Category: Thoughts

thoughts from today

These are some thoughts and quotations that found their way into my journal while reading “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan:

  • The Spirit desires to use us when: our hearts are aligned with His vision, we are filled with genuine love for the church, we desire to see the church grow in love for God and others.
  • God’s intention is that the gifts of the Spirit would point to God, not man, giving all the glory and praise to God and none to man.
  • I want to serve and use the gifts God has given me in a way that people give God praise and forget that I was involved.
  • miracles ALWAYS point to something GREATER
  • when you so casually say you were “called to a place” what do you mean? what would that place look like if you weren’t there? what would the church look like if everyone gave and served and loved like you do… would it be healthy?
  • God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it’s absolutely vital to grasp that He didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace.
  • I shouldn’t be rejoicing in the gifts given, but in the GIVER and the GRACE freely given!

1 Corinthians 12:7
we are given a “manifestation of the Spirit for the common good” … “empowered by One and the same Spirit who apportions to each one individually as He wills.”

This morning I did some reading and planning my mornings for this week (www.inspiredtoaction.com), then I went to read and journal in El Centro, and then this afternoon I went to the feeding center. It was SO good to be back!!

Posted on by Caroline 0

stopping at 8

I don’t care what you say, you phantom, cyber late night guilt-tripper. You can call me lame or loser or whatever you want to call me… I’m stopping at 8. I’m going to be done with electronics and planning and cleaning and thinking about anything but:

journal. Bible. bed.

If this goal seems slightly out of character for me… well, it is. It just kind of rolled off my fingers in the blank that says, “Title:” above this post. But, after it came out I decided it would be a bold goal. I will use a few of these minutes to give just one thought.

It all starts with this quote I picked up from over at my friend Kaci’s blog.

“Entering the day without a serious meeting with God, over his Word and in prayer, is like entering the battle without tending to your weapons. The human heart does not replenish itself with sleep. The body does, but not the heart. We replenish our hearts not with sleep, but with the Word of God and prayer.” – John Piper

I read this today in the morning and sighed super heavy. Everyday resolutions struggle to be free every morning of my life. I’m not talking HUGE yearly ideas like losing 20 pounds or drinking wheatgrass everyday or becoming a professional singer or seamstress. I’m talking about every single morning when my alarm beeps at 4:45 a.m. I have this crazy inner wrestling match (strangely void of any physical motion) about how important it is for my resolutions to start this very day. It’s always a toss up who wins. Now that I am reading through the Bible in a year, there’s a lot going on in my mornings, so I really have to get moving, resolutions or not!! This quote brought it all back to center.

And there is God.

This morning, as I gathered details and permission slips for the orphanage field trip, I found out Michelletti (the current President) was going to visit. Nevermind the fact that this would never happen in the States, we pretty much lost any hope of salvaging the morning once the students found out. I can’t try to explain how everything went down, but it was pretty neat to watch.

About 40 minutes after Michelletti left, I loaded up 25 7-12 graders into a bus to go to the orphanage for an afternoon of crafts, games, and a drama. We acted out Daniel in the Lion’s Den and then we made Lion masks out of paper plates.

Then, at about 5, I tried to say I would “collapse,” but instead I said I would, “complatz.” I can’t even reason out that I was smooshing two words or flip-flopped letters… it’s just messed up (where did the ‘m’ come from??).

And I think back to the morning. And I think about the world and how big it is.

I think about the earthquake strong enough to flatten a city. I think about people who have survival first and

computers and
buses and
teriyaki and
music the last thing on their minds.

So, what will be the first on my mind tomorrow morning? The very first?

Posted on by Caroline 0

Be Thou My Vision

Tonight’s post is not inspired of anything inside me. I just want to share a hymn that is increasingly powerful in my life. As I pray for my brother traveling home from Colorado and my long distance friend in Canada, for my family snowed inside in Iowa and my unpredictable students here, for mission trip details and planning the talk for tomorrow night… as I do and think about all this, these words bring me back to center:

BE THOU MY VISION

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

http://www.youtube.com/v/tid9zgcxCJg&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00

Posted on by Caroline 0

it’s so… cold?

