Author: Caroline

When I'm not riding in the backseat of my Grandpa's restored vintage car "Mable," I'm doing other things like... rising to most adventure occasions my husband proposes / chasing our toddler around Brooklyn / enjoying neighbors, strangers, and friends / making countless trips to the laundromat / writing for various publications and for personal reflection / loving and serving our local church / cleaning the bathroom / hosting small and big crowds in our home / meeting up with a friend for coffee / thinking Vocation is my strange frenemy. Though I have worked and existed in many stations/places, I am convinced that each day has good work to be done and that I am equipped and prepared to do that good work. This blog explores the tension and the intersection of a constant vocational call - to good work, neighbor love, and living in the kingdom come. My favorite things are coffee and creating and laughing (preferably with company). I love to listen to sermons and read biographies and make tea before going to bed.

Last Days

If you feel like you are getting a bit out of touch with the urgency of the Gospel, read some of Joel Rosenberg’s books. It will remind you how our lives are but a vapor and this world we live in is going to see very terrible times in the end.

“To misunderstand the nature and threat of evil is to risk being blindsided by it.”

This quote from Joel Rosenberg’s book, “The Last Days,” has spurred a series of reflections. Are we ever called to tolerate evil? When God says in Matthew 5:44 to, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” what exactly did He have in mind… tangibly? I know this may seem a world away, but as I read several books at once (of course!), I know that in the spiritual realm, every battle is connected.

How are we misunderstanding evil in our lives? I really believe that a spiritual battle is being waged, but I wonder what evil I look at and underestimate… that will soon blindside the denial right out of me. I don’t think Westerners think enough about the power of God over this evil. Instead we think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” The only problem is that ignorance is exactly how Satan quietly gains ground.

I don’t think ignorance is bliss. I think ignorance is the misguided calm before the casualty.

sidenote: I went over to Joel Rosenberg‘s website to check out the man behind the stories and was almost as intrigued by all the news this man is getting as I was with his page-turning fiction.

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God Chose You

There’s a little book by A.W. Tozer called the Pursuit of God. Just today, one of my dear Austin friends sent this prayer that refreshed and re-focused my day and I thought it might bless you as well,

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Tonight a few of us from the ALP staff gathered in the youth room for prayer, praise, and worship. This prayer (though more eloquent) sounds so much like our heart’s desire to just want more God. As we come before His throne humbled and broken, my tendency is to feel frustrated by my failure… to be ashamed of my sorry attempts at goodness.

One of my new roommates shares in her testimony about a time when she was on the other side of the world, in a country resistant (if not hostile) to the Gospel, with a mission team. Somehow she found herself deeply bonding with a native speaker with lots of questions. As my friend looked around, she saw every single person on her team more qualified to be in her place – talking, loving, and answering questions. But, she said, God didn’t choose them. He chose me.

That part of her story speaks so powerfully to the ministry God has called me (and you) to live out. Though there are those people absolutely suited for a certain task, though you may feel the least equipped, and though you may doubt God’s wisdom in placing you there… He never makes mistakes. For such a time as this, God chooses the weak to show His strength.

I’m reminded of the story of Esther, where God didn’t choose the most powerful to save the Jewish nation from ruin at the hands of an ignorant king. God chose Esther.

And may God receive all the glory for the times He chooses the weakest, most feeble and miserable creatures to carry out His kingdom work.

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Resolution Schmesolution

I don’t have anything against a resolution.

Actually, I remember making all sorts of lists around the New Year (why do we capitalize this, or do we?) as I was growing up. Many of them were ambiguous and general, but every once in a while I would challenge myself with something concrete like, “Read 1 book/month” or “work out every day.” One year, I even remember making a chart for myself with three columns – Spiritual, Mental, Physical. I made a list under each column of my version of “healthy,” laminated the paper, and quickly became obsessed with my weekly track record.

I guess what I am fighting this new year is the temptation to jump on the merry-go-round once more… to dive into bold declarations of “never agains and alwayses.”

It is so very easy for me to make a list. I mean, I grew up in 4-H, folks, where we wrote goals with a specific timeline and object in mind (shout out to 4-H!). But, as I’m considering the next year that lay ahead, I realized that I don’t want it to be a list of things I’ve attempted and failed. I don’t want to look back next January and, in a new journal, outline how I can “live my best life now” or something horribly cliche.

I think it comes back to what so much of our conversation has been about around here – the question of eternal significance. If I can just resolve to wake up in the morning, breathe in the cool air, and say, “Lord, whatever you would have me do today, let it echo in eternity.” If I can resolve to commune throughout the day with my Savior – to check in with petitions, frustrations, rejoices, and laments. If I can resolve to wear down the edges of my hardcover Bible. If I can be ever so resolute in claiming each moment… then maybe I would be less obsessed with timeframe and completion and more in awe of a divine relationship.

What are your thoughts – resolutions or no?

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Weekly Lineup

Back again.

