the last two weeks

A week ago, I was lamely wishing for 48 hour days and bodies without need of rest.

Now, I’ve had almost an entire week without school, thank you gripe porcina (swine flu), and more time than I thought possible. Yes, that’s right. Monday was going along like any day, when my principal appeared in my office doorway. In a calmer voice than the situation warranted, he said, “We are not telling students at this point, but we will not be having classes for two weeks starting tomorrow.” He would have walked out, too (in the same unceremonious way) if I had not stopped him and made him listen to my gawking, confusing responses.

“For two whole weeks?” “Just like that?” “The school is closed – like we can’t work?” “What will we do exactly?”

I finally let him leave, but I was almost in tears. I knew almost immediately this was an attack spiritually, because we are really at a tipping point for students. The first spiritual life activities were planned to start this week and they were canceled. It is also just a crucial relationship-building time with students (my first Bible study was to be this week), where we are just getting to the place of trust and confidence and they are making decisions about what this year will look like. Here is a sample of my Bible study poster for 11th grade and the breakfast club Bible study for 10-12th grades.

As always, what Satan intends for evil, God can always turn to blessing. After my initial shock, I ended up joyful to enter into these two weeks where I really felt led to meet with as many students as possible. I posted this on my facebook:

Caroline Nichols gripe porcina decided it wanted to close our school for two weeks… so I decided to OPEN ‘camp nichols’. Feel free to check in for a free night or a week at my humble abode in la campaña – bring your own food and entertainment. I’m now OPEN for business and ready for visitors 🙂
and about I went. I’ve had girls over, one spend the night, and plans for more this week. I am trying to meet up with them, but also take the time to do some reflecting, planning, visioning, and nesting (no, I’m still not done with that phase!).

Here are some stories that will make you laugh, I hope!

a few funny stories
minor accident – So, last Monday we found out there would be no school for two weeks. How do we celebrate? Well, I picked up Daniella and MariaJose and we went out to coffee. Though I know I depend solely on the Lord to make the car function and bring us safely to our destination, the girls have been pretty impressed with my driving abilities. This night was no different. However, as we pull up to the little coffee house parking lot (no bigger than a bedroom and right off a busy street), the parking attendants couldn’t do enough hand motions to get the lady in front of me to stop backing up. So, she didn’t. She backed right into me!! Boy, was that interesting! I received a crash course (tehe) in fender-bender protocol. Good thing was, this woman was hugely sorry and ended up just giving me cash (that she randomly left at a fabric store for me to pick up!?) to fix the chrome grille molding.

contra via- After meeting with Daniella one night, I was driving her to church and she motioned to take a right on the next street. Before I got to far, the drivers were hanging out their windows yelling, “contravia!” which of course means that I was going the wrong way. Don’t worry, this has only happened on three occasions! 🙂 I corrected myself and playfully yelled at Daniella, who could not stop laughing. “It USED to be two way, Miss, I swear!”

painting at a student’s house- One day this week, I woke up and leisurely went about a lazy morning routine before I headed over to MariaJose’s house to lay in the sun (at 9 am!) on her little back porch and then paint her sister’s bedroom.

home improvement projects
I’m not sure if it is the fabulous apron I made with my grandma, or if it is the new apartment in the city… whatever it is, I just love to make creations in the kitchen. When my students came over last week, we endeavored to make homemade pizza from scratch. Of course it took ENTIRELY too long for them to appreciate and enjoy, I had fun and we had lots of time to hang out in the kitchen 🙂 My favorite and easiest addition to my diet is hummus. I have only had a few varieties that I really like, so what is better than to make it the way I like it right here in my own kitchen?! I use black beans with the garbanzo beans and I use less lemon juice than they suggest. I also add a splash of spice and there’s my snack for the week!

I have also welcomed the re-discovery of decorating this new place. I have painted a few canvases, experimented with lanterns, and really thought about how to use my home as a physical reminder of my spiritual goals.

