Personal/Professional

The craziness of the end of quarter three is upon us! Students are pleading for extra days to finish late work, teachers are planning secret weekend escapes/grading parties, and my friend Rosa (who runs the cafeteria) is having a mad dash on chocolate to keep both students and teachers pacified.

After school today, the new teachers finished up the last of three video sessions of a rather dry philosophy class (love the content, but the old man sitting by a fire for a solid hour just doesn’t invoke a whole lot of interaction. Heather and I made a quick, random dinner (most of our dinners are SO random – I’ll have to write about that another time), I went to care group, then we had an amazing time of staff worship… and finally I came back to crash.

And then this monster called

crashed my party and has me wondering where I draw the line with students. I know I have already worked through some of this and received some AMAZING advice from wiser folk than me, but I think I might be on a circular road, because I’m always coming up to this intersection.

I LOVE the opportunity to get closer to students, though for a long time I drew the line at email. I even set up a separate account name the students could use that would be re-directed to my main email. Then those plans went to pot when I realized these are people… real, broken, lovely, beautiful people that I see every single day and pray for as much as they’re on my heart. This whole computer communication thing isn’t what I would prefer, but it’s the way things are going and I’d rather have them talking to me (and having even a teeny bit of accountability for who sees their profiles) than doing something sketchy, right?

I’m not really sure. What I do know, from my convo with a stellar student tonight, is that we are planning to do karaoke next week to some High School Musical, she kinda sorta likes this guy, and she was on the computer for several hours.

Personal/professional… I feel like a youth worker/teacher/counselor/friend/mentor/sister – and it’s got that whole “job” role thrown in a confusing heap somewhere in the corners of my brain. It’s going to stay there, too, for the night… because I’m logging out!

Posted on March 26, 2009 by Caroline 0

just be

I’ve been trying out this new thing. It’s called being.

Sometimes God, in His grace, allows us to see the sin in our lives before someone else brings it to our attention. Other times, in His grace, He allows a brother or a sister to call us out on our sin.

I’ve been experiencing God’s grace in the latter, being called out (of course wishing for the former), and finding that there is sweetness in a lesson you feel you’ve learned 100 times before. Sweetness isn’t quite the word I’m looking for, but with this headache, it will have to do.

I guess what I’m realizing goes back to that one night in my bunk bed, junior year of college. My best friend confronted me (I almost got sucked into reading old posts just now :), after the lights were out, about some sin in my life. Now, years later, I find myself in a similar situation and feeling the same relief and blessing wash over me. The God of all peace promises to restore it in our lives if we confess to one another. 1 John 1:8-9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

As a child memorizing this verse, I focused on the confessing. Now, as I read it, I see God’s faithfulness. That when we confess, God will forgive AND purify us from all unrighteousness. There is such freedom here!

So, this is where I sit. I think my inspiration is drained. What is precious, though, every morning now, is waking up to smile at the Lord. He knows me – really knows me. And I know that He loves me enough to let me be refined in this way. So, I’m working on just being with Him. Hopefully I’ll soak up strength and wisdom and courage in the process.

In the meantime, while I’m doing all this learning, God is blessing me beyond IMAGINATION with these absolutely amazing students. Here is Alexandra. She is one of the reasons I love my elective. We decided to make a cartoon series with my computer one day and this is what happen. I think it has definite flip-book potential!

It’s hard to know where to start with this precious soul, so here’s where I’ll end: every, every time
I see her face, a goofy smile plasters itself across my gringa cheeks and I instinctively rush for a hug. Ale is reaching out, questioning, wondering, and seeking. She won’t settle for opinions or rumors. She wants the real, hard stuff of Truth. I’m praying her right on to that narrow path.

Posted on March 20, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

What I’ve been up to

Maybe I should name the post “When I’ve been up ’till” instead, but that’s pretty big news!

Bedtime since moving down here (actually since graduating from college) has been on a steady downhill roll until this week. We have the student retreat coming up this weekend and we are really feeling the opposition pressing in heavy. It’s been hard to recruit students and convince them it’s something worthwhile.

It’s so rough trying to make things cool, you know? High schoolers are just obsessed with making sure things are ‘cool,’ even down here. But, we are praying and hoping that the Lord will bless us with a group that wants to be real. Forget cool. That’s what I say.