Everyone in the region of my home state would guffaw me right off cyberspace if they heard me say this, but I’m saying it anyway, “I was cold today.”

The dampness kind of crept in and up under my light corduroy jacket and kept my hands damp and kind of tingled my bones a little.

I just had to say that one thing about the cold and now I’ll move on because I know of many others who are waking up super early to scrape ice off windshields and at night snuggle under electric blankets and trudge around in feet of snow in negative 25 temperatures. I’m sending my warmth to you, friends!

I kicked back with some more jasmine green tea tonight, but the craziness is starting to settle in. I found out this morning that I am going to speak this Friday on joy and suffering at our outreach event for 10-12 grades. What a topic! Ay!

Please comment with ideas and suggestions and love!

Posted on by Caroline 2

here I am, Returning


I’m back.

My room is a mess. My overflowing suitcases lazily rest on the floor where I dumped them after a 16 hour journey, a bed of rumpled blankets boast the 12 hour nap that directly followed my arrival, each thoughtful gift I received over Christmas lays half-pondered on the ground where I have very good intentions about fully pondering it, a strange collection of mail that should’ve been shoved in one of those convenient blue boxes is still clinging to the insides of my suitcase,

and I am sitting here, drinking jasmine green tea and typing.

returning.

I was in Iowa for almost 1 1/2 weeks. The snow wooed my warmed, Honduran heart and the faces of favorite people filled my vision. There were not enough hugs and jokes and convos and laughs… but there were so many! The laughter made me certain of God’s goodness (if I wasn’t before), because if we are made in His image then He must be the Ultimate at laughter and that makes me love Him all the more. Sewing with my grandma and crowding my mother’s kitchen, running around with cousins in the snow and cuddling up in a blanket with my sisters, wrapping a cold night with the wise words of my grandpa and chilling with my best friends who also happen to be my siblings…
I’m returning to community and family. I’m returning to the admission that we need people.

My best friend Meghan asked me to be her maid-of-honor. Our eyes filled up a little bit, but life is mostly the same between us – we share the kind of understood love that doesn’t necessarily send emails or letters or phone calls, but it prays and hopes and is still so fierce.
I’m returning to the joy of the heart friends I only see once-in-awhile. I’m returning to believing I can love them without a face-to-face coffee date.

I snuggled into two books before I jumped on a big Continental bird to fly back here. One I have nearly finished after two days: Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner. Winner’s writing style reminds me why I love getting lost in between black and white typed words. I heard her speak when I was in college, but my too-skeptic college self didn’t allow me to believe her story was good. Well, it is. The other book is Forgotten God by Francis Chan and it is proving just as delightful … my heart is necessarily challenged at each page-turn.
I’m returning to believing things are good and worthy of hours of thinking and digesting and several cups of jasmine green tea.

I bought a new journal at Target in Michigan. The store startled me with all the bright reds and discounted prices, but I managed to find a $3.24 eco-friendly journal with wide pages and a wire binding (very important, as I like to flip each page completely behind).
I’m returning to writing with a pen. I’m returning to saying my prayer with bold strokes. I’m returning to a personal account of fears and failures.

My sister Christina’s birthday is today. I only left the states a couple days ago, but memories always make me feel uncomfortable with my love. My sister isn’t really one for precious, picture moments with fluffy words and embraces. She is the queen of conversation and wild with wit… but sometimes I just have to know that she can feel my love without words or corny phrases. I know it, I do and I’m whispering happy birthdays today for her.
I’m returning to confidence in how people understand my love. I’m returning to believing that my sister doesn’t need to be persuaded – she just knows how much I love her even when my hands are empty.

My friend Chels is my new mentor (she doesn’t know that yet). I turned my head slightly after college to pursue what I thought important. It was easy, as we all went separate ways …but a few years later here she emerges as this gentle well, deep with wisdom. I am sad to not have watched the process or been more supportive as she grew brilliantly toward the light of Love.
I’m returning to knowing I have much to learn. I am returning to humbly searching the deep, deep wells of the wise ones around me.

here I am, returning.
Posted on by Caroline 3

More Blessed to Give than Receive

Cliché … maybe. But, test it out and then see if you want to have a fight over word choice. Blessing others is like peeking through a window at God’s glory and goodness and then getting knocked off your feet at its splendor.