The market’s bright produce, fresh flowers, and loud bargains was a welcome rush yesterday morning. I meandered among the plantains, peppers, and papayas breathing in the strong smell of hot pupusas and baleadas. I’m back.

I can’t figure it out, surely I’ve tried. But, I can’t figure out why I consistently find ‘home’ in so many places. I left for two weeks – lunched in smalltown diners, shared in my hometown church service, breakfasted with grandparents, celebrated our Savior’s birth with family, opened gifts, Christmas caroled to neighbors, road-tripped to the beautiful mountains of Colorado – and now I feel like I’m back instead of the opposite feeling of being ‘away.’

Well, however my intercontinental feeling of ‘home’ works, I’m grateful. And, now that I’m back I know that the Lord has bold plans in the making.

Here’s a look into next week here on the blog:

Resolution Schmesolution
Obviously, I have a bit of a grudge against this time of year and its infamous goal-setting. It’s so unfortunate that goals come once a year and are fueled by such things as guilt and personal gain. Could there be another option?

Last Days
“To misunderstand the nature and threat of evil is to risk being blindsided by it.” This quote from Joel Rosenberg’s book, “The Last Days,” has spurred a series of reflections. Are we ever called to tolerate evil? When God says in Matthew 5:44 to, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” what exactly did He have in mind… tangibly? I know this may seem a world away, but as I read several books at once (of course!), I know that in the spiritual realm, every battle is connected.

God Chose You
A friend once said in her testimony, “Sure there are countless more qualified and doubtless more effective for your position. But, God didn’t choose them. God chose you.”

Adventures of the Life I Wish I Led
Okay, so I’ve realized that these excepts are neither short stories nor do they necessarily follow sequence or even the same story line. But, I enjoy writing the bits and pieces and so I will continue. I still really haven’t received any feedback, so I can’t determine if I’m horribly embarrassing myself… and in any case I suppose I don’t mind. Read if you want, don’t if you don’t :).

Look out for surprises and grab bags. I am excited to see what this new year brings and also to hear more from you! I know I write this all the time, but I’m serious! I love to hear what you are up to – suggestions, advice, similar stories, and the like.

What have you resolved to do this year?

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what I’m listening to…

These three artists could not be more different, but they have each provided something special to the soundtrack of this week.

The Almost. Rosie Thomas. William Fitzsimmons.

Check them out and let me know what you think!

I’m SO excited for the market tomorrow – the first since I returned!

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getting some perspective

“When asking God for guidance in some individual matters, it is a good thing to have as a background some inkling of the larger picture so that we see our own position in that perspective.” Elisabeth Elliot

This quote out of “Slow and Certain Light” is so typical for Elliot and it is some of what makes me love her writing so much. One of my friends here said she actually heard Elisabeth Elliot speak once at her college, but she was surprised that Elliot wasn’t the most approachable person. I remember reading in one of her books that her husband had to remind her to be friendly when they would have speaking engagements.

After reading several of her books, I’m not that surprised. She definitely lived no-nonsense… and there’s an urgency that rises to the surface when someone is unwilling to fiddle with pleasantries and mindless chatter about the weather. I can just see her thinking, “get to the point – who knows how much time we’ve got?” Maybe that’s a harsh exaggeration, I’m not sure, but I can appreciate and understand her advice to force our temporary, earthly eyes to see a matter in light of the greater, eternal landscape.

“Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God.” R.C. Sproul

Going back to my literary adventure with one of my favorite novels, The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky, and how it got me thinking about significance. I am such a small, small piece of what God has made. If I always mentally pictured myself in contrast with the majesty of God, I can’t imagine how effective I might be as a servant.

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crazy love

This is one picture I can’t bear to pass up. I got to spend some sweet time with Myla Paige over break… and also her mom (my best friend from college) and pop. Holding that sweet, darling girl, watching her smile and dance… I wondered how God must feel about His children… how much more passionate and intimate He must know us.

For a variety of reasons, I’ve been hit with conviction upon conviction coming out of break and back into life here. I have kind of promised myself to get “up and running” on a lot of things, including this blog. I am a bit behind in, well, a lot of things and unfortunately jotting down my thoughts is not at the top of my list.

In the meantime, I want to recommend this sweet book by Francis Chan that has left any trace of New Year’s resolutions in a sorry heap at the back of my mind. I have been challenged to think about what exactly in this moment is eternally significant. What am I doing that will effect eternity?

i am a dreamer. a long term visionary.

But where does that leave the souls of the people who are searching for light right now?

I desperately want to live a radical life, but at the same time the devil has been so deceptive in claiming small, rationalized pieces of this little life puzzle.

One of the strongest (and yet simplest) realizations has been that my resolve for discipline has absolutely nothing to do with my being a true disciple. If I purpose to run after God as the Ultimate, Only, and Perfect prize, then discipline will naturally follow.

I forget that my willpower is definitely overrated.