What else? This is getting too long already. I realize I haven’t written in such a long time. I promise I will make it up soon! A September newsletter is on its way! While you are waiting, check out this video of the crazy macaw birds that live next door. 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

Posted on September 12, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

running through my mind

1. rooster/dinosaur
So, when we first moved in, we battled the rooster without any sense of time and the squawking macaw birds (who I’ve affectionately re-named birdinosaurus) who have no respect for city ordinances on sound. Some people come to Honduras and pay $10 or $20 to go to look at these Macaw birds… I just step out into my back porch and peep over the fence. Or, actually, better yet – I just sit still for about 17 seconds and then I hear the sound that forces me to wonder if the crazy thing has broken into my house!

2. sand pile
Here’s a little lesson in “the way things are” on the streets of Honduras. A few days ago, Emily and I were on our way home when we turned a familiar corner on a regular, residential street to find an ENORMOUS pile of sand dumped right in the middle of the road. This wasn’t just a bit of sand for a personal project. The road is actually every bit of the construction site. There’s a huge crane parked out there right now that says “BAY CITY” (I wonder how that got here!?) and now this huge sand pile that I prayed the little Honda Civic over. TIH!

3. cereal mixture
I know this is random, but I’m going for it. I like to mix my cereal. It may sound simple, but there’s really quite an art to it. I first started mixing cereal when I lived with my grandparents for the summer. My grandpa is the KING of cereal-mixing – he knows the exact ratio needed to make the perfect bowl every time. I don’t think I’ve mastered the ratios yet, but when I got the boxes I sent on the shipment from the states I was overjoyed to find I sent cereal (it’s really expensive here). Every morning is an adventure and always brings me around to thinking about my grandpa!

4. nesting
I almost am hesitant to use this word with so many LOUD feathery friends nearby, but I think it describes my stage of city living right now pretty well. When I was at home this summer, one of my favorite things to do was just sit outside with my grandparents and watching the birds stop by their backyard. If I was a bird, I would definitely make the Sponslers’ backyard my hangout 🙂 My grandparents love to give a narrative of the lives of these birds as they get their nests ready, tend to the family, and deal with spats over food or territory.

I can picture my grandparents narrating my own comings and goings lately. And I know, just like those silly birds, I am trying to make what was first just empty space into a home, a place where I am settled and productive and adventurous and free. I have picked up very random things for decorations lately. We had a cabinet in our office that was warped so the glass sliding doors on front didn’t work. So, I brought them to my house and hung them on the walls. Emily and I will eventually paint scenes on them for different rooms. Let’s see… I also commandeered several discarded wooden frames from the shop class and those are now on my wall. And, of course, the pictures from my friend Pat are posted in my room (which makes is really feel like home because they’ve followed me since junior year of college). It feels good to make a house a home!

5. card party next door and baleadas
I am slowly getting to know my neighbors and LOVING every single moment! Sometimes we hear trumpets or clarinets. Sometimes we hear people coming in late or getting up early. This is strange, but I really love the sound of the roaming vans with load speakers fastened onto the top because it reminds me of the State Fair. I wake up to that sound and I can’t help the excited feeling rising in my chest… like there are ribbons being won and livestock being shown and sky gliders being ridden. I know, call me crazy, but the memories are so sweet!

So, back to the neighborhood: I think there is a card party or dinner every Monday night because the laughter streaming from my neighbors is becoming quite regular. I love listening to the slow rumble and then building roar after someone tells a joke.

I also recently visited a family from my new church. They gave me a ride after the first prayer meeting and mentioned inviting me over for baleadas sometime, which I would NEVER turn down! So, last Friday Doña Maria called and they picked me up for what I thought would be a short ride around the corner, but we whipped through streets about 15 minutes from where I live. It was quite an experience – all Spanish, all night – but absolutely beautiful.

Believe me, much MUCH more is running through my mind, but this is all the attention I have for now.

Happy Monday!

Posted on September 1, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

enter craziness

If my life were played out on a stage, now would appear a stage direction in parenthesis (enter craziness).

I guess I must note that when I use the term craziness, it is in a very affectionate and joyful way. Craziness makes my life spin around and usually when I collapse dizzy on to the floor I have a smile on my face. I suppose that’s a way to explain it. Take these last two days for example – Tuesday and Wednesday we had retreats for 7/8 then 9/10 respectively (today was 11/12 and apparently three days was too much skipping school!). So, in one day we are expected to build the kind of atmosphere, unity, and crazy fun that the kids would normally find in one weekend.