And that’s how we ended up with this outrageous video to promote the weekend.

http://www.facebook.com/v/524193470035

Posted on March 10, 2009 by Caroline 2

Seek me with all your heart

In my devotions this morning, I was reading about Zacchaeus… you know that “wee little man” you sang about as a child? I tried to separate the Sunday school image and focus on what the Lord is saying through His Son’s actions.

I stumbled on this verse in Jeremiah.

Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Sorry, I’ve been repeating it in my mind all day and I really think the repetition is finding a solid, steady groove in my soul. I am taking such comfort in the knowledge that God’s promises are never empty – so when he says I will find him, I believe it!

But, what’s holding my heart in conviction today is the last part of that verse. You will seek and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Tonight I’m exhausting, but remembering the same promise God gave me at the beginning of the day, “Seek me with your whole heart, child and you will not be disappointed! I am here!”

Zaccheaus found. Jesus saw into his heart that he was desperate for even the sight of Him… and the Son did not disappoint.

Posted on March 6, 2009 by Caroline 0

hearty whole wheat bread, and other things I should do more often

I wasn’t so sure when I started out. All I knew was that I discovered a gem (whole wheat flour) randomly on the shelf at a grocery store and I simply couldn’t let the opportunity pass without a good attempt at homemade bread.

I am good at making excuses. I’m pretty great at it, actually. Homemade bread takes an ENTIRE afternoon – that’s a big chunk of time and I boast a pretty packed schedule. Blah blah blah. But, today, after efforts to meet with students failed, I decided I would put the time to good use. I chose the “hearty whole wheat bread” recipe from the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook my roommate brought back after Christmas. I had to do a few things on the fly after forgetting items and wrestling with the ice cream bucket (still our only bowl big enough to mix in)… but, four hours later the results were remarkable.

I think I could have consumed both loaves if not for the carb-guilt that follows!

I wish you could see the steam coming off these delicious pieces of goodness! And taste the hint of brown sugar in the hearty mixture!

As I was thinking and waiting and grading and punching down dough and thinking and rising and flouring and waiting… I came up with some insight I want to start applying. Nothing new really (is it ever?).

It is simply this:
I’m going to set out to change my should(s) and could(s) to did(s)

Grammatically a mess, I realize, but after watching four hours turn into a glorious creation, I knew there was more to be had than an absolutely fabulous piece of hearty goodness.

I’m very much like my dad in many ways – I laugh a lot, I live for conversation, I like to really know people, I am constantly scheming about the next thing, and

dreamer

I can easily pass an entire day writing about dreams of what could be and what should be. Dreams are enchanting; in fact, sometimes I would rather live in dreams for the absolute endless possibilities . When it comes down to it (and where my mother is such a great balance for my dad), things just need to get DONE.

Hearty, whole-wheat bread is not an impossible thing. It’s not a dream that can never be realized. On the contrary, in a few short hours, many can be blessed by its goodness. In the same way, there are very practical things that can move from the ‘dreaming‘ category into the ‘done it‘ category.

Let’s see how that works out!

What are things you’d like to move from ‘dreaming’ to ‘done’?

Posted on February 16, 2009October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

Christmas countdown

I don’t know about you – but there are certain things around Christmastime that make me feel so grateful for this life. I’ve compiled a short list, but not in any order and definitely missing things. I hope this brings back memories (or gives you ideas for this Christmas!).

Movies
1. White Christmas
2. Home Alone
3. It’s a Wonderful Life
4. A Christmas Carol (both the original AND the Muppet version)
5. Elf

Songs
1. All I Want for Christmas by Mariah Carey
2. Happy Holidays by NSync
3. Soundtrack to Charlie Brown Christmas
4. Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring (acoustic style)
5. ALL the Christmas carols with all the verses … so beautiful!
6. Whatever Christina and I end up performing for church

Activities
1. trying to snowboard for the first time behind a four-wheeler
2. road trips in the middle of snow-storms to Chicago and Indianapolis
3. sledding down a hill on a picnic table
4. hot chocolate, tea, coffee – anywhere, anytime
5. cards, cards and more cards (especially at my friends the Kolts’)
6. board games with the fam!
7. COOKIE DECORATING contest (I always lose, but sometimes I manage to get some award for creativity)
8. Cranium
9. baking and cooking … and being in the kitchen when it’s being done
10. breakfast! early mornings are the best!
11. Looking at ridiculous Christmas displays