Well, here on earth it is less romantic. If we get knocked off our feet, we land on a dirty, dusty earthen floor. But, let me tell you, God’s splendor is no less magnificent because we live in a sinful world. Not at all. God’s splendor will always be the same: perfect. So, no matter what kind of earth we are standing on today, we can reflect the image of God by blessing others.

Here is what happens when you do:)

ALP teachers and staff (Honduran and North American) came together this Christmas to bless Amor y Fe y Esperanza, a school started about 4 years ago next to the garbage dump outside the city of Tegucigalpa. Classes used to be given under nearby trees, but now are conducted in classrooms in the four buildings constructed for that purpose. The ministry seeks to provide education and resources to children who only have a future searching through the garbage dump piles for food, money, and livelihood.

We took the idea of Operation Christmas Child and made it local – for our own city and our own neighbors. We posted names, ages, and grades and staff then picked from the list and created boxes (or bags) to send to the school. We collected and delivered them and … it was beautiful. Here are some pictures of the journey:










Here is a description of the ministry of AFE in 30 seconds.
http://www.youtube.com/get_player

Today more blessings came in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Some of the blessings came after my muscles were so tense and my heart so anxious that only afterward did I realize how much the blessings depend on God and not me. All I can do in my worrying is take away from God’s steadfast promise to be there as sturdy as an oak.

More stories will follow…

Posted on by Caroline 0

tradition, tradition (with rolled Rs)


For me, the “Christmas spirit” in recent years is less fluttery and less emotion-driven. Especially these last two in Honduras with it being so warm and just very, very different. I am attaching new sentiments to this time of year. I am finding incredible joy in giving and reaching out and loving. I’m sad for the years I thought Jesus’ birth was about me, so now I feel in a frenzy to flip everything around.

I was thinking about all the memories and traditions I hold close to my heart… and thinking that I would someday want to create a home much like my parents did for me. Even if it took me years to understand the beauty in this season, I so cherish the moments I can look back and see how every Christmas pointed in the direction of heaven.

Sure, it may SEEM like more fun to have your head glued to a TV screen or stuck in endless shopping lines, but I prefer really living and cherishing these moments with the people I love.So, here are some of our family Christmas traditions I would like to share with you:

  1. Christmas caroling to neighbors and friends… this is one of my most loved. We stuff ourselves into the van with gifts for each house and then every one – from dad to brothers to sisters to mom – lift our voices for sweet choruses of joy! (sometimes they don’t sound so sweet but we have fun and we hope those listening do too!
  2. Cookie decorating contest. This is serious business. Every year the “rules” are brought into question because it’s so competitive and everyone is trying to find their edge or angle to seize the championship title. William and Christina have by far the best workmanship. Samuel and Bethany always somehow are a judge favorite. James is the best sport about the whole thing and always comes out my best friend:) Me… well, let’s just say my cookies are pronounced “abstract.”
  3. Mom (in our younger days and now all of us) baking in the kitchen while others wander in and out and end up plopping down on the linoleum floor for some of the best conversations ever.
  4. Christmas Eve dinner: potato soup for the “kids” and oyster soup for the parents, anadama bread, cheese and crackers, egg nog (recently switched over to light), sparkling grape juice:) and tapioca pudding… So simple and so good!!
  5. Candelight service at church – my favorite part is when we all file out of the auditorium into the fellowship hall singing “Silent Night” the groups in the two separate rooms inevitably find different tempos, but we all get back on track in time to fill that cozy space with joyful song.
  6. Opening gifts with my parents and siblings… one at a time because every gift has a story
  7. Watching the little red tin on the dining room table grow every year with our tithes and offerings that will go toward a worthy cause.
  8. It may not be the same every year, but you can bet it is a tradition to invent some crazy outdoor activity. One year I wanted to learn to snowboard, so I had my brother hook up a rope behind the four-wheeler and I rode behind it in the yard! Another year, my brothers and a few friends went sledding… on a picnic table… down an ice hill… without shirts on. When we were younger, it was always piling into the pick-up truck and finding a good soft sledding hill where we could use our saucer sled and plastic pieces. I do remember a few bruised bums when we tried a gravel road 🙂
  9. Christmas with Gram and Gramps (Sponsler) on Christmas day is a favorite. We get there early for a brunch and then munch all day and lay around nursing our stomach aches 🙂 The presents have become less important and the time spent together PRIME.
  10. Nichols Christmas. Whew! How do I explain it? Can you picture homemade doughnuts (which begin before 5 am with Aunt Jane’s preparation)? Can you picture the reunion of aunts, uncles, cousins (I’m sure we’re over 60 people in all now) who haven’t seen each other in awhile but still feel like we never left? Can you picture a day full of laughter and storytelling and the annual “aunt walk” and random road trips to the dollar store? No, you cannot picture it, but it is amazing!