That’s a LOT of screaming, hand-springing, jumping, chanting, singing, cart-wheeling, and altogether uninhibited fun-having. Last night I collapsed when I arrived home at 6:30 pm and by 7:30 pm I wondered what was the absolute earliest hour I could officially go to sleep without being completely lame and old. By 7:34 pm I decided I didn’t care about lameness… I cared more about my lower back pain from playing “volleyball” with a bunch of 14-year-olds and a giant ball the size of the sun (it seemed).

But, I love it. I love being silly, leading cheers, breaking the ice so the next guy has it a little bit easier. He can say, “Well, I may look ridiculous, but did you see Miss Nichols? Now, that teacher is trippin’!!” I don’t mind one bit. I think it’s kind of a gift, actually. And, if it gets out some of that awkwardness right away at the beginning, we may make some more headway in the true purpose of the day.

Yesterday, as I fell off the bleachers into the shaking hands of 9/10 graders to illustrate trust, I wondered if I’d gone wacko. Really, one of these times someone is going to get the shakes and move at the wrong moment and I’ll be rushed to some backwoods clinic because some kid decided he didn’t want to follow simple directions and save my skull. No, just kidding. But, the neat thing is, they did catch me. There are so many ways we can use that illustration… about trusting. First, trusting the Lord and knowing that if every single person in our lives disappoints us and breaks trust, He will not. He is faithful to the end. And, second, recognizing that God created us and called us to be part of the Body of Christ. As the Body we are responsible to support the community, though sometimes it may be scary or uncertain or even painful. This is the work of the Body of Christ.

You know the neat thing as you are “ministering” is that God ministers to your heart as well. At least, he does mine. Yesterday, I just felt such a strong sense of release that God will do the work of ministry faithfully with or without me. If I boast, let it be in His work, because He is sure to succeed.

Praise God!

Posted on August 27, 2009 by Caroline 0

she said YES

I hope you don’t feel strange that I am SO excited that Daniella said “YES” when I asked if we could meet one on one for discipleship. I’m not sure she knows yet what she’s getting into, but after I met up with her tonight at a coffee shop I just kept praising God for the opportunities. I can’t begin to describe the ways He is blessing me… and giving me ways to be a blessing to others!

After I left the triumphant meeting :), I picked up a friend in El Centro and drove to Micah Project for the Night Service again. And again it was beautiful. The boys are fantastic – great Spanish teachers and just really good brothers. The service is always special, simple, and intimate – we sit in a circle in the little courtyard and sing songs then hear a message.

I am tired from a long day, but very VERY blessed.

If you are tired and weary and carrying around some doubts, read Isaiah 41. A woman gave a testimony in church this morning and used this passage to encourage us… even as the times are uncertain, that we must remember who God is. So, go ahead and take a few minutes, even an hour and just meditate on the person of God.

Blessings to you!

Posted on August 24, 2009 by Caroline 0

what’s wrong with lemons?

I am sitting here (listening to the clacking heels of my neighbor just arriving and the various yelping dogs) and sipping on some wonderful “I Love Lemon” Bigelow tea. And I wonder, how did lemons ever get a bad rap? What did they do to deserve being smeared across ugly stories of car sales gone wrong? Well, I am here to pay some narrative (and philosophical) restitution. I love lemons! And I propose that the situations we written off as sour may actually be sweet in disguise.

Case in point:
Though I tend to lean toward optimism, the back of my mind keeps pounding on the front door saying, “Why did you leave that safe mountain?” My closest friends from last year still live there, along with all the amazing new staff. Ministry events happen there. Cleaner air is there. Carpooling happens and hikes happen and impromptu worship sessions happen and all sorts of good things happen up there.

I re-read my blog from yesterday and God is so faithful to point out where we are blessed! But, tonight, whatever was left in a “lemon story” of my move down the mountain is gone and all that remains is the sweet tasting “I Love Lemon” tea my grandma so thoughtfully sent with me when I left the states.