Traditions
1. Christmas caroling to neighbors
2. cousin sleepover with all the girls
3. Christmas Eve service with candle light “Silent Night”
4. Christmas Eve dinner before the service and gifts afterward
5. Christmas day with G&G Sponsler, and whatever day works for the Nichols masses
6. DOUGHNUTS with Jane at the Nichols’

There are too many to list! Oh, how thankful I’ve become by the bottom of the list. Wow! Please feel free to add your Christmas countdown favorites here and let me know if I’ve missed some of my own!

Posted on December 15, 2008October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

Lineup and gift-giving

At a recent Christmas outreach to our students, we asked them to think about what Christmas would be like if they didn’t receive a single gift. In my group, I only sensed a slight hesitation before the, “No,” followed a shake of the head. I don’t know what I was expecting… sunday school answers, I guess. But, when I heard their honest admission, I asked the same question of myself.

Lately, I’ve been racking my brain, trying to think of things to put on my Christmas list. You know – family and friends are thoughtfully asking what would make the perfect gift and I’m grateful to oblige. I hear myself saying, “Well, I have several pairs of slacks, but I could use a few more. I’ve been wearing these for several years now … I guess I could use some money on an iTunes giftcard, you know I’m always wanting new music … You know, now that I think of it, a toaster oven would be so nice to have in the apartment so we didn’t have to toast bread over the open flame on the gas stove …”

Even writing these now sends a shameful shiver up my arms. We only get one life and I’m asking for a toaster oven? Really?

I know that part of giving gifts is that they have to be received on the other end. I get that.

I guess I just wish I would understand that I do not need gadgets and frills and, well, stuff. Why is it I desire things that are so… I don’t know, rusty. That’s it – things that will rust. Why, instead, don’t I find contentment in the necessities? I know – it’s the same question every year.

Looks like I’m going to need to be in prayer this week. I know the return trip to the States will be more than overwhelming in all sorts of ways. But, I am so so so excited to see my family, play in the snow, have wrestle fights with my brothers, drink coffee in the mornings with my sister and mom, and YES sit on the heater in the dining room in the early morning when it is cold!

Here’s the lineup for this week, we’ll see how it goes:

feelings on leaving
I’m not sure how I feel about leaving this place. I’ve settled into life here and I know that 2 weeks throws a pretty large wrench in the system.

Christmas countdown
Here’s a list of things I LOVE at Christmastime.

creative gifts
I have been in the past, but this year I’m trying even more to give gifts with meaning and my own personal touch. My family has been sending out gift lists for awhile, but I hope they don’t mind me doing my own thing. 🙂

adventures of the life I wish I led
I realize that every adventure I write is only an introduction to the actual action … so this week I’m going to try to write when something actually happens :).

grab bag
pictures, updates, comedy, art … who knows?

much love to you all this week

Posted on December 15, 2008October 6, 2010 by Caroline 0

ruined

Here I am, feeling a mix of Walden Pond, hippie, gypsy, dusty road, crisp lempira bills, the tantalizing smell of fresh bread baking, disgust with things material, these keys under my fingers, the sunset view from this thatched-covered rooftop.

It’s not supposed to make sense.

Have you ever felt inextricably bound? Have you ever felt you simply couldn’t do without ______ (you fill in the blank) in your life? After a couple days in Copan Ruinas, home of the ancient Mayan civilization, my sleeping philosophy is quite alive. So, here I am on this thatched-covered rooftop, typing away my thoughts on life while the little town buzzes many, each with their own story.

Right now, I’m reading two more Elisabeth Elliot books. The first, “Slow and Certain Light” has been both challenging and punctual. It seems to leaves question marks in my life where I was satisfied with periods. The second, “The Shadow of the Almighty” has left me feeling a bit depressed about the progress of my pilgrim journey. The things Jim Elliot thought about and wrote about make my faith seem very small.

But, the sun is setting now on this little town of Copan and tomorrow I’m going to leave my ‘ruins’ here (get it – Mayan Ruins) and start new.

Posted on November 29, 2008 by Caroline 0

MUSINGS IN THE MIDST

a study in good work, neighbor love, and kingdom come