
Tried to make very solid things abstract because it’s easier for my mind to think in colors and shapes and strange, vine-like things that wrap around all the stubborn, tangible realities.
Painted a watercolor.
Missed my sister pretty intensely.
Fought a bit with what I affectionately call “devil-eye” – where my eyes get mean and red and hate contacts altogether. These are the days when laser eye surgery should be cheaper. Or pollution less? I think that’s part of my problem living in the city.
Decided to pray for one of my brother’s football players and already feeling connected to the mighty work of the Lord in Michigan.
Felt the ebb and flow of frustration in consistency. Well – there is no flow. There is no consistency with my girls. It’s painful, really.
Went to a church conference with a student… interesting experience
Worship night with the kids… pretty awesome.
Thought and dreamed a lot about what my life will be like and how I can serve… but then realized that I am here in a dream and living service…
caught myself being foolish A LOT!
Caught up (a little teeny bit) with friends in Michigan, Chicago, and Indy.

That’s it for now, folks! I love you and half-way promise to be more regular in my writing.

LOVE.

Posted on December 7, 2009 by Caroline 1

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come