I just got back from a beautiful prayer meeting at church. I’m going to a different church now, in El Centro (the center of the city) and its close enough that I can walk or use public transportation (in daylight, of course). I have several co-workers who attend the church, but for some reason never tried it out. I have this strange fear of looking flimsy when it comes to commitments, so when I start something out I try to stick to it (which meant a whole year of commitment to Impacto last year).

I went last Sunday for the first time and it felt so good to worship in Spanish again! I also saw several boys from the Micah Project (the street kid ministry I keep talking about) and I finally started to see my worlds merging… local church with outreach and outreach with work. It’s crazy how the mind tries to keep those separate. Anyway, I loved the service and I felt the pastor really spoke Truth from the Word.

A chaplain from another school also goes to that church and I recognized him at the service. He invited me to the Micah Project service that same night and I’m so glad I went. He knew I was still trying to decide about churches, but he sent me a message letting me know about the prayer meeting tonight. After a crazy day at work, I needed a good walk and mid-week reminder of the Lord’s purpose, so I went. What a blessed night it was!

Standing there, singing “De Los Montes” and truly believing the words, I was swept up by a new sense of ‘locality’ that I never felt last year. I went to the service by myself and afterwards met many beautiful people afterwards. I am always amazed at how gracious people can be with a stuttering second language speaker! I met Johanna, who sings in the band, and she is studying psychology at the university and wants to get together to “hang out.” And, I found out Santa Maria and her family live close to me (they gave me a ride home!) and they invited me over for baleadas!

With all of this confirmation, it is so very clear God desires the city to be a place where I love lemons. I think we sometimes look at situations that surprise or disappoint us and say, “Well, I guess you’ll have to make do.” or “Maybe this season is just mean to be a bit sour.”

I think different.

Situations that surprise or even disappoint are often about to be the most wonderful we’ve ever experienced.

… I got all that out of one cup of “I Love Lemon” tea.
Wow. Thanks, grandma!

Posted on August 19, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

Proyecto Miceas!

joy is a funny thing. sometimes it bubbles right up out of the smallest crack of earth to surprise me when I’m distractedly searching for my next suffering step. joy surprised me in just such a way this weekend and I am beyond thrilled.

God doesn’t have to surprise us. Yet, somehow I imagine He sits, enthroned in glory with angels bursting beautiful harmonies, positively giddy (in a majestic sort of way) at the idea of surprising His children with joy. We may be down here, trudging through hardships and trials… but amidst and underneath all of the regular rubble, a steadfast stream just gurgles up with inexpressible joy. Mmmm.

How perfectly thoughtful of our Lord to meet that subtle need (that escapes explanation and then makes me crazy searching for what I’m “missing“) in the form of joy.

C.S. Lewis wrote a book about his life, “Surprised by Joy.” Given my unwavering appreciation for that man, I know this inexpressible joy has touched others as deeply (and who are able to articulate it more aptly than I).

So, all this abstract talk has surely been a surprise to you, since I’ve been straining to get any information at all up here lately. Well, don’t go expecting any similar bursts of inspiration … today may not be habit forming (unfortunately, I generally can not control surprises). I would, however, like to share how God blessed me with joy in the form of Micah Project.

(A little background) We’ve been trying to get a service group going at the school called “Hands and Feet.” Throughout this year, we’ve held bake sales, donation drives, awareness campaigns, and ventured out on a few field trips. After a series of random events strung together perfectly, yesterday we invited the Micah Project to give an after-school assembly.

(Here are a few posters I made to publicize)

Not being at all confident in our students’ interest in anything not including personal gain, I presented the idea to our teachers that they might offer extra credit for students who attended and completed an assignment.

I’m not sure if it was the extra credit or the praise and worship that followed, but the room was packed out! We arranged for a taqueadas (tacos/gringas combos) vendor to sell after school to raise money for the Micah Project and then everyone crammed in to listen to the story of this young organization, whose purpose is to rescue boys off the streets of Tegucigalpa and then provide discipleship training and education. The director, Michael Miller came, along with Becca (operations director), and three of the boys from the program (Kristopher, Wilmer, and Michael).