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after a long hiatus

Who knows… maybe no one was missing this little blog but me. Either way, I’m glad to sense the start of routine… back in my room in my apartment in Honduras, after almost 24 straight hours of travel (and before that several days traveling from Colorado, Iowa, and Michigan)!

I made it and it feels good to be back. I had some time in my traveling to think about the break, read, and think some more and (thanks largely to Franchis Chan’s new book Crazy Love) I’ve come to some sad, drastic conclusions. Forget New Year’s resolutions… I’m humbled by each chapter in Crazy Love as I examine my life and the countless times I’ve chosen lukewarm.

As I think back on my amazing Christmas break with family and friends… and before that to my first semester here, I know I didn’t wake up each day with eternity in mind. I’d like to think I do. I wish I did. But the truth is, I don’t.

So, these next couple months, I’m going to be purposeful about living as though I BELIEVE God is who He says He is… and that eternity IS always before me. I’m only on Chapter 5, but I’m praying God sparks revolution in my heart.

If that sounded a bit haphazard, it is. I’m still recuperating.

Here are a few pictures from my break.

I’ll write more soon – I can’t even stand to think how far behind I will be when I get up tomorrow… but that’s the way it goes. LOVE YOU ALL!

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typical TIH moment

Today was the last day … I leave tomorrow for Iowa and it is so surreal. I’ve never been on the receiving end of the Christmas tradition in the education system. I always saw my mom bring home cute figurines, generously decorated mugs, and an assortment of holiday sweets, but I never thought I would be receiving similar gifts. But, today the students came with anything from mugs to candy to jewelry to hand-made cards – so generous and so lovely!

One of the wonderful 7th graders brought me a basket with apples, grapes, and a bottle of Welch’s sparkling grape juice. The apples, I later found out, are a Honduran tradition from the 50s when only the upper classes could afford them. They would purchase apples and give them to workers as a gift and it caught on as a tradition and now apples are a common Christmas gift.

Anyway, I thought tonight was just the evening to toast with my roommates, after our first couple months successfully behind us. We poured out the bubbly into our newly purchased real cup and saucer set (we got a 20 piece kitchen set at the grocery store!) and raised for my long-winded toast. Just as we put the teacups to our lips for a sip, the power promptly shut off.

We could barely keep it down we were laughing so hard! It was SO typical Honduras – a TIH (this is honduras) moment! We went through the apartment ceremoniously lighting all the candles we received today, knowing this would be the only time we could actually use Christmas tree candles before next year. The power outages don’t bother me, really. There is ALWAYS some fun to find in the darkness!

Well, my packing took me a whole 15 minutes, so I hope I’ve not forgotten anything. I will see some of you very soon… and I will try my very hardest to keep this up while I’m traveling and enjoying time in the States.

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stealing my heart

Tonight we had the 10th grade Bible Study girls over for gingerbread decorating, cookie-making, crazy-fun-having, giggling, wet-wood-fire-starting, silly game-playing time. Heather and I are absolutely exhausted.

Here are some things I am coming to realize:
1. I am more and more in love with these girls. Does that happen with all people? It’s this intense feeling that’s somewhere between your heart and your gut, but certainly not indigestion… hard to explain… but when I see them I just want to give them a hug that would reach to their inside and warm their hearts. I LOVE them – deeper than our silly English word.

2. I am getting old. Today, I was running around like a crazy person doing stuff at school then randomly throwing gingerbread dough together over my 20-minute lunch so we could bake after school. At about 5:00 with 15 girls in our apartment I thought I could just collapse right there on our cold, tile kitchen floor.

3. I don’t need anything. Seriously. I’m not just saying that to be charitable or “Christian” … I literally don’t need anything more than what the Lord is providing at this moment. We talked tonight about our response to the gift of Life and our response to the Giver. The greatest gifts come with much sacrifice… so what am I willing to give that is not easy? What am I willing to give that will hurt?

4. I am sometimes very foolish. I know this is not new news. But, ask me how I ended up under a broken table in the courtyard screaming tonight and I would have to shrug my shoulders and just say, “I wish I knew.” It’s not just being frightened, though. I absolutely, positively love to laugh. At first it’s the giggles and kind of complimentary “hmmphs” but, if you get me going – if you really get me going, I can be rolled out on the floor. I can tell you one of the best feelings is getting up after a good, long roll of laughter.

There is more 🙂 but I want to show you a few photos from tonight of my lovely ladies and the fun we had.

The girls said they were going to “nap” on my bed. Then they came out dressed in my clothes…

Carolina and MariaJose – two of my wonderful girls!

MJ came in from soccer like a crazy girl – I captured just a piece of it!

Here’s making cookies and decorating!

These are apparently Heather and myself. I’m not sure how close it resembles us…

After the cookie decorating and dinner, we moved outside, where I tried desperately to make wet wood burn… but to no avail.

So, we settled for gas stove-cooked marshmallows and called it done.

Some of the girls already left, but this is part of our group!

I honestly feel so so blessed to know these girls – they are stealing my heart!

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