Okay. I have to stop at 10 because I could go on forever and tomorrow is a BIG day. I am going to the garbage dump. Why? You ask.

Well, because people live there. Every day, all year round. The garbage dump is their reality and there’s a beautiful light called Amor y Fe y Esperanza (Love and Faith and Hope) that seeks to love and care for and be Jesus to these people. There is a school with 138 children and we are delivering 138 gifts with the name of each child.

God is so good. I can’t wait to see His face in these children!

Posted on by Caroline 0

heave.sigh.breathe…

Today, I went to the orphanage in Miraflores. I found out last night at 9 pm that this was the plan. And, yes, blessings do come in unexpected ways.

Hmmm. I just decided right I don’t want to re-hash my day… to describe each event in a battle to find the right words. I’m content with the pictures without words in my mind. But, I will share these thoughts (I’m really into the bullets and numbers lately!):

  • LOVE spending time with students… I mean I really love it (like not in a it’s-my-job kind of way)
  • these are things that have crazy effects on my hyper-active levels: coffee, sugar, and balloons (I know what you are thinking – is this girl 5 years old??)
  • had one of those “I live here” moments today… sometimes I just repeat to myself, “This is home,” to remind my mind how deep my heart is getting in
  • startled myself with the question, “when does your mom not become the first person you want to comfort you?” … and what of those without moms? oooh. que cosa!
  • this week is getting shorter and now I am wondering if it is as much trying to get everything done as it is that I actually really just like being here…
  • you know what confuses me: family traditions. am i the ONLY one that is still holding tightly to those beautiful, expected “typical” family things we do every single year (or whenever possible)? I don’t know how many times I’ve told our Christmas traditions stories (like the time we packed the sugar cookies and frosting and decorating supplies last year when we went to Colorado so the decorating contest could stay alive!) to people with blank faces that respond with, “Well, we open gifts on Christmas Eve.” I’m like, “What?” I have to hold myself back from inviting them right there to Nichols Christmas because I love it so much. Makes me want to pack it all in a miracle shoebox and carry it with me wherever life is leading. I just can’t part with it!

Love and peace and joy. The blessings of this season are available all year-round, folks!

Posted on by Caroline 2

to life, to life lechaim

Lechaim means to life in Hebrew and Yiddish

After two batches of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, one batch peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and one loaf of pumpkin bread, I am feeling a toast welling up in my soul. I raise my weary glass of lukewarm water and toast to life.

Yesterday, I shared some lost and found items. By the way, have any of you found my composure or exercise? Those are two things I’d really be glad to get back!

Today, God reminded me that He is good. He is good and unchanging. I cannot begin to see the stretches of His goodness. I cannot begin to put them in boxes built by words or strokes painted by hand. I just cannot. His goodness never ends. My goodness can only begin with Christ and He never ends… what hope I have for my goodness (or God’s goodness in me, rather)!!