Praise God, for he did indeed move. After the event and before we moved into the auditorium for the last praise and worship night of the year, I had a little moment of “Lord, yes!”

Though I still struggle with mission-envy (a new term I’ve given to being jealous of those involved in other missions), I can see that God has a very sure role for me here. Before I came, I saw an opportunity to connect the students who can make a difference with those who need the difference made here in Honduras. I just felt the biggest, blessed confirmation that the Lord will be faithful to complete that work in this school.

Many, many things are changing next year – more than I can explain pushing these keys. I do know, however, that God is the same. He is just as faithful, just as perfect, and just as concerned with the lives of His children today as He was yesterday.

Praise God for joyful surprises!

PRAYER:
I will write more soon, but I have found a car to purchse for next year. If you have not read in previous posts or my newsletters, I have been looking for a car to expand my outreach next year. Though I feel perfectly comfortable and safe traveling around on my own with public transportation, it limits my ability to meet up with students (public transportation is too dangerous for them). A car would allow me to set up times to meet girls for discipleship and pick up students for different events when they do not have a ride. I am also looking forward to increasing my involvement in outside ministries (and getting the students involved as well!).

So, having said that, I am planning to pay for a portion of the car and raise money for the rest. I know the current owner (she’s a good friend) and my plan would be to bless a missionary with the car whenever I decide to leave Honduras. I am still praying about everything, but if you are feeling led right now to support this next step in ministry, please let me know.

Posted on May 31, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

questions I would ask someone who knows everything

Here are some questions I’ve accumulated over the past week… you can draw your own conclusions as to why the questions came up at all

Why does El Salvador use US dollars?
Where does culture and tradition escape to when “modern” moves in?
Am I supposed to be a vegetarian?

Why did I hear a rooster today… from a second story house… in the city?
How important is it to be ‘safe’ – will I miss out on awesome opportunities or will I avert crises?
Is Coca-light really any better for me? My friends from high school always used to tell me its rat poison.
Do people really live in this country and not notice it is considered a “developing” country?
Why do I sometimes feel like freedom is tied to a set of wheels when most people in the world don’t dream of owning a car?
Why is it so easy and tempting to escape to the reality hidden in the pages of a novel than face the reality of a morning?
Why did I never know that a cashew is actually a fruit (the nut is on the top of a very bitter fruit that grows on trees)?
Why do I love the distinctive smell of almost rain?

How can I be completely fine talking in Spanish in the city to strangers, but get so nervous when I try to talk to parents?
Why is it such a struggle to feel effective and productive?

Can someone please tell me how to eat a mango without looking like I’ve murdered it afterward?

When you are living most simply, are very simple things an indulgence (like eating very bland foods and a treat would be a little spice)?
Does everyone have wanderlust at 24?

How big can your understanding be of the world? What is the max.?
How can I look back at my journal and feel like I’m reading someone else’s life?

You may be completely confused by this list of random questions, or you may be a bit amused. I wish I could write down every question that pops into my mind. Of course, I would want to delete some right away, but others are real gems and they slip away as quickly as they enter in.

I joked in college about making a special device that I could carry on my hip. It would be some sort of techie gadget that I could use to write with one hand (in a simplified, code language of course) while I walked along. I encountered so many beautiful thoughts just walking about campus, but by the time I got to my destination my mind had jumped to an altogether new place entirely!

Oh, how frustrating brains can be! 🙂

Posted on May 14, 2009 by Caroline 0

rough gets smoothed

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the Lord directs his steps.

That’s exactly how I feel about this little hold up last Saturday morning. This week has been a huge, huge blessing.

Last night, I had several students over for some fellowship, laughter, singing, and more laughter. What a wonderful blessing! I also had time to get a few things done that I haven’t given much attention in the last few weeks.

That’s all. Blessings. In the midst of much hurt, there are blessings.

Even as I read about pain and hurt from my dear friend Chelsea in S. Africa, who just experienced great loss on her team… even then I know that God is faithful and He will not leave or forsake His children.

Oh, how wonderful that God knows the ways He will bless us even when we are completely unaware. I will indeed be on a plane on Thursday, hopefully a bus tomorrow, that will take me to the place where my family will gather, pray, and love with the precious love of Christ as we celebrate His beautiful, redemptive plan.

Posted on April 8, 2009 by Caroline 1

one in a string of hard days

This is one in a string of hard days. I am pressing in… hard and deep into the Lord because I know nothing else to do. It is not my pain that troubles me, but the pain of those around me that is drawing me to lean on the All Sufficient One. Some of you already know about the student here who just lost her dad suddenly to a heart attack.

As I have petitioned for peace for the family and specifically for my student, I am intensely aware of this raw battle of which we are a part. Every moment I spent with the girls at the visitation, every hug and tear, every single prayer that ended with, “Lord, pray for me,” and every question that pricked my heart – in all these things, I return to His promises.

Two songs have been blessing me as reminders of the beautiful way the Lord is near. Nichole Nordeman’s song, “You are Good” assures that God does not change. He is just as worthy of my praise this moment as the next. At times we can confuse “mourn with those who mourn” with mourning for our own feelings. We see pain in someone we love and begin to focus on how we are affected. Right now I am moved by empathy, to just love on my student who is hurting… to listen… and to proclaim who God is.

You are Good
Nichole Nordeman

When the sun starts to rise
And I open my eyes
You are good, so good
In the heat of the day
With each stone that I lay
You are good, so good

With ever breath I take in
I’ll tell you I’m grateful again
When the moon climbs high
Before each kiss goodnight
You are good

When the road starts to turn
Around each bend I’ve learned
You are good so good
And when somebody’s hand
Holds me up helps me stand
You are so good

With every breath I take in
I’ll tell You I’m grateful again
‘Cause its more than enough
Just to know I am loved
And You are good

So how can I thank You
What can I bring
What can these poor hands
Lay at the feet of a King
I’ll sing You a love song
It’s all that I have
To tell You I’m grateful
For holding my life in Your Hands

When it’s dark and it’s cold
And I can’t feel my soul
You are so good
When the world is gone gray
And the rain’s here to stay
You are still good

So with every breath I take in
I’ll tell You I am grateful again
And the storm my swell
Even then it’s well and You are good

The other song that touches maybe deeper is this by Lori Chaffer. Honestly, it’s a hard one to listen to because it is real and raw. You may not understand it unless you have gone through an intense hurt. I just listen and think of the reality that sin has consequences… that there is death and war and famine and brokenness. Though we must deal with reality, we know also that God does not let death win – that Jesus conquered the grave and has conquered death in our lives.

You Will Always Hurt

by Lori Chaffer

First there was the dawn
And I couldn’t sing a song to you
Then there came the rain
But I couldn’t seem to blame you

Sometimes it rains
Sometimes it snows on you
Sometimes it sleets
Sometimes it defeats you

It’s quiet on dark nights
And you must give up the fight before long
Trust is not a game
That naive stupid people play in youth

Sometimes it rains
Sometimes it floods you
Sometimes you bleed
Sometimes you just need to make it through
Make it through

You will always hurt
You will always sting
You’re my badlands
My grand canyon
My empty stream
You’re my reservation
My second place consolation
My devastation
A thorn
A pang
A deep dark heartache
My greatest fear
A lonely tear
Hopelessness
An empty caress
An earthquake
A broken plate
Lost innocence
A cheap defense
My delusion
My confusion
A cancer
A wrong answer
A lost game
Fickle as fame
A bad critique
A glass that leaks
A fallen leaf
Talk too shallow
Ground that’s fallow
Fatal attraction
Nuclear reaction
False resurrection
Thrown election
You’re my silence
My violence
You’re a sad song
You’re a long, you’re a long, you’re a long way from home
You’re a long, long, long, long way from home
You
You will always hurt
You will always sting
‘Cause you won’t let go of everything
Until you’re quiet one dark night
And you give up the fight you’ve fought so long
And find that trust is not a game
That naive stupid people play in youth
And you let it rain
You let it flood
You let it drive out all the pain of love

These are just my thoughts as I sit here waiting for parents to come in to conferences, wishing I had gotten approval to skip out and go to the funeral services today. This is just what I am thinking.

Posted on April 3, 2009 by Caroline 0

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come