Today after school, I rushed home and worked a few details of the week out like a veteran navy soldier untying knots. Capital job, I thought! Then, I headed downtown to go to the street kids Christmas party at my church. This was a totally new experience! I have worked tons with Micah Project, but with those boys there is the luxury of using the past-tense (they were living on the street). These boys that came to the Christmas party at the church were definitely present-tense. Well, I don’t know if you can call their glue-dependent existence living, but they showed up and smiled a lot, anyway.

They checked their glue at the door and Hector wrote their names on each bottle so they could pick them up on their way out (2 hours isn’t going to de-tox anyone). And we sang songs, served lasagna, laughed, and (the WORST part) popped balloons. I was so embarrassed for my reactions I had to leave the room several times. They, of course, thought it was hilarious that I jumped like I’d heard a shotgun … so they played it up to the fullest.

Praise God for every new day.

This may not be your cup ‘o tea, but tonight I am feeling the whoa-oh-oh’s and the cadence my feet are stompin’

Posted on by Caroline 2

Lost and Found


Over the past week, I have ridden waves of emotions. Today, as I walked to church and home again… as I cleaned my room and quickly dirtied it… as I cooked green beans in the middle of the afternoon and then met up with friends to celebrate a birthday…

Today, I thought about the things I’ve lost and found. I thought, it would only be reasonable to sort these things in my mind in pairs.

1 Lost = 1 Found
So, here’s another list:

Lost: my composure and my determination to “keep it together”
Found: a much needed convo with my mom… well, rather, I talked and she listened and then asked the hardest, best, and only thing I needed to answer, “How is your time with the Lord, sweetie?”

Lost: time for exercise
Found: oh, about 10 pounds 🙂

Lost: (actually I never had) great entertaining/hostess skills
Found: a sincere comfort when the ties of my apron are wrapped around my waist

Lost: the shallow, meaningless talk
Found: (kind of always there) a stronger desire to do/talk about things that really matter

Lost: appetite for gooood, fresh cooking
Found: my lovely green beans take so little time and are SO good

Lost: Dave Ramsey budget
Found: an idea to write to Dave Ramsey so he could write a book entitled, “Financial Peace for unstable missionaries who have unreliable income and mission everywhere.”

Lost: my desire to cover up failures
Found: my desire to be genuine

Lost: desire to clean my room
Found: a strange comfort in my living space reflecting the mess on the inside

Lost: my ability to wear contacts (for now)
Found: possibly allergies or sensitivity to city pollution? AND many complements on my glasses (5 yr. old pair and $12 pair)

Lost: determination to wake up super early on the weekend
Found: dreamy smile at 8 am when I rouse thinking it is 11 am

Lost: quiet times with my Savior
Found: a void only those times can again fill

Please pray this week (if you want) for these things:

  • Giullana Gonzalez and her family
  • Giving all the gifts that need to be given… that God would give me just a beautifully light heart that He can use to shine His light and where He can work out His will
  • Micah Project and my church are hosting a Christmas party on Monday for the street kids – those who are not in the discipleship program and still struggle to survive on the city streets
  • Mission Trip Christmas party on Wednesday… just pray for details and that it would be a time where we can grow together and build stronger community
  • The coordination and distribution on Thursday of 138 Christmas gifts to children in the Amor y Fe y Esperanza school at the garbage dump (the devil is tempting me with stress over this… Tuesday we will check which names have not been covered and fill gifts for them)
  • Friday, I’m picking up a Dallas HS student at the airport who raised $4,000 to buy gifts for kids at the orphanage we will be working with on the mission trip in March. We need lots of prayer to cover her, her mom, the gifts, the transportation, the weekend. We will be delivering the gifts on Saturday and I’m hoping I can get the mission team together.
  • Please just pray that I will be a willing heart this week – for whatever it is that God needs done. Pray I will draw so near to Him to hear His heartbeat for this life and these people and this day.

Thank you and MUCH love.

What I’m Reading: The Singer by Calvin Miller
What I’m Listening to: A Little Bit of Love by Joy Williams, Disappear by Stephen Speaks

Posted on by Caroline 2